Zero Punctuation: Ryse: Son of Rome

[Ulquiorra4sama]

Can anyone translate the Latin in the credits?

1. In wine there's truth
2. Slander boldly, something always sticks
3. As you are, I was; as I am so you shall also be.

Not sure about the first two, but the last one is a Silent Hill reference so far as I remember.

 

[Barciad]

Rome was sacked multiple times throughout history... so they went with the most outlandishly false version?

...the actual gameplay that people crave made it look worse... how does one even do that?

Quite, had I been writing the story, Hannibal on an Elephant shooting flaming ballista bolts at you would have been the final boss. Making a Rome game and not having Carthage as the enemy was quite an open goal that they missed.

 

[Barciad]

I haven't really been keeping up with this game, but... really? Barbarians? They make a game about the Roman Empire, one of the largest, most militarily powerful nations in the ancient world, and the only people they can think up for enemies are Barbarians? Granted, there were some big fights with Barbarians, but in general they were never a real threat to Rome until the very end when it been substantially weakened. Did they just not read the parts about how absolutely crushing the Roman legions were for much of Rome's history?

If they really wanted an 'epic' war story, why not set it during the Punic wars? Carthage was actually one of the few real military threats Rome ever faced. And the bulk of the Carthaginian military was made of mercenaries from all over Africa and the Mediterranean, which gives you quite a large variety of enemy types to choose from for your badguys. Also, Carthage actually had, and used, war elephants. Since any game about Rome has to have them.

Fragging hell, Extra Credits did a series on the Punic Wars in preparation for Rome: Total War II, and it sounds more awesome than anything that the MMS/Spunkgargleweewee genre has produced in years.

Ninjad, and quite thoroughly so. Considering the carnage Hannibal wreaked on Southern Italy, there is your revenge story done and dusted.

 

[Reyold]

So it's basically CoD in a different era. Can't say I'm too surprised.

 

[Thanatos2k]

Ha, Ryse ad before the review ripping it apart. Perfect timing.

 

[TiberiusEsuriens]

It sounds like the devs took a page out of Stephen Colbert's game making playbook!

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/428242/july-31-2013/stephen-colbert-s-super-coin-toss

 

[Colt47]

I'd say something further on this game, but it seems like others have already beaten me to the obligatory "it's a roman version of Call of Duty". In fact, I'm wondering if that was the pitch at the meeting room when this game was being presented. o o;

 

[Neil Bolin]

Fantasy World Dizzy! Loved the let's play you did Gabriel.

 

[Trishbot]

What do you call a QTE that requires you neither to be quick, the timing is meaningless, and nothing event-worthy happens?

Because somehow RYSE made one of the absolute most tired and loathed gimmicks of modern gaming even worse.

Congrats, I guess.

 

[tehweave]

Is there any reason to buy an Xbox One or PS4?

Seriously, I would like to know.

I have a working PC that can play anything. It handles Crysis no problem. I have a PS3 that has a lot of good games on it, and a 3DS/Wii for whatever nintendo fix I want.

Is there any reason at all to go in on a PS4 or Xbone?

 

[MorganL4]

Anyone else impressed that a Brit living in Australia knows who Stonewall Jackson is? I mean how many Americans know who Richard Neville, the 16th Earl of Warwick was? My guess is probably 5 maybe 6.

 

[RedDeadFred]

That was the funniest one I've seen in quite some time.

"Now all they need is burly whi- oh"

 

[Moth_Monk]

Can anyone translate the Latin in the credits?

1. In wine there's truth
2. Slander boldly, something always sticks
3. As you are, I was; as I am so you shall also be.

Not sure about the first two, but the last one is a Silent Hill reference so far as I remember.

The last one is a phrase carved on the epitaphs of Roman officials. The meaning is to remind the reader that he/she will die eventually just like the person in the grave has.

 

[MaddKossack115]

Yep, just what I though "Ryse" would be from the scant mentions in gameplay trailers - an overpolished turd who only has the graphics going for it, doesn't do jackshit for actual gameplay, and fucks up even the graphics by draining the color out of it.

As for the story... WOW. I-I didn't think that a game story could be as incoherent and nonsensical than COD:Ghosts' "all of South America gangbangs North America with a satellite nuke station they hijacked", but JESUS H. TAPDANCING CHRIST this is a new low! I mean, the American armed forces getting *****-slapped by a coalition of third world countries is one thing, but Rome getting *****-slapped by barbarians (apparently LONG before the whole empire actually began to fall apart and fracture) is just roleplaying as Bullshitus Maximus!

Curiously, I see that Yahtzee only seems to indicate that the British barbs were the only enemies, while what little I've dug up indicated that Emperor Nero (yeah, the same "fiddle while Rome burns" Nero!) was the ultimate villain, along with his idiot son, Commodus (who is so much like the villain from "Gladiator" that his boss fight with Marius was in a freaking coliseum arena). Hell, it's because of their stupid antics (emphasis on STUPID) that the barbs are able to kick Rome out of Britain, and make their way up to Rome itself, not because the barbs suddenly became more powerful themselves.

Granted, the excuse that "the barbs beat Rome because the Roman Emperor and his kids were idiots (oh, and apparently Nero's manservant is a god wanting all of civilization destroyed - I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'M NOT MAKING THAT UP!!! IT WAS ON TV TROPES, IT MUST BE TRUE!!!)" is still as stupid as the barbs pulling resources out of the writers ass, but it sure as hell isn't meant to make the Roman Empire good. Well, except for the "genius military commander" Marius, but like you've said, that's more a problem of not allowing any input from the player in the game than a problem of storywriting alone.

So, yep, one of the most overhyped "next-gen premier games" has gone off like a fart in church, and absolutely nobody is surprised (except for possibly the people trying their damndest to overhype the shit). Nice job ripping this sucker apart, Yahtzee. Now, if only you could do a review for "Killzone: Shadow Fall" or "Dead Rising 3" next...

Edit:
Regarding the "all games in the future only need to push one button, so the player can be free to jerk off" comment... "Bayonetta" already had the option to do that. And, considering the amount of sex appeal in the game, it probably was designed to allow jerking off.

So... Nice precedent you've set for the industry Bayonetta! Here's hoping the spunkgargleweewee games don't get the bright idea to steal that mechanic.

 

[The_Darkness]

So, people who have played and completed Ryse, is this the plot twist in the last five minutes of the game?

Spoiler

Nero was responsible for the death of Marius' family, and Marius spends the game telling the story of his life as a way of explaining how he knows this, and then kills the Emperor as the final act of the game?

Because if so, I guessed it as soon as I heard that the basic plot was "Bodyguard locked in room with Emperor during a battle, Bodyguard starts telling the story of how he has spent his life seeking revenge."

 

[Erttheking]

I haven't really been keeping up with this game, but... really? Barbarians? They make a game about the Roman Empire, one of the largest, most militarily powerful nations in the ancient world, and the only people they can think up for enemies are Barbarians? Granted, there were some big fights with Barbarians, but in general they were never a real threat to Rome until the very end when it been substantially weakened. Did they just not read the parts about how absolutely crushing the Roman legions were for much of Rome's history?

If they really wanted an 'epic' war story, why not set it during the Punic wars? Carthage was actually one of the few real military threats Rome ever faced. And the bulk of the Carthaginian military was made of mercenaries from all over Africa and the Mediterranean, which gives you quite a large variety of enemy types to choose from for your badguys. Also, Carthage actually had, and used, war elephants. Since any game about Rome has to have them.

Fragging hell, Extra Credits did a series on the Punic Wars in preparation for Rome: Total War II, and it sounds more awesome than anything that the MMS/Spunkgargleweewee genre has produced in years.

Seriously. They're a massive threat, Hannibal would've made an awesome villain, you could've had multiple campaigns with one in Rome and one in the invasion of Spain, you could've had appearances by characters like Fabian, and imagine playing as a soldier caught in the blood bath when Hannibal encircled the entire Roman army and being one of the few to escape.

 

[Hutzpah Chicken]

And know that I'm talking at a brick wall that likes to hit me in the mouth a lot, wouldn't the game have made more historical sense if it was about the Scottish destroying the Romans and then Hadrian's Wall? If you make the decision to have a bunch of Italians in skirts, why not just top it of with a mass of angry, naked Celts? It seems to fit that "serious gamer" mantra that the Xbox has tried to carry.

 

[Steve the Pocket]

I also remember reading that Crytek were thinking of taking out the QTEs... yet they didn't. They just replaced the button prompts with colour prompts. tsk tsk

From what I've heard, the game was originally nothing but QTEs, and when people complained, they reduced it to just the finishing moves.

Seriously it takes that long to install FROM THE DISC!?!? On my ps4, you pop a disc in for the first time and give it a minute and your good to go. I was tempted to try and ask for this system for Christmas but now the more I hear, I think I'll wait till march and wheater to get titanfall for xbox one, pc, or 360.

Well, no. Quite a bit of that is the mandatory day-one patch, which is like a gigabyte. Yes, you read that right.

Is it spunkgargleweewee set in ancient Rome, as you said of the trailer in your last E3 video, or have you dropped the use of that label?

He didn't use the exact word, but he pretty explicitly stated that it was. Did you watch the video at all? He described in great detail why it's a Rome-ified Modern Warfare-alike.

Is there any reason to buy an Xbox One or PS4?

Seriously, I would like to know.

I have a working PC that can play anything. It handles Crysis no problem. I have a PS3 that has a lot of good games on it, and a 3DS/Wii for whatever nintendo fix I want.

Is there any reason at all to go in on a PS4 or Xbone?

There is never a reason to buy a new console at launch. Unless you've already played through every single game from the last generation and are absolutely desperate for more. Then again, I've always felt that there's never a reason to buy any game at launch either, since the price is only going to come down and it's not like it's going to start to stink if you leave it on the shelf too long. And if the multiplayer is so shit that nobody wants to play it anymore by that time, it probably wasn't worth it to begin with.

 

[Kenjitsuka]

Now they can with no shame put on their box this quote:

"10\10"
Zero Punctuation

They should! Because anyone who knows what ZP is will know it's a hilarious joke and that this game is closer to 1/10
But they'd probably write "The Escapist" instead, thinking they are mightely clever.
Except it's a bit too late, since the boxes have been printed before Yahtzee ever got a copy.

Anyway, good video, made me lol a few times and that's all I demand each week

 

[Kargathia]

Not sure about the first two, but the last one is a Silent Hill reference so far as I remember.

It's an inscription in the Capuchin Crypt [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capuchin_Crypt] in Rome - one of the more famous ossuaries around.