Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[Iskenator67]

I'm amazed we had to wait this long for him to tear apart a Final Fantasy game. Given there release times though I shouldn't be too surprised. I have heard that this does mark the end of the series though. I always found the whole thing to be more complicated then nuclear physics.
Story, combat, characters, controls, it was just too much for me to wrap me head around.

 

[Deviltongue]

"Yahtzee How's the bar doing?"
Happy?

Also, it would be nice if you could turn it into a franchise and open up one in Canada.

 

[historybuff]

I got a laugh out of this.

The first FF game I played was VII and I really enjoyed it. But then I hated VIII and IX was kinda meh and I never tried again.

Then FFAC came out and stuffed FF7 canon with all that garbage Yahtzee talked about. Bloated melodrama and angst.

 

[Therumancer]

Now, he did have some very valid complaints about pacing, and the fact that the game was ridiculously linear.

Actually, that's not even nearly a valid complaint, seeing as linearity is a design choice. Not necessarily a choice you need to agree with, but a choice none the less. Reading just a single review of this game would also inform you of said linearity, thus rendering all ensuing complaints void of validity. It is akin to complaining of too much driving in a racing game, as in stupid. Really, really stupid.

Not sure if I agree with you there. Using that logic everything is a design choice and would be defined as beyond criticism, thus there would be no reviews or room for opinion. I do tend to agree with him (Yahtzee) that this part of the game was a problem, and that they made the wrong desician. Whether you and I agree or disagree on that paticular point, I think that was one of the few times in the review he bothered to address Final Fantasy XIII specifically which is why I mentioned it.

Basically what it comes down to is that even if he pans the game, I think he should do a more professional job than this. I mean work is called work because it's work. It seemed to me that he was dialing this one in because he didn't want to work on the subject. A lot of what he said could very easily have been taken from other reviews verbatim, I saw very little personal commentary on the game, and more of a general JRPG/Final Fantasy rant, and an expression of his well known hated of turn/stat based battles... and honestly he didn't even bother to try and compare the Final Fantasy XIII battle system to OTHER turn based battle systems and how it stood up within that context. Okay granted, you control one character, have an auto attack/quick combat thing (which he insisted on using), but if you actually play it how does it stack up to say Knights Of The Old Republic, or Dragon Age where you also have limited control over AI teammates when the violence starts....


I'm not picking on Yahtzee's review simply because I'm a Final Fantasy faboy, but simply because I expected more. Heck if he's going to rip the game to pieces, at least he should do so as opposed to dialing in a generic JRPG rant for most of it. I realize what Yahtzee does for this site's popularity, but I still think his bosses should call him on this one.

 

[Planeswalker817]

Say what you will about Yhatzee and whether or not you agree with him. But I will say he's dead on correct about one point: if a game doesn't pull you in within FIVE HOURS, then it's a failure.

 

[Void(null)]

Congratulations on your launch of the Manabar! I hope the business thrives and profit is high!

Also, thank you for summing up everything I have hated about the past 6 Final Fantasy games in one quick review.

 

[Maltyz]

I like how he says "*****".

 

[AvsJoe]

Best review in a good long time! Oh wow I am laughing like a madman! I cannot wait to play this game if only to play the first 5 hours of the game.

 

[Sylveria]

Never played a FF game in my life, but that was as predictable as they come. Even before seeing the same point re-iterated for the fifth time with different wording.

If Jim Sterling got flak for only playing up until the last boss fight, I wonder how much flak Yahtzee will get

It's Yahtzee, people will tell him he's a unique genius and boycott the game.

Why would anyone get flak for only playing to the final boss? I managed to finish the story mode, painfully so, and there's NOTHING after the final boss except pointless time wasting hunt quests which contribute nothing to the game. Seriously, Square, if you're gonna make a "Post game" give it some substance. I don't want to do another 20 hours of FFXI style kill quests and grind.

Not to mention the ending, well no the entire story actually, makes no bloody sense at all.

Anyway, 5hrs is more than enough time to get a feel for the game. That "20hr mark awesomeness" is a lie. You get dropped into one giant area, which leads to more linear paths, that is spotted with enemies that can 1 shot you, good planning.

 

[Mirroga]

I'm twelve hours in and I'm enjoying it so far, what everyone (including Yahtzee) seems to forget is that not everyone is in the army and saves the world for some arbitrary reason or for the sake of killing shit. In this case, the angst comes from a recent tragedy that drives the plot forward. The combat is interesting if not engaging and the subtle characterization and pacing is gradual, rather than the Halo or Mass effect 'I will unleash either torrents of words at once to cover characterization or just forgat the entire buisness altogether.'

That and the soundtrack kicks ass. XD
While Yatzee's critisizims are valid for alot of the game, it didn't make it any less fun for me.

You know characters could have a dark history or a terrible tragedy, and becomes the root of their motivation or contribution to the main plot, but it doesn't mean they should brood over it all the time. A good character reveal or development shows the character's multiple beliefs, motivations, and even habits when their history or backstory is revealed. Showing them brood or angst over everything just makes everything they do annoying in which you care less for the character. If they have a reason to angst or brood about, at least make them brood or angst about something logical, like being angsty in helping the government due to a dark history rather than being angsty about every single thing.

Sorry for the long post. In summary, just saying that, if someone has a history in which he lost every family member, he has the right to reject or brood over it to those who are actually responsible in said loss, instead of brooding or hating everything in this world.

 

[Blanks]

You Know Yahtzee could learn a thing or two about reviewing games from TheSpoonyOne

Because unlike Yahtzee, Spoony will torture himself and actually play the fucking game... and it is awesome

 

[Lemon Of Life]

I might try this game, the combat system apparently gets pretty interesting. Yes, later on, but I have quite alot of spare time, for a month or so, so I don't care. I might just borrow it. Meh.

 

[BloodyThoughts]

5 hours? Hell I couldn't get past the first 20 minutes!
God I hate that game. And to think that all my friends kept saying it would "change my mind" about Final Fantasy....forever...

Another great review Yahtzee. You ought to be commended for making it past 2 hours.

 

[katsabas]

Well, he did have a point at giving the game a shot. Liked how he chewed on his face at the end. Also: story flows like an ant pushing a brick across the desert. That is the best analogy Y has managed to put together since his Too Human review. Also, does Y even have that kind of underwear? Whoah, don't open that door...

 

[Vestsao]

FFXIII is the only FF game I've played and I really like it... My heart is broken and I shall now email YZ about how wrong he is and how he should reviewing games..

 

[addeB]

I never liked JRPGS or turn based combat (except in civilization) and Final fantasy XIII didn't change that.

 

[k-ossuburb]

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO VANILLE YOU MISERABLE TWAT I HOPE YOU DIE OF SQUIRREL AIDS!

Someone's taking things a little too seriously. Also, who/what the hell is "Vanille"?

OT: had to watch this just because it ripped on Final Fantasy. I had a friend in college who was gah-gah over it and would never listen to my reasons for hating the game. Not only that, she wouldn't even bother to try out something different; it was FF or nothing, which was a shame.

Oh wait, she also liked Kingdom Hearts. Pfft, like there's a difference.

Edit: never mind, I just saw who she was; the "kooky" character. In that case what exactly did he do to her? She barely played a part in it other than being a moron, which is probably accurate.

It was a joke:X Vanille is the character he mutilated in the end of the episode during the credits.

Oh, sorry I didn't bother with the credits. I just saw the caps lock and was immediately reminded of the fangirl friend I mentioned earlier. I thought you were being serious there, which made my "chill the hell out" reflex come into action.

 

[yanipheonu]

FFXIII is the only FF game I've played and I really like it... My heart is broken and I shall now email YZ about how wrong he is and how he should reviewing games..

Which raises a great point. A lot of the nay saying is due to nostalgia. Most (actually likely all, even the linearity) of the elements people don't like have been done in FFs before.

I know it would be wonderful if FFXIII was the same as your favourite, but Square wants to make what they want.

 

[Monshroud]

I somewhat expected Yahtzee to review the game with glowing praise actally. Being right near April 1st it would have been a great April Fools joke.

Either way, still a funny review and looking forward to next weeks.

 

[crimsonshrouds]

I was starting to think i was the only one who stopped playing final fantasy after 6...

I love final fantasy 6 and the ones before it but never played the ones after and probably never will.