Zero Punctuation: WATCH_DOGS

[teamcharlie]

Bad points: the hacking isn't even as good as in System Shock, the stealth leaves something to be desired, the side-quests vary wildly, and Aidan is definitely in the running for blandest video game protagonist with a speaking role, which does no favors for the story. Yahtzee is also totally right about money and skill points. They help a little, but aside from providing a few more 'I win!' buttons during a car chase and a firefight there's basically nothing game-changing beyond a few basic skills you need, and it's ridiculously easy to hack a few peoples' bank accounts and buy everything you'll ever need. Soon enough, you'll be swimming in skill points and money (this does, however, have the side-effect that you don't have to worry about playing efficiently in order to get every spare $ and EXP point, so the 'best' route ends up being whatever you find the most fun rather than the hardest one).

Good points: the world is interesting and well-realized (definitely look around with the camera when you're in a server room. The videos there are almost always some combination of clever and darkly funny), the hacking is a very cool mechanic that I can't recall having seem before in a game like this, and the moment I stopped hiding and started shooting I had a ton more fun. Haven't played GTA5, but Watch_Dogs definitely also gave me the open world driving fix I'd missed in Saints Row 4 last year.

I'd say give it a look. If the above sounds good and you can figure out how to get it for like $30 or less, I don't think you'll have many regrets. Well, unless you're RPS and for some reason require Watch_Dogs to be the stealthiest stealth that ever stealthed.

 

[putowtin]

I agree with Yahtzee's criticisms (especially the chopper LOS for getaway chases, UGH, that is frustrating) yet I still find the game too fun to put down. I think the hype may have affected my brain. Either that, or it's still a fun game, warts and all.

It's a fun game, at the end of the day all a critic can do is give you their opinion on a game, yo don't have to agree with them, and if you enjoy a game and someone else doesn't? Well that's fine!

Now back to hacking traffic light!

 

[pspman45]

despite the tone of boredom throughout the review, I found this to be a pretty entertaining review, I totally lost it during the part about random "crimes" and his description of his time trying to hack a helicopter from inside a car. one of the best reviews in a while, keep up the good work!

 

[Kahani]

An honest and disinterested appraisal of the game itself.

You expected that from Yahtzee? If that's what you want, you're seriously in the wrong place. This is where you come for sarcastic abuse, not "honest and disinterested".

 

[MeTalHeD]

That is not hacking, that is magic.

I would've introduced a game mechanic, that whenever you press Y to log into CTOS using your backdoor, it would start a security trace. The more things you do in the system, like rob accounts, open doors, etc, it would make the trace much faster to the point they eventually reach your phone and alert the authorities to your EXACT location using your phone's GPS. You either log off before that and wait a set amount of time for a new backdoor to be created (which will take longer each time because of the new security measures), or if they did reach your phone, you could throw it away and escape, but then you have to buy a new phone (which costs a considerable amount of money because of all the custom made software on it). Either way, you won't be able to hack anything in the meantime. Yes, this would've made the game too complicated for some simple minded people, but all the more fun for many of them. Consider the adrenalin rush, when you are escaping from a gang fight, you already used your phone many times to steal some data or something, and the trace is getting dangerously close but you need the phone to hack bollards and whatnot. Do you log off and try to escape the offline-peasant way, or keep using it and run the risk of the police joining the chase and losing your phone altogether. Things like that...

You ever play a game called Uplink? That sounds extremely similar to that. I enjoyed Uplink a lot.

I was hoping they would do that in Watch Dogs. Instead they gave the player a win button for hacking. If you've ever played a hacking game before, there is a bit of a thrill setting everything up so you're not detected, stealing information and leaving before the system picks up your presence. It's even more of a thrill when you've got seconds left to finalise everything, delete any evidence you were there and then disconnecting before you're caught. Then you hand in the mission, boost your reputation and get more money for better hacking equipment and software.

Watch Dogs had a chance to make this work, especially if they decided to focus on fewer parts and not spread their focus over hacking game + bad driving game + open world game + shooting/fighting game. Essentially, he has a magic cellphone that allows him to steal money and screw with the City's systems without facing the consequences. This isn't only about suspension of disbelief because they've essentially given him a tech super power, kinda like Cyborg from DC comics. The reason it probably doesn't hit the mark is because they've attempted to use a realistic setting and given him the equivalent of a magic wand.

Even in super hero movies there's SOME connection to reality. The hero is the anomaly (Superman) or the product of his environment (Hulk) so there's some explanation for why he is there. In magic films, the fantasy setting works (Lord of the Rings, the bulk of RPGs)- even Harry Potter left the normal world to learn in a magic world where magic makes sense. It's like giving Niko a magic wand in GTA IV. It would seem out of place. Saints Row is different because they established the game is a ridiculous set of games from the get go. That's why a dubstep gun is perfectly acceptable in their world. Imagine giving Aiden a dubstep gun...

A magic wand phone that hacks in seconds... Maybe Aiden spent some time studying at Hogwarts before moving to Chicago.

No wonder they had to hype it up...

 

[grey_space]

Heh, I can't be the only one who's the worst vigilante ever on Watch Dogs, easily committed many more crimes than I stopped. I gave up on the blue crime stopping missions when I shot some random innocent woman because I thought the game was telling me she was the criminal... apparently not.

I laughed at this because that's exactly what I did. Shot the victim by mistake and then had the criminal rather indignantly walk away from me in disgust. As as for the amount of random civilians I gratuitously mowed down every time I climbed onto a motorbike...

 

[Rituro]

Heh, I can't be the only one who's the worst vigilante ever on Watch Dogs, easily committed many more crimes than I stopped. I gave up on the blue crime stopping missions when I shot some random innocent woman because I thought the game was telling me she was the criminal... apparently not.

I laughed at this because that's exactly what I did. Shot the victim by mistake and then had the criminal rather indignantly walk away from me in disgust. As as for the amount of random civilians I gratuitously mowed down every time I climbed onto a motorbike...

Ugh, what is it with people who feel a sudden urge to leap in front of me or, even worse, blithely walk in front of me as I lay on the horn to GET OUT OF THE WAY?!? Thankfully, I've been more involved in fender-benders/sideswipes than vehicular homicides, though I am making an art out of navigating the centre line in downtown Chicago. A flawed art, but still - art.

Now back to hacking traffic light!

Ah, an excellent solution. To the hackmobile! *jumps inside an ice cream van*

 

[zehydra]

I dunno, I have literally zero interest in this game to begin with, and I thought today's ZP was adequately funny.

I often don't agree with Yahtzee on various game-related things but it's always fairly enjoyable to watch.

 

[Aardvaarkman]

I'm disappointed that Yahtzee didn't pronounce the underscore in the name of the game. I agree that Yahtzee sounds very flat and bored in this episode. He didn't even have the energy to properly make derisive jokes about it.

It is an odd game, in that it is somehow less than the sum of its parts. They've tried to pack a lot into this game, and there are some genuinely interesting ideas. But they've somehow managed to combine them in such a way that makes them dull. The way that all the NPCs had their own little back-stories was good, a pity they didn't do more with that. Certainly the way that the NPCs realistically interact with the environment and each other is probably the best that's ever been done in a game.

Stray observations:

* Did anyone else have a "what the hell" moment, when it was revealed by your profiler that your sister is 33 years old? She looks like she's thirteen, and when I first met her, I thought she was the 10-year-old kid's sister, not his mother. Creepy. Especially odd because most of the NPCs look realistic and age-appropriate, but one of the main freakin' characters in the story looks like pre-teen Barbie.

* The game seems to think the best way to be inconspicuous and go unnoticed is to look and act very conspicuously - somehow you are supposed to blend into a crowd by wearing "look at me, I'm a mysterious bad-ass" clothing. And somehow the best way to deliver a stolen vehicle undamaged and undiscovered from point A to point B is to drive it at tremendous speeds through busy streets. Or that the best way to follow another car unnoticed is to drive at a very suspicious constant distance from it, rather than driving like a normal car on the road would?

* It's probably best we don't mention the story's writing and plot. That was embarrassingly bad.

* Bonus points for the soundtrack including songs by both Ministry and Curtis Mayfield. That's some good tunage.

 

[Atmos Duality]

The reason Aiden is pulling his best trolly box impression is because the game wants to pull a Twilight and let the player more easily self-insert themselves into the hijinks.

It's very easy to picture Player A, who treats Aiden like he's suddenly hacker-Batman; a vigilante who only targets criminals who deserve it and goes out of his way to AVOID harming those not involved.

But it's equally easy to picture Player B, who makes their Aiden into a sadistic firebug. Who takes a moment out of each day to laugh at a 3 way traffic collision he caused and then conclude the festivities with a well timed explosive.

The only way to logically allow for both of these different Aidens is to make the character of Aiden have little to no character at all.

This is exactly the route I expected Ubisoft to take when they demonstrated the darker "serious" tone at E3 last year.
It's just Assassin's Creed, but with a magic smartphone instead of a medieval/Renaissance batman toolkit.

(and yes, I did actually sit down and play it last weekend; and surprisingly, I can actually agree with Yahtzee 100%)

 

[Nurb]

Aiden's sister is the most fucked up person in the game:

"Someone killed my baby! But don't alert anyone to track them down, that'll make things worse!... Ignore the call threatening me and my child you just heard. Don't get involved!"

Geezus, Her kid's not the only one to need a therapist.

 

[immortalfrieza]

I agree about the hacking adding variety and strategy to the gameplay. He forgot to mention the problem with the driving, in that the cars rocket off into the horizon if you so much as gently brush the accelerate button. Messed up the Wheelman Contracts for me since I had to drive through tight winding backroads and alleyways to get away from the magically teleporting cops. That, and I had no idea where to go.

He probably didn't mention it because it's not a problem. I don't know about everybody else, but I heard "the driving sucks!" pretty much constantly before I was able to actually play the game and thus found myself surprised by how well the driving actually works. That's provided I wasn't using a vehicle with crappy handling like that sports car from the first mission, just about every other car works no worse than any GTA game.

 

[truckspond]

Sorry Yahtzee, but I am actually enjoying this game. I was waiting for a game in which I could play a round of poker on a balcony with sirens blaring and general chaos in the street below due to a traffic light that spontaneously failed due to a completely random event that had nothing to do with me whatsoever and Watch_Dogs finally gave me what I was looking for. Sure, the storyline reads like a TVTropes website but the most fun is to be had in the open world with the Gang Hideout side missions (Seriously, they should build a whole game just on those missions!)

 

[Aardvaarkman]

... but the most fun is to be had in the open world with the Gang Hideout side missions (Seriously, they should build a whole game just on those missions!)

They did. It's called Far Cry 3.

 

[truckspond]

... but the most fun is to be had in the open world with the Gang Hideout side missions (Seriously, they should build a whole game just on those missions!)

They did. It's called Far Cry 3.

AFAIK you can't hack into cameras in that one

 

[sXeth]

I agree about the hacking adding variety and strategy to the gameplay. He forgot to mention the problem with the driving, in that the cars rocket off into the horizon if you so much as gently brush the accelerate button. Messed up the Wheelman Contracts for me since I had to drive through tight winding backroads and alleyways to get away from the magically teleporting cops. That, and I had no idea where to go.

He probably didn't mention it because it's not a problem. I don't know about everybody else, but I heard "the driving sucks!" pretty much constantly before I was able to actually play the game and thus found myself surprised by how well the driving actually works. That's provided I wasn't using a vehicle with crappy handling like that sports car from the first mission, just about every other car works no worse than any GTA game.

I'd agree, although it seems exceptionally rare (particularly among the fancy cars that people will be attracted to) for the cars to break the 4 star on handling. I have all but 2 or 3 unlocked and still haven't seen a 5 star one. The hand brake seems entirely useless too, and you can't drift a corner at all.

 

[Shamanic Rhythm]

That is not hacking, that is magic.

I would've introduced a game mechanic, that whenever you press Y to log into CTOS using your backdoor, it would start a security trace. The more things you do in the system, like rob accounts, open doors, etc, it would make the trace much faster to the point they eventually reach your phone and alert the authorities to your EXACT location using your phone's GPS. You either log off before that and wait a set amount of time for a new backdoor to be created (which will take longer each time because of the new security measures), or if they did reach your phone, you could throw it away and escape, but then you have to buy a new phone (which costs a considerable amount of money because of all the custom made software on it). Either way, you won't be able to hack anything in the meantime. Yes, this would've made the game too complicated for some simple minded people, but all the more fun for many of them. Consider the adrenalin rush, when you are escaping from a gang fight, you already used your phone many times to steal some data or something, and the trace is getting dangerously close but you need the phone to hack bollards and whatnot. Do you log off and try to escape the offline-peasant way, or keep using it and run the risk of the police joining the chase and losing your phone altogether. Things like that...

You ever play a game called Uplink? That sounds extremely similar to that. I enjoyed Uplink a lot.

I was hoping they would do that in Watch Dogs. Instead they gave the player a win button for hacking. If you've ever played a hacking game before, there is a bit of a thrill setting everything up so you're not detected, stealing information and leaving before the system picks up your presence. It's even more of a thrill when you've got seconds left to finalise everything, delete any evidence you were there and then disconnecting before you're caught. Then you hand in the mission, boost your reputation and get more money for better hacking equipment and software.

+1 for Uplink. That game gets legitimately pulse-pounding when you start hacking into faster systems, and your account gets wiped if you get caught by someone powerful enough.

Watch Dogs is more like a generic GTA-style title with hacking being a gimmick thrown in to give you something else to do in combat. I don't see why you couldn't have an open-world 3rd person style environment, but the focus is squarely on traditional mechanics of running, gunning and driving. The hacking is just window-dressing.

 

[MeTalHeD]

That is not hacking, that is magic.

I would've introduced a game mechanic, that whenever you press Y to log into CTOS using your backdoor, it would start a security trace. The more things you do in the system, like rob accounts, open doors, etc, it would make the trace much faster to the point they eventually reach your phone and alert the authorities to your EXACT location using your phone's GPS. You either log off before that and wait a set amount of time for a new backdoor to be created (which will take longer each time because of the new security measures), or if they did reach your phone, you could throw it away and escape, but then you have to buy a new phone (which costs a considerable amount of money because of all the custom made software on it). Either way, you won't be able to hack anything in the meantime. Yes, this would've made the game too complicated for some simple minded people, but all the more fun for many of them. Consider the adrenalin rush, when you are escaping from a gang fight, you already used your phone many times to steal some data or something, and the trace is getting dangerously close but you need the phone to hack bollards and whatnot. Do you log off and try to escape the offline-peasant way, or keep using it and run the risk of the police joining the chase and losing your phone altogether. Things like that...

You ever play a game called Uplink? That sounds extremely similar to that. I enjoyed Uplink a lot.

I was hoping they would do that in Watch Dogs. Instead they gave the player a win button for hacking. If you've ever played a hacking game before, there is a bit of a thrill setting everything up so you're not detected, stealing information and leaving before the system picks up your presence. It's even more of a thrill when you've got seconds left to finalise everything, delete any evidence you were there and then disconnecting before you're caught. Then you hand in the mission, boost your reputation and get more money for better hacking equipment and software.

+1 for Uplink. That game gets legitimately pulse-pounding when you start hacking into faster systems, and your account gets wiped if you get caught by someone powerful enough.

Watch Dogs is more like a generic GTA-style title with hacking being a gimmick thrown in to give you something else to do in combat. I don't see why you couldn't have an open-world 3rd person style environment, but the focus is squarely on traditional mechanics of running, gunning and driving. The hacking is just window-dressing.

My account got wiped a few times, especially after hacking into banks and greedily siphoning funds from virtual peoples' accounts. It still didn't stop me from trying a second or third time though guess even virtual banks are protective of their cash.

Now, if Watch Dogs ditched the morality issue and, like Uplink, gave players the ability to build an empire on hacking ...we'd have a game where players would learn about the gritty reality about hacking, not the magic win button. Hackers are willing to get their hands dirty by diving into trash cans for crucial details about a company or to con an IT by saying they're logging in from home and their password doesn't work - things they could work into any game. There was so much they could have touched on linked to hacking alone.

They had plenty of time to explore it, using an open world setting as a way for players to find information about targets before hooking their laptop (not magic wand cellphone) to a nearby phone line or abusing a nearby wireless connection to complete their jobs anonymously. Aiden could have had hacker buddies who would supply him with better hardware and software (think gun dealers in Saints Row and GTA but computer stuff!) for his hacking. The cellphone magic wand could have been the ultimate upgrade players could build towards. Nothing wrong with starting low and finishing high.

But heaven forbid players be thrown a pulse pounding challenge...

 

[ckam]

Did he just reference Eden of the East? Awesome.