Anyone else think that the way we ask people out is incredibly messed up?

[Harley Q]

Best way to ask someone out is just say, "Hey, we could both do worse", it works trust me.

That really made me chuckle. Thank you for that, if I ever have the lady balls to ask a guy out then that line is getting plucked.

The whole dating thing is weird though, you never know if someone is talking to you because they want to or because they want to play a game of hide the sausage. When I was in Scotland most of my mates were guys and in general I was just one of the dudes. Since I came back to Ireland, its been very much "oh you don't want to have sex, its cool you can just blow me" Um, no. Shockingly enough I would rather have a conversation or hang out instead of stripping on your dashboard mr man.

grumble grumble.

 

[DoPo]

And define 'worked out'. Those were my two best stories... And depending on situation I may have asked about two dozen girls during one evening (you know, going out with the wingman there are no boundaries, if she says no we ask the girlfriend next to her) - most 'normal' approaches end in a small conversation. It is more or less 1 out of 20 from my personal experience.

Argh, the site where I got the image has actually disabled external linking. Curses! It foiled my joke. It was supposed to be

Spoiler: this

So that was supposed to be me. Having a hook. Ruined now, ruined!

 

[Zantos]

Well then the dating advice you're getting is pretty poor. Lots of people meet through shared interests, or through friends that know what your interests are, or just knowing the person already. The best thing about that is you can already meet them and chat to them about something you both like outside of the dating scenario. Means you can already get a glimpse of the person, then develop if further if you should both wish.

I think maybe you're a bit too instant gratification though. There is no guarantee you'll get along, yeah, we know, that's why people tend to go on several dates before anything gets serious. If stuff starts coming out later on, you aren't obliged to stay with them. You can have all the things in the world in common and there's still nothing to say you'll get on, but asking them out, meeting up, going on dates, that tends to be when this stuff get's thrashed out.

but then theres the whole "freindzone" thing...like aprently if you don't ask her out right off the bat you'll end up freinds..or somthing

I seriously doubt that anyone who complains about being friendzoned would have got any more than a couple of dates even if they asked straight off the bat. In my experience it's easier to hook up with someone you already know if you're both interested, you get to skip a lot of the go for coffee to get to know each other properly only for them to go ballistic at the cashier for not being white. Which has never happened to me, because I already know the people I start dating aren't racist, because we're already friends. I'm struggling to really type out my thoughts on friendzone and the people within it because of my crippling fear of coming across as nasty. @SmashLovesTitanQuest would probably do better.

 

[Rawne1980]

And seriously, you think you'll find your soulmate in some seedy as nightclub? Forget it.

I'm married to a lass I met in a "seedy nightclub".

On Topic....

What works for some isn't going to work for everyone.

I've never had a problem picking up a lass, it isn't difficult. Strike up a conversation and chat away, see what happens.

Obviously that isn't going to work for everyone.

I've never .. eeeever .. dated or slept with any of my female friends. If anything goes arse up then everyone you know will find out about it. Much easier to hit on strangers.

Always found sex with strangers to be far simpler than trying to get a date. On the one side, if it didn't go well and we didn't get along and if I never saw her again, who cares.... While on the other, if it went well then we take it from there.

 

[Vault101]

snip.

I think the freidnzone is bullshit, I hold the (possibly too simplitic) idea that its eather gonna happen or it aint...theres no magial time window that affects her desire you

I've never .. eeeever .. dated or slept with any of my female friends. If anything goes arse up then everyone you know will find out about it. Much easier to hit on strangers.
.

I read that as "if anything goes up the arse"..thanks..

 

[Zantos]

snip.

I think the freidnzone is bullshit, I hold the (possibly too simplitic) idea that its eather gonna happen or it aint...theres no magial time window that affects her desire you

I really don't think that's a simplistic idea, it could just be that simple. I nearly said that, and then I got on a train of thought about racism. Probably got self-derailed because I've been playing games until half 4 in the am. Again. Time to sleep.

 

[ImBigBob]

I've never had a problem picking up a lass, it isn't difficult. Strike up a conversation and chat away, see what happens.

Not once in my entire life has that ever worked. Talking to a stranger outside of a social setting is the equivalent of saying, "HELLO, I FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE." It puts them on the defense instantly.

 

[Rawne1980]

I've never had a problem picking up a lass, it isn't difficult. Strike up a conversation and chat away, see what happens.

Not once in my entire life has that ever worked. Talking to a stranger outside of a social setting is the equivalent of saying, "HELLO, I FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE." It puts them on the defense instantly.

Like I said, it doesn't work for everyone.

Gift of the gab helps a lot, and humour.

But different strokes for different folks. I find it incredibly easy to flirt (although I don't do it anymore, my wife would use my testicles as fireplace decorations).

 

[lechat]

note to all the ladies here. you don't really get to complain cause hooking up isn't really an issue for you

i will kindly point you to this study to teach any woman all they need to know
http://books.google.com.au/books?id=roychiRaM8gC&pg=PA49&lpg=PA49&dq=i+find+you+attractive+will+you+go+to+bed+with+me&source=bl&ots=Kq66oPAqX_&sig=QR1Tn3ytfN6c6BKg_x9N_rX6it0&hl=en&sa=X&ei=WB3hUKmTOcjRkwW7_oCgAw&ved=0CF4Q6AEwBw

odds are you are all too lazy to read through that single page so i'll summarize
ask i guy out or for sex. it works
if you are a guy ask a girl out. it might work. don't ask for sex. it wont work

 

[Twilight_guy]

I think lots of social customs that people have are stupid. We have the most needlessly complicated mating rituals imaginable. If most animals had rituals as complicated as us there species would die off. We should be able to be more direct and just ask for sex and companionship. 'Course, that would be too easy.

 

[WWmelb]

Possibly, but I have a solution to everybody's problems. Man, women, children!...Okay perhaps not children

Just simply read this guide, made by one hell of a 'playa'

http://www.textfiles.com/100/lay-girl.txt

Follow this guide and to quote the genius himself, you'll be on "the kings way", baby!

[sub] You should all thank KungFu_Teddybear (I think?) for finding this originally. I was in tears by the end of it XD [/sub]

That was so wrong

But oh so amusing. Seems to be a 15 year olds guide to romance....

Vault said a little rapey.... I say it gets a lot rapey...just patiently rapey...

 

[TheVampwizimp_v1legacy]

There are so many "dating guides" out there that tell you to just "be confident", saying that the mere acting of going up and talking to someone does most of the work for you. Yet that still fails for many guys because they're nervous about approaching complete strangers.

Here's the thing: THEY SHOULD BE. I've come to the conclusion lately that the standard advice given about asking people out assumes that the person of interest is someone you don't (or barely) know. And that's really stupid. I've met people of girls who I found attractive until the moment the opened their mouth, and I lost interest because of how much of an idiot they were. Even if they aren't a complete idiot right off the bat, that's no guarantee you will get along. Religious and political views can be a massive dealbreaker. Maybe they're busy with school or a difficult project and don't have time to date. Hell, even if you two do have a lot in common, there's plenty of little things that might mess things up.

I've heard dating advice of "find someone you're attracted to, then find out what they like and try to get involved". Isn't that the opposite of how it should be? Shouldn't you first find activities you like and use them to meet people you're more likely to get along with? The approach of "ask out a complete stranger in the hopes that you might be compatible no matter how low the odds are"? Not to mention, "Call Me Maybe" is a popular song that glorifies the stupidity of it. Grr.

Captcha: Who, what, where. How does it know?

Yes.

That's all correct, dating is a pain in the balls. (Or ovaries, I suppose) I don't know how it ended up like this, but it is pretty ass-backwards that we are expected to find a long-term mate by trying to force our presence on strangers and pretending to like the things they like until we can stop the act and finally be ourselves and hope that we made enough of an impression that they don't reject us. It doesn't work. It's worse than trial and error because you don't even learn from your mistakes, you have to start all over with a new person every time it falls apart. This method is only a good choice if your goal is to fuck new and interesting people on a regular basis; a reasonable method for finding a relationship partner it is not.

 

[Rawne1980]

I've never .. eeeever .. dated or slept with any of my female friends. If anything goes arse up then everyone you know will find out about it. Much easier to hit on strangers.
.

I read that as "if anything goes up the arse"..thanks..

That's because you have a very dirty mind young Vault.

So much so that sometimes you shock my sweet and innocent fragile mind.

 

[Olas]

Ya, the insane level of awkwardness I associate with dating is what's kept me from getting into all that crap. I just couldn't see myself going up to some person I hardly know and asking them to spend several hours with me, it just seems too forced. Plus I'm sure I'd be a terrible date.

I guess if being alone really bothered me that much I might just give in and do it but honestly I'm fine with simply steering of that whole system.

 

[Vault101]

That was so wrong

But oh so amusing. Seems to be a 15 year olds guide to romance....

Vault said a little rapey.... I say it gets a lot rapey...just patiently rapey...

my favorite part is if she wont put out you eather A.need to preasure her more B.she's a fridgid ***** and not worth your time

seems legit!

 

[AngloDoom]

Perhaps it is my own experiences colouring how I see the rest of the world, but I've always seen this as more of an American thing than a European one.

Most people I know who are in a relationship spent usually at least a couple of months as friends with that person before they considered 'asking them out'. Hell, I think most people I know would considering it extraordinarily creepy if someone came up to them and just asked them if they wanted to go on a date.

I've moved around the UK a lot and been a few other places in Europe and, from my experiences, I only ever see this kind of 'dating' as described in these guides on American television programmes. Perhaps I've just somehow managed to avoid it for so long, but I know that it's strange enough to me that if a woman approached me and asked if I wanted to go out for a meal with her my first thought would be that she's probably going to try and stab me at some point D=

EDIT -

Possibly, but I have a solution to everybody's problems. Man, women, children!...Okay perhaps not children

Just simply read this guide, made by one hell of a 'playa'

http://www.textfiles.com/100/lay-girl.txt

I've not slept for two days, but I somehow managed to read all of that. I got to "She'll Probably resist or do sounds of disagreement. Remember - Even if she says she's not - She like your touches there" and I felt like I deserved a lie-down.

 

[fenrizz]

Perhaps it is my own experiences colouring how I see the rest of the world, but I've always seen this as more of an American thing than a European one.

My thought exactly.

I always did find the concept of dating to be rather strange.
Silly Americans and their silly rituals.

 

[squidface]

Actually, I have tried dating sites before. And honestly, I'm perfectly fine with not matching up 100%. As long as a girl is cute and sane, I'd be fine with at least trying a date to see if things click. Hell, if she's different enough, maybe she could introduce me to some things I wouldn't have considered otherwise.

But in three months I was on it, I only managed to get a date with a single girl (who was actually very nice, we just didn't hit it off for whatever reason). I even got canceled on multiple times. It's like people actually prefer knowing absolutely nothing about a person before asking them out.

So what mental illness/disorder qualifies a girl for not being "sane" :/ ?

 

[Vegosiux]

-snip-

Well, several good points there, but if you allow (and even if you don't, what are you gonna do to stop me, huh!) I'll suggest an alternative. A rather simple one.

Don't think about it as "dating" at all. Or rather don't think about "dating" as if it's some kind of a rite of passage, to separate boys from men and overanalyze it as if it's some kind of a big deal. It's not.

"Dating", especially if we're talking about the initial phase, is nothing more and nothing less than just spending time together and doing stuff you enjoy with someone. When you go on a date, "going on a date" isn't why you're going, it's "the stuff we'll get up to while we're there". Or well, it should be that way.

So, basically, it's not "Hey, we're going on a date!" it's "We're going to see a movie/game/take a pleasant walk." That's the important thing, not the "date".

 

[Byzantinium]

Strike up a conversation and chat away

This is the standard dating advice, but the problem is how the fuck do you do that?