A 16 year old boy on teen sex.

[AgDr_ODST]

Good on you for following your heart and not being afraid to love this girl inspite of the way you were taught. I mean I was raised as you were I was (at your age) and still am a Christian but I feel that some principals of my beliefs are slightly outdated and that abstaining until marriage though somewhat(but not entirely) wise should not always be the go to answer. As long as you (and Im not just speaking to the OP) and the person that your with (wether its out of love for them or just sex) both understand all thats involved and whats at risk(pregnancy, STD's, emotional attachment) and the possible social stigma's(being seen as a "whore"(for girls) or a "player"(and for guys)) then by all means go right at head.

 

[Pennyy9]

Not even halfway through highschool, still shouldn't have done it.

Early graduate my friend. But please explain why I shouldn't have.

Despite what you may think, You're not even close to being adults. Not even young ones. Even if you understand exactly what's going on doesn't change your age nor the possible consequences.

This, and also I ask:

Are you old enough to raise a child? Are you financially stable enough to raise a child? Are you willing to make the sacrifices it takes to raise a child?

If the answer to any of these is no then you have no business having sex. If you can't handle the consequences, especially considering you had unprotected sex, then you have no business having it frankly. I'm not saying this is specific to just teens mind you.

I really don't care about the sex before marriage or whatever concept, its more about the question of can you handle the responsibilities that come with the very adult choice of having sex?

You mean the very adult consequence of getting pregnant. They are VERY mutually exclusive. I'd do anything for my flesh and blood, but I couldn't give a child a good life, no. Don't misunderstand me, I'm promoting protected sex, and NOT unprotected. I made a mistake then, because I didn't know then what I do now. Please don't misunderstand me.

I don't misunderstand you.
You just proved my point. If you didn't have the knowledge, maturity, or responsibility to educate yourself before having sex, so that you could have safe, protected sex, then you weren't ready to do it. Maybe sex and pregnancy are too very different things, but when you go around having unprotected sex you've pretty much smushed them together. You said yourself, you made a mistake. That mistake could've been a lot bigger if she had become pregnant. I'm not saying marriage magically makes you smarter and more responsible. Marriage has nothing to do with it really for me. I just feel that people should not be having sex unless they are ready. To me, that means several things:

1) Hopefully it is with someone you love, or at the very least care for
2) You are not doing it simply to "get er done"
3) You have discussed it with your partner, and have both gone to a doctor to get tested (not all STD's are sexually transmitted oddly enough)
4) You've both discussed and will use protection
5) You are both fully aware of the consequences if she does get pregnant

Trust me I am actually jealous of you. You want to know the first time I had sex? 24. It was not with someone I cared about. It was a one night stand and fling. If she had become pregnant that is not a relationship I would've wanted to be in. I regretted it immediately. I can admit now I was in no place to have sex, and I let the pressure of ending my virginity get to me. So I am glad you found someone you loved to do it with. I didn't unfortunately. But I was old enough and had done enough research to understand the importance of safe sex and the consequences. Even though it would not be ideal, I would still have been able to raise a child if an accident had happened. If I was 16 and I had done that? Forget about it.

Although I don't agree with your mother, I do agree that you should've waited. Not until marriage, but at least until you were mature enough to act like adults about the situation. Honestly, to me, you didn't.

You snuck around behind your parent's backs from what I read, you lied to them, and you didn't use protection. That's hardly the mature way of going about it.

If you're jealous of my immature choices, you have to start listening to what you are saying.

The reason I didn't have the knowledge about safe sex is because I didn't know much about it, thanks to my mother's policy. Why educate me on something I'm not going to go through till marriage? And also, I meant ready as in emotionally. The thing is, coitus interruptus was enough for me at that point (I later found out that she used a cleaning method with water, but regardless it was still unprotected) Unprotected sex in teens is wrong, simply because the dangers are so much more prevalent. If I told my mother what I was doing, I would have never seen M again. Sneaking is what made it fun. The only reason we DID sneak is because there was no other place to sleep together. And yes, we were (And still are, or at least I am) Clean. And yes, I loved her very much

 

[Legend of J]

Well basically sex is sex you do it here and there but once you hit uni your parents carnt really say anythink at all.

I think its the unwritten rule.

 

[Ghost1800]

Well basically sex is sex you do it here and there but once you hit uni your parents carnt really say anythink at all.

I think its the unwritten rule.

I think the unwritten rule is actually, "There's a time and place for everything, and that is college/university."

 

[Legend of J]

Well basically sex is sex you do it here and there but once you hit uni your parents carnt really say anythink at all.

I think its the unwritten rule.

I think the unwritten rule is actually, "There's a time and place for everything, and that is college/university."[/quote

yeah better way to put it lol.

 

[ldwater]

Personally I completely agree with you.

You've shown a level of maturaty which is quite rare for teenagers, and even some adults when it comes to relationships and sex.

Everyone has urges, and sex is just something that you need to understand and control - rather be ashamed of it or treat it like some disease.

Its a little bit like the film '40 year old virgin' - sex is a big deal and also it isn't.

It is a big deal because its something beautiful and emotional that you can share with someone you love. Even if you had to sneak in to do it while her parents were out it is still better than just 'screwing' some hooker in the back of an ally.

Its also not such a big deal that it some dominate your every thought. Yes its nice to do and it is an important part of the male mindset - but if you can't put things into perspective and control then you either devalue women as simple 'conquests' and never find happyness beyond the bedroom or you crave it and deperately cling to whatever threads of the feeling you can get - which usually ends up with you doing something stupid.

Personally I don't think their is an 'age' when people should start having sex - its about maturity. I've seen some 20 year olds who still act like children and I've seen some 15 year olds have a good understanding of the world and what they want from life. Its great that the OP has had such a special and memerable way to loose their virginity - even if the police got involved and the mother is angry it shouldn't take away from the fact that is was a very special and emotional moment that will stay with you for the rest of your life. Fair enough you skipped on the protection (thats bad mmm'kay) but at least you've learnt the hard way and won't go without it (hell, some guys won't use them at all because it 'feels different', which is BS).

 

[BlindMessiah94]

Not even halfway through highschool, still shouldn't have done it.

Early graduate my friend. But please explain why I shouldn't have.

Despite what you may think, You're not even close to being adults. Not even young ones. Even if you understand exactly what's going on doesn't change your age nor the possible consequences.

This, and also I ask:

Are you old enough to raise a child? Are you financially stable enough to raise a child? Are you willing to make the sacrifices it takes to raise a child?

If the answer to any of these is no then you have no business having sex. If you can't handle the consequences, especially considering you had unprotected sex, then you have no business having it frankly. I'm not saying this is specific to just teens mind you.

I really don't care about the sex before marriage or whatever concept, its more about the question of can you handle the responsibilities that come with the very adult choice of having sex?

You mean the very adult consequence of getting pregnant. They are VERY mutually exclusive. I'd do anything for my flesh and blood, but I couldn't give a child a good life, no. Don't misunderstand me, I'm promoting protected sex, and NOT unprotected. I made a mistake then, because I didn't know then what I do now. Please don't misunderstand me.

I don't misunderstand you.
You just proved my point. If you didn't have the knowledge, maturity, or responsibility to educate yourself before having sex, so that you could have safe, protected sex, then you weren't ready to do it. Maybe sex and pregnancy are too very different things, but when you go around having unprotected sex you've pretty much smushed them together. You said yourself, you made a mistake. That mistake could've been a lot bigger if she had become pregnant. I'm not saying marriage magically makes you smarter and more responsible. Marriage has nothing to do with it really for me. I just feel that people should not be having sex unless they are ready. To me, that means several things:

1) Hopefully it is with someone you love, or at the very least care for
2) You are not doing it simply to "get er done"
3) You have discussed it with your partner, and have both gone to a doctor to get tested (not all STD's are sexually transmitted oddly enough)
4) You've both discussed and will use protection
5) You are both fully aware of the consequences if she does get pregnant

Trust me I am actually jealous of you. You want to know the first time I had sex? 24. It was not with someone I cared about. It was a one night stand and fling. If she had become pregnant that is not a relationship I would've wanted to be in. I regretted it immediately. I can admit now I was in no place to have sex, and I let the pressure of ending my virginity get to me. So I am glad you found someone you loved to do it with. I didn't unfortunately. But I was old enough and had done enough research to understand the importance of safe sex and the consequences. Even though it would not be ideal, I would still have been able to raise a child if an accident had happened. If I was 16 and I had done that? Forget about it.

Although I don't agree with your mother, I do agree that you should've waited. Not until marriage, but at least until you were mature enough to act like adults about the situation. Honestly, to me, you didn't.

You snuck around behind your parent's backs from what I read, you lied to them, and you didn't use protection. That's hardly the mature way of going about it.

If you're jealous of my immature choices, you have to start listening to what you are saying.

The reason I didn't have the knowledge about safe sex is because I didn't know much about it, thanks to my mother's policy. Why educate me on something I'm not going to go through till marriage? And also, I meant ready as in emotionally. The thing is, coitus interruptus was enough for me at that point (I later found out that she used a cleaning method with water, but regardless it was still unprotected) Unprotected sex in teens is wrong, simply because the dangers are so much more prevalent. If I told my mother what I was doing, I would have never seen M again. Sneaking is what made it fun. The only reason we DID sneak is because there was no other place to sleep together. And yes, we were (And still are, or at least I am) Clean. And yes, I loved her very much

Oh I am not jealous of your immature choices. I am jealous that you found someone you cared about to have sex with.

Granted, I can understand your lack of knowledge growing up in a house where sex isn't talked about much. But in all honesty, I grew up in a house where it was NEVER mentioned. Not before marriage or after. I was raised Hindu and the mere thought of even discussing it with my parents would have made them run for the hills. So I had less education than you most likely, coming from a completely Indian background and culture having to assimilate to a North American standard. I still did my homework. Why couldn't you have? Blaming your parents for the fact that you didn't bother to educate yourself... that is hardly an excuse.
As far as sneaking around and your parents intervening and all that...That's them apples for you I suppose. Frankly, if it was me, I wouldn't hide anything. In my opinion you shouldn't have to hide your love away. If your parents don't get it and want to stand in your way that's their choice. But you always have a choice to be more mature and responsible than them. But you said it yourself. Sneaking made it fun. To me that is an immature attitude. I understand that your parents may have prevented you two from ever seeing each other again, but again, if you aren't in a hurry, and you really do love each other, then you should be willing to either wait until you are on your own, or just be honest about the whole thing, or at the very least, act like adults about it.

To sum it up my whole argument is that I don't think you were ready to have sex with your girlfriend at the time. You should have waited. At the very least you should have taken more time and talked about it more, done your homework, and then done it.
That's why I don't think you were ready to have sex. Because you just dove right in without any regard for consequence. From the whole sound of your situation, you want to be treated like an adult with this whole situation. That you are old enough to make these choices, that you shouldn't have to wait until marriage. Fair enough. But you went about showing that maturity in a completely immature way. You didn't exactly act like the poster child for pre-marital sex so I can understand why your parents would be upset.

I ask you, if you had a kid, and you found out he was sneaking around behind your back having unprotected sex with his girlfriend, how would you react?

 

[acosn]

There's two groups of people you never want to think about having sex.

Your kids, and your parents.

For kids it's just gross. Its your parents. Its...gross.

But for parents? Suppose your kids have.... kids. It causes a lot of problems and they ultimately come back to you and provide a bevvy of problems.


Just a thought. Or two.

 

[Pennyy9]

Not even halfway through highschool, still shouldn't have done it.

Early graduate my friend. But please explain why I shouldn't have.

Despite what you may think, You're not even close to being adults. Not even young ones. Even if you understand exactly what's going on doesn't change your age nor the possible consequences.

This, and also I ask:

Are you old enough to raise a child? Are you financially stable enough to raise a child? Are you willing to make the sacrifices it takes to raise a child?

If the answer to any of these is no then you have no business having sex. If you can't handle the consequences, especially considering you had unprotected sex, then you have no business having it frankly. I'm not saying this is specific to just teens mind you.

I really don't care about the sex before marriage or whatever concept, its more about the question of can you handle the responsibilities that come with the very adult choice of having sex?

You mean the very adult consequence of getting pregnant. They are VERY mutually exclusive. I'd do anything for my flesh and blood, but I couldn't give a child a good life, no. Don't misunderstand me, I'm promoting protected sex, and NOT unprotected. I made a mistake then, because I didn't know then what I do now. Please don't misunderstand me.

I don't misunderstand you.
You just proved my point. If you didn't have the knowledge, maturity, or responsibility to educate yourself before having sex, so that you could have safe, protected sex, then you weren't ready to do it. Maybe sex and pregnancy are too very different things, but when you go around having unprotected sex you've pretty much smushed them together. You said yourself, you made a mistake. That mistake could've been a lot bigger if she had become pregnant. I'm not saying marriage magically makes you smarter and more responsible. Marriage has nothing to do with it really for me. I just feel that people should not be having sex unless they are ready. To me, that means several things:

1) Hopefully it is with someone you love, or at the very least care for
2) You are not doing it simply to "get er done"
3) You have discussed it with your partner, and have both gone to a doctor to get tested (not all STD's are sexually transmitted oddly enough)
4) You've both discussed and will use protection
5) You are both fully aware of the consequences if she does get pregnant

Trust me I am actually jealous of you. You want to know the first time I had sex? 24. It was not with someone I cared about. It was a one night stand and fling. If she had become pregnant that is not a relationship I would've wanted to be in. I regretted it immediately. I can admit now I was in no place to have sex, and I let the pressure of ending my virginity get to me. So I am glad you found someone you loved to do it with. I didn't unfortunately. But I was old enough and had done enough research to understand the importance of safe sex and the consequences. Even though it would not be ideal, I would still have been able to raise a child if an accident had happened. If I was 16 and I had done that? Forget about it.

Although I don't agree with your mother, I do agree that you should've waited. Not until marriage, but at least until you were mature enough to act like adults about the situation. Honestly, to me, you didn't.

You snuck around behind your parent's backs from what I read, you lied to them, and you didn't use protection. That's hardly the mature way of going about it.

If you're jealous of my immature choices, you have to start listening to what you are saying.

The reason I didn't have the knowledge about safe sex is because I didn't know much about it, thanks to my mother's policy. Why educate me on something I'm not going to go through till marriage? And also, I meant ready as in emotionally. The thing is, coitus interruptus was enough for me at that point (I later found out that she used a cleaning method with water, but regardless it was still unprotected) Unprotected sex in teens is wrong, simply because the dangers are so much more prevalent. If I told my mother what I was doing, I would have never seen M again. Sneaking is what made it fun. The only reason we DID sneak is because there was no other place to sleep together. And yes, we were (And still are, or at least I am) Clean. And yes, I loved her very much

Oh I am not jealous of your immature choices. I am jealous that you found someone you cared about to have sex with.

Granted, I can understand your lack of knowledge growing up in a house where sex isn't talked about much. But in all honesty, I grew up in a house where it was NEVER mentioned. Not before marriage or after. I was raised Hindu and the mere thought of even discussing it with my parents would have made them run for the hills. So I had less education than you most likely, coming from a completely Indian background and culture having to assimilate to a North American standard. I still did my homework. Why couldn't you have? Blaming your parents for the fact that you didn't bother to educate yourself... that is hardly an excuse.
As far as sneaking around and your parents intervening and all that...That's them apples for you I suppose. Frankly, if it was me, I wouldn't hide anything. In my opinion you shouldn't have to hide your love away. If your parents don't get it and want to stand in your way that's their choice. But you always have a choice to be more mature and responsible than them. But you said it yourself. Sneaking made it fun. To me that is an immature attitude. I understand that your parents may have prevented you two from ever seeing each other again, but again, if you aren't in a hurry, and you really do love each other, then you should be willing to either wait until you are on your own, or just be honest about the whole thing, or at the very least, act like adults about it.

To sum it up my whole argument is that I don't think you were ready to have sex with your girlfriend at the time. You should have waited. At the very least you should have taken more time and talked about it more, done your homework, and then done it.
That's why I don't think you were ready to have sex. Because you just dove right in without any regard for consequence. From the whole sound of your situation, you want to be treated like an adult with this whole situation. That you are old enough to make these choices, that you shouldn't have to wait until marriage. Fair enough. But you went about showing that maturity in a completely immature way. You didn't exactly act like the poster child for pre-marital sex so I can understand why your parents would be upset.

I ask you, if you had a kid, and you found out he was sneaking around behind your back having unprotected sex with his girlfriend, how would you react?

My kid? He'd use a damn condom, and he'd like it.
One of the duties as a parent is to give a child guidance, but let them make their own mistakes when appropriate. This would NOT be an appropriate situation. I did not know better, but some people still don't, and it's through no fault of their own. As you can see in the original post, I stand firmly behind safe sex.

 

[AWAR]

I don't believe age is an issue, age is not relevant to maturity in most cases..

 

[Toasty]

Sex is a very natural thing, just do it with the right people and use protection. Hey I was raised Catholic (I'd say im a realistic christian now) Im 19 and lost my virginity at 16(unexpected as I was rather shy). As I see it, sex is part of growing up, the commitment of marriage is for adults, so not having sex until your married is unrealistic and doesnt equate.

 

[BlindMessiah94]

My kid? He'd use a damn condom, and he'd like it.
One of the duties as a parent is to give a child guidance, but let them make their own mistakes when appropriate. This would NOT be an appropriate situation. I did not know better, but some people still don't, and it's through no fault of their own. As you can see in the original post, I stand firmly behind safe sex.

That's good. I just wanted you to understand why I think your decision to have sex was a mistake in some ways. I am glad you learned your lesson though and are lucky she didn't get knocked up.

 

[Pennyy9]

Sex is a very natural thing, just do it with the right people and use protection. Hey I was raised Catholic (I'd say im a realistic christian now) Im 19 and lost my virginity at 16(unexpected as I was rather shy). As I see it, sex is part of growing up, the commitment of marriage is for adults, so not having sex until your married is unrealistic and doesnt equate.

That's a perfect way to describe it.

 

[Ldude893]

I swore lifelong virginity on myself. This is one game in life that I do not want to be part of.

 

[Toasty]

Well basically sex is sex you do it here and there but once you hit uni your parents carnt really say anythink at all.

I think its the unwritten rule.

Hurrah for the freedoms of uni!
I have to go home for the summer today , next year Ill find a job here and stay the summer.

 

[Pennyy9]

My kid? He'd use a damn condom, and he'd like it.
One of the duties as a parent is to give a child guidance, but let them make their own mistakes when appropriate. This would NOT be an appropriate situation. I did not know better, but some people still don't, and it's through no fault of their own. As you can see in the original post, I stand firmly behind safe sex.

That's good. I just wanted you to understand why I think your decision to have sex was a mistake in some ways. I am glad you learned your lesson though and are lucky she didn't get knocked up.

I count my blessings friend. I learned 2 things from my first night with a woman.
Use protection
Use your heart

 

[Pennyy9]

I swore lifelong virginity on myself. This is one game in life that I do not want to be part of.

I can guarantee you will come close if not fail in that endeavor, and also, how old are you?