a promise to the_root_of_all_evil finally fulfilled - LOLiterature

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Ultrajoe

Omnichairman
Apr 24, 2008
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Khedive Rex said:
IT?Z SLEEPY TIM ON A SATURDEH,
TEH LOLCATZ TUMBL IN,
OLD KITTEH SITZ NEXT TO ME,
THINKIN OF OLD EPIC WINZ.

HE SAYZ, ?KITTEH I CAN HAZ MELODEH??
I FORGOTZ HOW IT GOES.
BUT IT MAD ME SADFACE, FOR TEH WHOL LOLCAT RACE,
WEN I WAS A YUNGER PHOTO.

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT.
SINGIN TEH SONGZ TOONYT
I JUST CAM UP WIFF DIS MELODEH,
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.

BARTENDR LOLCAT IS FWIEND OF MIN,
ALL OF HIZ CAPTIONS AR WITTEH.
AND HES QUICK WIFF TEH LOLZ OR A FU BARRELROLLZ
BUT SOMEFING MAKZ HIM SADKITTEH.

HE SAYZ ?JOHN I BELEEVZ DIS IS HOPLESZ?
AS HIZ EARZ FLATTEN OVER HIZ HEAD,
?I IZ SUPPOS TO BE BARTENDR,
BUT I DROPZ ALL TEH GLASSEZ INSTED.?

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

PAUL IS BUSINESMAN LOLCAT,
WOO NEVAR MAD TIM FOR TEH LURVEZ,
AND HEZ LOOKIN FOR WETCAT, WOOS CAUT IN A MAN BATH,
CUZ HE CANT GET UP OVAR TEH CURVZ.

AND TEH WAITRESZ IZ PRAYIN TO CEILING CAT
WYL HER CUTOMRZ CHU ON SUM ?NIP.
SHE SAYZ ?DON?T BE TEMPTED BY FLOOR CAT!?
DEY TELL HER ?JUST TRY A DIP.?

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT.
SINGIN TEH SONGZ TOONYT.
I JUST CAM UP WIFF DIS MELOEH
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.

IT?Z A PRETY GUD CAST, FOR SLEEPYTIME,
AND MANAGER CAT STARTZ TO PUR,
CUZ HE NOS I IZ STAR, I IZ GONNA GO FAR,
AND GETZ LOTZ OF CHEEZBURGERZ.

AND THE SONGZ I PLAYZ IS BOOTIFUL
BETAR DAN NE OLD RAWRZ.
WITH TEH DOW?S AND TEH LA?S I RELEEZ FROM MAH PAWZ,
I WISH I HAZ REEL FINGARZ.

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT
SINGIN TEH SONGS TOONYT.
I JUST CAME UP WIFF DIS MELODY,
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.
I love you.

And now, for something completely different

Itz liek a rule of teh interwebz dat anyone who haz internetz is all liek 'I can haz gurl?'. But hez liek emo newfeg on de chanz, nobudee can thinks hiz storeez be cuul storiez bro. Diz is liek oldur thun tubz, so all olfegs be liek srs cat and go 'I can haz u' for their grls.

Ah, the pride I never had soars.
 

jamesworkshop

New member
Sep 3, 2008
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THIZ WAZ THAT CULT, AND TEH PRISONERZ SAID IT HAD ALWAYZ EXISTED AND ALWAYZ WOULD EXIST, HIDDEN IN DISTANT WASTEZ AND DARK PLACEZ ALL OVR TEH WRLD UNTIL TEH TIME WHEN TEH GREAT PRIEST CTHULHU, FROM HIZ DARK HOUSE IN TEH MITEY CITY OV RLYEH UNDR TEH WATERZ, SHOULD RISE AND BRIN TEH EARTH AGAIN BENEATH HIZ SWAY. SUM DAY HE WOULD CALL, WHEN TEH STARZ WERE REDDY, AND TEH SECRET CULT WOULD ALWAYZ BE WAITINS TO LIBERATE HIM.

H.P. Luvcraftz
 

pigeon_of_doom

Vice-Captain Hammer
Feb 9, 2008
1,171
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I don't know if the people posting Eliot poems are fans or they just hate his elitist poetry so much they want to see if they can make it even less accessible.

Anyway, more mangling of classics to justify the existence of this post.

PIPIN DOWN TEH VALLEYS WILD
PIPIN SONGS OV PLEASANT GLEE
ON CLOUD I SAW CHILD.
AN HE LAUGHIN SED 2 ME.

PIPE SONG BOUT LAMB:
SO I PIPD WIF MERRY CHEAR,
PIPR PIPE DAT SONG AGAIN --
SO I PIPD, HE WEPT 2 HEAR.

DROP THY PIPE THY HAPPEH PIPE
SING THY SONGS OV HAPPEH CHEAR,
SO I SUNG TEH SAME AGAIN
WHILE HE WEPT WIF JOY 2 HEAR.

PIPR SIT THEE DOWN AN RITE
IN BOOK DAT ALL CUD READ --
SO HE VANISHD FRUM MAH SIGHT,
AN I PLUCKD HOLLOW RED.

AN I MADE RURAL PEN,
AN I STAIND TEH WATR CLEAR,
AN I WROTE MAH HAPPEH SONGS
EVRY CHILD CUD JOY 2 HEAR
 

chefassassin2

New member
Jan 2, 2009
1,311
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Labyrinth said:
ONCE UPON MIDNITE DREARY, WHILE I PONDERED WEKK AND WEARY,
OVR MANY QUAINT AND CURIOUZ VOLUME OF FORGOTTEN LORE,
WHILE I NODDED, NEARLY NAPPIN, SUDDENLY THERE CAME TAPPIN,
AZ OF SUM ONE GENTLY RAPPIN, RAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR.
`TIZ SUM VISITOR, I MUTTERED, `TAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR -
ONLY THIZ, AND NUDDINS MOAR. AH, DISTINCTLY I REMEMBR IT WAZ IN TEH BLEKK DECEMBR,
AND EACH SEPARATE DYINS EMBR WROUGHT ITZ GHOST UPON TEH FLOOR.
EUJRLY I WISHED TEH MORROW; - VAINLY I HAD SOUGHT TO BORROW
FROM MUH BOOKZ SURCEEZ OF SORROW - SORROW 4 TEH LOST LENORE -
4 TEH RAR AND RADIANT MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
NAMELESZ HERE 4 EVERMOAR. AND TEH SILKEN SAD UNCERTAIN RUSTLIN OF EACH PURPLE CURTAIN
THRILLED ME - FILLED ME WITH FANTASTIC TERRORZ NEVR FELT BEFURE;
SO THAT NOW, T STILL TEH BEATIN OF MUH HEART, I STOOD REPEATIN
`TIZ SUM VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
SUM LATE VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR; -
THIZ IT AR TEH, AND NUDDINS MOAR, PRESENTLY MUH SOUL GREW STRONGR; HESITATIN THEN NO LONGR,
`SIR, SAID I, `OR MADAM, TRULY YORE FRGIVENESZ I IMPLORE;
BUT TEH FACT AR I WAZ NAPPIN, AND SO GENTLY YOUZ CAME RAPPIN,
AND SO FAINTLY YOO CAME TAPPIN, TAPPIN AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR,
THAT I SCARCE WAZ SHUR I HEARD YOO - HERE I OPENED WIDE TEH DOOR; -
DARKNESZ THERE, AND NUDDIN MOAR. DEEP INTO THAT DARKNESZ PEERIN, LONG I STOOD THERE WONDERIN, FEARIN,
DOUBTIN, DREAMINS DREAMZ NO MORTAL EVR DARD T DREAM BE4E
BUT TEH SILENCE WAZ UNBROKEN, AND TEH DARKNESZ GAVE NO TOKEN,
AND TEH ONLY WORD THERE SPOKEN WAZ TEH WHISPERED WORD, `LENORE!
THIZ I WHISPERED, AND AN ECHO MURMURED BACK TEH WORD, `LENORE!
MERELY THIZ AND NUDDIN MOAR. BACK INTO TEH CHAMBR TURNIN, ALL MUH SOUL WITHIN ME BURNIN,
SOON AGAIN I HEARD TAPPINS SOMEWUT LOUDR THAN BE4E.
`SURELY, SAID I, `SURELY THAT AR SOMETHIN AT MUH WINDOW LATTICE;
LET ME SEE THEN, WUT THEREAT AR, AND THIZ MUHSTERY EXPLORE -
LET MUH HEART BE STILL MOMENT AND THIZ MAHSTERY EXPLORE; -
TIZ TEH WIND AND NUDDINS MOAR! OPEN HERE I FLUNG TEH SHUTTR, WHEN, WITH MANY FLIRT AND FLUTTR,
IN THERE STEPPED STATELY RAVEN OF TEH SAINTLY DAYZ OF YORE.
NOT TEH LEAST OBEISANCE MADE HE; NOT MINUTE STOPPED OR STAYED HE;
BUT, WITH MIEN OV LORD OR LADY, PERCHED ABOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED UPON BUST OV PALLAZ JUS ABOOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED, AND SAT, AND NUDDIN MOAR. THEN THIZ EBONY BIRD BEGUILIN MAH SAD FANCY INTO SMILIN,
BY TEH GRAVE AND STERN DECORUM OV TEH COUNTENANCE IT WORE,
`THOUGH THY CREST BE SHORN AND SHAVEN, THOU, I SAID, `ART SHUR NO CRAVEN.
GHASTLY GRIM AND ANCIENT RAVEN WANDERINS FROM TEH NITELY SHORE -
TELL ME WUT THY LORDLY NAME AR TEH ON TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. MUCH I MARVELLED THIZ UNGAINLY FOWL TO HEAR DISCOURSE SO PLAINLY,
THOUGH ITZ ANSWR LITTLE MEANINS - LITTLE RELEVANCY BORE;
FOR WE CANNOT HELP AGREEINS THAT NO LIVIN HUMAN BEINS
EVR YET WAZ BLESSED WITH SEEINS BIRD ABOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR -
BIRD OR BEAST ABUV TEH SCULPCHURD BUST ABOOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR,
WITH SUCH NAME AZ `NEVERMOAR. BUT TEH RAVEN, SITTIN LONELY ON TEH PLACID BUST, SPOKE ONLY,
THAT ONE WORD, AZ IF HIZ SOUL IN THAT ONE WORD HE DID OUTPOUR.
NUDDIN FURTHR THEN HE UTTERED - NOT FEATHR THEN HE FLUTTERED -
TILL I SCARCELY MOAR THAN MUTTERED `UDDR FRIENDZ HAVE FLOWN BEFURE -
ON TEH MORROW HE WILL LEAVE ME, AZ MUH HOPEZ HAVE FLOWN BEFORE.
THEN TEH BIRD SAID, `NEVERMOAR. STARTLED AT TEH STILLNESZ BROKEN BY REPLY SO APTLY SPOKEN,
`DOUBTLESZ, SAID I, `WUT IT UTTERZ AR TEH ITZ ONLY STOCK AND STORE,
CAUGHT FROM SUM UNHAPPY MASTR HOOM UNMERCIFUL DISASTR
FOLLOWED FAST AND FOLLOWED FASTR TILL HIZ SONGZ ONE BURDEN BORE -
TILL TEH DIRGEZ OF HIZ HOPE THAT MELANCHOLY BURDEN BORE
OF "NEVR-NEVERMOAR." BUT TEH RAVEN STILL BEGUILINS ALL MAH SAD SOUL INTO SMILIN,
STRAITE I WHEELED CUSHIONED SEAT IN FRONT OF BIRD AND BUST AND DOOR;
THEN, UPON TEH VELVET SINKINS, I BETOK MAHSELF T LINKINS
FANCY UNTO FANCY, THINKIN WHUT THIZ OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE -
WUT THIZ GRIM, UNGAINLY, GHASTLY, GAUNT, AND OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE
MEANT IN CROAKIN `NEVERMOAR. THIZ I SAT ENGUJD IN GUESSINS, BUT NO SYLLABLE EXPRESSINS
T TEH FOWL HOOSE FIERY EYEZ NOW BURNED INTO MAH BOSOMZ CORE;
THIZ AND MOAR I SAT DIVININS, WITH MUH HEDD AT EEZ RECLININ
ON TEH CUSHIONZ VELVET LININ THAT TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATED OR,
BUT HOOSE VELVET VIOLET LININ WITH TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATIN OR,
SHE SHALL PRESZ, AH, NEVERMOAR! THEN, METHOUGHT, TEH AIR GREW DENSR, PERFUMED FROM AN UNSEEN CENSR
SWUNG BY SERAFIM HOOSE FOOT-FALLZ TINKLED ON TEH TUFTED FLOOR.
`WRETCH, I CRIED, `THY GOD HATH LENT THEE - BY THEEZ ANGELZ HE HAZ SENT THEE
RESPITE - RESPITE AND NEPENTEH FROM THY MEMORIEZ OF LENORE!
QUAFF, OHZ QUAFF THIZ KIND NEPENTEH, AND FRGET THIZ LOST LENORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL! -
WHETHR TEMPTR SENT, OR WHETHR TEMPEST TOSSED THEE HERE ASHORE,
DESOLATE YET ALL UNDAUNTED, ON THIZ DESERT LAND ENCHANTED -
ON THIZ HUM BY HORROR HAUNTED - TELL ME TRULY, I IMPLORE -
AR THERE - AR TEH THERE BALM IN GILEDD? - TELL ME - TELL ME, I IMPLORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL!
BY THAT HEAVEN THAT BENDZ ABUUV UZ - BY THAT GOD WE BUDD ADORE -
TELL THIZ SOUL WITH SORROW LADEN IF, WITHIN TEH DISTANT AIDENN,
IT SHALL CLASP SAINTED MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
CLASP RIS AND RADIANT MAIDEN, HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE?
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `BE THAT WORD OUR SIGN OF PARTINS, BIRD OR FIEND! I SHRIEKED UPSTARTIN -
`GET THEE BACK INTO TEH TEMPEST AND TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
LEAVE NO BLACK PLUME AZ TOKEN OF THAT LIE THY SOUL HATH SPOKEN!
LEAVE MAH LONELINESZ UNBROKEN! - QUIT TEH BUST ABUUV MAH DOOR!
TAKE THY BEKK FROM OUT MUH HEART, AND TAKE THY FOARM FROM OFF MAH DOOR!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. AND TEH RAVEN, NEVR FLITTIN, STILL AR TEH SITTINS, STILL AR TEH SITTINS
ON TEH PALLID BUST OF PALLAZ JUS ABUUV MAH CHAMBR DOOR;
AND HIZ EYEZ HAVE ALL TEH SEEMINS OF DEMONZ THAT AR TEH DREAMINS,
AND TEH LAMP-LITE OR HIM STREAMINS THROWZ HIZ SHADOW ON TEH FLOOR;
AND MUH SOUL FROM OUT THAT SHADOW THAT LIEZ FLOATIN ON TEH FLOOR
SHALL BE LIFTED - NEVERMOAR! HORIZONTAL SPACE
VERTICAL SPACE. KTHXBYE!
a loooooooooooooooong time b4 moot
i can haz remember
w3n d4t m00sic maek me :)
and i new if i had my chance
i could maek dose ppl dance
and mayb they'd be :)) 4 a wile

feb maek me shiva
w/ evry lolcat i delivr
no lulz on da doorstep
i couldnt taek 1 moar step

cant haz remembr if i :'(
wen i herd about hiz widowd chixorz
sumthing hit me deep inside
tha day tha tunez got pwnd.
I should be shot for doing this.
Part of me is so proud and amaazed, and part of me wants to claw my eyes out. I am honestly, completely speechless after reading that. Well done!
 

Dorian

New member
Jan 16, 2009
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I think what was left of my innocence died when I open this thread.

Somebody please kill me.
 

TheGhostOfSin

Terrible, Terrible Damage.
May 21, 2008
997
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21
SHALL I COMPAR THEE 2 SUMMRZ DAY?
THOU ART MOAR LUBSLY AND MOAR TEMPERATE:
ROUGH WINDZ DO SHAKE TEH DARLIN BUDZ OV MAY,
AND SUMMRZ LEEZ HATH ALL T SHORT DATE:
SOMETIME 2 HOT TEH EYE OV HEAVEN SHINEZ,
AND OFTEN AR TEH HIZ GOLD COMPLEXION DIMMD;
AND EVERY FAIR FROM FAIR SOMETIME DECLINEZ,
BY CHANCE OR NACHURZ CHANGINS COURSE UNTRIMMD;
BUT THY ETERNAL SUMMR SHALL NOT FADE
NOR LOSE POSSESSHUN OF THAT FAIR THOU OWEST;
NOR SHALL DEATH BRAG THOU WANDRST IN HIZ SHADE,
WHEN IN ETERNAL LINEZ T TIME THOU GROWEST:
SO LONG AZ MEN CAN BREATEH OR EYEZ CAN SEE,
SO LONG LIVEZ THIZ AND THIZ GIVEZ LIFE T THEE.


Ugh, unclean...
 

ElephantGuts

New member
Jul 9, 2008
3,520
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Khedive Rex said:
IT?Z SLEEPY TIM ON A SATURDEH,
TEH LOLCATZ TUMBL IN,
OLD KITTEH SITZ NEXT TO ME,
THINKIN OF OLD EPIC WINZ.

HE SAYZ, ?KITTEH I CAN HAZ MELODEH??
I FORGOTZ HOW IT GOES.
BUT IT MAD ME SADFACE, FOR TEH WHOL LOLCAT RACE,
WEN I WAS A YUNGER PHOTO.

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT.
SINGIN TEH SONGZ TOONYT
I JUST CAM UP WIFF DIS MELODEH,
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.

BARTENDR LOLCAT IS FWIEND OF MIN,
ALL OF HIZ CAPTIONS AR WITTEH.
AND HES QUICK WIFF TEH LOLZ OR A FU BARRELROLLZ
BUT SOMEFING MAKZ HIM SADKITTEH.

HE SAYZ ?JOHN I BELEEVZ DIS IS HOPLESZ?
AS HIZ EARZ FLATTEN OVER HIZ HEAD,
?I IZ SUPPOS TO BE BARTENDR,
BUT I DROPZ ALL TEH GLASSEZ INSTED.?

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

PAUL IS BUSINESMAN LOLCAT,
WOO NEVAR MAD TIM FOR TEH LURVEZ,
AND HEZ LOOKIN FOR WETCAT, WOOS CAUT IN A MAN BATH,
CUZ HE CANT GET UP OVAR TEH CURVZ.

AND TEH WAITRESZ IZ PRAYIN TO CEILING CAT
WYL HER CUTOMRZ CHU ON SUM ?NIP.
SHE SAYZ ?DON?T BE TEMPTED BY FLOOR CAT!?
DEY TELL HER ?JUST TRY A DIP.?

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT.
SINGIN TEH SONGZ TOONYT.
I JUST CAM UP WIFF DIS MELOEH
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.

IT?Z A PRETY GUD CAST, FOR SLEEPYTIME,
AND MANAGER CAT STARTZ TO PUR,
CUZ HE NOS I IZ STAR, I IZ GONNA GO FAR,
AND GETZ LOTZ OF CHEEZBURGERZ.

AND THE SONGZ I PLAYZ IS BOOTIFUL
BETAR DAN NE OLD RAWRZ.
WITH TEH DOW?S AND TEH LA?S I RELEEZ FROM MAH PAWZ,
I WISH I HAZ REEL FINGARZ.

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT
SINGIN TEH SONGS TOONYT.
I JUST CAME UP WIFF DIS MELODY,
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.
That was actually really good. The only one of the abominations in this thread that I've enjoyed.
 

Skuffyshootster

New member
Jan 13, 2009
2,753
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FluffX said:
Echer123 said:
FluffX said:
PIKSHUR URSELF IN BOAT ON RIVR,
WITH TANGERINE TREEZ AND MARMALADE SKIEZ SOMEBODY CALLZ YOO,
YOUZ ANSWR QUITE SLOWLY,
GIRL WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYEZ.

CELLOFANE FLOWERZ OF YELLOW AND GREEN,
TOWERIN OVR YUR HEDD.
LOKAY FOR TEH GIRL WITH TEH SUN IN HR EYEZ,
AND SHEZ GONE.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

FOLLOW HR DOWN 2 BRIDGE BY FOUNTAIN
WHERE ROCKIN HORSE PEOPLE EAT MARSHMALLOW PIEZ,
EVERYONE SMILEZ AZ YOUZ DRIFT PAST TEH FLOWERZ,
THAT GROW SO INCREDIBLY HIGH.

NEWSPAPR TAXIZ APPEAR ON TEH SHORE,
WAITINS T TAKE YU AWAY.
CLIMB IN TEH BACK WITH YUR HEDD IN TEH CLOUDZ,
AND YOORE GONE.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

PIKSHUR YOARSELF ON TRAIN IN STASHUN,
WITH PLASTICINE PORTERZ WITH LOOKIN GLASZ TIEZ,
SUDDENLY SOMEONE AR TEH THERE AT TEH TURNSTILE,
TEH GIRL WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYEZ.

LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
LUCY IN TEH SKY WITH DIAMONDZ
AH.. AH...

Shame? What shame?
I think you should tell people what song that is.
Does the chorus not make it obvious enough?
Hmmmm, good point.
 
Feb 13, 2008
19,430
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mshcherbatskaya said:
Root and I were trading these back and forth a while back, and we always meant to thread it up, so here it is.

And root, if you don't post to this, you are a punk.
Oops. Sometimes I overlook things when I'm busy creating masterpieces.

Or playing Team Fortress 2, you decide. :)

Here's one I finished earlier though [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.79468?page=2#1029767]

Give me a night's sleep though. It's a quarter to 4 here. Something in the morn, I promise.
 
Feb 13, 2008
19,430
0
0
Ah hell, who needs sleep.

BENT DOUBLE, LIKEZ OLD BEGGARZ UNDR SACKZ, KNOCK-KNEED, COUGHINS LIEK HAGZ, WE CURSED THROUGH SLUDGE, TILL ON TEH HAUNTIN FLISZ WE TURNED OUR BACKZ AND TOWARDZ OUR DISTANT REST BEGAN TO TRUDGE. MEN MARCHED ASLEEP. MANY HAD LOST THEIR BOOTZ BUT LIMPED ON, BLOOD-SHOD. ALL WENT LAME; ALL BLIND; DRUNK WITH FATIGUE; DEAF EVEN TO TEH HOOTZ OV TIRED, OUTSTRIPPED FIVE-NINEZ THAT DROPPED BEHIND. GAZ! GAZ! QUICK, BOYZ! ? AN ECSTASY OF FUMBLIN, FITTIN TEH CLUMSY HELMETZ JUS IN TIME; BUT SOMEONE STILL WAZ YELLINS OUT AND STUMBLINS, AND FLOUNDRINS LIEK MAN IN FIRE OR LIME . . . DIM, THROUGH TEH MISTY PANEZ AND THICK GREEN LITE, AZ UNDR GREEN SEA, I SAW HIM DROWNINS. IN ALL MAH DREAMZ, BEFRE MUH HELPLESZ SITE, HE PLUNGEZ AT ME, GUTTERIN, CHOKIN, DROWNINS. IF IN SUM SMUDDERIN DREAMZ YOO TO COULD PACE BEHIND TEH WAGON THAT WE FLUNG HIM IN, AND WATCH TEH WHITE EYEZ WRITHINS IN HIZ FACE, HIZ HANGIN FACE, LIKEZ DEVILZ SICK OF SIN; IF YOUZ COULD HEAR, AT EVERY JOLT, TEH BLOOD CUM GARGLINS FROM TEH FRUDD-CORRUPTED LUNGZ, OBSCENE AZ CANCR, BITTR AZ TEH CUD OF VILE, INCURABLE SOREZ ON INNOCENT TONGUEZ, MUH FRIEND, YOO WOULD NOT TELL WITH SUCH HIGH ZEST TO CHILDREN ARDENT FOAR SUM DESPERATE GLORY, TEH OLD LIE; DULCE ET DECORUM EST PRO PATRIA MORI. . KTHXBYE!

TEH PATH OF TEH RICHUZ MAN AR ON ALL SIDEZ BY TEH INYQUITTIEZ OV TEH SELFISH AND TEH TYRANNY OV EBIL MEN. BLESSED AR HE, HOO IN TEH NAME OF CATURDAY AND FUD WILL, SHEFERDZ TEH WEKK THROUGH TEH VALLEY OV DARKNESZ, FOR HE AR TEH TRULY HIZ BRUDDRZ KEEPR AND TEH FINDR OF LOST KITTEHS. AND I WILL STRIKE DOWN UPON THEE WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUZ ANGR THOSE HOO WOULD ATTEMPT TO POISON AND DESTROY MAH BRUDDERZ. AND YU WILL KNOW MAH NAME AR TEH CEILING CAT WHEN I LAY MUH VENGEANCE UPON THEE.
 

The_Chief

New member
Jun 3, 2008
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I DONT REDD CLASSIC LITERICHUR. SO HEREZ TEH WATR BUFFALO SONG
EVERYBODYZ GOT WATR BUFFALO YURZ AR FAST BUT MINE AR TEH SLOW
BUT EVERYONEZ GOT WATR BUFFALO
I TOKAY MUH BUFFALO TO TEH STORE.
GOT HIZ HEDD STUCK IN TEH DOOR. SPILLED SUM LIMA BEANZ ON TEH FLOOR.
O EVERYONEZ GOT WATR BUFFALOO!

also here is the pirates who dont do anything

WE IS TEH PIRATEZ WE DONT DO ANYTHIN WE JUS STAY AT HUM,
AND LIE AROUND AND IF YOUZ ASK UZ,
TO DO ANYTHINS WELL JUS TELL YOO,
WE DONT DO ANYTHINS WELL
IVE NEVR BEEN 2 GREENLAND AND IVE NEVR BEEN T DENVR AND IVE NEVR BURIED TREASHUR IN ST LOUIE OR ST PAUL AND IVE NEVR BEEN TO MOSCOW AND IVE NEVR BEEN TO TAMPA AND IVE NEVR BEEN TO BOSTON IN TEH FALL
WE R TEH PIRATEZ WE DONT DO ANYTHIN WE JUS STAY AT HUM, AND LIE AROUND AND IF U ASK UZ, TO DO ANYTHIN WELL JUS TELL YOUZ, WE DONT DO ANYTHINS
AND IVE NEVR HOIST TEH MAIN SAIL AND IVE NEVR SWABBED TEH POOP DECK AND IVE NEVR VEERED STARBOARD, CAUSE IVE NEVR SAILED AT ALL AND IVE NEVR WALKED TEH GANG PLANK AND IVE NEVR OWNED PARROT. AND IVE NEVR BEEN 2 BOSTON IN TEH FALL
WE AR TEH PIRATEZ WE DONT DO ANYTHINS WE JUS STAY AT HUM, AND LIE AROUND AND IF U ASK UZ, TO DO ANYTHINS WELL JUS TELL YOO, WE DONT DO ANYTHINS
IVE NEVR PLUKKID ROOSTR AND I AM NOT TO GOED AT PIN-PONG AND IVE NEVR THROWN MAH MASHED POTATOEZ UP AGAINST TEH WALL AND IVE NEVR KISSED CHIPMUNK, AND IVE NEVR GOTTEN HEDD LICE AND I HAVE NEVR BEEN TO BOSTON IN TEH FALL
AND IVE NEVR LICKED SPARK-PLUG AND IVE NEVR SNIFFED STINK BUG AND IVE NEVR PAINTED DAISIEZ ON BIG RED RUBBR BALL AND IVE NEVR BATHED IN YOGURT AND I DONT LOK GUUD IN LEGGINGZ AND IVE NEVR BEEN TO BOSTON IN TEH FALL WE AR TEH PIRATEZ HOO DONT DO ANYTHIN WE JUS STAY AT HUM, AND LIE AROUND AND IF YU ASK UZ, T DO ANYTHIN WELL JUS TELL U, WE DONT DO ANYTHINS WE IS TEH PIRATEZ WE DONT DO ANYTHIN WE JUS STAY AT HUM, AND LIE AROUND AND IF U ASK UZ, TO DO ANYTHINS WELL JUS TELL YOUZ, WE DONT DO ANYTHINS
 

HPoirot

New member
Apr 15, 2009
129
0
0
ace_of_something said:
I tried. But can't do this. I don't look at lawlcatz enough to be able to translate.
A Suggestion
Mad World by Tears for Fears
ALL AROUND ME IS FAMILIAR FACEZ
WORN OUT PLACEZ, WORN OUT FACEZ
BRITE AND EARLY FOAR TEH DAILY RACEZ
GOIN NOWHERE, GOINS NOWHERE
THEIR TEARZ AR FILLIN UP THEIR GLASSEZ
NO EXPRESSHUN, NO EXPRESSHUN
HIDE MUH HEDD I WANNA DROWN MAH SORROW
NO TOMORROW, NO TOMORROW
AND I FIND IT KIND OV FUNNY, I FIND IT KIND OF SAD
TEH DREAMZ IN WHICH IM DYIN IS TEH BEST IVE EVR HAD
I FIND IT HARD TO TELL YOUZ, I FIND IT HARD T TAKE
WHEN PEOPLE RUN IN CIRCLEZ ITZ VERY, VERY
MAD WURLD, MAD WRLD
CHILDREN WAITIN FR TEH DAY THEY FEEL GOED
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY
AND I FEEL TEH WAY THAT EVERY CHILD SHOULD
SIT AND LISTEN, SIT AND LISTEN
WENT TO SCHOOL AND I WAZ VERY NERVOUZ
NO ONE KNEW ME, NO ONE KNEW ME
OH HAI, TEACHR TELL ME, WUTZ MUH LESSON?
LOKAY RITE THROUGH ME, LOKAY RITE THROUGH ME
AND I FIND IT KIND OV FUNNY, I KIND IT KIND OV SAD
TEH DREAMZ IN WHICH IM DYIN IS TEH BEST IVE EVR HAD
I FIND IT HARD T TELL YU, I FIND IT HARD TO TAKE
WHEN PEOPLE RUN IN CIRCLEZ ITZ VERY, VERY
MAD WURRLD, MAD WURRLD, ENLARGINS YOAR WHIRLD
MAD WRLD

That lolcat translator is frightening.

I might have nightmares.
 

coldfrog

Can you feel around inside?
Dec 22, 2008
1,320
0
0
ElephantGuts said:
Khedive Rex said:
IT?Z SLEEPY TIM ON A SATURDEH,
TEH LOLCATZ TUMBL IN,
OLD KITTEH SITZ NEXT TO ME,
THINKIN OF OLD EPIC WINZ.

HE SAYZ, ?KITTEH I CAN HAZ MELODEH??
I FORGOTZ HOW IT GOES.
BUT IT MAD ME SADFACE, FOR TEH WHOL LOLCAT RACE,
WEN I WAS A YUNGER PHOTO.

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT.
SINGIN TEH SONGZ TOONYT
I JUST CAM UP WIFF DIS MELODEH,
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.

BARTENDR LOLCAT IS FWIEND OF MIN,
ALL OF HIZ CAPTIONS AR WITTEH.
AND HES QUICK WIFF TEH LOLZ OR A FU BARRELROLLZ
BUT SOMEFING MAKZ HIM SADKITTEH.

HE SAYZ ?JOHN I BELEEVZ DIS IS HOPLESZ?
AS HIZ EARZ FLATTEN OVER HIZ HEAD,
?I IZ SUPPOS TO BE BARTENDR,
BUT I DROPZ ALL TEH GLASSEZ INSTED.?

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

PAUL IS BUSINESMAN LOLCAT,
WOO NEVAR MAD TIM FOR TEH LURVEZ,
AND HEZ LOOKIN FOR WETCAT, WOOS CAUT IN A MAN BATH,
CUZ HE CANT GET UP OVAR TEH CURVZ.

AND TEH WAITRESZ IZ PRAYIN TO CEILING CAT
WYL HER CUTOMRZ CHU ON SUM ?NIP.
SHE SAYZ ?DON?T BE TEMPTED BY FLOOR CAT!?
DEY TELL HER ?JUST TRY A DIP.?

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT.
SINGIN TEH SONGZ TOONYT.
I JUST CAM UP WIFF DIS MELOEH
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.

IT?Z A PRETY GUD CAST, FOR SLEEPYTIME,
AND MANAGER CAT STARTZ TO PUR,
CUZ HE NOS I IZ STAR, I IZ GONNA GO FAR,
AND GETZ LOTZ OF CHEEZBURGERZ.

AND THE SONGZ I PLAYZ IS BOOTIFUL
BETAR DAN NE OLD RAWRZ.
WITH TEH DOW?S AND TEH LA?S I RELEEZ FROM MAH PAWZ,
I WISH I HAZ REEL FINGARZ.

LA-DEDA DIDIDA. LA-DEDA DIDIDAAAAAAA! DADUM.

I?Z SINGIN SONGZ, I IZ PIANOCAT
SINGIN TEH SONGS TOONYT.
I JUST CAME UP WIFF DIS MELODY,
BUT I THINKZ I?Z PLAYIN ALRIGHT.
That was actually really good. The only one of the abominations in this thread that I've enjoyed.
Agreed, a lot of them are just plugged into the translator. It's better when you change it around a bit it make it something a little new.
 

Flap Jack452

New member
Jan 5, 2009
1,998
0
0
Labyrinth said:
ONCE UPON MIDNITE DREARY, WHILE I PONDERED WEKK AND WEARY,
OVR MANY QUAINT AND CURIOUZ VOLUME OF FORGOTTEN LORE,
WHILE I NODDED, NEARLY NAPPIN, SUDDENLY THERE CAME TAPPIN,
AZ OF SUM ONE GENTLY RAPPIN, RAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR.
`TIZ SUM VISITOR, I MUTTERED, `TAPPINS AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR -
ONLY THIZ, AND NUDDINS MOAR. AH, DISTINCTLY I REMEMBR IT WAZ IN TEH BLEKK DECEMBR,
AND EACH SEPARATE DYINS EMBR WROUGHT ITZ GHOST UPON TEH FLOOR.
EUJRLY I WISHED TEH MORROW; - VAINLY I HAD SOUGHT TO BORROW
FROM MUH BOOKZ SURCEEZ OF SORROW - SORROW 4 TEH LOST LENORE -
4 TEH RAR AND RADIANT MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
NAMELESZ HERE 4 EVERMOAR. AND TEH SILKEN SAD UNCERTAIN RUSTLIN OF EACH PURPLE CURTAIN
THRILLED ME - FILLED ME WITH FANTASTIC TERRORZ NEVR FELT BEFURE;
SO THAT NOW, T STILL TEH BEATIN OF MUH HEART, I STOOD REPEATIN
`TIZ SUM VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
SUM LATE VISITOR ENTREATIN ENTRANCE AT MUH CHAMBR DOOR; -
THIZ IT AR TEH, AND NUDDINS MOAR, PRESENTLY MUH SOUL GREW STRONGR; HESITATIN THEN NO LONGR,
`SIR, SAID I, `OR MADAM, TRULY YORE FRGIVENESZ I IMPLORE;
BUT TEH FACT AR I WAZ NAPPIN, AND SO GENTLY YOUZ CAME RAPPIN,
AND SO FAINTLY YOO CAME TAPPIN, TAPPIN AT MAH CHAMBR DOOR,
THAT I SCARCE WAZ SHUR I HEARD YOO - HERE I OPENED WIDE TEH DOOR; -
DARKNESZ THERE, AND NUDDIN MOAR. DEEP INTO THAT DARKNESZ PEERIN, LONG I STOOD THERE WONDERIN, FEARIN,
DOUBTIN, DREAMINS DREAMZ NO MORTAL EVR DARD T DREAM BE4E
BUT TEH SILENCE WAZ UNBROKEN, AND TEH DARKNESZ GAVE NO TOKEN,
AND TEH ONLY WORD THERE SPOKEN WAZ TEH WHISPERED WORD, `LENORE!
THIZ I WHISPERED, AND AN ECHO MURMURED BACK TEH WORD, `LENORE!
MERELY THIZ AND NUDDIN MOAR. BACK INTO TEH CHAMBR TURNIN, ALL MUH SOUL WITHIN ME BURNIN,
SOON AGAIN I HEARD TAPPINS SOMEWUT LOUDR THAN BE4E.
`SURELY, SAID I, `SURELY THAT AR SOMETHIN AT MUH WINDOW LATTICE;
LET ME SEE THEN, WUT THEREAT AR, AND THIZ MUHSTERY EXPLORE -
LET MUH HEART BE STILL MOMENT AND THIZ MAHSTERY EXPLORE; -
TIZ TEH WIND AND NUDDINS MOAR! OPEN HERE I FLUNG TEH SHUTTR, WHEN, WITH MANY FLIRT AND FLUTTR,
IN THERE STEPPED STATELY RAVEN OF TEH SAINTLY DAYZ OF YORE.
NOT TEH LEAST OBEISANCE MADE HE; NOT MINUTE STOPPED OR STAYED HE;
BUT, WITH MIEN OV LORD OR LADY, PERCHED ABOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED UPON BUST OV PALLAZ JUS ABOOVE MAH CHAMBR DOOR -
PERCHED, AND SAT, AND NUDDIN MOAR. THEN THIZ EBONY BIRD BEGUILIN MAH SAD FANCY INTO SMILIN,
BY TEH GRAVE AND STERN DECORUM OV TEH COUNTENANCE IT WORE,
`THOUGH THY CREST BE SHORN AND SHAVEN, THOU, I SAID, `ART SHUR NO CRAVEN.
GHASTLY GRIM AND ANCIENT RAVEN WANDERINS FROM TEH NITELY SHORE -
TELL ME WUT THY LORDLY NAME AR TEH ON TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. MUCH I MARVELLED THIZ UNGAINLY FOWL TO HEAR DISCOURSE SO PLAINLY,
THOUGH ITZ ANSWR LITTLE MEANINS - LITTLE RELEVANCY BORE;
FOR WE CANNOT HELP AGREEINS THAT NO LIVIN HUMAN BEINS
EVR YET WAZ BLESSED WITH SEEINS BIRD ABOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR -
BIRD OR BEAST ABUV TEH SCULPCHURD BUST ABOOVE HIZ CHAMBR DOOR,
WITH SUCH NAME AZ `NEVERMOAR. BUT TEH RAVEN, SITTIN LONELY ON TEH PLACID BUST, SPOKE ONLY,
THAT ONE WORD, AZ IF HIZ SOUL IN THAT ONE WORD HE DID OUTPOUR.
NUDDIN FURTHR THEN HE UTTERED - NOT FEATHR THEN HE FLUTTERED -
TILL I SCARCELY MOAR THAN MUTTERED `UDDR FRIENDZ HAVE FLOWN BEFURE -
ON TEH MORROW HE WILL LEAVE ME, AZ MUH HOPEZ HAVE FLOWN BEFORE.
THEN TEH BIRD SAID, `NEVERMOAR. STARTLED AT TEH STILLNESZ BROKEN BY REPLY SO APTLY SPOKEN,
`DOUBTLESZ, SAID I, `WUT IT UTTERZ AR TEH ITZ ONLY STOCK AND STORE,
CAUGHT FROM SUM UNHAPPY MASTR HOOM UNMERCIFUL DISASTR
FOLLOWED FAST AND FOLLOWED FASTR TILL HIZ SONGZ ONE BURDEN BORE -
TILL TEH DIRGEZ OF HIZ HOPE THAT MELANCHOLY BURDEN BORE
OF "NEVR-NEVERMOAR." BUT TEH RAVEN STILL BEGUILINS ALL MAH SAD SOUL INTO SMILIN,
STRAITE I WHEELED CUSHIONED SEAT IN FRONT OF BIRD AND BUST AND DOOR;
THEN, UPON TEH VELVET SINKINS, I BETOK MAHSELF T LINKINS
FANCY UNTO FANCY, THINKIN WHUT THIZ OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE -
WUT THIZ GRIM, UNGAINLY, GHASTLY, GAUNT, AND OMINOUZ BIRD OF YORE
MEANT IN CROAKIN `NEVERMOAR. THIZ I SAT ENGUJD IN GUESSINS, BUT NO SYLLABLE EXPRESSINS
T TEH FOWL HOOSE FIERY EYEZ NOW BURNED INTO MAH BOSOMZ CORE;
THIZ AND MOAR I SAT DIVININS, WITH MUH HEDD AT EEZ RECLININ
ON TEH CUSHIONZ VELVET LININ THAT TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATED OR,
BUT HOOSE VELVET VIOLET LININ WITH TEH LAMP-LITE GLOATIN OR,
SHE SHALL PRESZ, AH, NEVERMOAR! THEN, METHOUGHT, TEH AIR GREW DENSR, PERFUMED FROM AN UNSEEN CENSR
SWUNG BY SERAFIM HOOSE FOOT-FALLZ TINKLED ON TEH TUFTED FLOOR.
`WRETCH, I CRIED, `THY GOD HATH LENT THEE - BY THEEZ ANGELZ HE HAZ SENT THEE
RESPITE - RESPITE AND NEPENTEH FROM THY MEMORIEZ OF LENORE!
QUAFF, OHZ QUAFF THIZ KIND NEPENTEH, AND FRGET THIZ LOST LENORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL! -
WHETHR TEMPTR SENT, OR WHETHR TEMPEST TOSSED THEE HERE ASHORE,
DESOLATE YET ALL UNDAUNTED, ON THIZ DESERT LAND ENCHANTED -
ON THIZ HUM BY HORROR HAUNTED - TELL ME TRULY, I IMPLORE -
AR THERE - AR TEH THERE BALM IN GILEDD? - TELL ME - TELL ME, I IMPLORE!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `PROFET! SAID I, `THINS OF EVIL! - PROFET STILL, IF BIRD OR DEVIL!
BY THAT HEAVEN THAT BENDZ ABUUV UZ - BY THAT GOD WE BUDD ADORE -
TELL THIZ SOUL WITH SORROW LADEN IF, WITHIN TEH DISTANT AIDENN,
IT SHALL CLASP SAINTED MAIDEN HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE -
CLASP RIS AND RADIANT MAIDEN, HOOM TEH ANGELZ NAMED LENORE?
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. `BE THAT WORD OUR SIGN OF PARTINS, BIRD OR FIEND! I SHRIEKED UPSTARTIN -
`GET THEE BACK INTO TEH TEMPEST AND TEH NITEZ PLUTONIAN SHORE!
LEAVE NO BLACK PLUME AZ TOKEN OF THAT LIE THY SOUL HATH SPOKEN!
LEAVE MAH LONELINESZ UNBROKEN! - QUIT TEH BUST ABUUV MAH DOOR!
TAKE THY BEKK FROM OUT MUH HEART, AND TAKE THY FOARM FROM OFF MAH DOOR!
QUUDD TEH RAVEN, `NEVERMOAR. AND TEH RAVEN, NEVR FLITTIN, STILL AR TEH SITTINS, STILL AR TEH SITTINS
ON TEH PALLID BUST OF PALLAZ JUS ABUUV MAH CHAMBR DOOR;
AND HIZ EYEZ HAVE ALL TEH SEEMINS OF DEMONZ THAT AR TEH DREAMINS,
AND TEH LAMP-LITE OR HIM STREAMINS THROWZ HIZ SHADOW ON TEH FLOOR;
AND MUH SOUL FROM OUT THAT SHADOW THAT LIEZ FLOATIN ON TEH FLOOR
SHALL BE LIFTED - NEVERMOAR! HORIZONTAL SPACE
VERTICAL SPACE. KTHXBYE!
That still strangely good, despite being LOL'd up. Nice job LaCoil.
 
Feb 13, 2008
19,430
0
0
mshcherbatskaya said:
Root, my favorite of yours is still A Tail of Two Kittehs:

WAS WIN TIEM, WAS FAIL TIEM.
It's remarkably difficult to reduce classics to the LOL form without simple repetition of phrases. "Waz a drk n stromie nite" isn't really LOLspeak, but "DO NOT WANT NITE=DARK+STORMY"
covers it.

ME NOTZ WANT WHAT U RITE BUT ME DEFENDZ UR RITE TO LOL IT. - Apologies to Voltaire.