10 *subtle* ways to tell her she's too fat

[Bakaferret]

When I was married, my wife gained about 20 pounds. #5 (playfully grab her love handles) saved my bacon. I did it during sex. Got up behind her, grabbed her sides and gave a squeeze...it was very "I still find you attractive enough to want you sexually but I know you're not going to like the fact that I can do this" in its subtext.

She joined a gym about a week later.

Don't mean to be rude, but key word is when you were married. I'm not saying that thinking she's fat is the direct cause of an end of a relationship, but this mindset that you have to trick your partner into anything is a relationship killer. I would love to see an instance where this worked, long-term, in a successful relationship. It may sound cheesy, but I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly four and a half years, and I am a firm believer in honesty and communication. It may hurt at first, but it's better than bottling up that hate inside.

What kind of shape are you and your boyfriend in?

We first met in band camp (extremely nerdy, I know ), and contrary to the popular belief of people who have never been in marching band, that meant that we worked out a lot. Did a lot of push-ups, drills, and running every day. So we were both in pretty good shape. Now we're both nearing graduating college and I'd say we both gained a few pounds. We are still both healthy, but there are definitely some pooches where there weren't before.

 

[Valksy]

I have to think that one pro-tip is to not do or say a single thing unless you are a perfect specimen yourself.

In one of those moments where you have a line at just the right moment I cat-called out to some bloke who called some lass fat "nice tits buddy" because honestly, his rack was bigger. Got a laugh out of it but I honestly don't think he understood the point I was making.

And as many other people have said in this thread for the foundation of a half way decent r/ship if you have something to say then fucking say it, don't piss about.

 

[mjc0961]

I was hoping the list would be some kind of sarcastic, "don't actually do this" thing that would be a humorous read.

Sadly, it appears that they are dead serious, and I share the TC's feelings that these tips are more along the lines of "how to be an asshole" than anything else.

Well, okay, #8 and 6 aren't as bad considering you could be doing some good for yourself as well, but still aren't very subtle at all and you look like more of an ass when she catches on.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

Bah, forget subtle. If she's heavy enough for it to be a serious health issue, it's time to be blunt. If she's a little overweight or not overweight at all (but merely not UNDERweight), then the issue is more one of appearance. And not that much difference in appearance, either. A woman with about 20 extra pounds doesn't look that much different than the same woman without the 20 pounds. So if it's love, I don't see why a small change would be a problem.

Serious weight gain is always unhealthy, however. Both people in a relationship should probably make the effort to stay in fairly good health if only to prevent type 2 diabetes, heart bypass surgery and a number of other wonderful things you can get from living on the American diet.

Honestly, this is more an issue for me than my gf. She's a stick. If anything, I need to convince her to eat more/develop better eating habits. Hey, being underweight is a serious health issue, too, even if we as a society prefer to glorify and sensationalize it.

 

[biofiend]

When I was married, my wife gained about 20 pounds. #5 (playfully grab her love handles) saved my bacon. I did it during sex. Got up behind her, grabbed her sides and gave a squeeze...it was very "I still find you attractive enough to want you sexually but I know you're not going to like the fact that I can do this" in its subtext.

She joined a gym about a week later.

Don't mean to be rude, but key word is when you were married. I'm not saying that thinking she's fat is the direct cause of an end of a relationship, but this mindset that you have to trick your partner into anything is a relationship killer. I would love to see an instance where this worked, long-term, in a successful relationship. It may sound cheesy, but I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly four and a half years, and I am a firm believer in honesty and communication. It may hurt at first, but it's better than bottling up that hate inside.

What kind of shape are you and your boyfriend in?

We first met in band camp (extremely nerdy, I know ), and contrary to the popular belief of people who have never been in marching band, that meant that we worked out a lot. Did a lot of push-ups, drills, and running every day. So we were both in pretty good shape. Now we're both nearing graduating college and I'd say we both gained a few pounds. We are still both healthy, but there are definitely some pooches where there weren't before.

Okay then, fine, but I want to know whether or not you two are going soft or big or whatnot at the same rate, or if one person is ahead of the other.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

"

snip

I'm sorry...I just can't see this as anything but selfish. If you were really were concerned about her "health" (come on, let's get serious here...), then the solution is simple: tell her that you're worried about her health. I'm guessing the reason why this is so hard for you to do is because it has a lot more to do with the fact that she's not eye candy anymore, and less about you worrying if she might have a heart attack or something.

And yes, this goes both ways...guys feel this way about girls, and girls feel this way about guys. That doesn't make it right. If you're in a meaningful relationship, putting on a few extra pounds doesn't matter. Seriously. "Don't you care that you're physically unattractive for me?" Wow...I would hate to be your girlfriend, having to keep up appearances just for your pleasure. I might have been able to agree with you a little before that statement. I'm glad that I can wake up in the morning with my hair all a mess, no makeup on, bleary-eyed and scruffy and still get an "I love you" from my partner. I'm sorry I'm ranting it's just...guys like you are what gave me so many insecurities and low self-esteem issues growing up.

/end rant

Wow, touchy subject...

First, I never claimed not to be selfish... I am a guy after all. I'm just trying to be honest.

Second, I resent the phrase 'guys like you', because no matter how I have felt about girlfriends, I have always treated them like princesses no matter what way they were.

That one girl lost interest in looking good for me, and shortly after lost interest in me full stop. What conclusion am I supposed to draw from that? Are you telling me that was a co-incidence?

As for your second paragraph, I feel I should defend myself as you seem to have a rather bad impression of me.

I can tell you that I can wake up next to my current girlfriend when she's hungover, vomiting, messy haired, bleary eyed and burping and still tell her I love her, that she's always gorgeous to me and I mean it.

Ask any of my female buddies on this site and they'll tell you how crazy I am about my girl, and how I never shut up about her.

If she puts on weight I still make her feel attractive in all the ways guys do, but if she asks me if she's put on weight I'll try to be honest without being an asshole.

I'd still love her if she got fat, and would still make her feel beautiful. But sex is more satisfying when you're both in good shape. And a relationship is better with good sex. Is that really so selfish to say?

No one has to keep up appearences for me. It's just flattering when they do.

See the way you reacted there, kinda pissed off and a little hostile... that's the kind of reaction that often stops men from being more honest with women about stuff like that.

 

[RicoADF]

I can't believe this is an article. If you're with your girlfriend, you're with her for who she is, not what she looks like.

Some people are happy being larger, some are happy being smaller, so why change the person you fell in love with, just because you'd prefer them one way or the other?

I agree, however if your partner is getting somewhat big and your concerned for their health, then thats another matter.
If my missus did start to get large and I was getting concerned for her health I'd say so, ofcourse not blurt it out but I would tell her that I'm concerned she's putting on too much weight for her health, and reassure her that I am not losing interest in her or find her less attractive, that I am mearly looking out for her health and good. Having said that my missus and I have the sort of relationship where we can say that, so it could just be us.

 

[Bakaferret]

When I was married, my wife gained about 20 pounds. #5 (playfully grab her love handles) saved my bacon. I did it during sex. Got up behind her, grabbed her sides and gave a squeeze...it was very "I still find you attractive enough to want you sexually but I know you're not going to like the fact that I can do this" in its subtext.

She joined a gym about a week later.

Don't mean to be rude, but key word is when you were married. I'm not saying that thinking she's fat is the direct cause of an end of a relationship, but this mindset that you have to trick your partner into anything is a relationship killer. I would love to see an instance where this worked, long-term, in a successful relationship. It may sound cheesy, but I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly four and a half years, and I am a firm believer in honesty and communication. It may hurt at first, but it's better than bottling up that hate inside.

What kind of shape are you and your boyfriend in?

We first met in band camp (extremely nerdy, I know ), and contrary to the popular belief of people who have never been in marching band, that meant that we worked out a lot. Did a lot of push-ups, drills, and running every day. So we were both in pretty good shape. Now we're both nearing graduating college and I'd say we both gained a few pounds. We are still both healthy, but there are definitely some pooches where there weren't before.

Okay then, fine, but I want to know whether or not you two are going soft or big or whatnot at the same rate, or if one person is ahead of the other.

I guess I'd say he's getting bigger a little faster than me, but he's naturally a large guy and I tend to be on the small side (I'm only 5'2"!).

 

[Ekonk]

Bwahaha, this is so stupid it becomes funny.

 

[ClunkiestTurtle]

Most of those are just unnecessary and not really very subtle.

But at the same time regardless of how close and open you are with your girlfriend no matter how tactfully you say it she will never be thankful for you bringing up her weight regardless of how she acts to your face. In the past i have just made sure to cook nice healthy meals together and get them involved in my own sports activities as im pretty active so your doing things together which is great and your both in shape which is an added bonus i don't really think you can try and get your girlfriend to get in shape if your not already so or prepared to do it for her.

 

[biofiend]

When I was married, my wife gained about 20 pounds. #5 (playfully grab her love handles) saved my bacon. I did it during sex. Got up behind her, grabbed her sides and gave a squeeze...it was very "I still find you attractive enough to want you sexually but I know you're not going to like the fact that I can do this" in its subtext.

She joined a gym about a week later.

Don't mean to be rude, but key word is when you were married. I'm not saying that thinking she's fat is the direct cause of an end of a relationship, but this mindset that you have to trick your partner into anything is a relationship killer. I would love to see an instance where this worked, long-term, in a successful relationship. It may sound cheesy, but I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly four and a half years, and I am a firm believer in honesty and communication. It may hurt at first, but it's better than bottling up that hate inside.

What kind of shape are you and your boyfriend in?

We first met in band camp (extremely nerdy, I know ), and contrary to the popular belief of people who have never been in marching band, that meant that we worked out a lot. Did a lot of push-ups, drills, and running every day. So we were both in pretty good shape. Now we're both nearing graduating college and I'd say we both gained a few pounds. We are still both healthy, but there are definitely some pooches where there weren't before.

Okay then, fine, but I want to know whether or not you two are going soft or big or whatnot at the same rate, or if one person is ahead of the other.

I guess I'd say he's getting bigger a little faster than me, but he's naturally a large guy and I tend to be on the small side (I'm only 5'2"!).

So at what point would his weight become an issue for your sexual attraction?
You can claim -or, lie, as I'd accuse- that you'll love someone no matter what their current state of health and fitness, but you can't pretend that sexuality works in that fashion. I'm not accusing you of anything, but I want to know where your line is drawn, since you seem so passionate about this.

 

[Artina89]

I would appreciate it more if someone actually told me straight out that they thought I would need to lose weight rather than being manipulative. If they do what the list describes then they are spineless, cowardly assholes who really need to take a long hard look in the mirror and you are far better off not being with them. If some of my friends boyfriends did the before and after photo thing to show them how much weight they gained and they were being intentionally manipulative, they would kick them in the crotch so damn hard it would be a wonder if they ever had children.

 

[SonicKoala]

Was I the only one who found it funny that at number 3, they apologize for the previous #3 because it came off as cruel..... as though the other ones were somehow completely alright? That's like some kind of sick joke.

Personally, #10 was one of the most horrifying ones in my opinion - buying a woman clothes that can't fit her is not going to "convince" her to get into shape, it's going to make her feel like complete and utter shit. It's as if the writer of this article is some kind of robot which was specifically programmed to be as much of a douchebag as possible.

 

[The_Healer]

Hilarious stuff.

Particularly the chair one. Because chairs break under people ALL THE TIME!

Look, I've been tempted to tell my girlfriend to do more exercise, but then again I'm an exercise Nazi, so it doesn't really count. I would be upfront about it though, not play immature games.

 

[jamesworkshop]

easy way to avoid that topic is simply date bigger girls that way they have always been fat from the outset

 

[Bakaferret]

"

snip

I'm sorry...I just can't see this as anything but selfish. If you were really were concerned about her "health" (come on, let's get serious here...), then the solution is simple: tell her that you're worried about her health. I'm guessing the reason why this is so hard for you to do is because it has a lot more to do with the fact that she's not eye candy anymore, and less about you worrying if she might have a heart attack or something.

And yes, this goes both ways...guys feel this way about girls, and girls feel this way about guys. That doesn't make it right. If you're in a meaningful relationship, putting on a few extra pounds doesn't matter. Seriously. "Don't you care that you're physically unattractive for me?" Wow...I would hate to be your girlfriend, having to keep up appearances just for your pleasure. I might have been able to agree with you a little before that statement. I'm glad that I can wake up in the morning with my hair all a mess, no makeup on, bleary-eyed and scruffy and still get an "I love you" from my partner. I'm sorry I'm ranting it's just...guys like you are what gave me so many insecurities and low self-esteem issues growing up.

/end rant

Wow, touchy subject...

First, I never claimed not to be selfish... I am a guy after all. I'm just trying to be honest.

Second, I resent the phrase 'guys like you', because no matter how I have felt about girlfriends, I have always treated them like princesses no matter what way they were.

That one girl lost interest in looking good for me, and shortly after lost interest in me full stop. What conclusion am I supposed to draw from that? Are you telling me that was a co-incidence?

As for your second paragraph, I feel I should defend myself as you seem to have a rather bad impression of me.

I can tell you that I can wake up next to my current girlfriend when she's hungover, vomiting, messy haired, bleary eyed and burping and still tell her I love her, that she's always gorgeous to me and I mean it.

Ask any of my female buddies on this site and they'll tell you how crazy I am about my girl, and how I never shut up about her.

If she puts on weight I still make her feel attractive in all the ways guys do, but if she asks me if she's put on weight I'll try to be honest without being an asshole.

I'd still love her if she got fat, and would still make her feel beautiful. But sex is more satisfying when you're both in good shape. And a relationship is better with good sex. Is that really so selfish to say?

No one has to keep up appearences for me. It's just flattering when they do.

See the way you reacted there, kinda pissed off and a little hostile... that's the kind of reaction that often stops men from being more honest with women about stuff like that.

Ok...I apologize. I'll admit that my reaction is purely an emotional one...like I said, I had a lot of self-esteem issues about whether or not I was attractive for a long time before my boyfriend. I would still suggest that you be more honest with your partner rather than putting up with it (but judging by your first post, you kinda already thought that already). Not all girls deserve to be treated like princesses...there are some pretty crappy ones out there.

I honestly think it's a difference between between mentally and emotionally attracted, or mainly physically. I suppose for some people sex is best only when you're in shape...but I dunno, for me, when you have that emotional connection with someone, you have the best sex. Of course, I'm taking the female perspective, and I do understand that guys are different.

I still don't see how you don't feel that they have to keep up appearances for you though...you said yourself that if she gains weight, the sex isn't as good, and the relationship falls. Even inadvertently, it seems like she has to keep up her looks or lose you.

As far as my reaction? Again, this is something I've had issues with for a while. I definitely wouldn't react the same way if, say, we were fighting about where to eat dinner, or anything else really. And I kinda feel like, well, guys need to suck it up. A girl might react pissed when you tell her the truth, but isn't it better than being manipulative, or worse, not saying how you feel until it poisons the relationship from the inside?

 

[Hutchy_Bear]

"I thought you were a size 8. Isn't that what you were last summer?"

"By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain"

"when you make contact with any unwanted flab: She recoils and feels embarrassment. Use this reaction to your advantage"

"insist that she wears something from when you first got together; particularly something that you know doesn't fit her anymore"

"Leave "now" and "then" photos lying around"

GWAHAHAHAHA! Is this really serious? REALLY? Any of those 'tips' (especially the quotes above) will gain you a fully deserved screwdriver to the gonads. I mean come on, they are so manipulative and down right vile that you could be done for domestic abuse.

 

[Fetzenfisch]

'Am I not worth making the effort for?' 'Am I not worth looking good for, but all the guys before me were?' 'Don't you care that you're physically unattractive for me?' 'Do you not care about your health?'

And girls, before you accuse me of being sexist, think about this. If you have a gorgeous, fit boyfriend who was always that way until he met you and suddenly balooned out, would you not be

a) less physically attracted to him than you had been

b) a bit offended? Wouldn't you think 'oh shit I must have something to do with this...'

Couldn't it be that, before she met you, she only kept fit to be able to woo the one guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with? That once she was in a relationship with you, she thought she could finally stop the trouble of staying sexy and just be herself? That she thought you loved her and wouldn't mind her gaining weight?
out them, always the same chauvinistic bullshit.

Right! Its totally ok. like me pretending i am a wealthy genius, who works at a spacelab AND is a Professional Racecar driver. Why can't i be my lazy self now?

 

[Citizen.Erased]

The article should be renamed "10 incredibly stupid ways to end up like that guy at the end of Hostel 2".

 

[Bakaferret]

When I was married, my wife gained about 20 pounds. #5 (playfully grab her love handles) saved my bacon. I did it during sex. Got up behind her, grabbed her sides and gave a squeeze...it was very "I still find you attractive enough to want you sexually but I know you're not going to like the fact that I can do this" in its subtext.

She joined a gym about a week later.

Don't mean to be rude, but key word is when you were married. I'm not saying that thinking she's fat is the direct cause of an end of a relationship, but this mindset that you have to trick your partner into anything is a relationship killer. I would love to see an instance where this worked, long-term, in a successful relationship. It may sound cheesy, but I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly four and a half years, and I am a firm believer in honesty and communication. It may hurt at first, but it's better than bottling up that hate inside.

What kind of shape are you and your boyfriend in?

We first met in band camp (extremely nerdy, I know ), and contrary to the popular belief of people who have never been in marching band, that meant that we worked out a lot. Did a lot of push-ups, drills, and running every day. So we were both in pretty good shape. Now we're both nearing graduating college and I'd say we both gained a few pounds. We are still both healthy, but there are definitely some pooches where there weren't before.

Okay then, fine, but I want to know whether or not you two are going soft or big or whatnot at the same rate, or if one person is ahead of the other.

I guess I'd say he's getting bigger a little faster than me, but he's naturally a large guy and I tend to be on the small side (I'm only 5'2"!).

So at what point would his weight become an issue for your sexual attraction?
You can claim -or, lie, as I'd accuse- that you'll love someone no matter what their current state of health and fitness, but you can't pretend that sexuality works in that fashion. I'm not accusing you of anything, but I want to know where your line is drawn, since you seem so passionate about this.

Well, I could try to defend myself and say that I'm not lying, but I guess that's a little hard to prove. Again, this could just be a female thing, but I'd say at least 75% or more of my sexual attraction to him is how confident he is and how he takes control...I think of myself as a strong woman, but he's the only one in my life that I feel I can submit myself to completely without fear. I know guys are sexually wired to be more attracted by looks, so I can't speak for males.

It would probably become an issue if he became overweight in the healthy sense. Then I would be sure to talk to him about it. Maybe I'm wrong and it's just blissful thinking...I haven't been tested yet...but it's hard to believe otherwise at this moment.