50 shades of grey
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I just feel sorry for the women that get a kick out of books like this, it's a shame they can't just be honest with themselves and watch actual porn instead of that dreadfully written smut.
For fun, I started writing my own grossly exaggerated sex scenes to parody the book but in the end I deleted it all because the book is so badly written and hilariously over the top that it's impossible to parody without sounding exactly like the source material.
Well, unless you've been reading 50 Shades of Glasgow, which is comedy gold.
For fun, I started writing my own grossly exaggerated sex scenes to parody the book but in the end I deleted it all because the book is so badly written and hilariously over the top that it's impossible to parody without sounding exactly like the source material.
Well, unless you've been reading 50 Shades of Glasgow, which is comedy gold.
It's become popular so it's worth conversation I guess. We talk about Batman, The Avengers, theatre shootings all at work. Once it hits the news it's on the table as far as conversation goes.
The question is how it became popular above the plethora of other bodice rippers in bargain bins at every used bookstore.
The question is how it became popular above the plethora of other bodice rippers in bargain bins at every used bookstore.
I have no problems with people discussing smut whenever they damn well please. It's a free country, and I could care less what gets people off and if they want to talk about it in public, then go right ahead.
So yeah, perfectly okay with people discussing smut or porn openly, but please, for the love of the gods, choose some better smut to read.
What I can't fathom is why such a horrible excuse for smut is a best seller (thirty one million copies world wide!). The plot is non existent, the characters are laughable cut outs (and the secondary characters are only there to accompany Chedward and Anabelle), the dialogue is choppy, the characters have no chemistry or have any real reason to stay together, uncountable pointless scenes drag on to boost the word count and the descriptions are repetitive and mind numbing[footnote]Seriously, if you feel like getting shit faced, read the book and take a sip (and yes, I said sip) every time Anabelle either bites her lip, blushes, makes a reference to classical literature, references children in a sexual situation or is a bipolar *****. I can guarantee you won't be able to see the words on the page three chapters in.[/footnote]. Not only that, but the whole thing plays out like a twelve year old's fantasy of the "perfect man" except with BDSM.
But I can hear people crying out already. "That stuff doesn't matter, the sex is what matters." Except the sex scenes are the worst parts of the entire novel. People say that sex in porn is unrealistic, but this book takes it to a whole new extreme. Anabelle practically creates a waterfall every time Chedward so much as says her name and all that they do is have sex. Seriously, I don;t know of one human being, either alive or dead, who spends the majority of their waking hours having sex. Life just doesn't work that way. Plus, like I mentioned before, EL James writes like a 12 year old. Her stumbling narrative of their bedroom exploits are punctuated by jarring descriptions of Anabelle's description of her area (and I quote) "down there". Seriously, I cannot understand how people can get sexual aroused from nonsense like this. It would be like if a child drew a crappy picture of a naked woman in crayon and 31 million guys around the world jerked off to it.
On top of that, the portrayal of BDSM in the novel is incredibly judgemental. Not only does it suggest that anyone interested in, or actively performing BDSM (as a dom) is a control freak and enjoys manipulating people and that their interest in BDSM stems from psychological trauma they experienced as a child.
To go even further, I can't understand why the women who read this book want to either get it on with or be in a relationship with Chedward. Not only is he violent and abusive, but he's also a expert manipulator, probably a sociopath and is borderline sadistic. Like seriously, this makes no sense. I mean sure the guy's rich and handsome, but that doesn't really matter when he's got you locked up in his rape shack, getting of to the fact that you're screaming in pain.
Plus of course, we can;t discount the fact that it started out as a Twilight fan fic. After El James was outed from the majority of the Twilight fandom for her horrible work, she decided to break every rule of fan fiction ever and change the names of everyone in the story (and only that mind you, there are plenty of references in there that only make sense if you make Chedward into a sparkly, cold vampire among other things) and publish the damn thing. Fan fiction does not work that way. You utilise someone else's creative material to create more fiction in that "universe" with the full knowledge that you will never get paid for your work. Because you are using another person's intellectual property, your right to profits is null and void.
Edit: Also, another thing that just popped into my head. The author is English, but due to the original source material, her characters are all American. So the author had the know how to look up the time change between PST and (I think MST) but she could be bothered to make her characters sound like they were real Americans.
But I can hear people crying out already. "That stuff doesn't matter, the sex is what matters." Except the sex scenes are the worst parts of the entire novel. People say that sex in porn is unrealistic, but this book takes it to a whole new extreme. Anabelle practically creates a waterfall every time Chedward so much as says her name and all that they do is have sex. Seriously, I don;t know of one human being, either alive or dead, who spends the majority of their waking hours having sex. Life just doesn't work that way. Plus, like I mentioned before, EL James writes like a 12 year old. Her stumbling narrative of their bedroom exploits are punctuated by jarring descriptions of Anabelle's description of her area (and I quote) "down there". Seriously, I cannot understand how people can get sexual aroused from nonsense like this. It would be like if a child drew a crappy picture of a naked woman in crayon and 31 million guys around the world jerked off to it.
On top of that, the portrayal of BDSM in the novel is incredibly judgemental. Not only does it suggest that anyone interested in, or actively performing BDSM (as a dom) is a control freak and enjoys manipulating people and that their interest in BDSM stems from psychological trauma they experienced as a child.
To go even further, I can't understand why the women who read this book want to either get it on with or be in a relationship with Chedward. Not only is he violent and abusive, but he's also a expert manipulator, probably a sociopath and is borderline sadistic. Like seriously, this makes no sense. I mean sure the guy's rich and handsome, but that doesn't really matter when he's got you locked up in his rape shack, getting of to the fact that you're screaming in pain.
Plus of course, we can;t discount the fact that it started out as a Twilight fan fic. After El James was outed from the majority of the Twilight fandom for her horrible work, she decided to break every rule of fan fiction ever and change the names of everyone in the story (and only that mind you, there are plenty of references in there that only make sense if you make Chedward into a sparkly, cold vampire among other things) and publish the damn thing. Fan fiction does not work that way. You utilise someone else's creative material to create more fiction in that "universe" with the full knowledge that you will never get paid for your work. Because you are using another person's intellectual property, your right to profits is null and void.
Edit: Also, another thing that just popped into my head. The author is English, but due to the original source material, her characters are all American. So the author had the know how to look up the time change between PST and (I think MST) but she could be bothered to make her characters sound like they were real Americans.
So yeah, perfectly okay with people discussing smut or porn openly, but please, for the love of the gods, choose some better smut to read.
I see that RIGHT after scrolling past this: http://memebaseafterdark.com/2012/07/17/naughty-memes-too/
Yeah, I think I randomly opened it at one point and read a bit from the 'contract' he emails her in the book.Vault101 said:
Which makes me want to bang my head since:
A) What kind of mad person leaps straight into this kind of relationship with someone they barely know and don't even trust?
B) Everyone knows those sub/dom contracts don't really mean anything.
So, you know, consider me unimpressed.
Hey, I've got absolutely no problem with anyone reading whatever super-kinky porn/smut/erotica they like. I just wish they'd realise that they don't have to pay for it when there's better, more specific stuff floating around the internet.Sleekit said:
I know the answer to this one.RobfromtheGulag said:
It's all in the cover.
No-one would buy it if it was resigned to the horrific pink of the slowly revolving Mills and Boone stand, so the publishers have very smartly taken this e-book filth, slapped the dubious, yet undoubtedly true title of 'Bestseller' onto it, and chose to market it towards that very particular sect of literary crowd who read teenage fiction, but like to pretend that it isn't teenage fiction.
It has the same kind of 'Adult Fiction For Serious People' cover as, well, Adult Fiction for Serious People, more specifically the 'modern classics' template of 'Pretty Photograph with Inanimate Objects Plus Colour Filter'. It's success lies in the very clever marketing of the contents as an erotic thriller/mystery/SERIOUS BOOK NOVEL LITERATURE and the way that it presents itself as an actual...well...novel to the casual observer.
Sadly, the cover of 50 Shades also really compliments the 2007 Penguin cover of One Hundred Years of Solitude, which feels kinda like a kick in the teeth.
On another note - a Bb this time -...
This is, really, the only time I would condone the piracy of a book.
Don't pay for it.
Don't suffer the ignominy of borrowing it from either the library or someone you know.
Just read it on the internet, because that is where this kind of absolute tripe belongs.
And if you want to prove that you have, indeed, read it as you crucify the thing, just repeat these two simple words; "Inner Goddess". Then repeat them again. And again. Just like the book.
Captcha: Lager Frenzy.
It's like Captcha has been watching me all evening....
Really?Geo Da Sponge said:
I always thought they were mainly for legal purposes, considering the often risky nature of sub/dom/BDSM physical relationships?
Or am I clueless to the romance inherent in a liability waiver?
EDIT
Punctuation is not my friend tonight.
I choose to ignore its existence, except for one bit. It's a book written by an English person, so normally I would accept the "Grey" spelling. But it's about Americans. Do some research! In America we spell it gray. Come on!
Oooh that's tricky. Appealing to the [false] literature lovers and then titillating them with an unexpected smut tale. Which they can still attempt to justify with the presentation of the book.KafkaOffTheBeach said:
I have never read 50 Shades though my girlfriend's room mate was obsessed with it. Personally I preferred to read the reviews on Amazon which I think have a quality of writing and degree of wit that elevates them far about the actual book.
In a nutshell here is my favourite review:
"Oh My, I mean really, Oh my, oh my, oh my......No readers, I have not just been whipped (pardon the pun) into a bosom heaving wreck by the size of my partner's "impressive length". I have in fact, just dragged myself through to the final page of this ludicrous nonsense and found myself almost speechless. Almost...
The main character, Christian Grey, is quite obviously deranged. This does not however, deter Ana, who for some inexplicable reason, has spent so long with her head in a book that she has never looked in a mirror and noticed that she is a "total babe". A "total babe" who also happens to be a 21 year old virgin. No, Ana, in the space of 3 weeks, falls so crazily in love with "Mr Grey" that she manages to bypass the whole deranged thing and instead concentrates all her efforts on a) going from virgin to porn star faster than Hussain Bolt off the blocks and b) deciding whether to let him hit her with stuff. As you do.
As for Mr Grey, obviously, readers can't be allowed to see him as simply a deranged, manipulative psycho so let's give him smouldering good looks, a few zillion quid to throw around and hey, and this is the clincher, the ability to love art and music (y'know, like Nazi's do in the war films). (Note - the bit where he plays the "haunting" piano piece, semi naked, with his eyes closed actually made me laugh so much that I almost wet myself - in a non-orgasmic way. Check it out....enjoy! ). As if that wasn't enough he also has a personal and financial interest in saving the world from famine. Just that old world peace and cancer to sort out and then hey, job's a good `un. I mean really, how did the world ever shamble along without him? So what made this beautiful, charismatic and talented man so brutal? Could it be a traumatic childhood perhaps? Why, yes I think it could...yaaaaawn....
So, the 2 beautiful people come together (Oh my, another pun) and the rest of the book is basically about Ana wondering if she should let him hit her with stuff and then letting him hit her with stuff and Mr Grey wondering if he should stop hitting her with stuff but still hitting her with stuff while she whines on about wanting "more" love and less of the hitting stuff and he whines on about how he doesn't know how to give "more" cos he has only ever hit people with stuff.
In between these nonsensical blatherings they have lots of sex, which, like piano playing, speaking foreign languages and making zillions of quid, he possesses boundless expertise. Obviously. Luckily, virginal Ana also has her "inner Goddess" to guide her on the art of sex play and soon becomes an orgasm machine, chucking them out all over the place in a rampant, fevered haze of lust. So much so that she overlooks Mr Grey's general bastardry and bends over nicely for a few beatings. She is also too enraptured to take much notice his incessant stalking, which would have got lesser men arrested. Oh, and his `feeder' tendencies that, if successful, would have surely added a good 10 stone onto Ana's lovely buttocks which in turn would have incurred the cost of a refurb' to the `red room of pain' when his ceiling shackles needed reinforcing. Luckily he can afford it.
As many other readers have noted, the writing is appallingly poor and, if you removed the sex bits, would resemble a love struck teenager's diary. It's all been said before so I won't dwell on it. I will just say, if you are looking for erotic fiction, look elsewhere, if you are looking for an unintentionally laugh out loud bit of fluff and nonsense then crack open a bottle, put your feet up and prepare to be amused. Personally I would just say that there goes a day of my life that I will never get back. Oh my! "
In a nutshell here is my favourite review:
"Oh My, I mean really, Oh my, oh my, oh my......No readers, I have not just been whipped (pardon the pun) into a bosom heaving wreck by the size of my partner's "impressive length". I have in fact, just dragged myself through to the final page of this ludicrous nonsense and found myself almost speechless. Almost...
The main character, Christian Grey, is quite obviously deranged. This does not however, deter Ana, who for some inexplicable reason, has spent so long with her head in a book that she has never looked in a mirror and noticed that she is a "total babe". A "total babe" who also happens to be a 21 year old virgin. No, Ana, in the space of 3 weeks, falls so crazily in love with "Mr Grey" that she manages to bypass the whole deranged thing and instead concentrates all her efforts on a) going from virgin to porn star faster than Hussain Bolt off the blocks and b) deciding whether to let him hit her with stuff. As you do.
As for Mr Grey, obviously, readers can't be allowed to see him as simply a deranged, manipulative psycho so let's give him smouldering good looks, a few zillion quid to throw around and hey, and this is the clincher, the ability to love art and music (y'know, like Nazi's do in the war films). (Note - the bit where he plays the "haunting" piano piece, semi naked, with his eyes closed actually made me laugh so much that I almost wet myself - in a non-orgasmic way. Check it out....enjoy! ). As if that wasn't enough he also has a personal and financial interest in saving the world from famine. Just that old world peace and cancer to sort out and then hey, job's a good `un. I mean really, how did the world ever shamble along without him? So what made this beautiful, charismatic and talented man so brutal? Could it be a traumatic childhood perhaps? Why, yes I think it could...yaaaaawn....
So, the 2 beautiful people come together (Oh my, another pun) and the rest of the book is basically about Ana wondering if she should let him hit her with stuff and then letting him hit her with stuff and Mr Grey wondering if he should stop hitting her with stuff but still hitting her with stuff while she whines on about wanting "more" love and less of the hitting stuff and he whines on about how he doesn't know how to give "more" cos he has only ever hit people with stuff.
In between these nonsensical blatherings they have lots of sex, which, like piano playing, speaking foreign languages and making zillions of quid, he possesses boundless expertise. Obviously. Luckily, virginal Ana also has her "inner Goddess" to guide her on the art of sex play and soon becomes an orgasm machine, chucking them out all over the place in a rampant, fevered haze of lust. So much so that she overlooks Mr Grey's general bastardry and bends over nicely for a few beatings. She is also too enraptured to take much notice his incessant stalking, which would have got lesser men arrested. Oh, and his `feeder' tendencies that, if successful, would have surely added a good 10 stone onto Ana's lovely buttocks which in turn would have incurred the cost of a refurb' to the `red room of pain' when his ceiling shackles needed reinforcing. Luckily he can afford it.
As many other readers have noted, the writing is appallingly poor and, if you removed the sex bits, would resemble a love struck teenager's diary. It's all been said before so I won't dwell on it. I will just say, if you are looking for erotic fiction, look elsewhere, if you are looking for an unintentionally laugh out loud bit of fluff and nonsense then crack open a bottle, put your feet up and prepare to be amused. Personally I would just say that there goes a day of my life that I will never get back. Oh my! "
50 Shades is badly written Twilight fanfiction and in fact, the original fanfiction it was is still up http://www.epubbud.com/read.php?g=RTHUKGUX&tocp=1#chapter1
It is glorification of abusive relationships disguised as a BDSM relationship.
My mum is starting to read them and I'm reading my pdf of them on youtube and critiquing the hell out of them. The difference is that people find talking about book porn more acceptable than any other kind because it is written down and is fictional characters and usually has no images associated with it.
It is glorification of abusive relationships disguised as a BDSM relationship.
My mum is starting to read them and I'm reading my pdf of them on youtube and critiquing the hell out of them. The difference is that people find talking about book porn more acceptable than any other kind because it is written down and is fictional characters and usually has no images associated with it.
Well I'l admit my real life experience is exactly vast, but from what I've gathered no one really bothers with liability waivers when they're just starting out. Not because the idea of legal protection is madness, but because you probably wouldn't want it to be doing it with someone who feels the need to protect themselves from legal retribution. You should really just trust someone before you experiment with something like this, and writing up a legal document of what someone can do to you doesn't exactly scream trust. I know I wouldn't want to be tied to a bed while thinking "I'm glad I signed away some of my rights for this!". That's where the mutual trust comes in; the sub trusts the dom to not go too far, the dom trusts the sub to not sue them.KafkaOffTheBeach said:
The sub/dom contracts only really come up with longer term relationships and then it's mainly a symbolic thing. You know, a contract saying that the dominant partner 'owns' the other one and writing up rules for how they must be properly served. Purely theatrical stuff which would probably get more than a few raised eyebrows in a court room.
I mean, I might be completely wrong since it's hard to get a measure of how different people treat a very individualistic experience like BDSM relationships, but that's my point of view on it.
Emily Browning, doing something doing something ridiculously sexual and probably terrible? How surprising! She never did Sucker Punch! But seriously Sucker Punch is unforgivable.Trivun said:
The book is crap. If a movie is made, it will be crap, but it seems like it will happen.
First off, if I ever write fanfic and it becomes an original book, I'll just never tell the origin story, ever. That way, no one can make fun of me for it.
Second, I haven't even read the book, but I will give 50 Shades points for having BDSM become a thing that the mainstream American media feels is okay to have in a bestseller. It's progress, even if this is just on the level of progress that "I Kissed a Girl" was for having LGBT be okay to sing about.
Still, it's a step.
Second, I haven't even read the book, but I will give 50 Shades points for having BDSM become a thing that the mainstream American media feels is okay to have in a bestseller. It's progress, even if this is just on the level of progress that "I Kissed a Girl" was for having LGBT be okay to sing about.
Still, it's a step.
It sure sounds like porn from what my mum described to me.
I've seen middle-aged and old ladies reading it on the bus too, it's kinda creepy....
Who reads porn-esque stuff on public transport? Who?!?
Her: "He has a sex room!"
Me: "You mean a sex dungeon?"
Her: "No... It's just a room with lots of sex stuff in it."
Me: "So it's a kinky sex dungeon? Does he have handcuffs in there too?"
Her: "What? No! Who uses handcuffs for sex?"
Me: "So having a sex dungeon is cool, but handcuffs? OH MAN THAT'S STEPPING OVER A LINE."
Her: "Would you use handcuffs for sex?"
Me: "Well, no, but-"
Her: "Well then."
Me: O-e *eye twitch*
Me: "You mean a sex dungeon?"
Her: "No... It's just a room with lots of sex stuff in it."
Me: "So it's a kinky sex dungeon? Does he have handcuffs in there too?"
Her: "What? No! Who uses handcuffs for sex?"
Me: "So having a sex dungeon is cool, but handcuffs? OH MAN THAT'S STEPPING OVER A LINE."
Her: "Would you use handcuffs for sex?"
Me: "Well, no, but-"
Her: "Well then."
Me: O-e *eye twitch*
I've seen middle-aged and old ladies reading it on the bus too, it's kinda creepy....
Who reads porn-esque stuff on public transport? Who?!?
Badly written, deeply misrepresents BDSM relationships, far more popular than it should be, has turned bondage into a bandwagon. I couldn't loathe it more if I tried, which is a shame, because I originally hoped a popular erotic novel that removed the stigma around BDSM would be a wonderful thing, and open people up to new experiences, but instead we got . . . I'm not going to go on ranting about this.
Yep, originally written as a twilight fan-fiction starring Edward and Bella, apparently twilight moms weren't happy that the movies didn't have any bdsm scenes in and THis James woman decided to write a load of crap. it became popular and so the went to publish it and changed the names of the character... worst pile of drivel i have ever read