An honest discussion on the effects of porn

[gorfias]

Porn desensitizes you and makes you devalue actual relationships. How do I know this? Because it happened to me, so badly that I literally struggle to see women as anything more than toys, its pathetic. My porn addiction ruined me so badly that I just can't value sex anymore, it doesn't mean anything to me.

So yeah, bad.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, but the fact that it happened to you doesn't make it universal. This would be like an alcoholic saying that anyone who drinks alcohol ever will wind up destroying their lives from alcohol abuse, because that's what happened to them.

That view is likely closer to the truth than writing "there's nothing wrong with porn." Like alcohol, it is addictive. For whatever reason, not everyone who uses alcohol becomes an addict but the potential is there.

Not a bad flick about the potential effects:


EDIT: and it can happen to either gender. Comedian Sarah Silverman claims to be a recovering addict.

 

[Phil the Nervous]

OOOH, OOOOOH! I HAVE A QUESTION!

*raises hand*

What if you really don't like porn because you don't find most of the women in it attractive, find it bland and dull and the sex in it mostly fulfilling and gross? But still like things like ecchi, pin-ups models etc. and know that my likes and dislikes for women are still out-of-whack with the norm because my primary experiences with and around women were through manga and anime, and the one girl (who wasn't a relative of mine - but my relatives didn't help either) I did meet/know before college looked like this?

I'm curious about this too, for almost the exact same reasons- any ideas?

 

[renegade7]

I could talk endlessly about how being subject to a vicious abstinence-only sex education program left me with a number of insecurities and irrational fears about dating and sexuality. We were flat out told that if we acted on our sexual urges, we were perverts, we were told that we were weak if we "succumbed to our animal urges", we were told that having sex out of marriage kills your brain cells like drugs, we were told that sex for any purpose besides a married couple having children was essentially a drug like heroin or opiates. I was a very nervous teenager without a lot of social skills, so I ended up becoming very afraid not just of the subject of sex, but of women in general because I was afraid I might "lose control". Intellectually, I knew that that was a load of horseshit, but when you're subjected to that for 3 years (once for every year of middle school, 6 weeks of PE were replaced with "abstinence education") it gets into your head in weird ways and messes with the insecurities and anxieties that are already in there. Sex was this distant, intangible thing that I would never have and that no one would ever care enough about me to willingly be intimate with me (because only "sluts" do that), and I was led to believe that I was a pervert for wanting it. We weren't cajoled into "accepting abstinence", they spent 3 years basically conditioning us to be terrified of sex in the first place.

Porn is and should never be treated like any sort of substitute or representation of the human thing. But in a weird kind of way, seeing porn, being able to completely control what I would be exposed to and what I was ready for, in the comfort and privacy of my own home where I knew I could explore without being judged, it was almost therapeutic. Seeing people having sex and realizing it wasn't this huge deal but just a thing people do and being able to experience sexual pleasure that way helped me start to get through my anxieties when I stopped seeing the subject as such a frightening "other". It's okay to have sexual feelings, any person's sexuality is entirely their own business and shouldn't be judged, and sex isn't something to be afraid of.

I hardly recommend using porn to get over sexual or romantic anxieties and even less to use it in place of real sex education, but really just to "de-other" the subject if you're not ready to have sex with another person yet.

As for my moral position on it, I think porn and masturbation are just an aspect of normal sexuality, and on top of that masturbation has known health benefits for both men and women. Plus, some people use alcohol to get horny, and alcohol is way, way worse for your body than porn is. And just like with the risk of alcoholism, some people do unfortunately develop problematic porn use habits.

I will also say, to offer another personal anecdote, that I watch a shitload of porn and usually masturbate several times per day, and I'm doing very well in my life both academically (physics PhD student, graduated summa cum laude from college) and romantically (never had especially great problems with relationships, currently with someone I've been seeing for about the last year). My health is also excellent, I run 40 miles per week, work out regularly, 6'2", 160 pounds, only 7% body fat. So I think anyone who tells you it's this great ruiner of lives maybe needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

...and know that my likes and dislikes for women are still out-of-whack with the norm because my primary experiences with and around women were through manga and anime...[/spoiler]

Well, you pretty much answered your own question here. If your primary experiences with women are via fantasy, you need to cut down on the fantasy. Hell, even if we're only talking about porn, even switching from cartoon porn to real-life porn might help, since at the very least you're looking at real women (surgical enhancements and make-up aside) as opposed to what are quite literally fantasy women.

As for your other issue, I'm a little confused: you 'met/know' (what does that even mean?) a girl who was built like an anime fantasy girl, and...what's the issue? There will always be women out there who you're insanely attracted to, but you can't live in a state where you pick the hottest woman you've ever laid eyes on and say that any woman has to look like that to generate any interest from me. Do that and you'll live your life in a never-ending state of disappointment.

 

[Tsun Tzu]

Nothing wrong with porn, in and of itself. Some of it could do with a "This is a fantasy. Talk to your partner. You moron." disclaimer.

However!

Like with all things, "always in moderation" is a mantra that should be repeated until people actually get it. Don't immerse yourself in porn on a constant basis and it won't have...adverse effects.

I'm not down for mainstream stuff in general though. Gimme some genuine amateur stuff for 3D pron...and hentai is quite lovely. Really though, nothing worse than an obviously fake orgasm, dude. The whole nearly deadpan-

"Oh. Oh. Baby. Oh. Yes. Oh. Oh. You do me so good. Oh. Oh. Haaaaaaa. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Oh. Ohhhh."

Is a complete and utter turn-off.

I've been watching some form of erotic entertainment or another since I was about 11 and...ya know what? My sexual tastes are reeeeeeally vanilla. Not into a lot of freaky stuff in an actual sexual situation, outside of a couple minor kinks.

 

[Guffe]

Not too into porn myself.
Then when I sometimes watch, this year it's maybe once a month, it's alwways the same video.
I just use my imagination when I like to have some "me time".

The one negative effect I could see porn having is when you people watch it and take it as "this is how it's done".
As a sort of educational thing.

 

[Phasmal]

I only watch amateur homemade porn. So videos of average people doing real things. It's easy to tell the difference. Then i get sad/envious because my gf wouldn't do half of the things i see.

Eh, that might be a bad effect.

I dunno, I think that could be arguable. I mean, ultimately, porn is basically fantasy (largely male fantasy). I don't think seeing a woman in a porn video do something you wish your gf would do is much different than a woman watching (or reading) a romance movie/novel and wishing her bf did romantic gestures like those she's reading about or seeing. In a case like this (obviously depending slightly on what exactly it is these characters are doing) we're not even talking about "I wish my gf looked like that", this is just actions that theoretically anyone can do.

Well, I'm nothing if not consistent, and I think wanting your boyfriend to act like Edward Cullen is around the same amount as unhealthy (probably not AS unhealthy though) as wanting your girlfriend to bend into a preztel shape on demand because you saw it in a porno once.

This is what I'm wondering about. Porn is unrealistic and I suppose people know that to an extent in the same way they know not to mistake reality shows for... reality, but coupled with the lack of proper sex education makes things a bit more concerning. The most obvious is how large the guys tend to be, but some of the acts depicted in porn are unhealthy if done improperly in actual sex and of course they completely ignore the use of condoms, foreplay and lube. Also they're acting, so the responses are exaggerated.

And pain. Even without foreplay and lube, a lot of the things I've seen have me wincing in sympathy.

It's also funny seeing guys argue with women over what women like when it's clear they got their ideas from porn.

Well, funny and irritating both. For the same reasons. And sometimes just scary.

Oh god yeah also this.
I've had this exact argument with a male friend of mine who was talking about something he wanted to try with his girlfriend (I can't remember what it was but I remember it not sounding fun)- and I was telling him it's not a good idea. His exact words `Well that woman (from porn) seemed to enjoy it.`

I'm just like `That's.... her..... job`. Ugh.

 

[mecegirl]

I only watch amateur homemade porn. So videos of average people doing real things. It's easy to tell the difference. Then i get sad/envious because my gf wouldn't do half of the things i see.

Eh, that might be a bad effect.

I dunno, I think that could be arguable. I mean, ultimately, porn is basically fantasy (largely male fantasy). I don't think seeing a woman in a porn video do something you wish your gf would do is much different than a woman watching (or reading) a romance movie/novel and wishing her bf did romantic gestures like those she's reading about or seeing. In a case like this (obviously depending slightly on what exactly it is these characters are doing) we're not even talking about "I wish my gf looked like that", this is just actions that theoretically anyone can do.

Well, I'm nothing if not consistent, and I think wanting your boyfriend to act like Edward Cullen is around the same amount as unhealthy (probably not AS unhealthy though) as wanting your girlfriend to bend into a preztel shape on demand because you saw it in a porno once.

This is what I'm wondering about. Porn is unrealistic and I suppose people know that to an extent in the same way they know not to mistake reality shows for... reality, but coupled with the lack of proper sex education makes things a bit more concerning. The most obvious is how large the guys tend to be, but some of the acts depicted in porn are unhealthy if done improperly in actual sex and of course they completely ignore the use of condoms, foreplay and lube. Also they're acting, so the responses are exaggerated.

And pain. Even without foreplay and lube, a lot of the things I've seen have me wincing in sympathy.

It's also funny seeing guys argue with women over what women like when it's clear they got their ideas from porn.

Well, funny and irritating both. For the same reasons. And sometimes just scary.

Oh god yeah also this.
I've had this exact argument with a male friend of mine who was talking about something he wanted to try with his girlfriend (I can't remember what it was but I remember it not sounding fun)- and I was telling him it's not a good idea. His exact words `Well that woman (from porn) seemed to enjoy it.`

I'm just like `That's.... her..... job`. Ugh.

That's what I've noticed. Women that complain about significant others asking them to do something they saw in porn generally complain because it's either physically taxing, uncomfortable, or demeaning. It's never over something simple like asking your girl to wear lingerie. Very few women would be offended by that. It's always something like some impossible possition, anal sex, face fucking or facial cumshots. Not that there is anything wrong with those it just takes a bit more to get used to than porn suggests.

 

[Thaluikhain]

That's what I've noticed. Women that complain about significant others asking them to do something they saw in porn generally complain because it's either physically taxing, uncomfortable, or demeaning. It's never over something simple like asking your girl to wear lingerie. Very few women would be offended by that. It's always something like some impossible possition, anal sex, face fucking or facial cumshots. Not that there is anything wrong with those it just takes a bit more to get used to than porn suggests.

Eh, heard people arguing over how the woman should style her pubic hair, with the man wanting her to remove msot/all of it because that's the way it is in porn.

 

[chuckman1]

That's what I've noticed. Women that complain about significant others asking them to do something they saw in porn generally complain because it's either physically taxing, uncomfortable, or demeaning. It's never over something simple like asking your girl to wear lingerie. Very few women would be offended by that. It's always something like some impossible possition, anal sex, face fucking or facial cumshots. Not that there is anything wrong with those it just takes a bit more to get used to than porn suggests.

Eh, heard people arguing over how the woman should style her pubic hair, with the man wanting her to remove msot/all of it because that's the way it is in porn.

I just don't wanna end up with hairs stuck between my teeth if I go down on a girl. I've seen porn with it unshaved.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

That's what I've noticed. Women that complain about significant others asking them to do something they saw in porn generally complain because it's either physically taxing, uncomfortable, or demeaning. It's never over something simple like asking your girl to wear lingerie. Very few women would be offended by that. It's always something like some impossible possition, anal sex, face fucking or facial cumshots. Not that there is anything wrong with those it just takes a bit more to get used to than porn suggests.

Eh, heard people arguing over how the woman should style her pubic hair, with the man wanting her to remove msot/all of it because that's the way it is in porn.

I want her to remove most/all of it because I like the look better (plus not getting hair stuck in your teeth). I'd never pressure a girl to do it if she didn't want to (and it's not that big of a deal) but it's my personal preference.

Remember that porn is designed to be (mostly) male fantasy and entertainment, and like all forms of entertainment, it makes money and sales by giving the desired audience what they want to see. In other words, I don't believe that (mostly) men want to see women with bikini waxes because they saw it in porn, you see it in porn because (mostly) men want to see women with bikini waxes.

 

[Silence]

As an avid non-watcher of porn, I can confirm to you that fantasy alone is sometimes enough to get adverse effects. >.>

 

[mecegirl]

Plenty of women would prefer men to at least trim their public hair because of the hair in teeth issue too. I think the reason why people complain about the preference as it concerns women though is because some dudes react like a woman is dirty if she isn't shaved down there (or other less private places like legs and armpits). It's taken for granted that women include shaving damn near everything in their hygiene rituals dispite the fact that shaving isn't necessary for cleanliness.

 

[mecegirl]

Plenty of women would prefer men to at least trim their public hair because of the hair in teeth issue too. I think the reason why people complain about the preference as it concerns women though is because some dudes react like a woman is dirty if she isn't shaved down there (or other less private places like legs and armpits). It's taken for granted that women include shaving damn near everything in their hygiene rituals dispite the fact that shaving isn't necessary for cleanliness.

Ancient Athenian women would use torches to burn off body hair. It's possible that this is 3000+ year tradition of unfair oppression, or maybe there is just something built in that men prefer relatively hairless women. By contrast women do not as a rule seem to have the same preference.

That's not a global tradition so it would be incorrect to say men as if all men care. Either way you glossed over that some people treat saving as if it is necessary for cleanliness. It is not, and it is unfair to hold women to such a standard.Thats the problem not that women shave. I shave my self since I like the look so I'm not anti shaving.

Women's everything as it pertains grooming , from showergel to razers and shaving gel,tend to cost more. Even when it's the same product but with a different fragrance or colored pink. Not that there is anything wrong with a woman buying a man's razor. Many woman do because of the arbitrary price difference, but it's dumb as fuck that it's even a thing women have to consider since there is no difference between the razors but their color.

But back to porn. In the 60s and 70s women were how do you say....bushier down there. Once shaving became popular in porn (probably because it made it easier to see the goods) shaving all or most of womens pubic hair became popular.

 

[Paragon Fury]

...and know that my likes and dislikes for women are still out-of-whack with the norm because my primary experiences with and around women were through manga and anime...[/spoiler]

Well, you pretty much answered your own question here. If your primary experiences with women are via fantasy, you need to cut down on the fantasy. Hell, even if we're only talking about porn, even switching from cartoon porn to real-life porn might help, since at the very least you're looking at real women (surgical enhancements and make-up aside) as opposed to what are quite literally fantasy women.

As for your other issue, I'm a little confused: you 'met/know' (what does that even mean?) a girl who was built like an anime fantasy girl, and...what's the issue? There will always be women out there who you're insanely attracted to, but you can't live in a state where you pick the hottest woman you've ever laid eyes on and say that any woman has to look like that to generate any interest from me. Do that and you'll live your life in a never-ending state of disappointment.

See...I never really liked real porn. Ironically, to me, the sex was even faker than in hentai or animated - and a lot less fun or enjoyable. That, and the women in it never really seem to look that nice.

That...and I guess I never really liked watching the act of sex. I always found ecchi/risque things like pin-up style stuff or the kind of situations you see in manga and anime more than sex because I don't know? Its innocent and nice, yet naughty at the same time?

As far as the girl was/is concerned...well, I always found it kind of funny in a way. The first time I had seen a real woman (who wasn't a relative or an old person), life's first chance to be like "Alright, women aren't like the ones you see all the time right now" and what does it give me?

Literally the embodiment of the perfect real life anime woman.

 

[Ronin1989]

I think it has a positive effect and prevents a lot of rapes. Of course, there will always be people that get addicted to free porn sites like theporndude [http://theporndude.com/] and pornhub.

 

[Scars Unseen]

I like my porn like I like my women: at least 30 years old, and with obnoxious music in the background.

Kidding.

I think porn is great for those occasions where you either can't have sex or just don't want to. I've been divorced for about a year(and separated for another prior to that), so I'm kind of going without right now, mostly by choice; I want some time to focus on myself for a bit. Even if that wasn't the case though, I'm in a situation where the vast majority of women here are either married, way too young for me, or don't have a language in common with me. So it's a good time to get a bit handy.

 

[FirstNameLastName]

Porn is necessary. The need to get off is no less than a biological need. Being unable to do so will really mess you up in the long run. Fact is, without porn, people couldn't get off as much as they physically need to, and this would lead to really bad mental states and psychosomatic stress among people.

That's not entirely true, or at very least, not for everyone. I can't even remember the last time I viewed any form of porn, yet I have no problems with masturbation. Perhaps the necessity of visual aids varies from person to person, but it's surely not universal.

 

[Something Amyss]

Well, I'm nothing if not consistent, and I think wanting your boyfriend to act like Edward Cullen is around the same amount as unhealthy (probably not AS unhealthy though) as wanting your girlfriend to bend into a preztel shape on demand because you saw it in a porno once.

Actually, given how abusive that relationsip comes off, it might be worse than just being ignorant enough to think it's normal to bend that way.

Oh god yeah also this.
I've had this exact argument with a male friend of mine who was talking about something he wanted to try with his girlfriend (I can't remember what it was but I remember it not sounding fun)- and I was telling him it's not a good idea. His exact words `Well that woman (from porn) seemed to enjoy it.`

I'm just like `That's.... her..... job`. Ugh.

And given what more than a few porn stars have said about the occupation....

A lot of that stuff just looks painful, though. To the point where I wonder how people think it's a decent idea to try it at home. But I guess that is the issue at hand.

...also, it may not even occur to you if you've never been the receiving partner. Aaaand now I feel weird.

 

[Something Amyss]

Porn is necessary. The need to get off is no less than a biological need. Being unable to do so will really mess you up in the long run. Fact is, without porn, people couldn't get off as much as they physically need to, and this would lead to really bad mental states and psychosomatic stress among people.

That's not entirely true, or at very least, not for everyone. I can't even remember the last time I viewed any form of porn, yet I have no problems with masturbation. Perhaps the necessity of visual aids varies from person to person, but it's surely not universal.

I'm going to have to agree here. Visual aids are often a plus, but I've never exactly needed them to get off.