Your Inner Monologue

[SnakeTrousers]

So, here's one for you: what's your inner monologue like? I'd just like a little insight on the inner workings of someone else's head for a change.

I'd ask that you not strain yourself trying to be brief or proper in your post. This is your stream of consciousness I'm asking about, so if you need to be disorganized, if you need to cut off a paragraph half-way through or change topics drastically or type out an entire novella's worth or just wallow in self-pity for a bit, feel free (though do be considerate enough to use spoiler tags if necessary).

Spoiler: Like so

When bored I'll often enter a state of confused existentialism, particularly if tedious labour is involved. In a dreamlike kind of way it doesn't seem to start or end anywhere, I just go on a journey for a while and attempt to assemble all the little bits of "knowledge" I've accrued into my lifetime into some kind of workable philosophy.

Perhaps it's a reflection of my artist/writer's block, or maybe the source of it, but I seem to circle back around to the same point quite often, that point being "I have no idea where I'm going with all this and the foundation for it seemed kind of shaky to begin with so let's start all over."

When it goes on for long enough without interruption I tend to enter into the territory of high-concept thinking and/or defamiliarisation [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defamiliarisation] that sometimes gives the concept of meaning a decidedly meaningless feel.

Yes, the more I attempt to make sense of my situation the less sense it all seems to make and the more clueless I feel, and the ways in which one is expected to learn more don't always seem as reliable as they're made out to be. Everything you're told - hell, everything your own senses tell you - is bullshit to some degree.

Or so I'm told.

Oh, and tangents, lots and lots of tangents. I could be on a tangent in there for ten minutes before I realize I've been sidetracked, and by then it's sometimes hard to remember where I even began. Often times these tangents lead off into one of the other activities that occupy my bored mind, those being a) daydreaming about potential creative projects, b) replaying games/shows/books/whatever and c) growing increasingly suspicious and hateful of myself (and occasionally others, though I do my level best to keep that in check. At least I'm making an effort my life somewhere?)

 

[Assassinator1097]

It really depends. I've often contemplated this, and I do so especially during and after the consumption of mind altering substances. The thought of what is creating the current thought is what I find interesting. At what point does the consciousness exist apart from the brain?

Really mindless questions. Most of my thinking is just unspoken speech, for the most part. A little mental dialogue which will trail on and converse with itself. I'm glad you asked this question, as it really does interest me how other people think within their own minds.

When I think on complex ideas/thoughts, they all build on each other until you get to a point where its necessary to understand all the proceeding thoughts before one can arrive at the conclusion which is really more of a sentiment or overall feeling on the idea. It's why I always have the greatest trouble getting people to understand concepts on the same level, as you'd have to walk them through all the proceeding thoughts. Sometimes I even get lost, as I can't hold them all together at once.

 

[Total LOLige]

Spoiler: Mind shit inside(totally not high)

I'll probably regret this, please don't psychoanalyse me. My inner monologue is like a time traveller. I often find myself playing out realistic conversations/situations(like discussing a project with a friend or something, not zombie shit) that I may or may not experience in the future, preparing myself for every possible situation. I even go back into the depths of my mind and analyse past conversation/situations rethinking the many paths that could have been taken. I imagine this approach is down to some kind of anxiety, I'm not a psychologist though so what do I know?(The answer is fuck all).

 

[Padwolf]

My inner monologue is kind of two worlds. On the one is the normal world, where I will sit and analyse everything said and done, everything that could have been said or done. It is also somewhat a worrier and will ponder on if I have offended anyone in any way or how I could have done something better or done something to make someone's life easier or make someone else happy. Though it can also be a cynical being and I'll sit hating everything around me and dearly wish things will get better and at the same time realise that I don't actually care about if I have offended anyone or not. Which really I do find kind of sad, I remember days when my inner monologue was a happy place entirely and my thoughts were full of hope and dreams of the future. Really, this part is the dull part of my inner monologue that focuses on the everyday sorts of things.

The other world is what I call my happy place. A magical land where there's peace and harmony and I have wings and magical musical powers. It's also full of other little worlds I slip into that give me ideas for writing. So when I'm not thinking about things in reality I'll sit and put myself in fantasy settings and just have a blast. I don't know what it all means, it's just the way my mind works.

Spoiler: Spoilers since things are a little bit lengthy

I might regret this. Psychoanalyse all you want really, I don't mind either way. My inner monologue used to be split into two personalities, it's kind of the same way now, but they used to come out and interact with me and with eachother. I named one half an old nickname of mine, Wolfie. The more angry, passionate in terms of emotions, the not afraid to say what I think, side of me. A side that I will admit I do keep a bit held back just so I wouldn't be angry all the time to everyone. The other side didn't really have a name, it was moreso a forest in my mind where I could sit and be at peace. It was the voice of harmony and reason. I don't know what this all means. I remember telling someone about it and they said I might have split personality disorder but I know that wasn't the case, as they wouldn't take over, they were just sort of there. Like an angel and a devil on each shoulder. But following events in my life, the two of those voices have gone now, in place of them are what I said above.

 

[Esotera]

It varies a lot. Sometimes I will reminisce about the good old times & regrets of what I should have done, and other times it will just be trying to figure out how something works over and over again. A lot of the time I will have negative thoughts but occasionally they will be positive...and recently I've been having a lot more of an inner monologue about whta the hell I'm going to do once I graduate from my degree.

So I guess my inner monologue is like me. Disorganised, unfocused, and generally pretty unpredictable.

 

[RoonMian]

Right now?

"Damn, Is my neighbor bonking his girlfriend AGAIN?!?!?"

Captcha: am I happy?

No, captcha. I am not.

 

[-Ezio-]

when i'm not focused on something and just sitting around or trying to sleep then my mind is constantly making up stories. past couple days it's been one about a witch and a dragon, there's some stuff with necromancers that ride undead gryffins building up.
the genre is usually effected by what games i'm playing or shows i'm watching (i was playing magic the gathering before this one). next one will probably be sci-fi coz i've been watching star trek on netflix.

one day i might actually try writing some of them down. can never seem to get motivated though.

 

[MidnightSt]

my inner monologue can be a very messy thing sometimes, first of all, several modes - when i'm doing something boring/simple, right after a conversation, or in the middle of it, i tend to think of ...well, first of all, you need to know that i very consciously percieve my thoughts and basically all information organized into a tree or graph, so when I hear a composite sentence, i often go phrase by phrase, connecting various "hypotheses" (of why the person said it this way, what would it mean if they said it another way, i can verify it (and learn more about this part) by asking this question, or I can reformulate part of the question like this...)... so (now we've returned to the root of the "my monologue" info tree, and this bracket is another short one-step branch) while doing something boring and having a discussion in progress, i tend to think in this tree-like way of all the possible my reactions, and all the reactions i assume they'd have, two or three layers deep, five to ten branches wide, and then i "iterate" through it whole, i repeat the imaginary dialogue again, picking the right formulations and versions, prioritising what i'm most interested to find out... etc...

then there's my realtime analytic/commentary thinking, where i've got my personality "artificially split" into four imaginary persons, each representing a different big part of how I tend to approach problems and generally everything, (okay, there's also fifth, but that's basically a "silent beholder"), and I play out my thought process as these four persons discussing something, it helps to create the dynamics i like, one "person" says something, and before he's finished (because along that offcourse i think also strongly visually, so "underneath" the imagined said sentence i process most of, or rest of the idea visually before the sentence is "said" whole) some other of the four makes a counterpoint, third one remarks that yes, but that will be relevant further down the line... and so on.

that's... let's call it "combined mode". it's second most useful for analysing stuff i percieve, and designing/understanding various systems (i'm a programmer, so...).

third big one is... hard to describe and label, but let's call it "quantum mode", because it works with information in surprisingly large discrete packets. it's the best for all the analytic and creative work i (love to) do, but it's the hardest one to achieve. in it, i basically "ping-pong" whole ideas around, and each processing of each whole idea, almost regardless of how complex, is done in one "step", that takes about a second. in this mode, everything is completely non-verbal, and sometimes i'd say even non-visual (but most of the time it's purely visual, in this state i percieve even harmonies in music as the relation of spaces between highs of the soundwaves). what makes it most interesting is the speed and efficiency, for example, if i wanted to verbally describe how octree works, what all it can be used for, and how to implement it, it would take... at least 5 minutes (if i was explaining it to myself), but in this state of mind, all this information comes and is ready for use within one second, it almost feels more like "thinking with intuition", maybe similar how computers felt when programmers started to offload some heavy computations from CPU to GPU :-D. but the point is that in this state it works not only with information i already know (which is understandable), but it is also how i construct hypothesis from that information, everything. whole thinking process becomes very strange and hard to keep up with, so I usually think through the whole thing, make "mental notes" along the way, remembering some very specific details that obviously force inputs and outputs, and hence the whole thought construct (or at least its big parts) into that one stream (meaning the whole thought process, even when finished, not just the end result) i went through.

also, overlay mode :-D
not really a mode into itself, but you know... you can kind of choose whether what you imagine is "inside your head", or you can imagine it in your field of vision. so overlay mode is useful when I think about geometry or physics of somethign that's going on around me (or how people move, or analysing some pattern i noticed), i imagine various interface gadgets in my vision for whatever purpose i need (3d axes, trajectories, probability fields...)

finally, most of the time my thinking process, when spoken out loud, sounds incoherent even to me, so in normal circumstances and discussions, it's done in bursts (whichever the mode) - someone says something, i process it, have to stop it at SOME kind of "exportable" conclusion, even if it is conclusion full of ifs and don't knows, i have to formulate it kind of "outside" the thinking process (otherwise i'd automatically run off solving those if's, with nothing still to say), then say it, and then resume...

not sure if this is in any way different from normal or significant, but i find it interesting. unless i willingly stop my thought process, even if i have gotten to a final conclusion, it will just restart. i call it "spiralling", because it basically moves in circles, but many times, i notice some mistakes/space for improvement along many next iteration, so although the thinking is moving in circles, it's still "advancing upwards" slowly, hence spiral. (imagine like a mattress spring, that kind of spiral :-D)

 

[DeltaEdge]

It depends on my state of thought, but I think I can divide my thought process into two categories:

When I am thinking more idly, and maybe remembering things or events, I tend to think both visually, and with my feelings. I recall the event, and the feelings it evoked in me, and then the imagery of the event in a way that connects with they way it made me feel, but vocalization of my thoughts doesn't really come in until I start to get very specific with my thoughts and examine them deeply.

As for deeper thought that is more reliant on examination than recollection, I tend to think in a more audible/vocal way. The extent of vocalizing my thought will vary, with less vocalization, the more abstract the concept, but the more specific the though, like thinking out what I am typing right now, the more vocal my thoughts become. Like right now I am pretty much vocalizing every conscious thought going through my head(as far as I realize anyways), and I also do quite a bit of vocal thinking when I am thinking about an argument or issue.

So basically, if I am daydreaming about the anime I watched the other day and/or fantasizing about it or thinking about previous experiences, I will usually think via my feelings first, followed by imagery, then maybe vocalization if necessary, but if I am thinking about something that requires examination like an argument, or I am writing something, I will think vocally first and foremost, with my feelings occasionally jumping into my thought process to influence the bias in my thought and steer my thought direction, and I will rarely ever think visually like this.

Edit: After reading through other people's posts, it looks like what I posted was really just how I process information in my head, so I guess I could expand a little bit on my thoughts at large.

Spoiler: A long-winded explanation of my morality and thoughts lie ahead

I tend to be a fairly contrary person, and pretty much whenever I hear someone make an absolute statement that I feel has wiggle room for discussion, my mind will immediately go into defensive mode for the opposing viewpoint, and develop arguments for the opposing viewpoint, regardless of whether or not I actually agree with them.

For example, I was reading a post about how in rape culture, men will reduce themselves to animals/savages to excuse their sexual harassment of women as being unable to not sexually harass them. Since the post seemed to me to be rather aggressive against men who have done have done this to any degree, my mind immediately developed a counter-argument which was basically along the lines of,

"well yeah, it's bad, but I don't think we need to call them satan because sometimes urges are hard to control and if you haven't been brought up in a way that stresses importance on not looking at women as objects of sexual desire, but people that require respect, then at what point would you magically develop a mindset that what you are doing is wrong?"

But the thing is, I agreed with the post(not necessarily the emotions behind it, assuming that they were as hostile as I thought them to be), and I was pretty much on the side of the original post even after putting that much time into developing a counter-argument, and although I did find some truth in that counter-argument, it really didn't make me write-off the original post. I guess I just ended up going through several counter-arguments in my head before coming to a final conclusion, which ended up being on the same side as the original post.

So I guess I will often debate a point back and forth, more-so if I felt slightly offended/bothered by the implications of the initial statement, until I come to a conclusion that I feel that I can stick by, that follows my personal line of logic.

And as of recently, I have been taking the middle ground on a lot more issues like politics, which I think stems from the fear of wholly supporting an idea, only for it to be wrong, so I will often think about the issue regarding how much I know of it, and if I decide that I don't know enough about the issue to actually hold a real debate with someone on it, then I stop asserting the opinion of whatever side of the issue I was on prior to fully examining it.

Also, as some people in my family have pointed out, I seem to be quite long winded, which isn't me trying to sound smart, but rather because I'm kind of a slow thinker, and it gives me more time to think about what I am saying if I am using longer words/explanations, or at least, that's how I rationalize it for now anyways.

I also place a lot of importance on my reasoning for something being as objective as possible, trying to think outside of my personal morals when debating an issue, thus, I don't really consider good and evil to be real in and of themselves, but only in relation to the environment in which they are used(i.e., if you willingly live and society, then you are bound by its rules, thus if you choose to steal something from someone, then that's wrong on the grounds that stealing interferes with the functionality of a society by breaking its rules, which you agreed to, not because stealing is wrong in and of itself, and if you live outside of society, and you steal from someone, then there's not really any exact morality to it, as you are living by yourself, for yourself, thus your personal morality becomes the sole arbiter of what is right or wrong)

Also, I always try my absolute hardest not to judge people as a whole based on a single aspect of their character. For example, I have some friends that are, let's just say, not 100% respectful of women at times. Now I could easily say "wow, fuck you, you mysogynistic asshole, don't talk to me ever again, please kill yourself", but the thing is, that isn't all that there is to them. They are also funny, interesting to talk to(but not on social issues regarding women), and by reducing them solely to a label like mysoginist, it eliminates everything else, good or bad about their character, and makes it very easy to dehumanize them and judge them as a whole. I strongly believe that if you absolutely cannot associate with people that have differing view-points than you, then there as absolutely no one in the world who could remain your friend, unless you somehow never come across that particular topic. Everyone's different, and no one will agree with you 100%, so unless that particular characteristic affects you extremely negatively personally, in a way that it really isn't possible for you to communicate without it coming up(i.e., your friend has some mysogynistic beliefs, and you are a female, and thus on the receiving end), I always try to look past that particular characteristic of theirs and focus on the parts of them that draw me to them.

 

[Headsprouter]

Well, there's me, and then there's my fantasy-world.

Sometimes I sleep a lot, because the best way to enjoy my fantasy world is by lying down. Sometimes when inspired by a movie or game, I'll incorporate elements from it into the fantasy world, often this is done in the middle of the movie or game, which is quite distracting. Anyway, sometimes I'm able to escape to the fantasy quite easily, sometimes music can help, sometimes it can distract (music creates an action scene better than a dialogue), sometimes I just can't get it to work at all. Basically, I daydream.

The "me" monologue is...well sometimes it plans conversations with people, like "What would I say if this happened?", often it goes very swimmingly, and I cannot help but ask myself "Why can't I think of these cool things to say when in the situation?", sometimes it is overly aware of existence. Like, "Wow! I'm an animal interacting with its environment and other animals of the same species!" and then I start to think of the universe, and then it gets to how insignificant I am, and then it gets to how this is all a little bit pointless.

I'm also more than a tad neurotic.

At least that's the mindset at the minute. I have a really active imagination, but not a random one. I feel if I was good at it, I'd be a fan artist or an animator, but it's frustrating that I wasn't born with some sort of notable talent in those kinds of fields. I just have a craving for self-expression.

 

[GothmogII]

I was just thinking about this...though, my inner monologue is actually just how I normally type online. I don't really talk out loud as I would type the same words. It's kind of an odd sensation. But...in irl, I do think to myself quite a bit where it's a number of different 'voices', me, sad me, bitter me, sarcastic me, almost like they're separate persons within my headspace while remaining fundamentally me.

I think the fantasy stuff is pretty normal, and something that most people do, but I hate the kind of...I don't know, 'block' that seems to happen when you think or dream what -seems- like a really good idea but you lack the necessary ability to re-produce those thoughts in the real world. With text and writing I'm okay, pretty basic, I need a lot of practice with drawing though, and verbally I'm down a big black hole, though I can talk perfectly fine, I struggle to express more 'advanced' ideas coherently.

Or at the very least, speak as I'm typing now. Even reading it back out loud it still sounds awkward. But it is almost literally my thoughts brain to keyboard, which I think is true of a lot of people. My mind still has background thoughts little bits of half remembered events or dreams, kind of like a room filled with half broken tv's.

I have conversations a lot too, with fake/thought versions of real people, co-workers, family etc. That really stresses me though, because such conversations are almost always negative, it's usually me imagining all the horrible things a person is -really- thinking about me, or wants to say to me. On some level I know this is ridiculous, but my brain will act out whole fights and incriminations and being shamed, but I think again this goes back to the whole fantasising thing, that one can fantasise about painful events as well as happy ones, perhaps because it may offer some way of working out or avoiding real-life troubles, but for me I can dwell on these far too long and can get quite depressed and frustrated.

That aside, we're probably all just a giant brain anyway, and any selves that we think we are are just a collection of random thoughts. Cogito ergo sum eh? But, just because I think therefore I am doesn't necessarily follow with knowing does it?

 

[Lynx]

I'm basically the lovechild of J.D. and Elliot from Scrubs. I narrate everything. Neurotically. I have intense conversations in my head, either between me and me, or an imagined dialogue between me and somebody else. If I'm pissed off at someone I'll have an elaborate fantasy about telling them off. If I like someone I'll imagine anything and everything from flirting with them to having an entire love story with them. When I'm on my own and doing something relatively tedious, my philosophical side starts talking, and if I'm lucky I'll figure out some huge epiphany or life lesson that I can later apply to my own situation. My head makes me both invigorated and exhausted. I love it and hate it. And it never shuts off except when I'm asleep.


I'm surprised I don't trip and hurt myself more often.

 

[FPLOON]

Spoiler: Hmmmmmmm... *dream sequence cutaway*

Okay, Amazon! It seems that for the past two or so years, I have spent more money on stuff that would make my future girlfriend go "SO AWESOME!" like Rainbow Dash or groan loudly like Twilight Sparkle... Now, for the last time, I AM NEVER GETTING AMAZON PRIME, NO MATTER IF IT DOES CUT THE COST BY A SMALL MARGIN!!

Hey, J-List... Do you still have that "video set" in stock for 50 US dollars? And, are you sure that this will satisfy my *ahem* "fetish"? ...I'm still scared to use my debt card for something so "lewd" to appear on my bank statement, yo! STOP PRESSURING ME, MY LONELY SUBCONSCIOUS!!

I'm SO getting these series/movies on Blu-Ray, hands down! ...I really should start conserving more money...

NO! DOWN BOY! DOWN!! It's not after midnight!!!

So many games on my backlog... Fuck, I'm lazy...

"Fuck you, ________________!" ...That sounded like *insert actor who has said the work "fuck" sometime during their career*... Huh...

...And those are just some of the coherent ones...

 

[Objectable]

Ah ? ! What?s happening?

Er, excuse me, who am I?

Hello?

Why am I here? What?s my purpose in life?

What do I mean by who am I?

Calm down, get a grip now ? oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It?s a sort of ? yawning, tingling sensation in my ? my ? well I suppose I?d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let?s call it my stomach.

Good. Ooooh, it?s getting quite strong. And hey, what?s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I?m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that ? wind! Is that a good name? It?ll do ? perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I?ve found out what it?s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What?s this thing? This ? let?s call it a tail ? yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can?t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn?t seem to achieve very much but I?ll probably find out what it?s for later on. Now ? have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?

No.

Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I?m quite dizzy with anticipation ?

Or is it the wind?

There really is a lot of that now isn?t it?

And wow! Hey! What?s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like ? ow ? ound ? round ? ground! That?s it! That?s a good name ? ground!

I wonder if it will be friends with me?

 

[Treeinthewoods]

... ... ... I am hungry... ... ... fish tacos would be killer, is it lunch time? Damn it, still eating healthy, not a cheat day. Brown rice, chicken and brocolli, totally not fish tacos... ... ... I have to fart, can I let one out here without being compromised? Maybe go to the bathroom, try to pee and let it out then... ... ... Nah, just fart here... ... ... Okay, I need to move from this area, guess I will eat lunch a little early... ... ... this meal is not satisfying, it's healthy but it's just not what I want... ... ... Maybe I can convince Kim we need to go out for tacos tonight... ... ... washing dishes sucks... ... ... back to work, only a few more hours and I can file the business taxes. Dear God, I need to open the window, good thing it's warm out today... ... ... and relax... ... ... I am hungry... ... ... fish tacos would be killer, those are healthy right? I better ask Kim... ... ...

That was a small and uncensored glimpse of my afternoon. I am not that interesting.

 

[Lil_Rimmy]

Spoiler: Mind shit inside(totally not high)

I'll probably regret this, please don't psychoanalyse me. My inner monologue is like a time traveller. I often find myself playing out realistic conversations/situations(like discussing a project with a friend or something, not zombie shit) that I may or may not experience in the future, preparing myself for every possible situation. I even go back into the depths of my mind and analyse past conversation/situations rethinking the many paths that could have been taken. I imagine this approach is down to some kind of anxiety, I'm not a psychologist though so what do I know?(The answer is fuck all).

I do that ALL THE DAMN TIME. Seriously, wake up in the morning, start thinking about conversations I may have today, have a shower (if alone, sing really loud take 5 more minutes in shower), go to [insert location here], talk talk talk, get home, go to bed, begin thinking about conversations I may have tomorrow, fall asleep.

Though, there is nothing more satisfying than having a conversation you planned for happen. Once I got into an argument I knew I was going to get into and I pulled out every single line without a damn pause. Felt so damn smug afterwards. High five, time travelling brain.

 

[F'Angus]

mine generally just keeps talking constantly. Asking stupid questions of me, of arguing with me about what I'm doing. The was a period a fw years ago when my brain would run through conversations with people that never happened, with differnt parts of my brain actng as differnt people. I do have to tell my brain to shut up once in a while.

Possibly the most annoying part is when I think something and my brain won't let me stop thinking it until I say it out loud.