Your worst joke

[poptart123]

Knock Knock
Whos there
The interrupting cow
the interrupting c-cut off
"moo"

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Seriously...do you want me to start?

I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.

 

[Biek]

Whats this?

*imitate a pose that looks like a Cactuar*

It's Jesus nailed to a swastika!

 

[Shapsters]

Seriously...do you want me to start?

I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.

Oh snap! That was puntastic.

 

[Tesgami]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

 

[Minjoltr]

What's green, furry and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?


A snooker table.

 

[Spleenbag]

Q:Why did the monkey fall out of a tree?
A:Because it was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out the tree?
It was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out the tree?
It thought it was a game.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
The king of the Animals calls a meeting of all the animals in his kingdom. Who isn't there?
The Monkeys. They're dead.
Who else isn't there?
The Giraffe. Its in a fridge.
You're hiking through the jungle, and you come to a crocodile infested river. There's no bridge, no form of rope swing, and the river stretches for miles either direction. How do you get across?
Swim. The crocodiles are at the meeting.

There's more, but its just not worth it.

Let's extend this one!
How does an elephant hide in a tree?
He paints his testicles red.
What's the loudest sound in the forest?
A giraffe eating cherries.

Brought to you by a drunk on Ventrilo a few months back.

 

[robinkom]

"They say if you're a Pessimist the glass is half-empty. And if you're an Optimist it's half-full. But what if it's a glass half-full of babies blood?" (Harlan Williams)

"I ask the big questions in life... like where do contractors go after they get the job half done? Do you have to brush your teeth during a Fast? Why do they call it a Fast when it goes so damn slow? Why does it say 'On' and 'Off' on a light switch? If it's on you can see it's on and if it's off, you can't see to read." (Gallagher)

"I put up fake brick wallpaper over the real brick walls in my house... so when I have people over I can say 'go ahead, touch it. It feels real.'" (Steven Wright)

"What's this?" *lights a match and moves it in a running manner* "Richard Pryor running down the street on fire." (Richard Pryor)

"Knock, knock!"
Who's there?
"Impatient cow."
Impatie-
"MOO!!!!!!!!!"

 

[robinkom]

What did napoleon say to his men before they got on the boats?


Wait for it....


"Get on the boats."


I apologize for that. If someone wished to kill me i shall be more than willing to travel.

Wonk!! >.<

Yeah I laughed though. My kind of humor, haha. And I totally dig your Gillian Seed avatar! =D

 

[ChaosTheory3133]

So there was once a poor Florist who owned a small shop, on a small corner, barely making ends meet. Though he wasn't rich, he lived well enough to eat everyday and he lived happily married. One day, a couple of priests from the nearby church arrived across from the florist with a flower cart. Over the next few days he began to lose business because people loved to buy from holy men. So the florist came to the priests and begged them to go elsewhere to sell, the priests ignored his request as they were finally getting alot of business. The next day the florist returned with his wife to beg the priest, and again they ignored the request. Getting desperate, the florist decided to visit the biggest, baddest thug for hire, Hugh Lawrey. They came to agreement that night and the very next morning when the priests came to their cart, Hugh wrecked all their flowers and roughed up the priests for good measure. The priests never returned to the corner again, and the florist returned happily to his normal daily life.
And so the moral of the story

Spoiler

Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

 

[Nick2121]

A butcher has a size 14 shoe and is 6 foot 6
What does he weigh?





Sausages!

a-hyuck

 

[Lucia di Lammermore]

What do fish brush their teeth with?
What?
Fish don't have teeth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shark

And on topic:
A neutron walks in to the bar. Orders a drink, tries to pay, but the barman stops him. "For you, no charge."

I'm not talking about the fish with a full skeleton!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirana

 

[Azaradel]

I've got a joke for you. Women's rights (I shouldn't have told that in a class composed of girls studying the suffragettes.)

Why do men tilt their heads when they think?
So that the halves of their brains will connect.

What's the difference between a man's brain and an olive?
The colour.

---

Also, on a more retarded note:
(a gay joke, a warcraft joke and a sex joke in one - it's Arthas and Illidan, if you can't tell)
http://fc45.deviantart.com/fs38/i/2009/092/c/d/Rigor_Mortis_by_LordNaraku.jpg

I don't think I've met anyone who's understood that joke without an explanation, but then again, maybe the people I know aren't all that bright...

 

[Snotnarok]

I've got a bad joke/innuendo to ask any new couples

"Did megaman enter the boss door?"

 

[zenoaugustus]

pro is the opposite of con. so what is the opposite of progress?
Congress

Dude, I told you that joke like the other week. And your deliver is off, even though this is a website.

 

[Studd_Jozz]

Also, on a more retarded note:
(a gay joke, a warcraft joke and a sex joke in one - it's Arthas and Illidan, if you can't tell)
http://fc45.deviantart.com/fs38/i/2009/092/c/d/Rigor_Mortis_by_LordNaraku.jpg

I don't think I've met anyone who's understood that joke without an explanation, but then again, maybe the people I know aren't all that bright...

Geez, that's terribly simple to get.
Shall I explain?

 

[Azaradel]

Also, on a more retarded note:
(a gay joke, a warcraft joke and a sex joke in one - it's Arthas and Illidan, if you can't tell)
http://fc45.deviantart.com/fs38/i/2009/092/c/d/Rigor_Mortis_by_LordNaraku.jpg

I don't think I've met anyone who's understood that joke without an explanation, but then again, maybe the people I know aren't all that bright...

Geez, that's terribly simple to get.
Shall I explain?

As I said, my friends probably ("probably"...? I think I'm being a bit too nice...) aren't that bright. Since I drew it, at least I get it.

 

[DeathsAmbassador]

Here's a joke my friend told me the other day

Friend: "Want to hear a clean joke?"
Me: "Sure"
Friend: "I took a bath with bubbles"
Friend: "Want to hear a dirty joke?"
Me: "Sure"
Friend: "I took a bath with bubbles"
Me: "Why is that dirty? it's the same joke."
Friend: "Bubbles is my neighbor"

That is one of the more recent jokes that was really stupid but kinda funny to me.

 

[JC175]

Seriously...do you want me to start?

I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.

Oh snap! That was puntastic.

I'd say it was punny, personally.

 

[SimuLord]

Eleven years ago my girlfriend at the time and I did a Rowan and Martin-inspired routine for friends. I'll use typefaces for me and for her.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the floor?
Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting on a chair on the porch?
I dunno, what DO you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting on a chair on the porch?
Dave.
Dave? That's not funny.
Dave doesn't think so either, he's got no arms and no legs!