a promise to the_root_of_all_evil finally fulfilled - LOLiterature

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MasterSqueak

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May 10, 2009
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I WAZ LIEK, I IS YUR FATHR.

AND HE WAZ LIEK, NUUUUUUUU.

AND I WAZ LIEK, SERCH YORE FEELINGZ, YOO KNO IT 2 B TRU.

...I don't read classic literature...

ioxles said:
NO WAN WUD HAS BELIEVD IN DA LAST YEERS OV TEH NINETEENTH SENTURY DAT DIS WURLD WUZ BEAN WATCHD KEENLY AN CLOSELY BY INTELLIGENCEZ GREATR THAN MANZ AN YET AS MORTAL AS HIS OWN; DAT AS DOODZ BUSID THEMSELVEZ BOUT THEIR VARIOUS CONCERNS THEY WUZ SCRUTINISD AN STUDID, PERHAPS ALMOST AS NARROWLY AS MAN WIF MICROSCOPE MITE SCRUTINIZE TEH TRANZIENT CREATUREZ DAT SWARM AN MULTIPLY IN DROP OV WATR.

WIF INFINITE COMPLACENCY DOODZ WENT 2 AN FRO OVAR DIS GLOBE BOUT THEIR LIL AFFAIRS, SERENE IN THEIR ASSURANCE OV THEIR EMPIRE OVAR MATTR. IT POSIBLE DAT TEH INFUSORIA UNDR TEH MICROSCOPE DO TEH SAME. NO WAN GAEV THOT 2 TEH OLDR WORLDZ OV SPACE AS SOURCEZ OV HOOMAN DANGR, OR THOT OV THEM ONLY 2 DISMIS TEH IDEA OV LIFE UPON THEM AS IMPOSIBLE OR IMPROBABLE. IT CURIOUS 2 RECALL SUM OV TEH MENTAL HABITS OV DOSE DEPARTD DAIS.

AT MOST TERRESTRIAL DOODZ FANCID THAR MITE BE OTHR DOODZ UPON MARS, PERHAPS INFERIOR 2 THEMSELVEZ AN READY 2 WELCOM MISHUNARY ENTERPRIZE. YET ACROS TEH GULF OV SPACE, MINDZ DAT R 2 R MINDZ AS OURS R 2 DOSE OV TEH BEASTS DAT PERISH, INTELLECTS VAST AN KEWL AN UNSYMPATHETIC, REGARDD DIS EARTH WIF ENVIOUS EYEZ, AN SLOWLY AN SURELY DREW THEIR PLANZ AGAINST US. AN EARLY IN DA TWENTIETH SENTURY CAME TEH GREAT DISILLUSHUNMENT.
War of the Worlds? Good show, good show sir.

I should have thought of it.
 

Mongodyr

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Jul 23, 2008
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Yule Horror - By H.P. Lovecraft
THERE AR TEH SNOW ON TEH GROUND,
AND TEH VALLEYZ AR COLD,
AND MIDNITE PROFOUND
BLACKLY SQUATZ OR TEH WOLD;
BUT LITE ON TEH HILLTOPZ HALF-SEEN HINTZ OV FEASTINGZ UN- HALLOWED AND OLD.

THERE AR TEH DEATH IN TEH CLOUDZ,
THERE AR FEAR IN TEH NITE,
4 TEH DEDD IN THEIR SHROUDZ
HAIL TEH SINZ TURNIN FLITE.
AND CHANT WILD IN TEH WOODZ AZ THEY DANCE ROUND YULE- ALTAR FUNGOUZ AND WHITE.

T NO GALE OV EARTHZ KIND
SWAYZ TEH 4EST OF OAK,
WHERE TEH SICK BOUGHZ ENTWINED
BY MAD MISTLETOEZ CHOKE,
FUR THEEZ POWRZ R TEH POWRZ OV TEH DARK, FROM TEH GRAVEZ OF TEH LOST DRUID-FOLK

All the caps hurts my eyes. I'm sorry Lovecraft.
 

coldfrog

Can you feel around inside?
Dec 22, 2008
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BIG KITTEH ON FIRE NAO
HIDEN IN TREEZ AT NITE
HOO MADE U, AN HAO?
IT WER CEILING CAT, RITE?
 

Skuffyshootster

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Jan 13, 2009
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Annabelle Lee:

IT WUZ LOTZ DA AN LOTZ DA YER AGO,
IN KINGDOM BY TEH SEA,
DAT MAIDEN THAR LIVD WHOM U CUD KNOE
BY TEH NAYM OV ANNABEL LEE;
AN DIS MAIDEN SHE LIVD WIF NO OTHR THOT
THAN 2 LUV AN BE LOVD BY ME.

I WUZ CHILD AN SHE WUZ CHILD,
IN DIS KINGDOM BY TEH SEA;
BUT WE LOVD WIF LUV DAT WUZ MOAR THAN LUV-
I AN MAH ANNABEL LEE;
WIF LUV DAT TEH WINGD SERAFS OV HEAVEN
COVETD HER AN ME.

AN DIS WUZ TEH REASON DAT, LONG AGO,
IN DIS KINGDOM BY TEH SEA,
WIND BLEW OUT OV CLOUD, CHILLIN
MAH BEAUTIFUL ANNABEL LEE;
SO DAT HER HIGHBORN KINSMAN CAME
AN BORE HER AWAY FRUM ME,
2 SHUT HER UP IN SEPULCHRE
IN DIS KINGDOM BY TEH SEA.

TEH ANGELS, NOT HALF SO HAPPEH IN HEAVEN,
WENT ENVYIN HER AN ME-
YEZ!- DAT WUZ TEH REASON (AS ALL DOODZ KNOE,
IN DIS KINGDOM BY TEH SEA)
DAT TEH WIND CAME OUT OV TEH CLOUD BY NITE,
CHILLIN AN KILLIN MAH ANNABEL LEE.

BUT R LUV IT WUZ STRONGR BY FAR THAN TEH LUV
OV DOSE HOO WUZ OLDR THAN WE-
OV LOTZ DA FAR WISR THAN WE-
AN NEITHR TEH ANGELS IN HEAVEN ABOOV,
NOR TEH DEMONS DOWN UNDR TEH SEA,
CAN EVR DISEVR MAH SOUL FRUM TEH SOUL
OV TEH BEAUTIFUL ANNABEL LEE.

4 DA MOON NEVR BEAMS WITHOUT BRINGIN ME DREAMS
OV TEH BEAUTIFUL ANNABEL LEE;
AN TEH STARS NEVR RIZE BUT I FEELZ TEH BRIGHT EYEZ
OV TEH BEAUTIFUL ANNABEL LEE;
AN SO, ALL TEH NITE-TIDE, I LIE DOWN BY TEH SIDE
OV MAH DARLIN- MAH DARLIN- MAH LIFE AN MAH BRIDE,
IN DA SEPULCHRE THAR BY TEH SEA,
IN HER TOMB BY TEH SOUNDIN SEA.
 

fenrizz

New member
Feb 7, 2009
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Shakespeare, sonnet 138.
Please forgive me.

WHEN MAH LUB SWEARZ THAT SHE AR MADE OF TRUTH,
I DO BELIEVE HR THOUGH I KNOW SHE LIEZ,
THAT SHE MITE THINK ME SUM UNTUTORD YOWF,
UNLEARNED IN TEH WHIRLDZ FALSE SUBTLETIEZ.
THUZ VAINLY THINKIN THAT SHE THINKZ ME YOUNG,
ALTHOUGH SHE KNOWZ MUH DAYZ AR PAST TEH BEST,
SIMPLY I CREDIT HR FALSE-SPEKKIN TONGUE:
ON BUDD SIDEZ THUZ AR SIMPLE TRUTH SUPPRESSED:
BUT WHEREFOR SAYZ SHE NOT SHE AR TEH UNJUS?
AND WHERE4E SAY NOT I THAT I AM OLD?
O! LUBZ BEST HABIT AR TEH IN SEEMIN TRUST,
AND UJ IN LUBZ, LUBZ NOT TO HAVE YEARZ TOLD: THERE4E I LIE WITH HR, AND SHE WITH ME, AND IN OUR FAULTZ BY LIEZ WE FLATTRD BE.
KTHX
 

NeedAUserName

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Aug 7, 2008
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Labyrinth said:
ONCE UPON MIDNITE DREARY, WHILE I PONDERED WEKK AND WEARY,
OVR MANY QUAINT AND CURIOUZ VOLUME OF FORGOTTEN LORE,
WHILE I NODDED, NEARLY NAPPIN, SUDDENLY THERE CAME TAPPIN,
AZ OF SUM ONE GENTLY RAPPIN, RAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR.
`TIZ SUM VISITOR, I MUTTERED, `TAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR -
ONLY THIZ, AND NUDDINS MOAR. AH, DISTINCTLY I REMEMBR IT WAZ IN TEH BLEKK DECEMBR,
AND EACH SEPARATE DYINS EMBR WROUGHT ITZ GHOST UPON TEH FLOOR.
EUJRLY I WISHED TEH MORROW; - VAINLY I HAD SOUGHT TO BORROW
FROM MUH BOOKZ SURCEEZ OF SORROW - SORROW 4 TEH LOST LENORE -
4 TEH RAR AND RADIANT MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
NAMELESZ HERE 4 EVERMOAR. AND TEH SILKEN SAD UNCERTAIN RUSTLIN OF EACH PURPLE CURTAIN
THRILLED ME - FILLED ME WITH FANTASTIC TERRORZ NEVR FELT BEFURE;
SO THAT NOW, T STILL TEH BEATIN OF MUH HEART, I STOOD REPEATIN
`TIZ SUM VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
SUM LATE VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR; -
THIZ IT AR TEH, AND NUDDINS MOAR, PRESENTLY MUH SOUL GREW STRONGR; HESITATIN THEN NO LONGR,
`SIR, SAID I, `OR MADAM, TRULY YORE FRGIVENESZ I IMPLORE;
BUT TEH FACT AR I WAZ NAPPIN, AND SO GENTLY YOUZ CAME RAPPIN,
AND SO FAINTLY YOO CAME TAPPIN, TAPPIN AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR,
THAT I SCARCE WAZ SHUR I HEARD YOO - HERE I OPENED WIDE TEH DOOR; -
DARKNESZ THERE, AND NUDDIN MOAR. DEEP INTO THAT DARKNESZ PEERIN, LONG I STOOD THERE WONDERIN, FEARIN,
DOUBTIN, DREAMINS DREAMZ NO MORTAL EVR DARD T DREAM BE4E
BUT TEH SILENCE WAZ UNBROKEN, AND TEH DARKNESZ GAVE NO TOKEN,
AND TEH ONLY WORD THERE SPOKEN WAZ TEH WHISPERED WORD, `LENORE!
THIZ I WHISPERED, AND AN ECHO MURMURED BACK TEH WORD, `LENORE!
MERELY THIZ AND NUDDIN MOAR. BACK INTO TEH CHAMBR TURNIN, ALL MUH SOUL WITHIN ME BURNIN,
SOON AGAIN I HEARD TAPPINS SOMEWUT LOUDR THAN BE4E.
`SURELY, SAID I, `SURELY THAT AR SOMETHIN AT MUH WINDOW LATTICE;
LET ME SEE THEN, WUT THEREAT AR, AND THIZ MUHSTERY EXPLORE -
LET MUH HEART BE STILL MOMENT AND THIZ MAHSTERY EXPLORE; -
TIZ TEH WIND AND NUDDINS MOAR! OPEN HERE I FLUNG TEH SHUTTR, WHEN, WITH MANY FLIRT AND FLUTTR,
IN THERE STEPPED STATELY RAVEN OF TEH SAINTLY DAYZ OF YORE.
NOT TEH LEAST OBEISANCE MADE HE; NOT MINUTE STOPPED OR STAYED HE;
BUT, WITH MIEN OV LORD OR LADY, PERCHED ABOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED UPON BUST OV PALLAZ JUS ABOOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED, AND SAT, AND NUDDIN MOAR. THEN THIZ EBONY BIRD BEGUILIN MAH SAD FANCY INTO SMILIN,
BY TEH GRAVE AND STERN DECORUM OV TEH COUNTENANCE IT WORE,
`THOUGH THY CREST BE SHORN AND SHAVEN, THOU, I SAID, `ART SHUR NO CRAVEN.
GHASTLY GRIM AND ANCIENT RAVEN WANDERINS FROM TEH NITELY SHORE -
TELL ME WUT THY LORDLY NAME AR TEH ON TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. MUCH I MARVELLED THIZ UNGAINLY FOWL TO HEAR DISCOURSE SO PLAINLY,
THOUGH ITZ ANSWR LITTLE MEANINS - LITTLE RELEVANCY BORE;
FOR WE CANNOT HELP AGREEINS THAT NO LIVIN HUMAN BEINS
EVR YET WAZ BLESSED WITH SEEINS BIRD ABOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR -
BIRD OR BEAST ABUV TEH SCULPCHURD BUST ABOOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR,
WITH SUCH NAME AZ `NEVERMOAR. BUT TEH RAVEN, SITTIN LONELY ON TEH PLACID BUST, SPOKE ONLY,
THAT ONE WORD, AZ IF HIZ SOUL IN THAT ONE WORD HE DID OUTPOUR.
NUDDIN FURTHR THEN HE UTTERED - NOT FEATHR THEN HE FLUTTERED -
TILL I SCARCELY MOAR THAN MUTTERED `UDDR FRIENDZ HAVE FLOWN BEFURE -
ON TEH MORROW HE WILL LEAVE ME, AZ MUH HOPEZ HAVE FLOWN BEFORE.
THEN TEH BIRD SAID, `NEVERMOAR. STARTLED AT TEH STILLNESZ BROKEN BY REPLY SO APTLY SPOKEN,
`DOUBTLESZ, SAID I, `WUT IT UTTERZ AR TEH ITZ ONLY STOCK AND STORE,
CAUGHT FROM SUM UNHAPPY MASTR HOOM UNMERCIFUL DISASTR
FOLLOWED FAST AND FOLLOWED FASTR TILL HIZ SONGZ ONE BURDEN BORE -
TILL TEH DIRGEZ OF HIZ HOPE THAT MELANCHOLY BURDEN BORE
OF "NEVR-NEVERMOAR." BUT TEH RAVEN STILL BEGUILINS ALL MAH SAD SOUL INTO SMILIN,
STRAITE I WHEELED CUSHIONED SEAT IN FRONT OF BIRD AND BUST AND DOOR;
THEN, UPON TEH VELVET SINKINS, I BETOK MAHSELF T LINKINS
FANCY UNTO FANCY, THINKIN WHUT THIZ OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE -
WUT THIZ GRIM, UNGAINLY, GHASTLY, GAUNT, AND OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE
MEANT IN CROAKIN `NEVERMOAR. THIZ I SAT ENGUJD IN GUESSINS, BUT NO SYLLABLE EXPRESSINS
T TEH FOWL HOOSE FIERY EYEZ NOW BURNED INTO MAH BOSOMZ CORE;
THIZ AND MOAR I SAT DIVININS, WITH MUH HEDD AT EEZ RECLININ
ON TEH CUSHIONZ VELVET LININ THAT TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATED OR,
BUT HOOSE VELVET VIOLET LININ WITH TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATIN OR,
SHE SHALL PRESZ, AH, NEVERMOAR! THEN, METHOUGHT, TEH AIR GREW DENSR, PERFUMED FROM AN UNSEEN CENSR
SWUNG BY SERAFIM HOOSE FOOT-FALLZ TINKLED ON TEH TUFTED FLOOR.
`WRETCH, I CRIED, `THY GOD HATH LENT THEE - BY THEEZ ANGELZ HE HAZ SENT THEE
RESPITE - RESPITE AND NEPENTEH FROM THY MEMORIEZ OF LENORE!
QUAFF, OHZ QUAFF THIZ KIND NEPENTEH, AND FRGET THIZ LOST LENORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL! -
WHETHR TEMPTR SENT, OR WHETHR TEMPEST TOSSED THEE HERE ASHORE,
DESOLATE YET ALL UNDAUNTED, ON THIZ DESERT LAND ENCHANTED -
ON THIZ HUM BY HORROR HAUNTED - TELL ME TRULY, I IMPLORE -
AR THERE - AR TEH THERE BALM IN GILEDD? - TELL ME - TELL ME, I IMPLORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL!
BY THAT HEAVEN THAT BENDZ ABUUV UZ - BY THAT GOD WE BUDD ADORE -
TELL THIZ SOUL WITH SORROW LADEN IF, WITHIN TEH DISTANT AIDENN,
IT SHALL CLASP SAINTED MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
CLASP RIS AND RADIANT MAIDEN, HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE?
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `BE THAT WORD OUR SIGN OF PARTINS, BIRD OR FIEND! I SHRIEKED UPSTARTIN -
`GET THEE BACK INTO TEH TEMPEST AND TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
LEAVE NO BLACK PLUME AZ TOKEN OF THAT LIE THY SOUL HATH SPOKEN!
LEAVE MAH LONELINESZ UNBROKEN! - QUIT TEH BUST ABUUV MAH DOOR!
TAKE THY BEKK FROM OUT MUH HEART, AND TAKE THY FOARM FROM OFF MAH DOOR!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. AND TEH RAVEN, NEVR FLITTIN, STILL AR TEH SITTINS, STILL AR TEH SITTINS
ON TEH PALLID BUST OF PALLAZ JUS ABUUV MAH CHAMBR DOOR;
AND HIZ EYEZ HAVE ALL TEH SEEMINS OF DEMONZ THAT AR TEH DREAMINS,
AND TEH LAMP-LITE OR HIM STREAMINS THROWZ HIZ SHADOW ON TEH FLOOR;
AND MUH SOUL FROM OUT THAT SHADOW THAT LIEZ FLOATIN ON TEH FLOOR
SHALL BE LIFTED - NEVERMOAR! HORIZONTAL SPACE
VERTICAL SPACE. KTHXBYE!
Just make everyone else look bad why don't you...

I would do one, but I really can't think of any.
 

Marble Dragon

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Mar 11, 2009
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Is it normal to feel a sensation rather like that of being stabbed in the heart while reading this thread?
 

FluffX

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May 27, 2008
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PIKSHUR URSELF IN BOAT ON RIVR,
WITH TANGERINE TREEZ AND MARMALADE SKIEZ SOMEBODY CALLZ YOO,
YOUZ ANSWR QUITE SLOWLY,
GIRL WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYEZ.

CELLOFANE FLOWERZ OF YELLOW AND GREEN,
TOWERIN OVR YUR HEDD.
LOKAY FOR TEH GIRL WITH TEH SUN IN HR EYEZ,
AND SHEZ GONE.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

FOLLOW HR DOWN 2 BRIDGE BY FOUNTAIN
WHERE ROCKIN HORSE PEOPLE EAT MARSHMALLOW PIEZ,
EVERYONE SMILEZ AZ YOUZ DRIFT PAST TEH FLOWERZ,
THAT GROW SO INCREDIBLY HIGH.

NEWSPAPR TAXIZ APPEAR ON TEH SHORE,
WAITINS T TAKE YU AWAY.
CLIMB IN TEH BACK WITH YUR HEDD IN TEH CLOUDZ,
AND YOORE GONE.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

PIKSHUR YOARSELF ON TRAIN IN STASHUN,
WITH PLASTICINE PORTERZ WITH LOOKIN GLASZ TIEZ,
SUDDENLY SOMEONE AR TEH THERE AT TEH TURNSTILE,
TEH GIRL WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYEZ.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

Shame? What shame?
 

EscapeGoat_v1legacy

New member
Aug 20, 2008
2,788
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How about this:

THREE RINGZ FUR TEH ELVEN-KINGZ UNDR TEH SKY,
SEVEN fr TEH DWARF-LORDZ IN THEIR HALLZ OV STONE,
NINE FR MORTAL MEN DOOMED T DIE,
WUN 4 TEH DARK LORD ON HIZ DARK THRONE.
IN TEH LAND OV MORDOR WHERE TEH SHADOWZ LIE.
WUN RING 2 ROOL THEM ALL, QUN RING 2 FIND THEM,
WUN RING 2 BRING THEM ALL N IN TEH DARKNESS BIND THEM.
IN TEH LAND OF MORDOR WHERE TEH SHADOWZ LIE

Ok, that doesn't translate into a fantastic piece of LOLiterature, but never mind.

THX FR REEDIN! YOU HAZ BIN REEDIN TEH WORKZ OF LOLkien.
KTHXBAI.

I'm not good with teh LOLspk, sorry for any mistakes.
 

vladtehimpaler

New member
Jun 23, 2009
151
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LOLcats and religion.....ceiling cat help us

CELING CAT IZ MY SHEPRDZ, I WILL NOT CAN HAZ
HE MAKEZ ME NAPTIME IN GREN CARPETZ
HE FILZ DA FUD BOOL WIF QUIET WATERZ

HE RESTORZ MAH NAPTIME
HE GIDEZ ME DOWN DA PAF OF NOTT KIWWING DA DAWGGIE
FOR MAH HUMIN'S SAKE

YEA DO I WALKZ THRU THE VALLI OF BASEMENT CAT
I FEARZ NO BAFFTIME, 4 U IZ WIF MAH
I CAN HAZ UR COMFORT ROD & STAFF

U PUT CHEEZBURGERZ ON DA TAYBULL
WIF DA DAWGGIE
YOU GIV ME A BAFF
MAH CHEEZBURERS RUNNETH OVER
 

Shapsters

New member
Dec 16, 2008
6,079
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I DO NOT LIEK TEH GRN EGGS N HAMZ!
I DO NOT LIEK DEM SAMZ I AMZ!
I DO NOT LIEK DEM IN TEH HOUSE!
I DO NOT LIEK DEM ON TEH MOUZE
 

coldfrog

Can you feel around inside?
Dec 22, 2008
1,320
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0
mshcherbatskaya said:
coldfrog said:
Lolcat, lolcat, burning bright
IZ GOOD! MOAR PLS.
I'm not sure if your request was to finish the poem or for different literature, but I decided to actually look up the whole thing and see if I could get it all down. I skipped one verse but, ah well. (Actually making stuff that rhymes and keeps with the tone/meaning of the poem is HARD, and I had to keep "correcting" my spelling :p)

BIG KITTEH U ON FIREZ NAO
HIDEN IN TEH TREEZ AT NITE
WHO MADEZ U, HAO?
IT BE CEILING CAT, RITE?

OR MEBE WER BASEMENT CAT?
U SEE FIREZ IN UR EYEZ
LIEK BIRDZ U MUV FAST
AN U WON'T BE TUCHD BY GUYZ

SRSLY, Y U LUK SO MAD?
U ALWYZ B THS WAI?
U MAK OTHR CATZ AFRAID
IZ GHEY

DEN WHEN CEILING CAT MAED U
I BET HE WUZ LIEK "O NOES
AR NO GUD IM NOT HAPPEH WIF U!!1
NAO WUT I DOEZ?"

BIG KITTEH U ON FIREZ NAO
HIDEN IN TEH TREEZ AT NITE
WHO MADEZ U, HAO?
IT BE CEILING CAT, RITE?
 

Skuffyshootster

New member
Jan 13, 2009
2,753
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0
FluffX said:
PIKSHUR URSELF IN BOAT ON RIVR,
WITH TANGERINE TREEZ AND MARMALADE SKIEZ SOMEBODY CALLZ YOO,
YOUZ ANSWR QUITE SLOWLY,
GIRL WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYEZ.

CELLOFANE FLOWERZ OF YELLOW AND GREEN,
TOWERIN OVR YUR HEDD.
LOKAY FOR TEH GIRL WITH TEH SUN IN HR EYEZ,
AND SHEZ GONE.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

FOLLOW HR DOWN 2 BRIDGE BY FOUNTAIN
WHERE ROCKIN HORSE PEOPLE EAT MARSHMALLOW PIEZ,
EVERYONE SMILEZ AZ YOUZ DRIFT PAST TEH FLOWERZ,
THAT GROW SO INCREDIBLY HIGH.

NEWSPAPR TAXIZ APPEAR ON TEH SHORE,
WAITINS T TAKE YU AWAY.
CLIMB IN TEH BACK WITH YUR HEDD IN TEH CLOUDZ,
AND YOORE GONE.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

PIKSHUR YOARSELF ON TRAIN IN STASHUN,
WITH PLASTICINE PORTERZ WITH LOOKIN GLASZ TIEZ,
SUDDENLY SOMEONE AR TEH THERE AT TEH TURNSTILE,
TEH GIRL WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYEZ.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

Shame? What shame?
I think you should tell people what song that is.
 

pigeon_of_doom

Vice-Captain Hammer
Feb 9, 2008
1,171
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0
This is horrific. I thought it might be funny but it's just plain disturbing. I suppose I should contribute, as sick as it makes me feel.

THIZ BE TEH VERSE
THEY FUCK YOO UP, YOAR MUM AND DAD.
THEY MAY NOT MEAN 2, BUT THEY DO.
THEY FILL YU WITH TEH FAULTZ THEY HAD AND ADD SUM EXTRA, JUS FOR YOUZ.
BUT THEY WERE FUKKID UP IN THEIR TURN BY FOOLZ IN OLD-STYLE HATZ AND COATZ,
HOO HALF TEH TIME WERE SOPPY-STERN AND HALF AT ONE ANUDDRZ THROATZ.
MAN HANDZ ON MISERY T MAN. IT DEEPENZ LIKEZ COASTAL SHELF.
GET OUT AZ EARLY AZ YU CAN, AND DONT HAVE ANY KIDZ YURSELF.
 

Trivun

Stabat mater dolorosa
Dec 13, 2008
9,831
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Labyrinth said:
ONCE UPON MIDNITE DREARY, WHILE I PONDERED WEKK AND WEARY,
OVR MANY QUAINT AND CURIOUZ VOLUME OF FORGOTTEN LORE,
WHILE I NODDED, NEARLY NAPPIN, SUDDENLY THERE CAME TAPPIN,
AZ OF SUM ONE GENTLY RAPPIN, RAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR.
`TIZ SUM VISITOR, I MUTTERED, `TAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR -
ONLY THIZ, AND NUDDINS MOAR. AH, DISTINCTLY I REMEMBR IT WAZ IN TEH BLEKK DECEMBR,
AND EACH SEPARATE DYINS EMBR WROUGHT ITZ GHOST UPON TEH FLOOR.
EUJRLY I WISHED TEH MORROW; - VAINLY I HAD SOUGHT TO BORROW
FROM MUH BOOKZ SURCEEZ OF SORROW - SORROW 4 TEH LOST LENORE -
4 TEH RAR AND RADIANT MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
NAMELESZ HERE 4 EVERMOAR. AND TEH SILKEN SAD UNCERTAIN RUSTLIN OF EACH PURPLE CURTAIN
THRILLED ME - FILLED ME WITH FANTASTIC TERRORZ NEVR FELT BEFURE;
SO THAT NOW, T STILL TEH BEATIN OF MUH HEART, I STOOD REPEATIN
`TIZ SUM VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
SUM LATE VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR; -
THIZ IT AR TEH, AND NUDDINS MOAR, PRESENTLY MUH SOUL GREW STRONGR; HESITATIN THEN NO LONGR,
`SIR, SAID I, `OR MADAM, TRULY YORE FRGIVENESZ I IMPLORE;
BUT TEH FACT AR I WAZ NAPPIN, AND SO GENTLY YOUZ CAME RAPPIN,
AND SO FAINTLY YOO CAME TAPPIN, TAPPIN AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR,
THAT I SCARCE WAZ SHUR I HEARD YOO - HERE I OPENED WIDE TEH DOOR; -
DARKNESZ THERE, AND NUDDIN MOAR. DEEP INTO THAT DARKNESZ PEERIN, LONG I STOOD THERE WONDERIN, FEARIN,
DOUBTIN, DREAMINS DREAMZ NO MORTAL EVR DARD T DREAM BE4E
BUT TEH SILENCE WAZ UNBROKEN, AND TEH DARKNESZ GAVE NO TOKEN,
AND TEH ONLY WORD THERE SPOKEN WAZ TEH WHISPERED WORD, `LENORE!
THIZ I WHISPERED, AND AN ECHO MURMURED BACK TEH WORD, `LENORE!
MERELY THIZ AND NUDDIN MOAR. BACK INTO TEH CHAMBR TURNIN, ALL MUH SOUL WITHIN ME BURNIN,
SOON AGAIN I HEARD TAPPINS SOMEWUT LOUDR THAN BE4E.
`SURELY, SAID I, `SURELY THAT AR SOMETHIN AT MUH WINDOW LATTICE;
LET ME SEE THEN, WUT THEREAT AR, AND THIZ MUHSTERY EXPLORE -
LET MUH HEART BE STILL MOMENT AND THIZ MAHSTERY EXPLORE; -
TIZ TEH WIND AND NUDDINS MOAR! OPEN HERE I FLUNG TEH SHUTTR, WHEN, WITH MANY FLIRT AND FLUTTR,
IN THERE STEPPED STATELY RAVEN OF TEH SAINTLY DAYZ OF YORE.
NOT TEH LEAST OBEISANCE MADE HE; NOT MINUTE STOPPED OR STAYED HE;
BUT, WITH MIEN OV LORD OR LADY, PERCHED ABOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED UPON BUST OV PALLAZ JUS ABOOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED, AND SAT, AND NUDDIN MOAR. THEN THIZ EBONY BIRD BEGUILIN MAH SAD FANCY INTO SMILIN,
BY TEH GRAVE AND STERN DECORUM OV TEH COUNTENANCE IT WORE,
`THOUGH THY CREST BE SHORN AND SHAVEN, THOU, I SAID, `ART SHUR NO CRAVEN.
GHASTLY GRIM AND ANCIENT RAVEN WANDERINS FROM TEH NITELY SHORE -
TELL ME WUT THY LORDLY NAME AR TEH ON TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. MUCH I MARVELLED THIZ UNGAINLY FOWL TO HEAR DISCOURSE SO PLAINLY,
THOUGH ITZ ANSWR LITTLE MEANINS - LITTLE RELEVANCY BORE;
FOR WE CANNOT HELP AGREEINS THAT NO LIVIN HUMAN BEINS
EVR YET WAZ BLESSED WITH SEEINS BIRD ABOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR -
BIRD OR BEAST ABUV TEH SCULPCHURD BUST ABOOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR,
WITH SUCH NAME AZ `NEVERMOAR. BUT TEH RAVEN, SITTIN LONELY ON TEH PLACID BUST, SPOKE ONLY,
THAT ONE WORD, AZ IF HIZ SOUL IN THAT ONE WORD HE DID OUTPOUR.
NUDDIN FURTHR THEN HE UTTERED - NOT FEATHR THEN HE FLUTTERED -
TILL I SCARCELY MOAR THAN MUTTERED `UDDR FRIENDZ HAVE FLOWN BEFURE -
ON TEH MORROW HE WILL LEAVE ME, AZ MUH HOPEZ HAVE FLOWN BEFORE.
THEN TEH BIRD SAID, `NEVERMOAR. STARTLED AT TEH STILLNESZ BROKEN BY REPLY SO APTLY SPOKEN,
`DOUBTLESZ, SAID I, `WUT IT UTTERZ AR TEH ITZ ONLY STOCK AND STORE,
CAUGHT FROM SUM UNHAPPY MASTR HOOM UNMERCIFUL DISASTR
FOLLOWED FAST AND FOLLOWED FASTR TILL HIZ SONGZ ONE BURDEN BORE -
TILL TEH DIRGEZ OF HIZ HOPE THAT MELANCHOLY BURDEN BORE
OF "NEVR-NEVERMOAR." BUT TEH RAVEN STILL BEGUILINS ALL MAH SAD SOUL INTO SMILIN,
STRAITE I WHEELED CUSHIONED SEAT IN FRONT OF BIRD AND BUST AND DOOR;
THEN, UPON TEH VELVET SINKINS, I BETOK MAHSELF T LINKINS
FANCY UNTO FANCY, THINKIN WHUT THIZ OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE -
WUT THIZ GRIM, UNGAINLY, GHASTLY, GAUNT, AND OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE
MEANT IN CROAKIN `NEVERMOAR. THIZ I SAT ENGUJD IN GUESSINS, BUT NO SYLLABLE EXPRESSINS
T TEH FOWL HOOSE FIERY EYEZ NOW BURNED INTO MAH BOSOMZ CORE;
THIZ AND MOAR I SAT DIVININS, WITH MUH HEDD AT EEZ RECLININ
ON TEH CUSHIONZ VELVET LININ THAT TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATED OR,
BUT HOOSE VELVET VIOLET LININ WITH TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATIN OR,
SHE SHALL PRESZ, AH, NEVERMOAR! THEN, METHOUGHT, TEH AIR GREW DENSR, PERFUMED FROM AN UNSEEN CENSR
SWUNG BY SERAFIM HOOSE FOOT-FALLZ TINKLED ON TEH TUFTED FLOOR.
`WRETCH, I CRIED, `THY GOD HATH LENT THEE - BY THEEZ ANGELZ HE HAZ SENT THEE
RESPITE - RESPITE AND NEPENTEH FROM THY MEMORIEZ OF LENORE!
QUAFF, OHZ QUAFF THIZ KIND NEPENTEH, AND FRGET THIZ LOST LENORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL! -
WHETHR TEMPTR SENT, OR WHETHR TEMPEST TOSSED THEE HERE ASHORE,
DESOLATE YET ALL UNDAUNTED, ON THIZ DESERT LAND ENCHANTED -
ON THIZ HUM BY HORROR HAUNTED - TELL ME TRULY, I IMPLORE -
AR THERE - AR TEH THERE BALM IN GILEDD? - TELL ME - TELL ME, I IMPLORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL!
BY THAT HEAVEN THAT BENDZ ABUUV UZ - BY THAT GOD WE BUDD ADORE -
TELL THIZ SOUL WITH SORROW LADEN IF, WITHIN TEH DISTANT AIDENN,
IT SHALL CLASP SAINTED MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
CLASP RIS AND RADIANT MAIDEN, HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE?
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `BE THAT WORD OUR SIGN OF PARTINS, BIRD OR FIEND! I SHRIEKED UPSTARTIN -
`GET THEE BACK INTO TEH TEMPEST AND TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
LEAVE NO BLACK PLUME AZ TOKEN OF THAT LIE THY SOUL HATH SPOKEN!
LEAVE MAH LONELINESZ UNBROKEN! - QUIT TEH BUST ABUUV MAH DOOR!
TAKE THY BEKK FROM OUT MUH HEART, AND TAKE THY FOARM FROM OFF MAH DOOR!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. AND TEH RAVEN, NEVR FLITTIN, STILL AR TEH SITTINS, STILL AR TEH SITTINS
ON TEH PALLID BUST OF PALLAZ JUS ABUUV MAH CHAMBR DOOR;
AND HIZ EYEZ HAVE ALL TEH SEEMINS OF DEMONZ THAT AR TEH DREAMINS,
AND TEH LAMP-LITE OR HIM STREAMINS THROWZ HIZ SHADOW ON TEH FLOOR;
AND MUH SOUL FROM OUT THAT SHADOW THAT LIEZ FLOATIN ON TEH FLOOR
SHALL BE LIFTED - NEVERMOAR! HORIZONTAL SPACE
VERTICAL SPACE. KTHXBYE!
a loooooooooooooooong time b4 moot
i can haz remember
w3n d4t m00sic maek me :)
and i new if i had my chance
i could maek dose ppl dance
and mayb they'd be :)) 4 a wile

feb maek me shiva
w/ evry lolcat i delivr
no lulz on da doorstep
i couldnt taek 1 moar step

cant haz remembr if i :'(
wen i herd about hiz widowd chixorz
sumthing hit me deep inside
tha day tha tunez got pwnd.
I should be shot for doing this.

ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH... Labyrinth, I officially hate you now, I was just about to fire up the old translator and do The Raven. I'll have to try Discworld now...

Just kidding, you're great really. Still annoyed at you though...

TEH SUN ROSE SLOWLY, AZ IF IT WASNT SHUR IT WAZ WORTH ALL TEH EFFORT. ANUDDR DISC DAY DAWNED, BUT VERY GRADUALLY, AND THIZ AR TEH WHY. WHEN LITE ENCOUNTERZ STRONG MAGICAL FIELD IT LOSEZ ALL SENSE OV URGENCY. IT SLOWZ RITE DOWN. AND ON TEH DISCWRLD TEH MAGIC WAZ EMBARRASSINGLY STRONG, WHICH MEANT THAT TEH SOFT YELLOW LITE OV DAWN FLOWED OVR TEH SLEEPINS LANDSCAPE LIEK TEH CISSZ OF GENTLE LUBSR OR, AZ SUM WOULD HAVE IT, LIEK GOLDEN SYRUP. IT PAUSED T FILL UP VALLEYZ. IT PILED UP AGAINST MOUNTAIN RANGEZ. WHEN IT REACHED CORI CELESTI, TEH TEN MILE SPIRE OF GREY STONE AND GREEN ICE THAT MARKED TEH HUB OF TEH DISC AND WAZ TEH HUM OF ITZ GODZ, IT BUILT UP IN HEAPZ UNTIL IT FINALLY CRASHED IN GREAT LAZY TSUNAMI AZ SILENT AZ VELVET, ACROSZ TEH DARK LANDSCAPE BEYOND.

The first few paragraphs of The Light Fantastic.
 

AdamAK

New member
Jun 6, 2008
166
0
0
Internet Kraken said:
IZ THIS A DUGGUR I SEEZ?!?!
THE HANDLEZ TO MY HAND?!?! I TAKEZ IT
BUT I DUN FEELZ IT YET ITZ STILL THAR
IS IT NOT REALZ?!
I HAS DAGGER? OR IS IT A PHOTOSHOP!?!?
ITS STILL THAR AND ITS REALLY KEWL
IT TELLS ME TO KILL SOME DUDE
AND ITS COVERED IN BLOOD
DONT REMEMBAR THAT, BUT ITS KEWL
I GOTTZ TO SLEEP MY EYES ARE TRIPPY
NOW I'M SEEING ALL THIS WEIRD ASS SHIT
AND WITCHES ARE STEALING MY HOTDOGS
AND HECTATES LIKE "LOLOLOLO HOTDOS ARE KEWL"
AND HIS WOLF STEALS THE HOTDOGS
AND IM LIKE "FUCK OFF MY HOTDOGS"
I NEEDZ HOTDOGZ!!!!!!
WATCHES ME LIKE CELLING CAT
THE EARTH NEEDS TO PISS OFF CAUSE ITS A NEWFAG
OH YAH, I BETTER KILL THAT DUDE
TOOK MY HOTDOGS, THAT AINT KEWL
MacBeth had hotdogs?

Awesome topic, by the way. I'll try to contribute once I find something nice to translate.
 

Player 2

New member
Feb 20, 2009
739
0
0
Shapsters said:
I DO NOT LIEK TEH GRN EGGS N HAMZ!
I DO NOT LIEK DEM SAMZ I AMZ!
I DO NOT LIEK DEM IN TEH HOUSE!
I DO NOT LIEK DEM ON TEH MOUZE
MY GREAN EGGS AND HAMZ0RZ, LET ME SHOW YU DEM
WOOD YOU HAV EATED THEM IN A BOX?
WOOD YOU HAV EATED THEM WIF A FOX?