Your favourite insults

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

Would it be rude of me to just post this and call it a thread?


Yeah, probably, so I'll play properly.

The you're a **** speech from In Bruges, the 'you're an inanimate fucking object' from in Bruges. And anything said by the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket.

Trivia time!!!!!

The Drill Sergeant from that movie is a real life Drill Sergeant, who, originally hired as a technical consultant for the role, decided the current actor was crap, and recorded himself spewing out a stream of insults for 15 minutes straight whilst being pelted with fruit. He then got the job as the greatest ranty bastard ever. And cinema history was made.


Here he is for those who want to watch, with french (?) subtitles, in case you want learn how to effectively offend foreigners on your next holiday.

Also... he later provided the voice of the Sgt green army man in the Toy Story films!

OT: I don't know if it is in a film, but it darn well should be, but my favourite insult is:

Spoiler: Warning: awesomeness enclosed

Thunder-****

I absolutely love that phrase, and I have no idea. It is only used for the utmost worst of people.

 

[Barbas]

"You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches!"

"It's 'fried rice', you plick!"

Most of the taunts from Chivalry: Medieval Warfare are quite hilarious.

"Your like a wench, who's natural talents are poor". Also "When I run you through next is your mother". It sounds so hilarious in the game because of the old-school accents.

Ah, that's a great game for them!

"Your wife is a hobby-horse!"
"There's no more fight in thee than a stewed prune!"

 

[Drops a Sweet Katana]

Casul, fucknugget, bunglecunt, douchecruiser/douchecanoe, shitehawk, fucking special snowflake, special case, etc. I also put things like class A as a prefix.

 

[Dragoon]

One of my personal favourites is ****-Muffin, it always confuses people xD

 

[Barbas]

Casul, fucknugget, bunglecunt, douchecruiser/douchecanoe, shitehawk, fucking special snowflake, special case, etc. I also put things like class A as a prefix.

From Top Gear, another favourite of mine: "You are a fully rigged, rate A-1, ocean-going pillock!"

 

[Drops a Sweet Katana]

Casul, fucknugget, bunglecunt, douchecruiser/douchecanoe, shitehawk, fucking special snowflake, special case, etc. I also put things like class A as a prefix.

From Top Gear, another favourite of mine: "You are a fully rigged, rate A-1, ocean-going pillock!"

That is fantastic :')

I also missed out gigglesome little chucklefuck.

 

[omega 616]

"STAAART, YOU VICIOUS BASTARD!" - John Cleese, 1975.

* * *​

I was browsing YouTube today when I came across this little gem:

Spoiler: NSFW.

So, what are your own favourite insults from media? Extra points for creativity over profanity!

[HEADING=3]Let's try to keep it as Safe For Work as we can. "NSFW" spoiler tags for the more risqué stuff, please![/HEADING]

Also, if positivity is more your bag, check this thread out:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.858069-Your-Favorite-Compliments

Awww, I was hoping to use my own ... like the other day people in work were playing cards and through process of elimination you could work out who had what suit (which was important in the game they were playing). One of the people didn't understand this concept of figuring out who had what, so somebody explained it to him ... to which I said "it's no use explaining it to him, it's like explaining trigonometry to a sparrow!"

On another occasion, we have these step bins (they flip open when you step on the step) but the mechanism is broken, so I said "what's up with these bins? They are like Chris (a guy known for taking WAY too long to do any job), we want them to work but they just wont!".

For actually on topic, just watch any episode of house.

 

[geK0]

This entire song!

"You really need a full time proof reader you dumb mouth breather. You should hire some cunning linguist to help you distinguish what is proper English."
"Go back to preschool, get out of the gene pool, try your best to not drool."


I love it, lol. I'm guilty of a handful of errors mentioned in this song though : \

 

[Barbas]

(Snip).

You can add your own if you like. The more the merrier...so long as it doesn't get too heavy!

They've got some pretty good ones up our way, like "Fanny-baws" and "Tory son of a hoor".

 

[Hawkeye21]

This gem always cracks me up:


And then there is the classic:

Spoiler

 

[Barbas]

This gem always cracks me up:

"...And a few AM Radio stations"...Zone: Family. That is some pure, unintended brilliance.

Terry Pratchett's got a real flair for it:

The best way to describe Mr. Windling would be like this: You are at a meeting. You'd like to be away early. So would everyone else. There really isn't very much to discuss, anyway. And just as everyone can see Any Other Business coming over the horizon and is putting their papers neatly together, a voice says "If I can raise a minor matter, Mr. Chairman..." and with a horrible wooden feeling in your stomach you know, now, that the evening will go on for twice as long with much referring back to the minutes of earlier meetings. The man who has just said that, and is now sitting there with a smug smile of dedication to the committee process, is as near Mr. Windling as makes no difference. And something that distinguishes the Mr. Windlings of the universe is the term "in my humble opinion," which they think adds weight to their statements rather than indicating, in reality, "these are the mean little views of someone with the social grace of duckweed".

 

[geK0]

These over the top copy-pastas always made me laugh.

If you wanna talk like that to me why don't you come here and say it to me face so i can answer your insults with a swift fist to the nose. yea you have a lot to say from hundreds of miles away but i bet if my fists were in reach of your face you would be like a tv on mute with no volume button So do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut unless you want to die. Next time you think about saying something like that to me I want you to remember one thing. I know the guy that created google maps and I can locate you in the time it took me to type this.Don't want anymore problems....didn't think so faggots. You have any idea what gorilla warfare is? I do, I was in the US Marine Core and I perfected it. I'm fully capable of using it on you motherfuckers. Do you know the dander your in if I find you? I am 100$ serious. Bunch of god damn newfaf loser here and I will not have it. At least I've had sex, had girlfriends, and gotten laid, and blowjobbed unlike you virgin pieces of unpatriotic SHIT.But in all seriousness, it's not mine, I got pages of this stuff from Operatorchan just for occasions like these.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little *****? I?ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I?ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I?m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You?re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that?s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ?clever? comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn?t, you didn?t, and now you?re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You?re fucking dead, kiddo

I AM 100$ SERIOUS!

 

[putowtin]

It's sad that you only limit it to media, because all of my favorites are the ones made by me. Y'know, like **** nugget, twat basket, fuck bucket, all that jazz. But if I had to choose media, I'll go for In Bruges. I know someone else posted it, but not with a video. So allow me to do the honors:


If you haven't watched that movie GO FUCKING WATCH IT NOW.

Agreed, this is such a good film, and a fantastic insult!

Personal fav's?

Sweary: Jesus loves you the rest of us think your an arsehole
non sweary: assbutt

 

[Psychedelic Spartan]

I'll just leave this here
(Very nsfw)

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIqRxBtNrFs

 

[AperioContra]

You want the best insults? Go no further than the Bard of Avon.

My Favorite Shakespearean Insults:

You Whoreson, Beetleheaded, Flap Eared Knave!

The Bass is Right, tis the base knave that jars,

You Undigested Lump

You Carcass Fit For Hounds.

Wrangling Pedant.

Rascal Fiddler, Twangling Jack

Thou Spleeny Swag-Bellied Miscreant

I do desire we may be strangers

Thine face is not worth sunburning.

Thou mis-shapen dick

More of your conversation would infect my brain.

'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck!

And my favorite:

I shall cut out your tongue
Tis no matter, I shall speak as much wit as thou afterwards.

 

[GamemasterAnthony]

I was actually fond of the "Double Diss" that took place in one of those "Unpimp your auto" commercials Volkswagon did. There was this one car that had some lettering on that spelled "THE FLAME", but the woman in charged ripped the F off to make it say "THE LAME" and then stuck the F on the guy saying "You get an F."

Now THAT, my dear Escapists, was a well delivered insult!

CAPTCHA: fool's paradise

Well, not quite...but close.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Most of my favorite insults are in Mandoa (Mandalorian from Star Wars), the language was compiled by the exiled Karen Traviss (self-exiled due to Lucasian interference with her writings). Rather than list them here, because there are so many good ones, have a look at the dictionary: http://www.mandoa.org/

 

[shootthebandit]

The Bass is Right, you bull's pizzle

Damn shakespeare was a hip hop genius. He knew about bass and he used the snopp doggizzle thing

fo' shizzle ma shakespizzle

 

[lacktheknack]

To this day, nothing does, has, or ever will defeat the mental mysticism that is the douchecanoe. A fleet of douchecanoes is a douchenavy, but I prefer the singular.