Zero Punctuation: WATCH_DOGS

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LoneWolf83

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Apr 8, 2014
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The game never sounded fun to me. The hacking in the game is no different from waving a magic wand and having shit happen. I'm not the kind of person who demands any level of realism from games, dual welding ak47's is unrealistic but fun but quad welding ak47's each one powerful enough to shred enemies and take out tanks is absurd. The hacking in this game is ridiculous. How does one hack from an cell phone? Maybe hacking barriers and stop lights could be done if there is already system in place for police or emergency services to bring up barriers and change stop lights but taking out the city's power from an cell phone, no. Did someone hack the system, put in a back door and create an app that automatically uses that back door to get into the system and do things? That'd be easily fixed, all they would have to do is close that back door or just take the computer off the internet or any other network. Then there is blowing up steam pipes by hacking them, taking out helicopters by hacking them, hacking ATM's, and hacking peoples bank accounts by walking by them, all with an cell phone. That is not hacking, that is magic.
 

Playbahnosh

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Dec 12, 2007
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It describes Watch_Dogs' quality the best, when instead of the open world goodies and story missions, I had the most fun with the privacy invasions and chess puzzles. Everything else was either soul-numbingly boring or tedious. All through the game I had a feeling I played this before. It's like GTAIV with a hacking gimmick and less mandatory man-dates.

The protagonist has the personality of an algae, the supporting characters are all one dimensional plot delivering devices and the story feels like it been shat out by a burnt-out screenwriter, fell through TVTropes and landed in a puddle of mediocrity. Same goes for gameplay, it feels like "been there, done that". NEVER BELIEVE THE HYPE!
 

SlightlyEvil

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Jan 17, 2008
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I rarely buy games new, but this one had my attention. What stopped me from buying it was, no joke, one of the special edition goodies being "Aiden Pearce's Iconic Cap." It's a plain black baseball cap with a barely visible (also black) logo. At this point, I realized that Ubisoft was just screwing with us now. Leaving aside the question of how exactly the cap can be "iconic" of a character that has never appeared in any form of media before this game, it's just a baseball cap, for crying out loud. This seriously made me reconsider whether I wanted the game at all, and thus I decided to wait. Seems that was the right choice.
 

Amaror

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Apr 15, 2011
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freaper said:
I wasn't a huge fan of the "guiding your pet" missions. By the time you had to guide a certain person in a certain hangar/warehouse I just jumped inside instead and shot all the baddies dead. I had most fun stealthily taking down every single guard in a mission area, but that got repetitive quite quickly in the end.

I'm not gonna say I didn't enjoy my time with the game (the spider tank was quite fun), but it was far from being a tenouttaten.
Hehe one of those missions was particulary funny. I came to a place to get some person out of there and just went in and shot everyone. After everyone was dead, i noticed i was actually supposed to hack into the system and guide the person out. It wasn't very challenging with no more guards around. ^^

Yathzee i can fully aggree with the helicopter hacking. It's the reason why i gave up on one particular annoying side mission were you are supposed to flee from the police but the car you have to do it in is absolute crap. It handled way to poorly and was way too slow to escape an helicopter. Bridges work fine for police cars, but you can't just shake those damn helis without having to get outside of the car.
 

Darth_Payn

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Aug 5, 2009
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I agree about the hacking adding variety and strategy to the gameplay. He forgot to mention the problem with the driving, in that the cars rocket off into the horizon if you so much as gently brush the accelerate button. Messed up the Wheelman Contracts for me since I had to drive through tight winding backroads and alleyways to get away from the magically teleporting cops. That, and I had no idea where to go.

EDIT: I giggled when Yahtzee said "underscore" when saying the full name of WATCH_DOGS. Just like when he pronounced the umlaut in Brutal Legend.
 

Qizx

Executor
Feb 21, 2011
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Johnny Novgorod said:
Zachary Amaranth said:
Johnny Novgorod said:
Yahtzee seemed mostly focused on the hype of this game. And I really don't care about the hype. It's like when he dedicated a whole minute to describing how GTA V was marketed all over the streets when it came out. Dude, that's like in 3 or 4 countries in the world. Anywhere else you just have the game, and it's either good or bad.
He's a game critic for a game-related site that operates in and deals with said hype. What do you really expect?
An honest and disinterested appraisal of the game itself. Which I got anyway, I just feel like all the extra commentary is a waste of space. He already has an entire column dedicated for it.
Keep in mind it was the company itself trying to hype it up like the next coming of christ. So it is valid, and it's important to note that it certainly doesn't live up to it.
 

Baldr

The Noble
Jan 6, 2010
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LoneWolf83 said:
The game never sounded fun to me. The hacking in the game is no different from waving a magic wand and having shit happen. I'm not the kind of person who demands any level of realism from games, dual welding ak47's is unrealistic but fun but quad welding ak47's each one powerful enough to shred enemies and take out tanks is absurd. The hacking in this game is ridiculous. How does one hack from an cell phone? Maybe hacking barriers and stop lights could be done if there is already system in place for police or emergency services to bring up barriers and change stop lights but taking out the city's power from an cell phone, no. Did someone hack the system, put in a back door and create an app that automatically uses that back door to get into the system and do things? That'd be easily fixed, all they would have to do is close that back door or just take the computer off the internet or any other network. Then there is blowing up steam pipes by hacking them, taking out helicopters by hacking them, hacking ATM's, and hacking peoples bank accounts by walking by them, all with an cell phone. That is not hacking, that is magic.

Well that is the whole story, a security company Bloom is a mafia type company who put all the other security companies out of business, installed Cameras all over the city, then went after city infrastructure itself so it could spy on everything. One of the executives lets the backdoor remain open for exploits by the company. Dedsec is the only other people to have the exploit. The ATM hacking is just a mechanic for the protagonist to get money.
 

Zydrate

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Apr 1, 2009
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I pretty much just project my own image of a female protagonist over Aidan since the triple A industry seems confused on what to do with them. (Recent Ubisoft debacle, anyone?)

Once I got past that it was a fun game that I put 20 hours into before I even beat Act 1. (Spent an hour on Spider Tank. Man that was fun).

I didn't board the hype train, I only bought it when I had a couple friends tell me how really fun it was. I even watched one of them stream the intro mission. And it tickled my GTA-fancy (Since GTA5 isn't on PC yet) so I just went ahead and got it.

Christ they need to patch the driving, though.

Yahtzee missed one point: Mass murdering cops is detrimental to gameplay. I might have killed one in my 21 recorded hours of gameplay. If your rep is too low, civilians will call the cops on you ON SIGHT.

He's right about the other stuff though.
 
Aug 1, 2010
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Worgen said:
Yahtzee mentioned ponies.
Yahtzee mentioned ponies in a negative context.
[img/]http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/FML-bfs-fistpump.jpg[/img]

OT:
Goodness, was a tad more negative than I expected even for Yahtzee. Still, always good to have proof that he says exactly what he thinks.

On a completely petty and unrelated side note, did anyone else notice the theme song played faster on this video? I think I've been watching this show way too long, but there was only 12 seconds until Yahtzee started talking instead of the usual 16.
EDIT: Oh wait, nevermind, there was just no Escapist logo this time.
 

Playbahnosh

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Dec 12, 2007
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LoneWolf83 said:
That is not hacking, that is magic.
You have to understand, that most people DO think hacking is magic. This game is for all those oblivious people. Anyone who knows even a little bit of computer security or hacking would laugh at this nonsense. But then again, this is a video game, so it's "suspension of disbelief" time.

Strictly speaking, it could theoretically be possible to do things like this from a cellphone. The groundwork in the game has all the possibilities. CTOS is this all-encompassing overwatch system connected to everything in the city from utilities, banks, CCTV cameras, all the way to baby monitors. If you had a backdoor or worm in this system, and your phone has high-speed internet access, you could (in theory) flip traffic lights or raise bollards and whatnot. But not at the speed Aiden does it. First, you have to somehow log into the respective sub-system, search for the intersection or device in the giant database (it's Chicago after all), then send the code that would bypass a billion firewalls, encryptions and security measures built into the system and the devices themselves, and then and ONLY THEN would you be able to flip that light or raise that bollard. Again, in theory, you could automate most of this process by tying it into your phone's GPS, so it shows your the stuff you might be able to hack around you (like in the game).

BUT (and this is a big but), any action like this would raise all kinds of hells and bells throughout the system, and any competent computer security guy would shut you out and track you down in a heartbeat. Don't tell me the people who designed and developed a giant system like CTOS are this incompetent in their own software as portrayed in the game. If in real life something like CTOS would get implemented and some douche would hack into it and screw with traffic systems, they would shut the whole system down, track down the security hole, patch it, and probably install a billion more security checks and failsafe systems. In the game, they just let Aiden (and anyone else really) run rampant, destroy half the city, steal millions of moneys and not lift a finger. That's what made this game really stupid for me.

I would've introduced a game mechanic, that whenever you press Y to log into CTOS using your backdoor, it would start a security trace. The more things you do in the system, like rob accounts, open doors, etc, it would make the trace much faster to the point they eventually reach your phone and alert the authorities to your EXACT location using your phone's GPS. You either log off before that and wait a set amount of time for a new backdoor to be created (which will take longer each time because of the new security measures), or if they did reach your phone, you could throw it away and escape, but then you have to buy a new phone (which costs a considerable amount of money because of all the custom made software on it). Either way, you won't be able to hack anything in the meantime. Yes, this would've made the game too complicated for some simple minded people, but all the more fun for many of them. Consider the adrenalin rush, when you are escaping from a gang fight, you already used your phone many times to steal some data or something, and the trace is getting dangerously close but you need the phone to hack bollards and whatnot. Do you log off and try to escape the offline-peasant way, or keep using it and run the risk of the police joining the chase and losing your phone altogether. Things like that...
 

Callate

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Dec 5, 2008
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Yeah, having to get out of the car to shut down helicopters was a dumb idea.

And it's hard not to snicker as Pearce growls about gang members who aren't going to get away with their crimes when Aiden ran over five pedestrians on his way to the mission.

But I'm still enjoying it. Room for improvement in the inevitable franchise, right?
 

Rituro

Critwrencha
Sep 18, 2008
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I agree with Yahtzee's criticisms (especially the chopper LOS for getaway chases, UGH, that is frustrating) yet I still find the game too fun to put down. I think the hype may have affected my brain. Either that, or it's still a fun game, warts and all.
 

JakobBloch

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Apr 7, 2008
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Hmmm

I don't know if anyone ever tried this game but the "direct another character through cameras" is pretty much this game:

http://www.gamersgate.com/DD-112/the-experiment-112

Is is more of a puzzle game with swathes of unprompted investigation required. It is the concept that is interesting as the game is fairly slow and hard to get into. The word boring comes to mind but does not really fit but it requires a time investment (lots of reading) with the game not rewarding you with a pay out in emotions. Finding that password written on a postit note does make you feel really clever though. I recommend it for anyone that would like to try a game that experiments with the medium and that thought that guiding someone through cameras was a great idea.
 

Thanatos2k

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Aug 12, 2013
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Zachary Amaranth said:
Utterly disagree about the hype thing. Hype is simply the best way to get money from those walking wallets out there. there's little else to it.
That's why I think this game is actually a power fantasy for Ubisoft, and the main character is the physical manifestation of Ubisoft. Feels self important, but has annoying personality. Sees everyone in the world as just a walking wallet, waiting to have their cash sucked out of their accounts.
 

Zaydin

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Mar 2, 2009
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I enjoyed Watch_Dogs, myself. No, it did not live up to the hype, but I never really got caught up in the hype to begin with. It was a fun but flawed game; seen a lot of people compare it to Assassin's Creed 1. Good concept, but a bunch of flaws that need to be addressed, which Ubisoft did with AC2. Can only assume they'll do the same with Watch_Dogs 2.
 

Objectable

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Oct 31, 2013
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That was NOT a 19th century steam engine! That was a late 1930's american.
THIS would be a 19th century steam engine,
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/27/GNR_Stirling_1_at_Doncaster_Works.jpg
As for the game itself? Yeah, it can be fun at times. And I remember a game Yahtzee talked about coming out for the PS2. It was done via voice commands. YOu can imagine how good that was.
 

Jennacide

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Dec 6, 2007
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JakobBloch said:
Hmmm

I don't know if anyone ever tried this game but the "direct another character through cameras" is pretty much this game:

http://www.gamersgate.com/DD-112/the-experiment-112

Is is more of a puzzle game with swathes of unprompted investigation required. It is the concept that is interesting as the game is fairly slow and hard to get into. The word boring comes to mind but does not really fit but it requires a time investment (lots of reading) with the game not rewarding you with a pay out in emotions. Finding that password written on a postit note does make you feel really clever though. I recommend it for anyone that would like to try a game that experiments with the medium and that thought that guiding someone through cameras was a great idea.
I can't remember the name of it for the life of me, but there was also a game like what he commented about on the PS2, which required you to have the Playstation microphone. As you can guess, it didn't work that well as such, but it was a good idea, just poorly implemented.

Now it's gonna bug me I can't remember the name of it.

[edit] Here we go, Lifeline: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifeline_(video_game)
Great in theory, kinda awful in execution.
 

Mossberg Shotty

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Jan 12, 2013
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If we take anything away from this review, it should be that we need to bring "daddy-o" back into syndication. Why did we ever stop saying that?

Anyways, way to stick it to the man.