You're a guy on a date. Who pays?
- Thread starter LaughingJester
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I'm old school, I like to pay for the young lady.
However, all girls i've spoken to really do prefer if you go half and half ("dutch") - although just split it in two. I can't imagine anything looking more desperate than to sit, add up and only pay for what you had. Most say they feel like they "owe" you if you've paid for it. Women can be beautiful but strange creatures.
No matter how many times I get told thats what women like most, I can't shake off my want to pay.
However, all girls i've spoken to really do prefer if you go half and half ("dutch") - although just split it in two. I can't imagine anything looking more desperate than to sit, add up and only pay for what you had. Most say they feel like they "owe" you if you've paid for it. Women can be beautiful but strange creatures.
No matter how many times I get told thats what women like most, I can't shake off my want to pay.
I'm a feminist who loves her dad, generally dates men, has a bunch of best friends who are men, regularly chats and jokes with her male coworkers, and supports things like paternity leave for fathers... so you tell me.Mr Ink 5000 said:out of curiosity, are you a feminist or a man hater?Evidencebased said:Ugh, that is the worst! As a feminist I'm always like "women aren't just money-grubbing selfish bitches, guys!" but every now and then I have to amend it with "...well, except for that one I guess." And it makes me hella cranky.Some people are just terrible, and some of those terrible people are sadly women.
Sounds like your friend shouldn't be that surprised when this relationship goes south, though... hopefully he can escape with minimal wallet or life-force suckage.
Of course I pay. It's just matter of etiquette. You want women to pay their own way? Tough. Men and women are different. Equal rights? Sure thing. But this is one of the perks they get in exchange for having to go through childbirth.
And here's a tip for guys who want to take my approach: Never discuss it with them first! They have ways of making you... change your mind. >.> But then that goes for a lot of situations. =/
And here's a tip for guys who want to take my approach: Never discuss it with them first! They have ways of making you... change your mind. >.> But then that goes for a lot of situations. =/
As the most interesting man in the world says when you only pay for yourself you get what you pay for.
OT for some reason i just like to pay in general. Even just with freinds ill usually pay for most if not all of it.
Funny my captcha says Savings broke
OT for some reason i just like to pay in general. Even just with freinds ill usually pay for most if not all of it.
Funny my captcha says Savings broke
ah, man hater then? i jestEvidencebased said:I'm a feminist who loves her dad, generally dates men, has a bunch of best friends who are men, regularly chats and jokes with her male coworkers, and supports things like paternity leave for fathers... so you tell me.Mr Ink 5000 said:out of curiosity, are you a feminist or a man hater?Evidencebased said:Ugh, that is the worst! As a feminist I'm always like "women aren't just money-grubbing selfish bitches, guys!" but every now and then I have to amend it with "...well, except for that one I guess." And it makes me hella cranky.
Sounds like your friend shouldn't be that surprised when this relationship goes south, though... hopefully he can escape with minimal wallet or life-force suckage.
good to hear, i've seen too many times women who believe themselves to be feminist, yet just seen any male as the stereo type man, and he will automatically have the stereo type faults. etc etc etc
my fiancee's also guilty of doing it from time to time with me.
I congratulate you sir, on your dates being fiscally sensible. You could have done worse.LaughingJester said:
Rule of thumb: For the marquee dates (first, second, third) the guy pays - providing that the dates are at his invitation. However, if she initiated the dating request, he should still be prepared to pay - and actually make an offer to pay, though this is a gray area and should be decided consensually.
After the prime dates, there are no hard rules, and I would even question the need to dine out or purchase entertainment regularly. [Mostly because I have a low opinion of modern day entertainments.] Therefore I agree with many others here, that if she wants to spend evenings out, she should cough up some dough.
Otherwise, what is the difference between her and a hooker?
I generally pay for half. If I'm short one day, my boyfriend will pick up the tab, but I'll either pay him back in cash or treat him the next time we're out. It's nice to be treated sometimes, no matter what your gender is.
That being said, since I'm a student and my boyfriend has a pretty well-paid job, he'll treat me every now and again. I try to return the favour as much as I can afford, and as long as he knows I'm not milking him for money and am genuinely trying to keep it equal, we're cool.
That being said, since I'm a student and my boyfriend has a pretty well-paid job, he'll treat me every now and again. I try to return the favour as much as I can afford, and as long as he knows I'm not milking him for money and am genuinely trying to keep it equal, we're cool.
Honestly? I pay the bill sometimes, she gets it other times. Generally I pay a little bit more than half the time. Or, if we're doing dinner and a movie, one person will buy the food and one will get the tickets.
This was, of course, after both of us offered to pay almost every time.
This was, of course, after both of us offered to pay almost every time.
I'd say it depends on the financial situation of each party, and then chivalry or manners take over from that point on. I don't exactly go on many dates though, to be fair, but I consider myself somewhat chivalrous and something of a gentleman in the modern era, and I also have a part-time job (looking for full time), so I have a relatively steady income with little expenditure. Meaning I can certainly afford to pay my way on dates.
Thus, for me, I'd say that dating a typical girl I'd probably offer to pay on the first couple of dates, and if we hit it off, then in future we'd probably (depending on how much the girl earns compared to me) go 50/50 ('going Dutch', as it were) or similar for future dates. Of course, that would all depend on the girl. Really, it's one of those tricky situations that you can't actually generalise, you need to look at each girl or guy on a case-by-case basis...
(also, I do agree with people who say it depends on who asks who, whereas my model as described above is really meant when there isn't any obvious sponging going on)
Thus, for me, I'd say that dating a typical girl I'd probably offer to pay on the first couple of dates, and if we hit it off, then in future we'd probably (depending on how much the girl earns compared to me) go 50/50 ('going Dutch', as it were) or similar for future dates. Of course, that would all depend on the girl. Really, it's one of those tricky situations that you can't actually generalise, you need to look at each girl or guy on a case-by-case basis...
(also, I do agree with people who say it depends on who asks who, whereas my model as described above is really meant when there isn't any obvious sponging going on
)
Yup, total man hater! ;DMr Ink 5000 said:ah, man hater then? i jestEvidencebased said:I'm a feminist who loves her dad, generally dates men, has a bunch of best friends who are men, regularly chats and jokes with her male coworkers, and supports things like paternity leave for fathers... so you tell me.Mr Ink 5000 said:out of curiosity, are you a feminist or a man hater?Evidencebased said:Ugh, that is the worst! As a feminist I'm always like "women aren't just money-grubbing selfish bitches, guys!" but every now and then I have to amend it with "...well, except for that one I guess." And it makes me hella cranky.
Sounds like your friend shouldn't be that surprised when this relationship goes south, though... hopefully he can escape with minimal wallet or life-force suckage.
good to hear, i've seen too many times women who believe themselves to be feminist, yet just seen any male as the stereo type man, and he will automatically have the stereo type faults. etc etc etc
my fiancee's also guilty of doing it from time to time with me.
But yeah, I'm afraid I'm just the boring ol' everyone-is-equal kind of feminist who tries to treat both men and women fairly, and not stereotype anyone. I won't say I've never judged a guy unfairly or believed a male stereotype but I actively practice not doing so nowadays. I pay for myself on dates, but I also understand and sympathize with men who feel like they "should" pay thanks to unfair pressure from our culture. I think feminism actually makes me kinder to and more respectful of men, because I see them just like any other human beings who try their best in a sometimes-cruel world, instead of demanding that they repress their emotions or fight bears all the time like a stereotypical "real" man.
I'm curious as to how far this defying of traditional etiquette goes. Say you're on a date with a guy and he takes you for a picknick on a small, secluded island out in the middle of a lake. Now, he's rowed you there, so do you row back to even things out?Evidencebased said:
I'll offer to pay for both, however if the person I'm dating insists on paying half, I won't say no.