Zero Punctuation: MindJack

[RowdyRodimus]

You know I was almost about to impulse buy this game today however I decided not to as I may need to money later for buying hookers better things. I guess I made the right decision. That being said, I sort of had that idea in mind anyway. I watched Angry Joes review and read a few other reviews on the game and it looks like its been universally panned.

I don't usually buy my games completely based on others reviews but when I've seen the gameplay and read reviews that are most if not all negative and all pretty much rabbiting on about the same things... I kind of thing that I'd be better keeping my money.

Good thing you didn't buy it or you'd end up Mind Jack-ing off. (sorry for the bad pun)

It seems with the MP idea they said, "You know that game Demon's Souls where other people can help out during the single player game? Fuck that, let's do the opposite! Innovation!"

 

[HellspawnCandy]

Even though Square Enix only published this game, it's making me wary of how Human Revolution will turn out. If they have faith in a game as bad as this I'm getting scared.

 

[DarkPanda XIII]

*slips out of the sewer*

Didn't actually hear of it, but glad that I didn't I guess.

But seriously, people have been giving you crap? It's easy! Anytime you actually say 'don't get it', then it's the negative. If you piss on it but never say 'don't get it' then it's mediocre and can be tried....*shrugs*

At least that's my take on it.

*goes back to the sewer*

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

It's sad really. I mean, the concept of a shooter with added mind control into the tactical flavour actually sounds really interesting, so it must take a REALLY sucky game to make that no fun. Just imagine all of the cool stuff you could do if a game premise like that was done properly:

If there were several enemies behind cover in close proximity to one another you could possess one, then get them to detonate a grenade martyrdom style and kill all the enemies in one move.

There could be stealth sections, and if a guard spots you you could possess him and make him radio in again saying it was a false alarm.

See, all you would really need is a decent plot, lots of fun angles to approach the mind control aspect from, and AI smart enough to level the playing field so the mind control doesn't make it too easy, and you've got a good game right there.

There is no excuse for a game with this much potential to suck.

 

[psivamp]

As soon as I saw the trailer I knew it'd suck.


Watch Ghost in the shell much mr game designer?

Holy carp, that's bad. At least there's some subtlety in Ghost in the Shell.

Even though Square Enix only published this game, it's making me wary of how Human Revolution will turn out. If they have faith in a game as bad as this I'm getting scared.

At least the cinematic and gameplay trailers for Human Revolution are good. I'm pretty confident that Human Revolution will be a decent game -- I'm reserving judgement on whether or not I accept it as a prequel to Deus Ex.

 

[Nincompoop]

I really hoped you would tear this game a new one.

 

[Lunar Templar]

ever see something so bad, even the trailer couldn't make it sound good

that would be this game, the official trailer did more to turn me off this game the Yahtzee could ever hope to

it's kinda a like some one itemizing reasons to hate twilight actually, you knew it was gonna suck ahead of time, now you've just got more reasons to burn it at the stake

 

[Hachura]

This is the best review from the last few months.

BAD BAD BAD BAD DON'T DON'T DON'T PLAY IT.

 

[esliang]

Honestly it IS sometimes hard to see how much Yahtzee dislikes (or likes) a game. Then again, his trademark is being nit-picky, so there you go I guess.

Anyway, I thought this review was the most clever one in a long time. The game sounds disastrous, so Yahtzee probably just saved me another 50-60 bucks.

 

[MattAn24]

Thanks a ton Square, for making another badly done game. As if FF XIV wasn't a bad enough way to end 2010. Piece of advice: Stop making games for a while and focus your efforts on single projects. I think you need it at this point.

As someone else kindly mentioned to Yahtzee above.. SQUARE ENIX DID NOT DEVELOP MINDJACK. FeelPlus did. Square Enix merely slapped their publisher title on it. That's all.

Regarding FFXIV, also kindly STFU. Yes, I also gave up on playing it. Until Hiromichi "I single-handedly fucked up FFXI AND FFXIV, yet I only just decided to admit it NOW" Tanaka was swiftly booted from the producer/director role. The new guy that replaced him is.. Actually.. I can't believe I'm even saying this, after playing FFXI for 5 years and barely tolerating the vague, bullshit updates there.. He's actually DOING something. He's regularly writing directly to the players, conducting frequent surveys and polls about what players want and the majority of it has.. Been added or is in the process of being added. It's rather weird to even see it happening.

Hell, the new FFXI development team is doing the same thing and have FINALLY given its players a MUCH easier/time efficient way of leveling, rather than solely grinding 6-man experience parties at one set camp site. I don't play FFXI anymore, but from what I've seen, it's definitely improved.

But yes, I never bothered with MindJack, but it's not because it's "a Square Enix game". It merely has their name on it as publisher. Hell, using Yahtzee's logic, Just Cause 2 is a Square Enix game! OH FUCKING SNAP.

 

[MattAn24]

Gettin' REAL sick of these ZP reviews of games nobody's fucking heard of. REVIEW FUCKING SONIC COLORS ALREADY!!! SOMEBODY needs to give that horrible piece of shit game the buttfucking it deserves. Do it, Yahtzee, PLEASE!!

You complain about him reviewing games no ones heard of.... Then ask him to review 'sonic colors'?

Hypocrisy, thy name is 'Gaming King'.

Bullshit. You probably just don't play Wii games. It's a huge game, hailed by retards as Sonic returning to form, which couldn't be farther from the truth. People say it is good, but it's not.

YOU say it's not good. That's all. YOU. It's personal opinion. Not saying others don't hate it too or whatever, but your personal view of gaming means absolutely fuck all to anyone else. People will play what THEY want to play. Who the fuck are you to dictate?

 

[roostuf]

Another funny and compelling review, and i just dont under stand why people cant see he is exaggerating and making fun of the game because he's being paid too.

 

[Apostacious]

Yatzee always confuses the developer for the publisher? it works in his advantage though, he can throw shit at the game based on games released previously by the same publisher, but in his reviews, it just sounds like he has no idea of publisher/developer differences and makes him sound like a dumbass.

mid jack was developed by feelplus and published by Square Enix, I have no idea what final fantasy "looking like shit" has to do with mind jack.
Me thinks yatzee was Mindjackingoff when he wrote this review.

 

[migo]

LOL@ Like Chinese parenting but less nightmarish.

 

[sarahvait]

Gettin' REAL sick of these ZP reviews of games nobody's fucking heard of. REVIEW FUCKING SONIC COLORS ALREADY!!! SOMEBODY needs to give that horrible piece of shit game the buttfucking it deserves. Do it, Yahtzee, PLEASE!!

You complain about him reviewing games no ones heard of.... Then ask him to review 'sonic colors'?

Hypocrisy, thy name is 'Gaming King'.

Bullshit. You probably just don't play Wii games. It's a huge game, hailed by retards as Sonic returning to form, which couldn't be farther from the truth. People say it is good, but it's not.

YOU say it's not good. That's all. YOU. It's personal opinion. Not saying others don't hate it too or whatever, but your personal view of gaming means absolutely fuck all to anyone else. People will play what THEY want to play. Who the fuck are you to dictate?

Besides Gaming King, as he stated in the Alone in the Dark vid, he's not your "sweary ninja for hire". So I doubt he's going to rip it a new asshole just because you want him to. But hey, Sonic Colors could be on his to-do list at some point, so maybe you'll get your wish by default. Unless he likes it. Can't say he will in my opinion. Haven't played it myself, but this is ZP and a Sonic game we're talking about, so...

 

[tkioz]

I love it when he reviews a game that is unambiguously bad, because that's when he is at his most funny.