Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

[Triple G]

BDEEP BDEEP BDEEP xD

 

[Triple G]

you know, Yahtzee's constant ragging on the wii (as well as the fact I haven't touched it an about it a year) is forcing me to consider NOT purchasing the next nintendo console until they can get it freakin right and release some good games that can actually control well...

You take yahtzee seriously? Damm you need to grow a pair and some opinions of your own.

And you need to drop your friggin' high level of pretenciousness. "Uuuuuuh, you take Yahtzee seriously? How can you dare to do that? Don't you have an opinion?" dude chill the fuck out. Even if Yahtzee has a few hyperboles in his reviews, he tells the truth instead of just praising every mediocre shit that comes out these days. If the aiming is shit then it's shit, and when you simply can't look up or turn around properly this also just breaks flow. So please don't just say "You can not tkae Yahtzee seriously AT ALL" because then you're just as stupid and thick as the people who believe reviewers blindly. You have to find a balance between it.

 

[Wounded Melody]

Great review, the end was funny. Who needs to look up anyways, clairvoyance ftw.

Is the main characer a dog?
(cookies if you get the movie reference)

 

[Mercernary]

I was so excited for this game before it came out. When I rented it... meh...

btw welcome to the Escapist Nieroo

 

[Madmanonfire]

Well making an actual game on the Wii is pointless unless it's a part of a never ending series like Zelda. The system is only for crappy casual party games these days anyway the idea anyone is still trying to make serious even close to hardcore games is baffling.

It's that kind of attitude that hurts the console in the first place. Maybe if you retards would realize that there are plenty of awesome games on the Wii, none of this stupid crap would happen.

Just treat it like any other console and ignore the bad games, you stupid cunthead.

There are about 5 good games on the Wii. The rest are mediocre at best.

The same can be said for any next-gen console.

Really, most of the Wii haters (who are quite obviously fanboys of their own systems) need to let off. Yahtzee is biased against Wii games, so they always receive bad reviews. It's clear he barely played The Conduit at all before thinking of every insult he can use against it. Apparently, people can't defend the Wii without getting attacked for not agreeing with other fanboys.

As stated many times, the controls can be easily fixed in the options, if Yahtzee bothered to actually explore the game. And as for being "the one", the main character of many games, or if you're just controlling one character, that character is almost always "the one". It's used in countless games, but it was ragged on in this "review" for comedic effect.

After playing MoH, Red Steel, MP3, and other FPS games on other systems and PC, I've found Wii FPS controls to be on par or better than PC controls when used right. Dual analog just doesn't cut it for accurate FPS experience.

This opinion is brought to you by somebody who is sick of the undeserved hate the Wii is getting.

 

[Nazulu]

Well making an actual game on the Wii is pointless unless it's a part of a never ending series like Zelda. The system is only for crappy casual party games these days anyway the idea anyone is still trying to make serious even close to hardcore games is baffling.

It's that kind of attitude that hurts the console in the first place. Maybe if you retards would realize that there are plenty of awesome games on the Wii, none of this stupid crap would happen.

Just treat it like any other console and ignore the bad games, you stupid cunthead.

There are about 5 good games on the Wii. The rest are mediocre at best.

The same can be said for any next-gen console.

Really, most of the Wii haters (who are quite obviously fanboys of their own systems) need to let off. Yahtzee is biased against Wii games, so they always receive bad reviews. It's clear he barely played The Conduit at all before thinking of every insult he can use against it. Apparently, people can't defend the Wii without getting attacked for not agreeing with other fanboys.

As stated many times, the controls can be easily fixed in the options, if Yahtzee bothered to actually explore the game. And as for being "the one", the main character of many games, or if you're just controlling one character, that character is almost always "the one". It's used in countless games, but it was ragged on in this "review" for comedic effect.

After playing MoH, Red Steel, MP3, and other FPS games on other systems and PC, I've found Wii FPS controls to be on par or better than PC controls when used right. Dual analog just doesn't cut it for accurate FPS experience.

This opinion is brought to you by somebody who is sick of the undeserved hate the Wii is getting.

Oh the Wii deserves the hate. Don't for one second tell us what the Wii deserves because most people dislike the Wii for good reasons. Also no one is talking about the other consoles, this is about the Wii and The Conduit so don't be surprised if thats why the Wii is getting so much attention.

Also Yahtzee is 100% right about most things because I have been there and done that as well. So stop targeting different opinions to yours because your not going to change anyone's mind.

Those people you think are fanboys of their own systems is not the slightest bit true. I only own a Wii because I wanted to get Brawl as soon as it came out, not doing that ever again.

 

[SantoUno]

Wow, I did not expect Yatzhee to be reviewing this game, but here it is. Ironically this ZP review made me register here just so I could comment.

In all serious this review was perfect and 100% right. He's right about everything he mentioned about the game. How can I know? Well I own the Wii myself, bought this game with the same misplaced hope as many other Wii gamers that this game would save the Wii and give it a good hardcore game to play it.

And well I played it, and already stopped playing, didn't even bother to finish the fucking game, what's the point!? The controls really aren't good, the game is bland, and the online is hell.

Seriously, the Wii is hopeless. I actually was hoping that the Wii would satsify my gaming passion and pastime, but it was an utter failure. The Conduit was a waste of money, Brawl was a waste of money(have the game), and only a few first-party games from Nintendo (Mario, Zelda, Metroid) and third-party games from Sega (HOTD: Overkill, Madworld, Conduit) won't succeed in edging me to waste my money again. Only game that was seriously worth playing for me on Wii was RE4 Wii Edition, but that is a port!!! Not a game originally made for the Wii.

Now, the Wii can go ahead and gather dust for all I care, I'm going to get a PS3 for my birthday next week and hopefully get a 360 again in the future so I can finally play some serious and intuitive games that will satisfy and quench my gaming thirsts.

Don't flame me for being a Wii hater or a different console fanboy. I have the fucking Wii and and I experienced how it is like owning it so I can defend what I'm saying.

 

[Eruanno]

I actually had The Conduit in my hand at the gamestore not too long ago, looking at it and thinking "Hey, what's this? A Wii game that could potentially be good?" I then went home, checked it up on Google and decided anything released the past years for the Xbox 360 is probably better.

Sigh. Only reason I haven't tossed out my Wii yet is because it was a present and it would be kinda rude to get rid of it. Maybe I could "accidentally lose it (at the gamestore, refunding the money")?

And about the aiming on the Wii - what is up with that? It always happens to me in games like Metroid as well, I notice that something to my side is shooting me, and I want to make a quick twist to the side. Can I? No, I have to place the controller in the corner and slooooooowly turn to face the right way at which point the enemy has already moved, or bit my face off.

 

[bjj hero]

If you don't like how far you have to aim to the side in order to turn, you can even shrink the bounding box! Let's see an Xbox 360 shooter do THAT.

Look sensitivity is nothing new, its on nearly every FPS ever made.

I fail to understand why the default controls are so awful. Normally default controls in games such as COD4 are intuitive, needing nothing more than a tweak of the sensitivity and posibly inverting the look if you're that way inclined. Even the people who say its the best console FPS control ever (which I doubt) needed to change the asshat default controls.

Having to take your cross hair off the screen in order to turn is a terrible idea, as is not being able to look up. Does no one play test these games?

 

[Cutman]

"Thou Shalt Not be On The Wii"

haha classic

 

[Jay Cee]

I remember listening to Matt & Yugs podcast and Yahtzee said that he'd played The Conduit.

This game is so reminiscent of the Red Steel controls, as in: abysmal.

 

[PopcornAvenger]

It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

Yes it was.

Thank you, Yahtzee, for exorcising my last desire to buy a Wii. It must have been hidden in my subconscious, because I sure didn't think I wanted one.

 

[comadorcrack]

Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Spoiler

EDIT: after 5 people thought I was serious I felt I should edit this and say my above statement is sarcastic.

I knew they were making this into a movie with Jake Gillinhall (Who is a great casting decision btw) but DISNEY!!! WTF!!!

 

[cj_iwakura]

While I don't deny that The Conduit is probably a crappy game(I've never played it), someone send this man a copy of No More Heroes, stat.

 

[_Cake_]

I like how the MadWorld box looked like it was doing the limbo n_n

 

[Tali Mal]

Hes already reviewed it.

And to all the wii fans defending the wii, don't bother. There's a giant army of people who blindly follow Yahtzee and will start typing scary cuss words at you.

 

[cj_iwakura]

The Wii's just like any other console. It's got good games, and it's got bad ones.

Except it has a LOT of bad ones, making the good ones harder to find. But they are out there.


And yeah,I just realized he already reviewed NMH. Ah well.

 

[Tehpwnsauce]

you know, Yahtzee's constant ragging on the wii (as well as the fact I haven't touched it an about it a year) is forcing me to consider NOT purchasing the next nintendo console until they can get it freakin right and release some good games that can actually control well...

You take yahtzee seriously? Damm you need to grow a pair and some opinions of your own.

yeah listen to the wii fanboy! you're not allowed to agree with anyones opinion but his.

Just because I don't like Yahtzee doesn't make me a wii fanboy, the world isn't black and white my friend.

 

[Tehpwnsauce]

you know, Yahtzee's constant ragging on the wii (as well as the fact I haven't touched it an about it a year) is forcing me to consider NOT purchasing the next nintendo console until they can get it freakin right and release some good games that can actually control well...

You take yahtzee seriously? Damm you need to grow a pair and some opinions of your own.

And you need to drop your friggin' high level of pretenciousness. "Uuuuuuh, you take Yahtzee seriously? How can you dare to do that? Don't you have an opinion?" dude chill the fuck out. Even if Yahtzee has a few hyperboles in his reviews, he tells the truth instead of just praising every mediocre shit that comes out these days. If the aiming is shit then it's shit, and when you simply can't look up or turn around properly this also just breaks flow. So please don't just say "You can not tkae Yahtzee seriously AT ALL" because then you're just as stupid and thick as the people who believe reviewers blindly. You have to find a balance between it.

I saw the massive text wall with no paragraphs and decided it really wasn't worth reading.