Your favorite expletive.

[Americow]

After I was done with some lifting in weights, I said "Holy-shit-fucker-ass-*****".
My friend and I deciphered what it meant, and it's kinda gross.

 

[Earthmonger]

I'm quite partial to good 'ol 'bloody hell' or a combination of words between 'jesus' and 'christ' E.g. 'ah jesus tapdancing christ'

Close.

"Jesus FUCKING Christ!!!" if I'm really surprised or frightened.

This exactly. But I use it when I am supremely pissed or exasperated. Surprise and fear are dull, lifeless emotions in me. Also, I tend to immediately follow up the phrase with random strings of other obscenities, directed at the cause of my grievance.

 

[Dorian]

"Son of a Hctib."

Or, a close second, "Monkey testicles."

Yes, I am an odd person. Thank you for noticing.

 

[Blanks]

Barbra Streisand
...yeah
i went there

 

[Rusman]

After hearing a guy from Team 17 say "Shitballs" in the middle of a presentation at EuroGamer that one of my new favourites.
Along with the frankly horrible "Cuntflaps" I have no idea why I have started saying it... The girlfriend hates it...