Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

[jockslap]

i remember pain killer, loved it up untill about the end of the third level, i killed the boss then everything glitched and i got fed up with it...........then i had to return it and i dont think ima rent it again, its a great game tho, go out and buy, and once again yahtzee good job, my only criticism is that i wanna see u put out more of these, much more, like 2 a week, if i could give you a super-power, it would be to make these one a day....but then you would run out of games....oh well, ranting, ima stop now

 

[darth nader]

I noticed on Steam that all of a sudden the Painkiller Gold Edition is not on the list of top sellers. Coincidence??

 

[Gerrark]

I liked this one a lot better than most of your newer ones Yahtzee. This one just seemed like it had the air of going back to what made your reviews great, probably because it was made so long ago. I was wondering where all the love (or hate) for either slightly or almost relatively unknown games, jingoism, and snappy observational one liners had gone, and it's nice to see them again.

And so now I prepare myself to have my comment be lambasted from all sides by idiots who take comments like these on a personal level, as if anything that isn't dullard praise of Yahtzee amounts to not a metaphorical, but literal knife jabbed into their urethra.

 

[Gerrark]

The way to follow Yahtzee's reviews is as follows:

If he loves a game, buy it. If it meets his standards, it will meet yours.

If he hates a game other people love, it's because he's a friggin tightarse. Buy it anyway.

I just hope this is a joke, for many reasons.

 

[Gerrark]

Did Yahtzee seriously suggest that Doom had no "find the keycard" sections?! Because, uh, I seem to recall it having keycards [http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Keys].

As for the people suggestion Yahtzee review The World Ends With You, why would you want to do that to him? What has he ever done to you? You know he'll hate the experience. Hell, the game plays a constant stream of J-pop.

If Yahtzee were in the habit of going around and kicking people's dogs, I suppose forcing him to play The World Ends With You might be justified. (And if he's been going around kicking people's puppies, maybe even Crisis Core Final Fantasy VII!)

But otherwise, what has he done to deserve reviewing those games?

I cannot see inside of Yahtzee's head, so I could be wrong, but I was always under the impression that he disliked JRPGs because a lot are incredibly formulaic, cliched, redundant, uncreative etc. Which is a good reason, but have you played "The World Ends With You"? Or just seen advertisements and the like? Because if you just saw advertisements and such, I don't blame you, it probably looks awful. If you can or haven't though, play it. It's really very good.

 

[Gerrark]

I haven't been able to view the movie... -.- but I know painkiller, and it's sequel: Overdose sucked, and I probarbly agree on whatever Yahtzee says, because he mosty is right about stuff like that

[edit] I saw it.. and YEAH! GO Yahtzee, you found yet another gem in the ocean of brown game #!$% and now I wish you had mentioned that the bosses all have unique ways to be killed and are generally hiooo-mungous but I'm a review critique.. And now for the comment critique review my post and correct my horrible spelling on some difficult words...

I just wanted to ask: Has no one else noticed this post? What is so hilariously obvious about it and the edit that follows? Please tell me I'm not the only one seeing this, and because if not and everyone else is just ignoring it, I missed the memo.

 

[Kaiscir]

So he likes body parts flying off, eh? Maybe he'll like Ninja Gaiden II? Oh wait...Yahtzee will complain about the difficulty.

 

[DennoCoil]

Great job Yahtzee, I'm downloading game as I watch this. I wanted a good game where I can just go and kill shit, no story, no side missions, just gore and blood, and this is what I'm looking for.

And unless you're a Wii fanboy, disregard the flamming comment below from a annoyed troll who's had it with the zealousness of the Cult Of Miyamoto.

Spoiler

For the love of God people, burn your fucking Wii's, or better yet, sell it to some other loser who still thinks Nintendo is God. Yes, I agree, Nintendo was THE SHIT, but that was before the GameCube era. Now shut up, leave us alone and go away deluding yourself that the games aren't usually sub-standard, have [sarcasm]GOOD[/sarcasm] online components, and has one of the most fun [read: gimmicky and almost useless] controllers ever.

And please don't whine about it here on the forums like a little *****, if you want to send back a hateful response proclaiming your views are superior and how I have a concave penis, then send me a PM.

 

[J.theYellow]

It's worth pointing out that People Can Fly handled the Gears of War port to the PC and was acquired by Epic Games last year, so they're like Epic Games Poland now.

 

[Zavaro]

Well, I'm not sure how long that's been like this on the Steam Store, but it was a nice surprise waking up to this morning.

 

[TheZaius]

That gun was awesome.

"It's the Eliminator TS-7!

From Blammo!"

 

[Xenoveritas]

[I cannot see inside of Yahtzee's head, so I could be wrong, but I was always under the impression that he disliked JRPGs because a lot are incredibly formulaic, cliched, redundant, uncreative etc. Which is a good reason, but have you played "The World Ends With You"? Or just seen advertisements and the like? Because if you just saw advertisements and such, I don't blame you, it probably looks awful. If you can or haven't though, play it. It's really very good.

Yes, I have. How is it not a JRPG? How would he like it?

It's not turn-based, but instead it has a truly obnoxious "dual screen" combat thingy, XP grinding, some weird "pin evolution" thing that they never bothered to explain. (Well, beyond "balance the three types of PP!" without offering any explanation of how. Given that one type of PP is earned by having friends who also play the game and connecting wirelessly with them, and another type is earned based on time between saving and continuing the game...)

In short it remains the type of "micromanage your stats" completely linear game that I get the impression Yahtzee doesn't enjoy playing.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

So he likes body parts flying off, eh? Maybe he'll like Ninja Gaiden II? Oh wait...Yahtzee will complain about the difficulty.

Seeing as that DMC 4 was dumbed down, I bet Ninja Gaiden will also.

and if he reviewed God of War and DMC without complaining about difficulty, I doubt NG will change that.

 

[5staronly]

I had a problem watching the videos also. The new player will not come through our firewall from the site.
Try this:
create a new text document
grab the code for the video by clicking on the icon on the bottom right of the player
paste the code into the text document
do a "save as" and save it as a .HTM file
double click on the file and if you are having the same problem I did, it should play

 

[Gerrark]

[I cannot see inside of Yahtzee's head, so I could be wrong, but I was always under the impression that he disliked JRPGs because a lot are incredibly formulaic, cliched, redundant, uncreative etc. Which is a good reason, but have you played "The World Ends With You"? Or just seen advertisements and the like? Because if you just saw advertisements and such, I don't blame you, it probably looks awful. If you can or haven't though, play it. It's really very good.

Yes, I have. How is it not a JRPG? How would he like it?

It's not turn-based, but instead it has a truly obnoxious "dual screen" combat thingy, XP grinding, some weird "pin evolution" thing that they never bothered to explain. (Well, beyond "balance the three types of PP!" without offering any explanation of how. Given that one type of PP is earned by having friends who also play the game and connecting wirelessly with them, and another type is earned based on time between saving and continuing the game...)

In short it remains the type of "micromanage your stats" completely linear game that I get the impression Yahtzee doesn't enjoy playing.

I didn't say it wasn't a JRPG once. And I'd go into the fine details of why I think it's a fun game, but there probably isn't a point, it sounds as if your mind is made up. All I said was that the game may be a JRPG, but it's still fun and original, unlike most. And also, he doesn't dislike linear games either. Luckily this is something I can be sure of, because I'm pretty sure he mentioned it in his review of "No More Heroes". In fact, the idea that I got from him many times when talking about JRPGs was that he disliked them for turn-based battle systems and because the characters are so shallow and cookie cutter you can't get into the "stop grand evil scheme guy A from carrying out world destroy plan B". I could be wrong, but he never seemed to mention a terrible dislike for managing things or linear games.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
Maybe if you mix both...

Bees, shurikens, and lightning... *salivates*

No, Bioshock was just last years Winner, Painkiller will always win, it's got a crossbow that crucifies people (not, "nail them to the wall" - it crucifies them), the melee weapon that yahtze describes beautifully, Shuriken and Lightning gun....it goes on.

 

[TheZaius]

In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
Maybe if you mix both...

Bees, shurikens, and lightning... *salivates*

You need a DOG with bees, shurikens, and lightning in its mouth so when it barks, it shoots bees, shurikens, and lightning at you.

 

[VeryOblivious]

If you don't mind me asking, why do you post transcripts?

For those who are deaf or non-english speakers that have difficulties understanding Yathzee's speech.