Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[USFPutty]

i love ff13 and only playing 5 hours ha. Try reviewing it after you finish it


just so you know i'm biased toward jrpgs because i like games where devs give a damn about making a good story

and sorry i couldn't survive watching it so i quit about 2 or so minutes in

Why? If I step in shit, I don't need to do a chemical analysis to KNOW it's shit. There's a smell that tells me that pretty much right away.

Being biased towards JRPGs is probably a verifiable medical condition. I should check the DSM-IV. Admitting it is like admitting you have herpes. I'd keep that under your hat. Square pretty much wouldn't know a 'good story' these days if one sat on their face.

Edit: Also, news flash, being 'unable to survive watching it', not because it was unfunny but because it was bashing something you like, is the textbook proof of a total lack of perspective. You know, there are places you can go to get help...

 

[Lucifron]

WELL excuse me for having to be on retard patrol because of the sudden increase of report faries. It's also not my fault some people are a tad too dense to realise I am being sarcastic when I am. Don't have a go at me for it, have a go at them making me do it.

It's hard to please everyone!

 

[Megawizard]

Somehow I think the FF13 porn existed way before the game was even released.

 

[Tetranitrophenol]

I was a fan of the FF series; actually FF6 was one of my favorites too. The problem with FF13 is that it focuses on being pretty rather than substantial. The fact that the game gets good after the 20th hour means that there was no decent amount of effort into combining the story with the game itself. This is nothing but irresponsibility from SE part, if FF13 gets good after the 15th hour or so you shouldn?t let it hit shelves until you fixed that, it?s just common sense. The story IS there, it IS captivating but it is somewhat absent in the beginning of the game making it unbearable for Non-JRPG fans to stomach it through until you get there. I, for one, think that Yahtzee really gave this game a fighting chance by playing it for 5 hours. If you play for 5 hours and still are around 10-15 hours away from getting to the good stuff then there is something terribly wrong with the game.

 

[Makaaz]

The reply to this is simple. The video was just one of those deranged biased videos that are utterly amazing to watch and shows the general plot of the game, but shows it in the most critical and un-balanced way. This is definitely good for entertainment purposes and perhaps highlighting how FF games are largely recycled, however it does not even hint at the beauty of this game or the amazing effort that developers go to so people have the reassurance of a great RPG game every year (give or take).

 

[scw55]

One of the of reviews you did which actually made my left eye start to stream with tears from laughter. I havn't played this game nor know much about it but I found it very very funny. I think that's a good sign that this is a very good (on a comical side) review.

Keep up the good work =)
(I also found last week's review very funny about Mercinaries 2, but because I could relate it very well with COD:MW2. Was playing on a map today called "Rust" and one thing you could clearly say was "Dust". Funny that it rhymes. I found an amazing spot to camp from. I had to squint and move my face close to the screen to work out siluettes of players against siluettes of metal player shaped.)

 

[mptothedc]

You should have played it for 20 hours then! So you could be ... ya know ... surprised?

 

[Akamar]

I'm trying to enjoy it, but I'm finding the notion of having to grind for countless hours SOMEWHERE in the future a bit daunting. I can't think of any reason for there to be a need for grinding levels in a game these days, other than for ONE element of FF game tradition sticking around.

 

[Tony2077]

i love ff13 and only playing 5 hours ha. Try reviewing it after you finish it


just so you know i'm biased toward jrpgs because i like games where devs give a damn about making a good story

and sorry i couldn't survive watching it so i quit about 2 or so minutes in

Why? If I step in shit, I don't need to do a chemical analysis to KNOW it's shit. There's a smell that tells me that pretty much right away.

Being biased towards JRPGs is probably a verifiable medical condition. I should check the DSM-IV. Admitting it is like admitting you have herpes. I'd keep that under your hat. Square pretty much wouldn't know a 'good story' these days if one sat on their face.

Edit: Also, news flash, being 'unable to survive watching it', not because it was unfunny but because it was bashing something you like, is the textbook proof of a total lack of perspective. You know, there are places you can go to get help...

I couldn't survive it because i didn't see any humor just him bashing the game because he could

and is no way being biased toward JRPGs related to herpes but i don't expect you to be able to tell the difference and you seem to be the one that needs help

 

[bells]

RPG's aren't short. Playing 5 hours in a decent RPG is not the same as playing 5 Hours of Bayonetta.

Yahtze played Heavy Rain and Mass Effect 2, why couldn't you delay your review to give the game a proper chance? Sure, you probably won't like it yet, but at this point you really shouldn't bother even trying... My point is: If you want to do a game review about a game you don't like, at least amke yourself avaliable to the experience of the game.

If not you're just "Angry Video Game Nerd" that talks fast. And ZP is a much better show than that.

I mean, c'mon man... FF13 is a game that takes about 30-40 hours to clear if you rush to the ending. So let's talk Mass Effect 2, Fable 2 and Oblivion these can be finnished i what? 15-30 hours? I think i'm even being generous here.

So, play 3 hours of Fable 2, Play 3 Hours of Mass Effect 2, Play 3 Hours of Oblivion. These are all Westerns Action Rpg's. You'll probably like them more because they are more likely the flavors you like. That's fair. But you know full damn well that your opinion of the game wouldn't be fair. Nor your criticism.

FF13 is Linear untill quite a bit later on, The Story is Jdrama but the characters do evolve quite nicely. The battle system tries to be fast and entertaining but also challenging (as the difficulty raises you have to get strategic about it). It slow in the start. Yes, and that's a flaw that was pointed around EVERYWHERE. But if you are trying to make a review of it, you should at the very least try to accept the game.

I know you were busy, but you really want people to believe you came to this game without knowing all the criticism about? C'mon... this entire video was like you reading troll comments from people who didn't even play the damn thing.

What i'm saying is that if you're not willing to give any game it's honest chance, please don't review it. You can totally hate FF13 and JRPG's and criticize it all you want, it's fine. It's Fair. It's your job. But doing so with such a poorly made setup is a disservice to Zero Punctuation and it's fanbase.

 

[Dr_Steve_Brule]

RPG's aren't short. Playing 5 hours in a decent RPG is not the same as playing 5 Hours of Bayonetta.

Yahtze played Heavy Rain and Mass Effect 2, why couldn't you delay your review to give the game a proper chance? Sure, you probably won't like it yet, but at this point you really shouldn't bother even trying... My point is: If you want to do a game review about a game you don't like, at least amke yourself avaliable to the experience of the game.

If not you're just "Angry Video Game Nerd" that talks fast. And ZP is a much better show than that.

I mean, c'mon man... FF13 is a game that takes about 30-40 hours to clear if you rush to the ending. So let's talk Mass Effect 2, Fable 2 and Oblivion these can be finnished i what? 15-30 hours? I think i'm even being generous here.

So, play 3 hours of Fable 2, Play 3 Hours of Mass Effect 2, Play 3 Hours of Oblivion. These are all Westerns Action Rpg's. You'll probably like them more because they are more likely the flavors you like. That's fair. But you know full damn well that your opinion of the game wouldn't be fair. Nor your criticism.

FF13 is Linear untill quite a bit later on, The Story is Jdrama but the characters do evolve quite nicely. The battle system tries to be fast and entertaining but also challenging (as the difficulty raises you have to get strategic about it). It slow in the start. Yes, and that's a flaw that was pointed around EVERYWHERE. But if you are trying to make a review of it, you should at the very least try to accept the game.

I know you were busy, but you really want people to believe you came to this game without knowing all the criticism about? C'mon... this entire video was like you reading troll comments from people who didn't even play the damn thing.

What i'm saying is that if you're not willing to give any game it's honest chance, please don't review it. You can totally hate FF13 and JRPG's and criticize it all you want, it's fine. It's Fair. It's your job. But doing so with such a poorly made setup is a disservice to Zero Punctuation and it's fanbase.

Look at this review-
http://spoonyexperiment.com/2010/04/03/vlog-4-3-10/
This guy played 15 HOURS OF THIS, and guess what? It's still shit.
I'm sorry, but saying "it gets better after 15 hours" just doesn't work here.

 

[KimberlyGoreHound]

Well, I could give a long explanation about why 5 hours is enough to decide whether it's any good or not, and how taking a film for example, within 10 minutes of Goodfellas, I knew it was going to be enjoyable. Within 10 minutes of Uli Lommel's The Zodiac Killer (not to be confused with David Fincher's Zodiac), I knew it'd be shite.

However, any longer an explanation would be unnecessary, especially considering a few hundred people have already said it.

 

[scw55]

I response to people who are getting upset by him judging the game after 5 hours.

Usually, if you're not enjoying the game, little point continuing playing is it?
"It gets better after 15 hours". Oh, I look forwards to 15 hrs of filler till then shall I?

Really hard to want to play a game where you know for a start the first 15 hrs will be boring.


It's like being served an Ice Cream sundae. One which takes 50 hours to eat (pulled that number out of my bum). The first 15 hrs if eating consists of Mashed Potato. But you are promised after that layer there's some double chocolate chip cookie ice cream with strawberry sauce. The thing is, by the time you get there, you feel so sick on the mashed potato you don't care anymore about the chocolate chip so you say "stuff that" and walk away. That's if you make it through that time.

 

[Abriael]

I'm aboutr 90 hours in and the game is very fulfilling.

and yes, the review is wrong, very wrong. It's not even a matter of opinion, because it falls straight on by the book misinformation quite a few times. But controversy for it's own sake is the whole point behind zero punctuation I guess.

Usual advice is usual: if you hate a genre, don't review those games. But again, if Yahtze didn't find anything to bash about a game, he'd probably just invent, so I guess he rejoices when he gets to review a game of a genre he hates.

Funny part, is that he tries to paint the game and the characters as stereotypical (an hint, they aren't), but the result is that his review ends up being the only stereotypical thing in the whole picture. IE: Angry western journalist reviewing a Japanese game that he WANTS to hate. We've seen plenty of those.

Falls a bit short of funny.

Oh and by the way, the first 15 hours aren't boring. Are they linear? Yes they are, but they are also action packed, more or less like other equally linear and equally action packed, but critically acclaimed games like God of War 3 (just that in that case the biased journo will use a different term to put it in a positive light, like "streamlined")
The difference is that while those games will offer ONLY the 15 (or less) hours of on-rails gameplay, Final Fantasy XIII also offers another 10-50 hours of completely open ended gameplay (depending on how much of it you decide to do).
It takes quite a bit of bias (and sillyness) to really affirm that this is a bad thing.

 

[Tetranitrophenol]

It might be good at the 90th hour, but it is not worth the trouble if it means that you have to endure 15-25 hours of dullness and uncertainty before you get to the good stuff. And don't give me that JRPG fanboy response; "the first 20 hours ARE fun and enjoyable" because you are only fooling yourself. With so many corridors they just had to hand Lightning a Go-Kart and we will be playing Mario Kart: Drama Edition.

This, coming from someone who loved FF6->9, Persona 4, Tales of Vesperia and many other JRPGs. As of late the FF series have been giving JRPGs a bad name (12 and 13 specially)

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

Wow, that's a lot of pages of responses. Guess we all saw this one coming a mile off.

reviewing a game you didn't even play fully? well done Yahtzee, mediocrity is your forté

And once again another retard completely misses the point. The hypocrisy of your claim is staggering, as you obviously didn't watch Yahtzee's review any further once he said he'd only played 5 hours. Otherwise you'd have seen the bit where he blatantly pointed out that the fact that a game gets better later is NOT A GOOD THING if the opening makes you want to chew off your own face to get away from it.

I'm aboutr 90 hours in and the game is very fulfilling.

and yes, the review is wrong, very wrong. It's not even a matter of opinion, because it falls straight on by the book misinformation quite a few times. But controversy for it's own sake is the whole point behind zero punctuation I guess.

Um, no. The review is not wrong and Yahtzee didn't make anything up, unless you're going to start splitting hairs on his exact wording. You can disagree with him, but he's not "wrong". And even if he did misrepresent or exaggerate a few details, this doesn't automatically invalidate his overall opinion.

Usual advice is usual: if you hate a genre, don't review those games. But again, if Yahtze didn't find anything to bash about a game, he'd probably just invent, so I guess he rejoices when he gets to review a game of a genre he hates.

You are aware that Yahtzee has a JOB to do and doesn't always get to choose the games he reviews. More to the point, if he DIDN'T review FFXIII then a thousand whiny fans would start screaming for him to do so- either people who WANT to see him rip it apart for the entertainment value, or idiotically optimistic FF fanboys who somehow believe he would praise it and then proceed to bash him when he doesn't. It happened with Smash Bros Brawl, after all- people had to nag him into reviewing it, then flamed him for not loving it. Morons.

And I think you have a mighty damn gall to openly accuse Yahtzee of making up lies about a game just to be funny. That's practically malicious slander.

Oh and by the way, the first 15 hours aren't boring. Are they linear? Yes they are, but they are also action packed, more or less like other equally linear and equally action packed, but critically acclaimed games like God of War 3 (just that in that case the biased journo will use a different term to put it in a positive light, like "streamlined")
The difference is that while those games will offer ONLY the 15 (or less) hours of on-rails gameplay, Final Fantasy XIII also offers another 10-50 hours of completely open ended gameplay (depending on how much of it you decide to do).

It takes quite a bit of bias (and sillyness) to really affirm that this is a bad thing.

OK, now you've ventured into the realm of "just plain wrong". Yahtzee was bored playing the first 15 hours. Ergo, I don't see where you get off telling him it's not boring. That's like getting someone to try chilled monkey brains and telling them they're wrong when they say they don't like the taste. Maybe YOU like chilled monkey brains, but that doesn't mean your word is reality. And frankly, almost all critics, game journalists and the vast majority of fans are in agreement with Yahtzee- the opening of FFXIII is outright lousy; the only difference is whether they're prepared to accept "it gets better later" as an excuse. Comparing a Final Fantasy game to God of War is just plain stupid- if God of War was given an open world it would completely derail the non-stop explosive action experience, but FFXIII is a god-damned RPG, from the Final Fantasy series no less! And if the first 15 hours of FFXIII are boring, I don't see how you can say this makes it better than GoW III just because FFXIII goes on longer after it gets better.

 

[Wounded Melody]

What's funny is how the Japanese game magazines are giving it 10/10
Do they *really* view RPGs in a different light than, say, the USA?

 

[Tony2077]

What's funny is how the Japanese game magazines are giving it 10/10
Do they *really* view RPGs in a different light than, say, the USA?

its just that rpgs like this are normal there and it's not as bad as these none jrpg players say

 

[Snarky Username]

I love how so many people are angry about how Yahtzee raped the game like he does every single week and how he only spent five hours playing the game. I've never seen ZP as an actual game review. It's just a hilarious take on every game he plays. He concentrates purely on the bad because it's much funnier that way. He reviews genres he hates because it's funnier that way. I've seen the show as a form of pure entertainment more than actual game reviewing.

Also, you have to admit, FFXIII is a bit of a weak spot in the series. The story's not bad, but Vannile, Hope and Snow are three of the most annoying characters in any Final Fantasy. Vanille's just flat out annoying, Hope takes a break after every battle to cut himself and Snow is the most over-optimistic person I've ever seen. I cringe every time he makes one speech about saving the world for Serrah, meaning I cringe a lot because he makes one of those speeches before practically every battle...

And the battle system takes almost all control from the player, giving it to an AI is literally retarded. The paradigm system shift makes me laugh every time I die because Lightening was too busy spinning to realize that a gigantic bird was eating her face, and no one can comprehend the concept that you shouldn't stand next to a tank getting nuked.

All in all, the game is still a good game, it just has more issues than most Final Fantasy Games. And people take Yahtzee far too seriously.

 

[Razvex]

Its probably already been said but, as far as Final Fantasy goes, you either love it or you hate it.. Me personally, I love it, but I still found this review entertaining nonetheless.

I am still yet to play Thirteen though, and I still will, so in the end this changes nothing.

Cheers, Yahtzee.