I've only skimmed a few of the posts, but the OP seems a little, well, anxious about this and sort of over-thinking things.
Just because you don't want to bone someone immediately doesn't mean you don't have a sex drive. It also sounds like you haven't encountered someone that does it for you in that regard.
You're pretty young, and no matter what you may hear, there isn't any need to rush into getting rid of your virginity. It's not a handicap.
My advice is to maybe relax a little on it. Worrying and over thinking won't help you but hanging out with your friends doing something fun will.
Damn but this is on a lot of people's minds lately.
Best of luck with finding your answers. Thing is, that'll actually come over the years rather than straight away in this thread.
I never thought of it this way, but its true. At your age I was more 'I kinda want to know what its like, but I'm not aching to have it.' Then once I had it, and it was good (the first few times, not so much) it was 'OMG I need to get me more!' and noticing hot guys and actually feeling aroused.
There's a relationship section now?! Well, you learn something new everyday.
Also, to those wondering if I'm nervous, it isn't that I'm nervous, it's that I'm curious, and, being so young (and a virgin and everything else) I tried to word my points so that they didn't seem so immature (to direct the discussion towards a more productive response rather than a purely "You're only 16" approach). So yeah, don't worry about me, I'm not overthinking it because I'm nervous I just tend to overthink everything that piques my curiosity/annoys me by being beyond my range of sympathy.
I'm male, and to clarify to everyone on this thread, I find people of both genders to be physically attractive (well, I find them attractive if they actually are attractive), but it's never been a "Let's get it on" kind of thing, more just me being aware of the physical qualities of other people (a phenomenon I think most people experience, regardless of sexuality, but that's a whole other can of worms which I'll put in a spoiler)
My theory is that everyone is physically and socially attracted/repelled by everyone else (which is how people discern who is attractive within their own gender, and therefore likely to attract desired mates of the opposite gender (which I believe stems from the idea of opportunistic reproduction (not all the desired mates will "get it on" with the attractive friend, so you would be there to catch his/her metaphorical run-off/excess/overflow/etc))). A similar 'survival standard' applies to social attraction and has led me to believe that, while we all experience physical and social attraction to others, they are not the same as sexual attraction. Sexual attraction, in my theory, would be a result of the total physical and social attraction reaching what I call the 'Sex-theshold', which is basically the ease you have in experiencing sexual attraction; so an asexual would either have an impossibly high sex-theshold meaning they never find someone who ranks high enough/is perfect enough, demisexuals (I think that's the term) would place more value on social attraction, and everyone except asexuals would just have a different sex-theshold, which would determine how 'horny' they are.
So yeah, my current view is that I'm asexual/demisexual, have a high sex-theshold or have repressed my sex drive.
So my physical and social attraction (actually, maybe psychological attraction would be more fitting?) to other people appears to be purely platonic (for lack of a better word) in nature, kind of like how you feel towards a nice car, or a close friend.
Question: do you ever get an erection when looking at these physically attractive people? If so, that is your sex drive (if not, you may be right... perhaps you are asexual... or perhaps you need to see sex acts, not just sexy people). It really is more biology than psychology in this instance. Not everyone has psychological needs associated with sex. I certainly don't.
-snipped for space-
Question: do you ever get an erection when looking at these physically attractive people? If so, that is your sex drive (if not, you may be right... perhaps you are asexual... or perhaps you need to see sex acts, not just sexy people). It really is more biology than psychology in this instance. Not everyone has psychological needs associated with sex. I certainly don't.
No, beautiful/attractive/'hot' people don't turn me on (don't get me wrong, I've had erections before but they never had a cause or an aim, and I never felt any urges associated with it, analogous to a spasm in its chaotic and aimless nature.
-snipped for space-
Question: do you ever get an erection when looking at these physically attractive people? If so, that is your sex drive (if not, you may be right... perhaps you are asexual... or perhaps you need to see sex acts, not just sexy people). It really is more biology than psychology in this instance. Not everyone has psychological needs associated with sex. I certainly don't.
No, beautiful/attractive/'hot' people don't turn me on (don't get me wrong, I've had erections before but they never had a cause or an aim, and I never felt any urges associated with it, analogous to a spasm in its chaotic and aimless nature.
When I was quite small, I mistook being aroused for needing to pee, but when I went to the bathroom nothing would come out. Later on before I realized I had a clit, my labia would just engorge ridiculously, and it would feel hot and somewhat uncomfortable and it would feel good to rub against things through my pants.
Now, I've always been kind of a twist, so I got aroused at all manner of strange things, like Kaa from Disney's The Jungle Book hypnotizing and almost eating Mowgli to multiple penetration smut to futinari. Women have turned me on. Men have turned me on. Animals have turned me on. I'm probably a bad person to ask.
Oh, also, I've never been aroused simply by an attractive person. Always had to have something more. Like my current boyfriend, mental seduction/domination. TOTALLY HOT.
Well for me when the sex drive kicks in, I get "urges". "Urges" to do "things". I know that's pretty vague, but I'm trying to find the right words for it. Well to be perfectly frank here I get the urge to have sex with whatever is arousing me. I just want to do it, ya know. Wipe out my penis and go to town. Now since situations have never worked in my favor when it comes to sex, I find an alternative release for this sexual energy (Rosie Palms will always be there for you).
Don't worry though. I know that you aren't sure if what you feel is normal or not, but chances are, there's nothing wrong with you. I myself was pretty unsure about whether my sexual urges were common or not (hell, still due somewhat), but if there is one thing I've learned from my adolescence (I'm 19 now, so I wouldn't consider myself one anymore), its that despite you feeling like the only one with a particular "thing" ("thing" being sexual drive, personality characteristic, belief, problem, whatever) there are probably plenty of other people out there that have a similar, if not practically the same, "thing".
FargoDog said:
What is it with all the sex/sexuality threads on here lately?
From what I noticed, this sort of things happens whenever several threads with similar topics get made at the same time. People see them, get their own ideas for a thread on the subject and so make them. This leads to numerous threads on sex, or "The last thing you killed", or about the latest big movie/game, or whatever all piping up within a short period of time. People's minds are on it so it fuels the flames, so to speak. Eventually people start getting tired of it or a new subject arises and everyone moves on. Until it pops up again.
I think the whole "sex drive" has been pretty accurately explained already. May I dispense a little advise, though? From one peer to another, I have this to say: study up. Whatever you do, don't just jump into sexuality with no knowledge. After all, the first time only comes around once, so why not make it an event to remember?
So, from what I can gather, it's a subtle thing? It's just, with everyone around me wanting to nail anything with a heartbeat and an hairless armpit I was expecting something more ... obsessive ... no that's not the right word ... compulsive? Mentally over-powering? ... I was expecting it to have more .. umph behind it.
So you're thinking it should be this intense "I NEED YOU NAO!!!" urge? Yeah, it can come to that, but only (for me) after the initial attraction has started and really usually only after I've started the intimate-making process (i.e. foreplay). When I know that I'm about to have sex, then I am able to let myself really want someone like that. Until then, however, there's just a kind of curiosity about the different women I see, nothing weird like an "I must have you NOW" out of nowhere for me. I'd be kind of afraid of people who are like that...
Sex drive, for most, is like ambient noise. It's everpresent and pretty much ubiquitous, but you tune it out because it's not that loud. For some people it's a little louder than for others (they're the more attractive ones relative to your tastes). Then, like I said before, in pre-sex situations that noise starts to get louder and louder until it's nearly deafening, all one can hear and all one can think about (though to be honest I've always been able to ignore it, a simple "no" and I can turn it off, but most guys aren't like that).
So I've just successfully said the same thing twice. Hooray. Good luck figuring it all out.
I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear someone refer to themselves as "only sixteen"(comes from a 17 year old, lol). Most people I know lost their virginity at 12-14 or are still virgins. Where's the damn middleground?!
From personal experience, I can confirm that it's easier to feel sexdrive once you've actually had sex - wanting to have sex is a sex drive. You'll probably feel it, either by being horny or just by longing to be that close to someone.
Because to me sex is about just that - being REALLY close to someone. I don't see anything appealing about having a one-night stand or anything, but being with my boyfriend is something I really look foward to.
So, from what I can gather, it's a subtle thing? It's just, with everyone around me wanting to nail anything with a heartbeat and an hairless armpit I was expecting something more ... obsessive ... no that's not the right word ... compulsive? Mentally over-powering? ... I was expecting it to have more .. umph behind it.
It's not anything overtly crazy. You're still in high school, *everyone* in high school is fucking retarded when it comes to that shit.
Hell, I had a guy in high school honestly try to convince me he was having sex with a girl, on average, 13 times a day, every day. That's just plain stupid.
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