Your Favourite Zero Punctuation Quotes!

[carter91]

"But Fuck that, the kids are into anime these days so lets all jump around on the ceiling dressed like twats"
LOL
(E3)

"Groovey pants"
(E3)

"It's like asking us to feel sorry for a brick cause its brick children have left home and never write it letters."
(Deep space)

"Mounted targets manned by tragic sufferers of the stupid virus".
(Haze)

"Yeh its pretty good" (theme music)
(Fallout 3)

"Most people are to busy staring at walls to worry about you"
(Fallout 3)

"I dont even know why im talking to you. Piss of close the browser and fuck off back to gears of war. Has he gone?? Good I hate that guy"
(Braid)



Also I was not a big fan of the highlights, or lowlights, they put in for the 2008 year in review video. Anyone else in agreeance??

 

[Jharry5]

A few of my favourites are:
"I don't know what would happen if you put Branston pickle onto 'No More Heroes', maybe the universe would end... and it would be AWESOME"

...and...

"This game is still as close to Branston pickle as you can get, they just spread it too thinly. But it's still Branston pickle and you can swim in it until your eyes fall out - Fallout 3, that is!"

(Wierd how both of those are Branston pickle related...)

"The voices of the characters may get a little irritating though. I didn't think so but my roommate said it was like getting raped in the ear by a person wearing a sandpaper condom..."

There are so many others though...

 

[Bolverk]

SPORE:
'Wasn't this the whole appeal of Sim City? Watching the transformation from scout hut in the middle of nowhere to a sprawling carbon dioxide spewing vomit puddle. That's what it felt so cathartic to then drop Godzilla into the middle of it and watching everything you worked for 'neath his mighty tread, while crying and breathlessly rubbing yourself through your trouser pocket or maybe that was just me...'

'Spore will never have the appeal of the Sims because of the excision of the human element. It wasn't simply controlling life that made the Sims popular. It was controlling life that resembles people we know, or alternately, Batman.So here's what I'm really asking. Can brightly coloured monstrosities really compare to Batman? Short answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...'


ASSASSIN'S CREED:
'Climbing, running, jumping, misjudging distance and faceplanting 6 stories down. It's actually FUN and especially exhillarating when your cover is blown and every Crusader from here to Azabaijan is hacking at your shins. Said Crusaders are rather bewilderingly quick to mark you for death though. Part of that might be from you having an arsenal of knives and a huge neon sign saying 'I AM AN ASSASSIN' strapped to your back, but explain to me how this makes any goddamned sense. If you make your horse ride past soldiers in the country side they'll all somehow twig that your up to no good and become hostile, but if you hold down a button that makes the horse go a little bit slower then suddenly nobody cares.'


SUPER MARIO GALAXY:
'Marios hateful emotionally retarded ball and chain has been kidnapped AGAIN but before you can do the rescue you have to collect a whole bunch of stars and it is ALWAYS stars for some utterly arbitrary reason.'


That was longer than I planned..hmm...Oh well. It's hard to pick my favourites coz all the ones I like, said out of context, make no sense what so ever, so I put in the surrounding script too. There's plenty more, I just couldn't be assed to watch the other videos to get the wording right.
I will join the club and say that 'Pants-On-Head Retarded' has become a quick fave. I started using it without realising..

 

[MercurySteam]

In the Army of Two review: "Somehow a burn becomes doubley funny when you imply that the subject also likes it rough from men with hairy bums". I laughed so hard, that instead of clicking pause, i cliked a link and accidently navigated away from the page.

In the same review "while mercenaries of unstoppable, immortal badasses make tons more money and like it rough from men with hairy bums. NO BAD YAHTZEE!!! I mean to say you wear funky skull masks like its Haloween every day, except its you giving out the candy and the candy is bullets."



I could go on forever.

 

[MercurySteam]

The great thing about ZP is that there are so many episodes that you can watch all of them, laugh youreslf into a coma, wake up just in time to do it all again the next week and never get tired of it. I dont have a good memory so this works pretty well for me since i need constant reminder to remeber all of Yahtzee's oldest and funniest jokes.

 

[MercurySteam]

What review is that dick in pudding joke?

Zero Punctuation: Prince of Persia Retrospective

The Spore review was the funniest one ever.

Here's an old one no may of you will remember: "But some people don't understand why I like putting lettuce around my cock and hiding it in other people's salads".

 

[Jaythulhu]

My fave has to be "pants on head retarded"
simple, direct, to the point and funny every time.

 

[Willwillwritehiswill]

I actually used the term "sheer determined retardation" while playing left 4 dead the other day.
We were playing versus mode, and these people we were up against didn't have a clue where to go.

 

[Spleenbag]

Which one was 'Go Team Retard!' from?

 

[Littaly]

"Why would you want to please fans..."because it's so right yet so wrong and "It will hardly make your mass erect"

 

[ZP---Fanatic]

1.well its certainly not you because you've just been promoted to Dickhead and A Presumtious*? Dickhead at that...|||Mailbag Showdown

2.if i wanted the experience that most Japanese Shows offer i would just pause it every 10 seconds to fiddle on with the Buttons...And eat some shit xD|||Forgot

3.and with out further adoo GO TEAM RETARD!||||Mailbag?

4.and "Name Forgot" isnt a very Sexy Man HAR HAR HAR sorry|||||Ninja Gaiden

5.You will be swimming in it till your eyes fall out FALLOUT 3 THAT IS!|||Fallout

6.Where i'd back her into the corner to get a best view of her juicy,Thighs|||TRA MY FAVOURITE

7.Btw i love ALL ZP,think my name gave it away

(Also love the character That does) IN MY FACE,DO IT! On Saints row

 

[oni565]

"So apparently I'm a retard" The way he says it is hilarious

 

[Railgun88]

"Never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be good pudding and you can spend all afternoon explaining that to someone, but no ones going to eat it because you stuck your DICK IN IT!!"

F-ing hilarious

 

[Nomz]

"I'm not a fanboy. Yes YOU ARE!"
Awesome!

 

[kyouger]

"But the reverse effect is the blatant shoehorning of the DS's other exotic functions, such as when you have to yell at the top of your voice into the microphone. Doing this while out in public, which, might I remind you, is what handhelds are for, would cause your own major organs to tear themselves from your body to escape humiliation." Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

"Nariko then turns to some.... thing sitting vacantly to the side wearing cat ears and makeup that looks like it was applied by a KISS fan suffering from Parkinson's disease and relates to it her intention to slit up evil dudes. She then says, with a completely straight face, 'We may need you to play Twing-Twang.' My first thought was 'I am so going to quote that out of context', but it doesn't make much sense in context either. If the developers were hoping I'd by the game just to find out what Twing-Twang is, then Fission Mucking Accomplished, but I'm going to be very disappointed if it's not a cutesy euphamism for lesbian cunnalingus yeahIwentthere." Heavenly sword and other stuff.

"F*** you!"

"It's alright, you can swear on the internet. Your mum probably isn't going to read it. I know, because she's too busy being fucked by me." Mailbag Showdown.

 

[Zephirius]

"So all I have to is review the Darkness again next week, then crash and burn into total obscurity for the next 25 years before being absorbed into someone's vagina and my life is officially symmetrical!"

"...unless you want your torso looking like a satellite map of Bagdad."

"Airstrikes 2: Hooray for Airstrikes"

 

[NeferX]

I loved the comment about the jerky way Baulder walks in "Too Human" (i think that was the game)

And he referred to it as Baulder's Gait (referral of course to "Baulders Gate")

Witty and intelligent

 

[A Random Player]

"Clive Barker's Cliver Barker's Jericho by Clive Barker..."

 

[Church5193]

The last two sentences in this little segment;

"'Oh', says Mirror's Edge, here manifesting as a designer with a bicycle pump embedded in his skull, 'well since that's your problem, I guess I'll just set half the game in linear claustrophobic tunnels that undermine the very concept of free running. And then fill them with excessive bloom anyway.' And so he did. And then he ate his own shoes.

 

[sanomaton]

Which one was 'Go Team Retard!' from?

It's from Mailbag Showdown [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/37-Mailbag-Showdown].