...My headphone cord, assuming it's one of my older now broken headphones due to the stupid long cord getting caught on everything instead of my current retractable headphones that have a weaker cord as a result.
It may not be good for bashing and stabbing and stuff, but I can at least use it as a garotte. That said, there's little preventing my adversary from turning it against me considering how I tried to keep it from getting caught on things by wrapping it around my neck...
Just because it's my signature weapon doesn't mean it's not stupid.