Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

[PunkRex]

Kenway's Welsh?... LOAD THE CANNONS WITH CHEESE TOASTIES MEN! That will distract him, HAR HAR HAR, God save the queen.

 

[Hazzard]

I disagree on the line graph, not that I expect it was meant to be accurate. I'd say Revelations was a down and 3 was an up, but not the high point.

 

[TiberiusEsuriens]

Those bloody tailing missions, i swear every story mission started with a tailing prod. In fact i am even stuck on a particular one right now. Fuck you tails! And yes i mean that friend of sonic too, with his whiny, high maintenance bullshit!
Gimme that stapler!

Tails I can deal with. just please answer me this: Are there any escort quests?

 

[Steve the Pocket]

Wait, is Yahtzee being serious about the premise being about an evil video game company run by the Templars?

*checks Wikipedia*

Holy shit. My respect for whoever's been stuck writing these games just went up a notch.

 

[shadowxvii]

Once again, the review goes out before the steam version is even available, and I find myself hesitating... for 5 seconds. Hurray for delayed PC version !!!

 

[Kris D'Arienzo]

Loved the Blackadder II reference he dropped into the credits. "Favours? What do you mean? Delivering Messages, sewing on buttons that kind of thing?"

 

[tzimize]

Uhhh, ok, if you haven't played AC3 yet, DO NOT WATCH THIS. At least warn people before you spoil the fuck out of something THAT major, Jesus Christ...

So...if people still havent finished the 3rd Ass, why exactly would they want to know anything about games further on in the series? Kinda hard to talk about them without watching out for a bunch of story spoilers, no?

 

[Barciad]

Here, have a youtube link in case you (like me) have never seen the Bittersweet Symphony music video and had no clue what Yahtzee was talking about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74

Someone obviously never grew up in the 90's, never knew who The Verve were, had no idea who Richard Ashcroft was, and never listened to the album 'Urban Hymns'.

 

[FPLOON]

Oh, Yahtzee... You're making it sound like these open-world sandbox games are deliberately making their main campaigns longer just to make you think you're not playing any of the side missions, when in actually you are... (Reminds me of Sonic 06...)

Anyway, I would play AC4 just for the pirate sailing, but then that defeats the already defeated purpose of an assassin-based game... I'll guess I'll wait until the story spin-off game comes out where you do NOTHING but sailing the "seven seas" as a pirate... (or would that feel more like Sid Meier's Pirates?)

captcha: Start saving today
I'm already doing that... by waiting until the price goes down enough to even want to buy this game in the first place...

 

[Jadak]

Uhhh, ok, if you haven't played AC3 yet, DO NOT WATCH THIS. At least warn people before you spoil the fuck out of something THAT major, Jesus Christ...

It's AC4, common sense should dictate not to watch it if you want to know what happened in AC3. No spoiler warning needed unless he's spoiling AC4 story.

 

[Osaka117]

There you go video game developers, if you wanna impress Yahtzee (and I know you all do) then just add some sailing as part of the main plot and he'll be amused enough to give your game a positive review. Well, positive for Yahtzee standards anyway.

 

[hazydawn]

Uhhh, ok, if you haven't played AC3 yet, DO NOT WATCH THIS. At least warn people before you spoil the fuck out of something THAT major, Jesus Christ...

As if the story of Desmond was ever of any relevance
I doubt they had any plan how to continue that story after AC1 was finished after nor the 2nd and Brotherhood, because it certainly feels that way. Ramdom.
Just take the game for what it is. Being an assassin in a historical background and killing people.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Those bloody tailing missions, i swear every story mission started with a tailing prod. In fact i am even stuck on a particular one right now. Fuck you tails! And yes i mean that friend of sonic too, with his whiny, high maintenance bullshit!
Gimme that stapler!

Tails I can deal with. just please answer me this: Are there any escort quests?

I do not remember any such quests. So thats alright

 

[GundamSentinel]

I'm still hoping for more sailing focused Assassin's Creed as I really loved it in this game. How about during the Napoleonic wars? Maybe in the Mediterranean? (In other words: give me Master and Commander: The Game )

 

[TiberiusEsuriens]

Those bloody tailing missions, i swear every story mission started with a tailing prod. In fact i am even stuck on a particular one right now. Fuck you tails! And yes i mean that friend of sonic too, with his whiny, high maintenance bullshit!
Gimme that stapler!

Tails I can deal with. just please answer me this: Are there any escort quests?

I do not remember any such quests. So thats alright

THANK GOD. I've been playing a bunch of games lately with excessive escort quests, aggravating me to the point of turning off the game outright. "You need to keep this guy alive, but he's going to run blindly headfirst into a minefield/zombie horde/hot lava/etc..."

If I were a designer I'd fire anyone who offered one as an idea, and if I were a reviewer each game presenting me one would be docked multiple points on the spot.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Wait, is Yahtzee being serious about the premise being about an evil video game company run by the Templars?

*checks Wikipedia*

Holy shit. My respect for whoever's been stuck writing these games just went up a notch.

There is a lot of wierd info in the modern world sections that you can find which pretty much is mirroring their real world development history...including one file that explains why a modern day 'simulation' cant be done yet. All very different and amusing

 

[DTWolfwood]

They can just make the next Asscreed Blackflag 2. You know like they did with Asscreed2 with revelation and brotherhood.

Maybe give us the option to sail different kinds of ships? I so very much want to sail a Man of War and fire a 51 gun Broadside at some one!

 

[Thanatos2k]

AC3 was it for me - I'm done with this series. As someone who still thinks AC1 is the best game of the series because it was actually about assassinating people and not being Forrest Gump to history - it's clear they are not making games for me anymore. Plus it's clear they have no plans whatsoever to write a story with a satisfying conclusion, either in the past or the present.

 

[Cpt. Slow]

Funny how its only while coming from the mouth of a pirate that the Welsh accent seems the slightest bit threatening.

Apparently you haven't met Daffyd Thomas [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlzaBNgz-M].

But to get back to the topic... Assassins Creed was not for me, bought part III. But no, call me back when they get to the Vietnam War version. First the American Civil war version, then the late Wild West version. And then a World War I episode. Oh and then probably a 1930's gangster piece. World War II of course will be the main attraction and maybe even throw in the Korean War in it for appetizers. Call me Ubisoft, I can work out the details for a 'small fee'. *twirling imaginary moustache like Snidely Whiplash*

Edit: for those who say that are more historic events which could be inserted into the AC series, I am sure. But the events I described have a bit more appeal because Hollywood already made so many films, and are already well established in popular culture.