Sgt. Sykes said:
It's not just about ADD, but any other disorder or disability: if the person is diagnosed, they should be able to excuse *something*, but also need to know how to overcome it.
Not in the least. It something is "excused," then that's it. There's no "overcome," it's excused. There is a big difference between something having a REASON and something having an EXCUSE, and I think that is at the heart and soul of what we're doing wrong here. A "reason" identifies the source of a problem without blindly assigning blame. An "excuse" forestalls any consequences of the problem.
Even serial killers do what they do for a REASON, and if anything is to be done to help them, it's important to understand that reason. But never, at any point, would we allow that to be an EXCUSE. There are consequences that still need to apply, for the good of the offender AND everyone else.
As an example with kids: Bobby doesn't know how to tie his shoes right. Because of this, he trips over his laces while walking through the room and knocks over a glass of something, spilling it on the floor. Now, we can look at the REASON for this and find that Bobby didn't do it on purpose... but does that excuse Bobby from being the one that has to clean it up? No. We don't yell at him or treat him as though he did it on purpose, of course, but we still hold Bobby responsible for the clean-up--accidental or not, it IS his mess.
With ADD/ADHD, if a child TRULY has it (which in most cases is up for a LOT of debate) it's not something they do maliciously. But their actions still have consequences. So, the disorder isn't an excuse for them not to work on it, but rather a reason for them to be expected to work HARDER to overcome it.
Indeed there's not much help in this area. When someone is wheelchaired, they get lots of help (I'm not saying it's ever enough, but comparably it's a lot). They also know what they can and cannot do.
To continue this wheelchair analogy, when someone is in a wheelchair, that's not an excuse for them to just sit around until someone else pushes them where they need to go. While it isn't their FAULT (likely) they're in the chair, it's their RESPONSIBILITY to do something about moving. Just having a handicap doesn't mean they never have to work--it means they have to work HARDER, using their arms to compensate for their legs. If they don't, their problems will only get WORSE--and that WOULD be their fault.
But ADD/ADHD is not like being paralyzed. It's like having a broken leg--it CAN be healed someday. Maybe you won't be running any marathons on that leg, but it can eventually regain most of its usefulness even in the case of a very bad break. But only if you work HARDER than a person with two good legs--instead of using the cast as an excuse not to do anything.
When someone is ADD, they often have no idea what to do about it. So I'm not really wondering that some kids take advantage of their situation - it's the only way they found to cope with it.
You're right in one regard--the child needs someone to show them what to do about it, besides take a bloody pill. But there are still two problems that will hold the kid back:
1) Us. If we let the disorder lower OUR EXPECTATIONS, the kid will also lower HIS EFFORT. The kid might need some extra time or extra help, but we still need to expect them to adhere to the same standards. We can't just give them a pass because of some letters in their files.
2) Themselves. In all the thousands of years we've been on this planet, kids have not changed. Parents have. Kids are just pure followers of human nature--part of which means they will take an opportunity to get out of work, if they can. I've got students with asthma who claim they can't participate in class on test day (in simple, non-strenuous exercises)... who go to softball practice an hour later. They've learned that they can use that excuse to get out of work they don't feel like doing, because people are too afraid to risk the chance they're telling the truth.
I understand where you're coming from on this--if you SHAME a kid about something they don't know how to control, you'll only AMPLIFY these behaviors. But it's important to recognize that those behaviors and excuses are there, anyway. We need a combination of both approaches. On one hand, we need to correctly identify obstacles like ADD/ADHD, so that we can appropriately assign blame where it belongs (if anywhere). On the other hand, we can't lower our expectations of the child, or allow the child to shirk responsibility for their results.
Having a REASON for something doesn't mean having an EXCUSE.
Just because something isn't your FAULT doesn't mean it's not your RESPONSIBILITY to fix it.
