Announcements That Could Destroy Gaming Culture

[Alex The Rat]

"Valve being shut down. Steam taken offline for good."

I don't use Steam, so wouldn't affect me a bit

"Due to success of Farmville and the like, companies shutting down development of games not aimed for a general (ie non-gaming) audience." Wouldn't be the end of the world, but you must admit it would kill gaming culture pretty fast.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

"The Fallout series has happened"

Wow. Allow me to reiterate: Wooooow. I'm just imagining my TV getting interrupted by an emergency news bulletin and Brian Williams reading this ashen-faced on live TV. Read all of them and this is still the best one I saw.

It's a bit late for this, but I made this topic not to showcase things that would literally destroy gaming (and the whole world) as we know it, although the rare gem has slipped through, as above.

Replies were intended to be more in line with gaming-centric announcements that would spark such a horrible fan-led shitstorm from which gaming culture might never recover, like a bad director making a bad movie out of a bad video game series that people inexplicably worship. And judging from the ongoing shitstorm that even the hypothetical itself has sparked, it seemed I opened on a high note! Score one for Rock-o.

In more pressing news, Jesus, I actually made a successful topic for once! I'll try my hand at another headline:

"Hideo Kojima was found in his home Friday evening, where authorities have concluded he has lain dead since 1998."

by what i said I meant like everything that Fallout is has happened to us, Canada being annexed and what not

 

[TheRocketeer]

"We're here with Agent Mason Sunderland of the FBI, who has a grave announcement for us. Agent?"

"Well, uh... Well, shit, folks. Silent Hill is real. And we can't appease It any longer. May God have mercy on our souls."

"And now Ken with sports. Ken?"

by what i said I meant like everything that Fallout is has happened to us, Canada being annexed and what not

I know. I got it. I liked it. I just think the thought of BriWi saying the phrase on TV is hilarious.

 

[NghtmaresXNoVaKaiNe]

"Gaming outlawed in every country across the world".

Top THAT.

Easy. "Gaming nationalized in every country across the world". As in, made government's property.

"Gaming for any period of time will give you herpegonasyphillaids...and cancer."

 

[Canadamus Prime]

They can and do happen, to varying extents. But what can you see ushering in the Gamepocalypse? Here's mine:

"Uwe Boll to Direct Half-Life Film Trilogy"

Gee, I had no idea gaming culture was so fragile.

 

[Muffinthraka]

"Violent games blamed for the outbreak of WWIII and are now banned"
or
"Multi-tentacled aliens have invaded!!!!! Game controllers now have too many buttons for humans to use!"

 

[Blindswordmaster]

Only two possible scenarios:
1. The Necronomicon has been discovered and has torn a hole in space and time. Reality and video games seamlessly merge together and now real life is more exciting than gaming.

2. World governments have declared that there are too many negative stimuli today and so people will have to choose between gaming and porn, the loser being eradicated from existence.

 

[Kron_the_mad wants to be deleted]

"Greetings humans, we have been monitoring your culture via your global communication network of XBox live and have deemed your species a pestilance, you have all been sterilised, have a nice day."

 

[CincoDeMayo]

"EA Games has taken Activision/Blizzard under it's wings, and the companies are now 100% property of EA Games. In other news, EA Games has decided to make a StarCraft racing game featuring customizable vehicles, stunning graphics and additional DLC. Diablo 3 has been scrapped and will be remade into a console shooter."

Also, "Diablo 3 will be released after all! And Diablo 4 next year, Diablo 5 a year after that, and for at least 10 years.."

Oh, the pain..! I can see it in front of me: Diablo 2014, alongside with Fifa and Madden. *sheds a tear*

 

[Volafortis]

"Don't like FPS's at all and Shooters in general (so ME, L4D, TF, etc, I couldn't care less)

Because ME is totally an FPS.
The newer Fallout games are also FPS games, by your logic, and you claim to be excited for Fallout: New Vegas.
While ME2 may have a few more shooter elements than the first, it still is overall an RPG, and ME1 was WAY more RPG oriented than shooter oriented. Also, they're third person, not first person. The new Fallout games have much more shooter elements than the first Mass Effect, and I'd say is even with the shooter elements as the second.

 

[benoitowns]

Pat Robertson says video games are the devil, and should not be allowed anywhere.
In related news, George Bush and fundamentalists riot in videogame stores and residences, destroying every videogame in the state of texas, oklahoma, alabama, virginia, and New Hampshire. Others Report Obama is joining in on making sure every Xbox 360 is destroyed.

 

[Sneaklemming]

"Microsoft announces it is no longer supporting the PC as a gaming platform, and all gaming PC's will be rendered obsolete in two weeks"

That is the day I become a Buddhist Monk.

ah... Microsoft dont support PC games anymore... they officially gave up on Games for windows live.

 

[Citrus]

In order to combat piracy, every game you buy will not contain a disc, but a redeemable play-time coupon. Take the coupon to the nearest Ubisoft Gaming Center, join the queue to play the game at one of our several 20" televisions, and enjoy your purchase! Please do not bring your own food or drinks to these centers, and note that because of limited televisions, your playtime may be limited.

[small]Note: Each coupon only valid for three days. New game coupon must be purchased after expiration.[/small]

 

[Talshere]

"There will be no dedi server's, you will instead be forced to play on our "insertcompanynamehere".net"

 

[SantoUno]

I can see you took a lot of time and effort to come up with a witty argument for the sake of contributing immensely to this thread, and as such the only reply I can postulate is this.

NO U!

It's not an argument I was just pointing out how ridiculous everyone's reactions are that's all.

Haha NO U reminded me of Master Chief in Arby 'N The Chief.

 

[Cpu46]

Spoiler: not quite the end of gaming culure, but my timeline of our darkest days

2015: Jack Thompson moves to Australia, abandoning his mission of saving the American children and vowing to protect the Australian children.

2013: Resistance movement formed against foreseen dictatorship

2015: the cell shaded game Halo 5: The master chief & friends Superstar adventures in dreamland causes the death of almost every Halo player on the planet. Strangely this is the only halo game not criticized by Thompson. The Unskipable video on the game includes a surgeon general warning and lasts an entire month. Graham and Paul are rushed to the hospital in comatose states.

2017: Australia becomes a dictatorship run by Michael Atkinson; Jack Thompson is his trusted advisor

2020: US begin airdropping hundreds of M rated video games in attempt to prevent mass suicide by Australian gamers.

2021: A 1337 squad is created by modern warfare players, they invade attempting to overthrow the tyrannous government. There is no response from the squad 3 days after insertion, team killing by knife is believed to have been the number one cause of death.

2022: In an attempt to weaken resistance morale the Mana Bar, a classy gaming establishment owned by a Ben Yahtzee Croshaw, is burned to the ground. Neither Yahtzee or his pointy hat are found amongst the wreckage. Manhunt ensues. The very next week Zero Punctuation is released on schedule, the review: Halo 5: The master chief & friends Superstar adventures in dreamland. He suffers a small heart attack halfway through, but othewise escapes the review unharmed.
A highly trained Escapist task force enters the country under the cover of night. Jack Thompson found brutally wounded, succumbs to injuries in the hospital.

2027: All out uprising, Australia is liberated, Atkinson is never found. Graham and Paul awake from their 12 year Comas.

 

[ultrachicken]

Video games will now be made to explode after the first loading screen.

 

[GooBeyond]

headlines:
-games are online multiplayer ONLY ,single player not profitable
-*insert video game name here* Anime ...

 

[Brad Shepard]

I have a good one.

"Madcatz will now be making all video game controlers"

/trend

Dear god....I almost cried.

oh, but the good news is that the controlers would only cost 4 bucks a pop