Wait, I wrote about this long ago, I'll have a look for it... TO THE SEARCHBAR!
EDIT: Here it is, and here's the music you have to play to read it to:
It is a very early, warm, and bright summer Morn in the City of London, England. The silence is almost absolute, except for a soft melody emitting from the Royal Festival Hall, as the London Philharmonic orchestra are practicing Bach's Air on a G-string for a concert, while the rest of the city sleeps. Suddenly the heavens are rent asunder as two Russian Migs descend from the stratosphere, disturbing the otherwise tranquil scene. They scream up the River Thames, carrying their deadly nuclear payloads to the intended target: The Houses of Parliament. However something is amiss, as flames and fire erupt from one of the Migs, it's wing is sheared off and it plummmets abruptly and fatally into the murky waters of the Thames.
Screeching out of a side street appears the cause of the Migs sudden demise. An open-topped double decker London Tourbus, emblazened with Union Jacks and filled with semtex. At the wheels of this whimsical war machine is none other than Sir Sean Connery, in his suavest suit looking impecable. I am also wearing a suave suit, standing strapped to the top of the open bus, M-32 grenade launchers akimbo, and it was a grenade I shot that struck the first nefarious jet.
Connery contacts me on the walkie talkie strapped to my bandolier of spare grenades, and tells me in his distinct scottish accent that the one remaining Mig, which had already dissapeared around the next riverbend, is flying too fast for us to catch by tracking alongside the Thames, but he knows a shortcut. We race across many blank sidestreets and alleyways, whose very existence right now hang in the balance, to try and catch up with the Mig, which is following the path of the river, and thus must take a far longer route.
Connery screams "Get ready! we will only have one shot at this" as he turns the final corner into a dark, narrow dead end alley that terminates at the Thames, just opposite the Houses of Parliament.
However there was a problem. Since Connery had last been down this alley a huge billboard had been placed at the end of the road, on the banks of the Thames, completely obscuring our view of the River, and far bank. Realising that we would never see the Mig when it passed, never mind get a shot at it, and that all was lost, Connery's voice, in a saddened exhausted tone, crackled on the walkie talkie, "Well, its been a pleasure working with you, it really has, but it looks like this is the end of the road."
I am standing sideways on the bus, my head bowed in defeat, when his words give me an idea. I lift and turn my head towards the billboard while raising one of the guns at it and say, "Where were going, we don't need roads." Two grenades erupt from the gun in quick succession, and find their mark at the base of the billboard, shattering the wooden supports so the billboard falls towards us, its top laying on the dusty road, while the bottom of the billboard is sitting on the wall of the Thames River, creating a ramp. Connery instantly knows what to do, he slams the accelerator, tears up the alleyway at a speed that seemed impossible in such a large vehicle, we hit the ramp perfectly and rocket out into the Thames, just as the Mig rounds the corner. The pilot, seeing the bus appear in his path, curses in Russian and begins to pull up.
Just as the Mig is about to pass over the bus I release the harness holding me onto the bus and grab a medieval greataxe embedded in the chair beside me. A running jump off the side of the double decker is all it takes to bridge the gap between me and the fighter jet. With all my weight behind it the greataxe smashes through the cockpit glass, cleaving the pilot in twain and his lifeless body jolts forward, sending the Mig into the bus. The semtex explodes from the collision in a collossal fireball, and the twisted metal husk falls into the Thames, sinking to the bottom of its murky depths. All that remains on the water's surface is a single side panel of the bus, which depicts a large Union Jack. Scarred from debris, and burning around the edges from the jet fuel it slowly sinks below the waves. A small orphan child standing on Westminster bridge, the sole witness of the whole affair, gives a salute and whispers between tears "God save the queen".
