I HAVE NO FLAWS, I AM PERFECT!
Well, I have a few *cough*a lot*cough*, lemme list a few.
First, I have a bit of a narcisism problem, though I do tend to joke about it often, I do have a problem with self immage, as at times I see myself as a god, and others I see myself as a hated unwanted outcast.
Second, I have never had a long term relationship with a woman, and I know why, lemme lay it down like this, when I'm a self absorbed godmode(as i call it) cocky as hell asshat, I tend to have NO PROBLEM finding a woman, it's like BAM "Now I am dating 5 women and get to choose the one I like best!" then I do, and it's good for about a month, after which point something in life invariably shits all over my parade and I end up going through a slump, at which point I generally do this thing where I introvert a bit to solve my problems, and don't talk as much and am less "dynamic" and exciting for a bit, the whole "awesome new experience and adventure" high the woman was innitially experiencing while around me wears off, and then because she doesn't think the way I do, the way I deal with shit is hard to understand, which I then try to explain even though I know it won't work, and either she dumps me, or I dump her because she starts avoiding me.
Third, I was raised in an affectionate home, that was also fraught with unexpected and painful violence and or screaming shouting matches, which means I hit the jackpot for neurological fuckery, and when I'm alone and haven't had meaningful affectionate contact with someone for god knows how long I start to hate the idea of people touching me just as much as I crave it... Also means I tend to always live expecting something horrible to happen at any moment, and any time something is going good I just KNOW that someone or something is going to try to kill me or harm me or derail my relationship with a girlfriend or friend somehow, which tends to put me in a state of "ready to tear someone a new one" or "ready to bail and run at any given moment".
Fourth, my mother(see single welfare mom) was a totally shy reclusive person outside work, meaning until I moved in next door to someone my age when I was 7, I had no friends... NONE, meaning I was never propperly socialized, and was homeschooled even then until I was in grade 6, at which point I went to school wearing shitty handmedowns and worn out shit, in an upper middleclass neighbourhood, essencially destroying my self esteem, as anyone different enough will become the main target for everyone, and thus, had no friends at school, combine that with moving away from the only kids my age that I had to be friends with, and well, it didn't go so great... I don't know how many of you had a life situation where you had only enemies out of the house, and at home a warzone where there were three women equally fighting for some "power" that they immagined they were going to have by being in charge of a goddamn HOUSE. but yeah tack on antidepressants which suppressed everything that wasn't anger, and you now can see my mental state for a total of 4 years of my life, during which I completed grade 6 and 7 had to redo grade 8 due to never having homework done, and ended up in grade 9 from where I dropped out and went into a state of reclusion and standoffness, watching the world and trying to figure it all out, until the age of 20 when I started working shitty jobs...
There are more, but since it's tuning into a text wall, and I highly doubt anyone woul even bother to read what I've already written down... It really doesn't matter.
Well, I have a few *cough*a lot*cough*, lemme list a few.
First, I have a bit of a narcisism problem, though I do tend to joke about it often, I do have a problem with self immage, as at times I see myself as a god, and others I see myself as a hated unwanted outcast.
Second, I have never had a long term relationship with a woman, and I know why, lemme lay it down like this, when I'm a self absorbed godmode(as i call it) cocky as hell asshat, I tend to have NO PROBLEM finding a woman, it's like BAM "Now I am dating 5 women and get to choose the one I like best!" then I do, and it's good for about a month, after which point something in life invariably shits all over my parade and I end up going through a slump, at which point I generally do this thing where I introvert a bit to solve my problems, and don't talk as much and am less "dynamic" and exciting for a bit, the whole "awesome new experience and adventure" high the woman was innitially experiencing while around me wears off, and then because she doesn't think the way I do, the way I deal with shit is hard to understand, which I then try to explain even though I know it won't work, and either she dumps me, or I dump her because she starts avoiding me.
Third, I was raised in an affectionate home, that was also fraught with unexpected and painful violence and or screaming shouting matches, which means I hit the jackpot for neurological fuckery, and when I'm alone and haven't had meaningful affectionate contact with someone for god knows how long I start to hate the idea of people touching me just as much as I crave it... Also means I tend to always live expecting something horrible to happen at any moment, and any time something is going good I just KNOW that someone or something is going to try to kill me or harm me or derail my relationship with a girlfriend or friend somehow, which tends to put me in a state of "ready to tear someone a new one" or "ready to bail and run at any given moment".
Fourth, my mother(see single welfare mom) was a totally shy reclusive person outside work, meaning until I moved in next door to someone my age when I was 7, I had no friends... NONE, meaning I was never propperly socialized, and was homeschooled even then until I was in grade 6, at which point I went to school wearing shitty handmedowns and worn out shit, in an upper middleclass neighbourhood, essencially destroying my self esteem, as anyone different enough will become the main target for everyone, and thus, had no friends at school, combine that with moving away from the only kids my age that I had to be friends with, and well, it didn't go so great... I don't know how many of you had a life situation where you had only enemies out of the house, and at home a warzone where there were three women equally fighting for some "power" that they immagined they were going to have by being in charge of a goddamn HOUSE. but yeah tack on antidepressants which suppressed everything that wasn't anger, and you now can see my mental state for a total of 4 years of my life, during which I completed grade 6 and 7 had to redo grade 8 due to never having homework done, and ended up in grade 9 from where I dropped out and went into a state of reclusion and standoffness, watching the world and trying to figure it all out, until the age of 20 when I started working shitty jobs...
There are more, but since it's tuning into a text wall, and I highly doubt anyone woul even bother to read what I've already written down... It really doesn't matter.
