You're a guy on a date. Who pays?

[Ferrious]

I didn't really date all that much (I don't plan on doing so again), but I never really considered it a gender thing. Yes, I'm male, and the date was always female, but that wasn't really the point. I was rather trying to show that I could be generous. If I was female, or homosexual, I would still have offered to pay.

Plus, nothing ruins a date faster than someone not having the cash to pay the bill, for either side.

 

[Evidencebased]

Dutch all the way! Unless one person is seriously unable to afford going out (or one person insists on going somewhere crazy-expensive, which the other couldn't bear paying for) then I think it's easiest to just split the thing or pay your own way. Alternating paying works too, or having the date-asker pay, unless one person does most of the asking out and it becomes unbalanced.

I'm a woman, fyi. And I'll say it's sweet when a guy offers to pay (not that I get offended if he doesn't) but I always insist on paying for myself anyways -- especially because I usually spend at least part of the date mentioning I'm a feminist, so I really have to put my money where my mouth is! ;p

I'm curious as to how far this defying of traditional etiquette goes. Say you're on a date with a guy and he takes you for a picknick on a small, secluded island out in the middle of a lake. Now, he's rowed you there, so do you row back to even things out?

I suppose so, if he's not in a huge hurry to get back (my upper body strength is kind of crap because I haven't worked out in ages... but if this were a paddle boat that used one's legs I'd rock it!) At the very least I'd feel awkward just sitting and watching him do all the work, so I'd try to help out somehow. That's not so much me "defying traditional etiquette" as me wanting to reciprocate when someone does a favor for me, though.

(But let's be honest; if it's a super small secluded island he is definitely gonna be dropping my dead body there after he murders me, and the rowing will be a moot point! ;p)

 

[Razorback0z]

I dont generally take other guys out on dates, but I think if I paid I would still be expecting some "gratitude" of the "on your knees" kind. So its probably safer to just keep dating women in my opinion, that way you will actually want the reward for getting your wallet out rather than just shutting your eyes and tolerating it.

 

[Crazy_Dude]

First date I could pay for both of us. But if we would go on more dates I would ask her kindly to split the bill 50/50.

 

[DanielDeFig]

Same as friends, you split the bill (either per item you ate, or exactly 50/50. Whatever you think is correct).

Though, you should probably ask the person you are dating her/him-self. Some ppl expect the man to pay the whole bill, and if that's not a problem for you, why not? If it is, discuss it.

Another option is for the man to pay the first date, and then when you are dating more regularly, you spilt the bill.

 

[Farther than stars]

--snip--

Yup, total man hater! ;D

But yeah, I'm afraid I'm just the boring ol' everyone-is-equal kind of feminist who tries to treat both men and women fairly, and not stereotype anyone. I won't say I've never judged a guy unfairly or believed a male stereotype but I actively practice not doing so nowadays. I pay for myself on dates, but I also understand and sympathize with men who feel like they "should" pay thanks to unfair pressure from our culture. I think feminism actually makes me kinder to and more respectful of men, because I see them just like any other human beings who try their best in a sometimes-cruel world, instead of demanding that they repress their emotions or fight bears all the time like a stereotypical "real" man.

That's funny, since usually feminism does stem from a grudge againt the way things are in a society that used to be/is coming out of a state that was/is male-dominated (ooh, look at me being all careful with my words).
It's funny that you should mention the words "should" and "pressure" though, because in that situation I feel that I "should", but there's no pressure or anything. I'm really fine with men having to for dates, but then that may just come from my total lack of interest in money.
At the end of the day, I've always looked at it as men and women being different, both physically (for sure) and mentally too (probably). We always have been and so I can understand there being a difference for men and women in societal norms and I think that's appropriate too.
Men hold doors open, women women have to pee sitting down. Men get paid more, women get better custody over the kids. It's all just pros and cons.

 

[Cyaneed]

The other guy.

 

[Astoria]

First date, whoever asked pays. Second date the other person pays. After that 50/50 or work out whatever works best for you. Also, I think this has already been done recently.

 

[Farther than stars]

(But let's be honest; if it's a super small secluded island he is definitely gonna be dropping my dead body there after he murders me, and the rowing will be a moot point! ;p)

I understand that that was ment ironically, but I'm sure I get it as much as I am weirded out by it. =/ Are you saying you tend to attract a rather (hesitantly pauses) murderous type?

 

[Zanderinfal]

Whoever initiated the date covers the costs. If I ask her out, I pay, if she asks me out, she pays. Fair enough, I say.

That's my opinion too. If I REALLY wanted to impress the girl, I would probably pay, but meh, don't come across those type often.

Capatcha: sec ojorizo. Wat?

 

[Mouldy Cheese]

I'm a girl and I would never expect a guy to just pay for the date himself. I'll always offer to pay my share. Alwyas. It's nice when he does offer to pay the whole thing, but it's not something that's a deal breaker if he doesn't do it. If a guy is keen to pay for the date (which according to the boyf, makes him feel gentlemanly) I won't deny him that! But I think it's wrong to just assume that he'll do it automatically.

 

[Merkavar]

i think the person who asks should pay. so if its your first date and you asked them out you should pay.

but if you have been going out a few times thjust split it 50/50.

 

[Kurokami]

I think in this day and age where women demand equal treatment, they should be willing to contribute as a part of that. The dates I find the women I am out will fight with me to pay half.

I am having a debate with my housemate who's new 'independent' (bloodsucking) gf expects him to 'take care of her' each time they go out and pay for movies, meals etc.


...what do you do when you're out on a date? what do you think SHOULD be done?



p.s I have written this from the guys perspective because I AM A GUY, but my escapist sisters please drop your comments too!

Depends. I would generally pay if it's a date, but if we're just sharing a meal somewhere she would pay for her main and I for mine and whatever else we might feel like sharing. It's not a matter of 'she's a girl' it's just a matter of me wanting to do so.

 

[Athinira]

It's pretty simple. The one inviting the other one out pays (at the very least for the movie tickets or whatever you are doing).

Spoiler: Oh, and to the guys complaining that it's always the guy that asks the girl out

You're doing it wrong!

Another great way to handle it is to pay for something, then the other person pays for something else. Like the girl pays for the movie tickets, the guy pays for the dinner. That way, it's like you're giving each other something as opposed to just paying for your own half. Girls prefer that line of thought of doing something for each other (even if the cost for each of you ends up exactly the same compared to just paying for your own part).

 

[somonels]

Oh, a zoidberg joke would be fitting here.
Tell your friend to put that hoe in the dumpster, I believe everyone could do better.

Plus despite equality, women still like being treated.

And men don't. Oh, wait, they aren't being treated.

 

[Da Orky Man]

I offer to, but I'll go 50-50 if she wants to.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

I pay, although I prefer women to least insist on paying their way, so I can then insist that it's not a problem. I don't like women who expect to be paid for, at least offer.

 

[Thespian]

When I did date it was whoever ASKED the other person out was usually who paid.

Seems to make sense to me.

 

[ReservoirAngel]

A lot of the time with me, its whoever set the date up that pays for it. Then again I date a man, so it probably works different for me than it does for straight dude.