Zero Punctuation: Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII

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mike1921

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geldonyetich said:
Wow, Square-Enix really dropped the ball on this one: they could have named the game, "Lightning Strikes Twice" and it would have been a way cooler way to title a sequel.

Yahtzee said:
[Basically the combat system revolves around an excuse to dress your characters in more and more skimpy undergarments.]
SOLD! I'll go out and buy a Playstation 4 immediately just to play this ga- oh, what? The Playstation 4 isn't reverse compatible? Well, I don't feel comfortable buying a Playstation 3 knowing it's already obsolete. Nevermind, then.
That sounds like an odd viewpoint to take. The playstation 3 is cheaper than ever, and games will still be coming out for it for a few years. Who cares if it's technologically inferior if overall its a superior product and will remain as such for along time?
 

Thanatos2k

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Sticky said:
The thing that strikes me the most about Lightning Returns is that it's a story-driven game in a story-driven series with zero emotional attachment to any of the characters.

If the game hadn't flat-out told me that Lightning had lost her emotions and instead buried that factoid inside of the nested menus the game loves so much, then I would have never known, ever. She doesn't behave any differently, at all. I find it appalling that something that should be so central to a character, something that should define every interaction they have with a world to be so nonexistent for a character who was supposed to be the focal point of the series. The entire story just falls apart because we're supposed to sympathize with Lightning and her attempt to get back those oh-so-valuable emotions of hers, except it's clear that she never really used them anyway.
I find it hilarious that they tried to justify Lightning's nonexistent character as part of the plot of the third game. What's her excuse in FF13 and FF13-2 I wonder?

Hixy said:
MrHide-Patten said:
Hixy said:
Why did 13 get two sequels?? I just do not understand. Literally every title in the series was more worthy than that pile of crap.
Because Lightnings creator has a huge stiffy fo her, and I mean that in the most visceral way possible. His affection boarders on creepy fanboy levers.
You are the second person to tell me this, I thought the first guy was just joking! She is so bland and emotionless, granted I only have the first 2 discs of 13 to base that on as going beyond that point qualified to me as a form of self harm. Although all the main leads in final fantasy tend to be brooding stone faces. Except Tidus but I don't want to go down that road. Zidane all the way wool
It's not a joke, it's seriously pathetic.

http://www.dualshockers.com/2013/07/27/more-information-on-lightnings-boob-job-in-lightning-returns-ffxiii-emerge-yes-theyll-jiggle/

These people are making games at Square Enix. Unbelievable.
 

Aiddon_v1legacy

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Hixy said:
What . . . the . . . . fuck . . .

That guy is insane. Someone needs to tell him that the western world thinks Lightning sucks. And to say she is an icon of Japanese gaming? I'm not Japanese so I don't know for sure but I really really doubt it. Tifa was way better and I could name a few more!
Typical ramblings of your run-of-the-mill hack. The guy could probably qualify for Japan's answer to idiots like David Cage, David Cox, and Antoniades. All them of being wannabe auteurs who think they're revolutionaries in story-telling but aren't really doing anything that hasn't been done before and BETTER. What's really funny is that it seems that all the designers going on about the story-telling are the least qualified to talk about it. Heck, the best stories seem to come from guys who treat it like their job instead of some pet project (like Yasumi Matsuno)
 

Vivi22

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Hixy said:
Why did 13 get two sequels?? I just do not understand. Literally every title in the series was more worthy than that pile of crap.
The answer is actually quite simple. They spent an ungodly number of years and who knows how much money building the engine and assets that went into making FFXIII. So to make as much of that money back as possible they just kept reusing everything they could in FFXIII sequels, rather than at least making a cursory attempt to make a new game using some of that stuff.

But I agree with you; that game did not deserve two sequels. FFXIII is, quite literally, one of the worst RPG's I've ever played and has almost no redeeming qualities. Certainly none of any significance.
 

Ryan Hughes

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sky14kemea said:
Well, firstly there's a list of Moderators and Community Managers in the Code of Conduct [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/codeofconduct]. It's right at the bottom, so just scroll down. Each username in that list also links directly to that Moderator or Managers profile, which has a "Send Message" option on already.

There is also a Moderation Team [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/Moderation-Team] user group that is Open To All, which means you do not need prior permission to join. This allows you to join straight away in order to post about a problem with Moderation that you've encountered.

Alternatively, there is the Contact [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/contact/] form that's available directly on the front page that sends an Email directly to the Escapist Staff. On this form there is a drop down menu for the Subject. The options you could use for this situation would be: Forum Posting/Moderation Issues. Which I believe is the 4th option from the top.
Well, just checked again, and he was fully banned, so I guess that more or less settles things. I am not angry, and it is really not in my character to be melodramatic, but I think you will agree that this is certainly for the best, as many people could be much more sensitive than me.

Anyway, thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Now I know in case something like this happens again.
 

ExtraDebit

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There's so many other franchise square holds that they can fucked up, but they choose to fucked up FF year after year. Let's see some Crono Trigger/cross, Tobal, parasite eve, bushido blade and front mission for a change..........oh wait, they did fucked up front mission, ok 2 down 20 more to go.
 

Atmos Duality

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chrystallix said:
You really shouldn't bother with this guy, like at all. He is blatantly not here for proper discussion, if he's not trolling, he's legitimately not worth wasting the words on.
I think he's a repeat offender, actually. His mannerism is identical to another charming bloke who did the same thing back in early January. He even has the same modus operandi: flaming others in a Final Fantasy 13 topic.
(sent private death threat IMs and everything; myself included).

OT: It's Final Fantasy 13. Ludo-narrative dissonance and plot holes are standard fare.
But even among bad FF games, this is what you get when you let the director base the game on his Waifu Mary Sue (no, I am not joking. Toriyama is in love with his creation).

gyrobot said:
Hey it's not the first time Toriyama ruined a great name of a franchise that isn't final fantasy...

http://pspmedia.ign.com/psp/image/object/143/14353960/front_mission_evolved_pc_t.jpg

Toriyama penned the story for a great game that was great by itself. But he ruined it with his horrible storywriting.
I almost forgot Toriyama was responsible for the writing in that shitstain of a game...
WIZARD!! NOOOOO!!!
And the sad thing, is that I could tell that Front Mission Evolved was trying SO DAMNED HARD to be a 3D modern version of Front Mission: Gun Hazard. Pity it wasn't all that good, because that's not a bad game to ape.
 

geldonyetich

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mike1921 said:
[That sounds like an odd viewpoint to take. The playstation 3 is cheaper than ever, and games will still be coming out for it for a few years. Who cares if it's technologically inferior if overall its a superior product and will remain as such for along time?
Personally, I think it's an odd viewpoint that a product has a long lifetime ahead of it when its parent company has released what is intended to be a straight up replacement to it.
 

siveon

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Lame? Got it. Somebody call me when they make another Final Fantasy Tactics that's not on the freaking iOS.

In the mean-time, I got Bravely Default and a good load of backlog to cover.
 

KingdomFantasyXIII

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Epidemic Magick said:
I still can't wrap my head around the fact that FF is still going and that there are people actually liking it. The only 3D game in the series that had at least some semblance of a story and some decent characters was FF9. It was by no means perfect, but at least it had a story that wasn't made out of plotholes and vague philosophical ramblings and didn't have to add zeroes in it's combat numbers to seem more impressive.

I simply don't see a single thing worth of a person's time and money in these games, especially from FFX onwards...
Apperenly Bioware thinks otherwise. Check this out:
http://www.biowarestore.com/ladies-n7-armour-stripe-angl-hoody.html

Look who won as runner up in the little "N7 ladies sweatshirt" contest. An Asian chick who is wearing nothing but the N7 sweatshirt and a Lightning Farron wig. Even the good companies see that Lightning = Good promotion. =P
 

KingdomFantasyXIII

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blackrave said:
Was Lightning THAT popular that we needed sequel?
Oh yes she was. If you have seen polls from Japan, she's always in the top 3. Hell, even Bioware sees her as an opportunity to promote their products:
http://www.biowarestore.com/ladies-n7-armour-stripe-angl-hoody.html
 

arkblazer

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Why the fuck does yahtzee always reviews the shittiest JRPG's around, when we all know what he thinks of them? So he can validate his narrow-minded position? he should review good JRPG's like Xenoblade, or the latest fire emblem on the 3DS.

Or better yet, why the fuck has he not bothered with the banner saga, yet?
 

Thanatos2k

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ExtraDebit said:
There's so many other franchise square holds that they can fucked up, but they choose to fucked up FF year after year. Let's see some Crono Trigger/cross, Tobal, parasite eve, bushido blade and front mission for a change..........oh wait, they did fucked up front mission, ok 2 down 20 more to go.
They fucked up Parasite Eve too. 3 down.

It's debatable whether they fucked up the Mana series with their last entry of that as well, considering they never made another game to date. (Oh, but they made a crappy iOS port of Secret of Mana! Secret of Mana 2 continues to be UNLOCALIZED while they port every other SNES game 5 times though)

They've buried Grandia in a deep dark hole never to return.

Dragon Warrior has been turned into an MMO.

Star Ocean is officially done.

Tri-Ace hasn't made a game for them for how long?

They refuse to localize their games like Type-0 and Blood of Bahamut.

Few companies have taken poorer care of their franchises.
 

The Dead Singer

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AndrewC said:
"The enemies were too hard so I gave up."

Good review.
Or it just had a completely fair and extremely difficulty spike with badly designed battles and bosses

Friend got this game and I gave after roughly the same time, boring wehn that wasn't happening, annoying otherwise. I saw a couple of playthroughs for it (or a few parts), and a lot of people appeared to think the same too.


Yeah so nothing surprising, game is shit nothing to see here.
 

KingdomFantasyXIII

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Thanatos2k said:
ExtraDebit said:
There's so many other franchise square holds that they can fucked up, but they choose to fucked up FF year after year. Let's see some Crono Trigger/cross, Tobal, parasite eve, bushido blade and front mission for a change..........oh wait, they did fucked up front mission, ok 2 down 20 more to go.
They fucked up Parasite Eve too. 3 down.

It's debatable whether they fucked up the Mana series with their last entry of that as well, considering they never made another game to date. (Oh, but they made a crappy iOS port of Secret of Mana! Secret of Mana 2 continues to be UNLOCALIZED while they port every other SNES game 5 times though)

They've buried Grandia in a deep dark hole never to return.

Dragon Warrior has been turned into an MMO.

Star Ocean is officially done.

Tri-Ace hasn't made a game for them for how long?

They refuse to localize their games like Type-0 and Blood of Bahamut.

Few companies have taken poorer care of their franchises.
3rd Birthday is a spinoff game and a spiritual successor. It's not Parasite Eve 3.

They haven't fucked up Mana series

Dragon Warrior was a one shot game from LONG ago.

Star Ocean just got a game in 2009. I highly doubt it will be finished

Tri-Ace has made several games: Resonance of Fate, the XIII sequels, Star Ocean, Valkyrie Profile, Infinite Undiscovery, etc. They will keep maing more.

Type-0 will come but Bahamut isn't really interesting
 

Blaze the Dragon

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I just don't get how this series is popular, I'll admit I can't speak much for the sequels, but the first game was so stupid that I just can't figure out how it was popular enough to demand sequels in the first place! It's literally a game about doing nothing.
 

Ryan Hughes

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Not G. Ivingname said:
I wonder if the plot makes more sense in the original Japanese and the translation was extremely rushed or something.
As a person who was tremendously fond of FF II on the SNES, I would say "no." That had a terrible translation, but the characters were still likeable and they said funny things, like: "You Spoony Bard!" and had warrior-monks who Sneezed when they attacked, and an English Ninja of all things. . . So, there is a difference between bad translation and bad writing. Alice Munro -recent Nobel Prize winner for Literature- could not have translated FFXIII into any kind of meaningful coherence because the source is the issue.