Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

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Sir Prize

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Dec 29, 2009
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Paulie92 said:
Yahtzee opened a bar?!?! Who, what when and more importantly where?
It's called the Mana Bar, it is in Autsrila(sp, sorry, but I'm half asleep right now) and it has video games!

OT: I was once a fan of Final Fantasy, getting into at FF9 and ending up hating it after FF10 part 2. I think this is the point where things got horrid, though FF9 and 10 did share the whole long cutscene thing.

Final Fantasy has out-lived its welcome now, all that is keeping it going are the fans that praise it. I was told by a fanboy who is a friend of mine that FF13 is the best yet and I did try it, after an hour I still wasn't into it and quit. Any game that takes longer then an hour to get into really isn't worth the money.
 

Paulie92

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Mar 6, 2010
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Hallowed Lady said:
Paulie92 said:
Yahtzee opened a bar?!?! Who, what when and more importantly where?
It's called the Mana Bar, it is in Autsrila(sp, sorry, but I'm half asleep right now) and it has video games!
Where abouts in Australia? God help him if it's in Sydney
 

Wilbot666

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Aug 21, 2009
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noin007 said:
Honestly, I never thought I'd play a game that would make me wish for Final Fantasy 12's combat. Even that god awful crap was better than 13.
Whilst I never played XII and hence can't comment on it I kind of like the new combat system.
Don't get me wrong, my favourite 2 games out of the series were VIII and to a lesser extent VII which are both similar in their somewhat stilted combat style, but after I decided to give XIII a go I'm finding it deceptively deep.

Yes I was initially sceptical. If you let it, the game (XIII) will kind of play itself at first. However, now that a few hours have gone by and the characters have advanced further into their different skill trees I'm finding it a lot more customisable.

The ability to swap Paradigms on the fly makes your group vastly more malleable than in other games of the series. Need a Healer but also want to hand out some pain? Shift Paradigms and change your all-attack team to a mixture of buffer-healer-melee. Want to do steady damage but lessen damage taken from massive boss-attacks? Swap to a combat-offensivecaster-shield role and have one character soak up some damage for a few turns while the other 2 burn and bash your enemies.
The combat combinations that you can swap through really do spice up the combat and make it seem a little more diverse in some ways than the earlier games. Even my girlfriend who hasn't played an FF game since VII likes it, and I do too.

Once you obtain all the characters and can easily swap them in and out when you like between battles (not to mention creating your own Paradigm mixes with each different cast of 3) then you're ready to go nuts.

So yes, many people seem to dislike this game, but until I've finished it and also unlocked all the Ultimate weapons I'm reserving judgement. I certainly like it enough to keep pouring (copious) hours into it.
 

mip0

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Nov 25, 2009
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the bar's o_O
OOOOOOHhh
The bar, right. Great!
Could you take us on a tour or something? Or atleast post some representative pics?
And what's on the menu?
(y, that's right mip0, he'll probably read post number 900 or whatever.)
 

Lucifron

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Dec 21, 2009
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olikunmissile said:
Yahtzee hated it? Gee who'd have seen that coming? /Sarcasm
Don't lampshade blatantly obvious sarcasm, please.

OT: Well, Yahtzee really dislikes JRPG's and Final Fantasy I guess.
 

Vohn_exel

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Oct 24, 2008
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Seneschal said:
To be fair, the 7-10 crowd also has FF9 fans, and 9 was a direct throwback to the earlier games like 6. It was fantasy, it was pretty, it had campy villains, a world-shattering plot, an ragtag group of, thank God, NON-ANGSTY adventurers with actually decent character design, a simple and quick game mechanic... And most importantly, it had that magic. There was imagination and childlike awe involved in making it, and it shows.

Now, I played through all the other ones, but none of them were as fantastic. Designed-by-committee crap.

Another thing I know 9 did well is start off well, with a dramatic set piece, a theater play in a palace as a distraction for the kidnapping of a princess. Y'know, an intriguing and interesting development? If the designers are incapable of ever doing something like that again, then Yahtzee is within his right to call bullshit when game fails to impress him early on.
That probably is why I never did like 9 as much as the others...although 8 will always be my favorite anyway. But I did like the world and some of the characters, but I couldn't get into the main character for some reason. I need to go back and play it since I do love most FF's and thats the only one I haven't really played alot of.

And don't be fooled, I'm not defending the game against Yahtzee's criticisms. Infact, I agree with everything he said save for the battle system. I really want to play and beat FF 13, but everytime I play it I get that feeling of doing work, and wanting to not play it anymore.

I've read a bit about Versus XIII and it sounds like it might be what I felt was missing in this one. It sounds like it's gonna be a more return to at least the FF's of the days of 7-10. I'm all for that, and I loved Kingdom Hearts fighting style, so this should be the game for me, hehe :D
 

kordo

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Jan 8, 2010
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Well that was a pointless waste of time. He hated FF13 - who saw that coming? *groan*

FFS Yahtzee pull your finger out I mean geezus.
 

Vohn_exel

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Oct 24, 2008
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Wounded Melody said:
Paulie92 said:
Hallowed Lady said:
Paulie92 said:
Yahtzee opened a bar?!?! Who, what when and more importantly where?
It's called the Mana Bar, it is in Autsrila(sp, sorry, but I'm half asleep right now) and it has video games!
Where abouts in Australia? God help him if it's in Sydney
http://www.manabar.com.au/
I haven't been keeping up with the bar, since I live in Texas. I hope it goes well for him, and I have to say I'm suprised Matt's not part of it, at least judging by thier website.
 

silasbufu

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Aug 5, 2009
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sunshine89 said:
ammm... am i the only one that noticed he played the harp wrong? you're actually supposed to sit on the other side (where the pedals are:) and lean it on your shoulder...
Yes you are
 

ohwell

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Dec 26, 2008
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what's this "cock out of my eyesockets please" business about?

i understand its a commentary on his own fans, but i just came to burn four minutes of my life before i get on with my morning walk.

fucking attitude gets me. suddenly the man is king of the world and everyone who likes his videos is a cocksucker? well, there's what he thinks of you, just so you know.

what a dick

as for the review, was okay... original format. not always you get that.
 

Kelthurin

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Jun 18, 2009
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I'm dissapointed. Not because you hated it, we all knew very well that you would, but because you couldn't summon more anger when reviewing it. ;P
 

Vergedood

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Mar 9, 2004
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Brilliant as always. I haven't played an FF game since 6 for all the reasons you listed.

No surprise that this 13th abomination was nothing more than bright lights, stupid haircuts and tits.
 

EagleShard

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Mar 15, 2010
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skidmarquis said:
I was let down by FFXIII as well, however 10 sec or so into this article I'd had it. The author is one the most pretentious and self admiring I've ever read, spending entirely to much time trying to be clever . Maybe I should have stuck it out a little longer and tried to find some redeeming qualities. Then again it's not like I'm getting paid, is it fella ?
LOL, you said it.


I haven't played FFXIII yet, but from what I'm hearing I shouldn't bother. I loved III and VI, but I stopped playing at X. I got almost all of the way through until the game taught me that unless I 'ground' more, then I wasn't getting any further.
They're just far too slowly paced, with not enough story to make up for that fact.
 

Motakikurushi

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Jul 22, 2009
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All valid points, but it doesn't stop the fact that I played 60 hours of the game and got something out of it, that being the astoundingly beautiful parts which all occur after the 5 hour mark (ironically), such as the Gapra Whitewood, Oerba; all which provided me a unique experience. If anything, it deserves credit just for that. I liked it. Either I have astounding god-like patience or I was willing to give it a try. Hell, I hated everyone apart from Snow and Sahz, and the plot was nonsensical typical JRPG mumbling, but at least the linear experience kept the game in a forward motion. It's true, once the 30 hour mark is reached the game jumps in quality like a flea on a trampoline (and the difficulty mind); whether or not it's worth it up to that point is questionable.

For me, the most beautiful game ever created, and that's about all it has going for it. Combat was nice, I suppose, when I wasn't getting my ass kicked for choosing to have characters I liked in my team. If yahtzee is one of the prophets of 'games are art' then perhaps more than 5 hours would have captivated him. Or not. Fuck it, I liked it, I'm obviously insane and need to be segregated from human contact.
 

drakenabarion

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Sep 11, 2009
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Odd question (or maybe not that odd after all): Does whining about how characters whine not make you somewhat like those whining characters you so despise?

I have to say that the last few ZP have been a little underwhelming for me. I laughed my ass off for Bayonetta and Mass Effect 2, and there are some episodes that I often go back to just for sheer humour. (e.g. Peggle, for when people ask me why I hate casual games, and TRUnderworld for when I just need a giggle).

But to be honest, I would rather have a 10 second aprils fools episode with a snappy pun and intelligent quip than a half hearted groan about a game that its obvious from the beginning would not be something you'd like. It may not always be possible to do, but, its always funnier when you are reviewing games that you do have a chance of liking, and much funny when the game has a chance to disappoint you. Starting with the mind frame already set to "I will not like this - groaaaaan" comes across as strongly as not paying attention to the plot being played out on screen. :)

I just want to say that what I am saying here is not about the game reviewed, but its about the apathy involved in reviewing it. Sure you were busy, but, who isnt :p. I happen to be a fan of the Final Fantasy series, and I would agree that FFXIII isnt the strongest in the series. It doesnt deserve a marching band playing fanfares and while FF fans would probably enjoy it but it has limited appeal outside that sample set. Oh well, the world isnt about to end because of this.

I also happen to be a fan of many other games that have been reviewed by ZP, and, loved those reviews. I started this paragraph to say something about not being fanboy, but, f*** it, nobody is reading at this point in the post anyway :p

p.s. Anyone else feel that the Leona Lewis song at the ending just felt glued in there? Really, it could be any song, so why her?
 

yourbeliefs

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Jan 30, 2009
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Wow this video hasn't even been posted for 24 hours yet it already has more than 830 comments..

I rented this game and have played it for about the same amount of time as Yahtzee and watching this review actually convinced me to send it back (it was a GF rental.) I'm sure this game is PROBABLY worth pushing through past the 20-25 hours of linearity, but at this stage in my life I just don't have the time or patience to plod through this sort of adventure. It's hard to choose to play FF XIII when I could play GoW 1-3 or Mass Effect 2 or Dragon Age: Origins (hopefully soon) instead...