Your horrible pitch for good games

[Zyphonee]

Team Fortress 2: 9 different classes kill eachother nonstop
Painkiller: Kill zombies with a lawnmower
Silent Hill 2: Kill mannequins in rooms full of jam stains
Penumbra: Hide naked aborted fetuses
Serious Sam: Run super fast and blow stuff up
Left 4 Dead: 4 Survivors vs. 4 zombies
Batman Arkham Asylum: Give Batman steroids and make him fight the baddies
Thief: Steal stuff, hide from baddies. Rinse and repeat.
Project Siren: Here's a gun. It does nothing.
Hitman: Thief, but add killing to the formula.
Amnesia: Lovecraft + gaming
Garry's Mod: ARRRGHQQQUAAARRFFFWGGGLLLLABHDAJISDAHKLASD!!!!!!!!!

 

[FalloutJack]

World of Warcraft: LEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOOOOYYYY JEEEEEENNNKIIIIIIIIINNNSSS!!!

 

[Nexus4]

Final Fantasy XIII: Minimum player input required
Assassins Creed 2: Now with more ways to stab people!
Halo Reach: Jetpacks, Jetpacks, JETPACKS!!!
Mirrors Edge: Soon, you would wish you had the above
Minecraft: *Drools*
Valkyria Chronicles: Bizarre mish-mash of tower defence, trun-based and TPS (somehow works really well!)
Fallout 3: Most awesome crashtastical, buggiest game ever!!
Fallout NV: Somehow triumphs it's predecessor in every way, including bugs!
SoulCalibur IV: Eventually it will become a bikini/jock fight
Il2 Birds of Prey: Broken when you reach the p-51 stages

Hmm... I think thats enough for now

 

[nico74]

Bioshock-Run around injecting yourself with drugs and touching little girls, underwater.

 

[King Toasty]

Bioshock-Run around injecting yourself with drugs and touching little girls, underwater.

I would buy that.

 

[onewheeled]

Guitar Hero: Hold a squeaky plastic toy in your sweaty paws and pretend to rock out to dated rock tracks while your friends go and have sex with girls.

Don't you deny any part of this.

 

[oplinger]

FEAR 2: Alright, you're this mute super fast badass. And you're running away from a girl that wants to have your babies.

[small]crap I'm doing it wrong huh [/small]

 

[Valkaris]

Alpha protocol: run jerkily through a world with more glitches than war in warcraft.

oh wait, thats what it is.

 

[RatRace123]

Mass Effect: OK, so you're like this badass grizzled space marine (you can be a boob-thing too, but that's not important) and you're all badass and you fight aliens with all sorts o' cool weapons and powers and it's cool you can drive this badass tank too, and everyone you meet's all badass and they're all like "grr" and you're all like "grr" and then you're like "raaaagh" and they're all like "daaaaagh!" and you can punch a reporter chick, and you can be bros with these cool aliens and it's all totally rad, and there's blue tits in it... actually we should just focus on the blue tits aspect. It's not really important and it's only for like 5 seconds, but let's play up the blue tits aspect.

Notice, it's still only 2 sentences.

 

[sidecord]

pandemic (its a board game): you lose

 

[Comma-Kazie]

The Legend of Dragoon: Lots. Of. Random. Battles.

 

[The Long Road]

Call Of Duty - Yo dawg, I heard you like gun, so I put a gun on your gun so you can gun while you gun.

Left 4 Dead - You will never get rescued. Deal with it.

Fallout: New Vegas - Walk Around: The Game. Also, guns.

Portal: Make holes in walls while a robot lies to you.

Half-Life: Somehow that suit protects your head, too.

Halo: The one game that could have really profited from having a light machine gun... didn't.

Kingdom Hearts: Take the most innocuous thing ever and make it a weapon.

Team Fortress 2: You will always run into the class you are least equipped to handle.

Super Smash Bros.: Worst crossover fanfic EVAR.

 

[ilspooner]

Pokemon: You capture creatures from the wild and force them to fight all the time for your entertainment.

 

[justnotcricket]

God of War: So there's this dude, right, and he's like way angry...
God of War 2: You know that dude from the first game? Yeah, well, he's still pretty pissed off.
God of War 3: Yep, still angry.

 

[Ashcrexl]

ooh this is fun!

SPOILERS (no i dont know how to do that hide spoilers thing shut up)

uncharted 2: you're the cockiest guy ever and you have to kill the coolest badass ever to get with a girl
god of war 3: you ruin the world but there's a moral at the end about the magical properties of hope
cave story: you're in a cave, sometimes, and there's a story
GTAIV: you either have to drive all over just to get anywhere or have to try to get a taxi in NEW YORK
super smash bros brawl: you can fight a black man with high powered water jets
resident evil 4: you rescue a hot woman from tentacles sometimes
half-life 2: it's a game about science!
bioshock: you enter a utopia and kill everyone there and also molest little girls
MGS4: you're an old man who is living with a much younger man and you have an adopted daughter
killer 7: you're a schizophrenic wheelchair bound man who takes forever to go down a hall
assassin's creed 2: you're an italian, but not a plumber. there is another character in the game who shares a name with an italian plumber but is also not a plumber despite being italian
starcraft II: you dont get to kill anything, you just get to watch everyone else doing that
MW2: you die 3 times
FFVIII: there is a gun that is also a sword but you only shoot things while you're using it as a sword
ocarina of time: you're a keebler elf look-a-like who has fairy and a brown hornless unicorn

i realize most of these arent actually pitches but it doesnt matter cuz theyre funny (they are right?)

 

[DoomGroom 9-10-11]

Guitar Hero -- It's like Simon meets the Kawasaki One Man Jam.
Super Mario Wii -- It's about a plumber, his brother, and two living mushrooms who eventually make you break up with your girlfriend and your best friends in real life because THEY'RE SO FRIGGIN' STUPID!!! STOP PUSHING ME OFF THE SIDE YOU PLATFORM HOGS!!! AND STOP PRESSING THE A BUTTON ALL THE TIME!!
Brutal Legend -- It's a day in the life of Ted Nugent if Ozzy was his shrink.
Brain Age -- It's like school, the game!
Wii Sports -- It's like playing with Lego figures that can break your TV!
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time -- You're a fairy boy who uses his magic flute to save a princess!
4 Resident Evil -- You kill Spanish peasants and bugs to save a whiny American brat.
MadWorld -- Sin City: The GameShow!

 

[MechaBlue]

You play as the worst pirate ever. In the sequel you get mugged in the first 5 minutes.

 

[VelvetHorror]

Bioshock: Touch little girls and kill their daddies.

Resident Evil 5: Kill lots and lots and lots of black people.

Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time: Wear tights and have fantasies about little girls and fishes.

Manhunt: A revolutionary new game coming to the Wii that is fun for the whole family.

 

[Fishtie]

Disguaea: Hitting the level cap twice is not nearly enough.

Dynasty warriors: One of the most dignified periods of Chinese history without the dignity.

 

[Tsunimo]

Left 4 Dead: You and three other stereotypes kill mutants
Bioshock: Your a druggy, and a pedophile, and you really hate fat scuba divers
Starfox: Do a barrelroll!