Apologize on behalf of your country

[Arcanist]

On behalf of America, I sincerely apologize for creating the cabal of corporations that even now cynically insult your intelligence to steal your hard-earned disposable income.

 

[Valkyira]

Dear the world.

I hereby apologise for Harry Potter.

Yours faithfully,

England.

 

[UltraDeth]

Dear World,

We are very very sorry for Big Brother.

Sincerely, A humble Londener

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

American:

I'm sorry that we bombed Iraq's civilian water supply in the 1990's, and subsequently embargoed the nation, killing 500,000 civilians as a result. I'm sorry that we intervened by helping the Mujahideen against the Soviet and Afghans governments in the late 80's/early 90's. I'm sorry that after our nation's actions came back to haunt us in the 9/11 attacks we started two wars in retaliation, again in Iraq in Afghanistan, with Iraq not having had anything to do with the wars anyway.

I'm also sorry about the genocide against the Native Americans, and for the fact that we were the last to abolish slavery.

There's a lot of other stuff, but those are the ones that come most readily to mind.

Pfffft...whatever. That stuff's not important. As an American, I apologize for

Spoiler: this.

I rescind all of my meaningless apologies, and throw my full support behind yours.

 

[Habakkuk]

On behalf of Britain, I would like to appologise to most of you for invading you at some point.

 

[Mr Grey]

China - sorry about the opium wars, real dick move on our part.

Hope there aren't any hard feelings. Lots of love Britain x

 

[snappydog]

On behalf of England, I'm sorry for stubbornly refusing to apologise.

 

[Littlee300]

I am sorry that most Americans could be in the same family tree as some of the Brits in this thread. Makes me want to quit visiting escapist.
ex:

On behalf of England, I apologise for America

Also, chavs and all the crappy technopop fake rap "music" from the last few decades

On behalf of Australia, I apologize for the following

-Not doing shit to anyone
-Not failing at maintaing a stable economy
-Not suffering from terrorism
-Not being arrogant and self absorbed
-Not having our own demented version of the ENGLISH language
-Not being at war with anyone
-Being so laid back that 'patriotism' doesn't include knowing any part of the national anthem
-Putting up with the rest of the world's shit
-Inventing the Bikini
-Just generally being awesome

Yep, I thnk that'll do.

 

[Hippobatman]

Ooooh, I guess we could also apologize for shitty 80s music aka A-ha *shivers*

Yeah, definitely.

And sorry for making a huuuuuge fool of ourselves when three - four men decided to "invade" Greenland, and take it back from Denmark.

 

[Chevy235]

Yeah, now they're completely defenseless in the face of Iranian ballistic missiles. I hear that might happen right before the plot of Homefront comes true.

Did we agree to set those anti-missile systems up in their countries? Yes. Did they want them? Yes. Did we pull the rug out from under them? Yes. Whether or not you think it was necessary, they wanted them, we agreed to do it, and then unilaterally bailed because Vlad Pooty-poot had a hissyfit. What I said was absolutely true.

Dude, that's because we have a big population. Per capita it's pitiful, compared to other industrialized nations.

That is false. We give more per capita than any other nation, with Canada a decently close second (PS I love you guys up there...not trying to put you down or anything. Us norteamericanos rule).

 

[maturin]

Did we agree to set those anti-missile systems up in their countries? Yes. Did they want them? Yes. Did we pull the rug out from under them? Yes. Whether or not you think it was necessary.

So we said we were going to spend a lot of money, then decided not to spend as much money. I'm sure that hurt their feelings and caused them a lot of revenue loss because of all the wasted party hats for the welcoming ceremony.

They're big countries now. They can learn to be be proud of themselves without fatherly gestures from Papa Sam, and their hawkish politicians will have to learn how to get votes without fabricating nostalgic threats, since they can't invade anyone like we can.

That is false. We give more per capita than any other nation, with Canada a decently close second (PS I love you guys up there...not trying to put you down or anything. Us norteamericanos rule).

Donations per citizen, 2008
* 1. Luxembourg - $114.4/citizen
* 2. Norway - $95.7/citizen
* 3. Sweden - $65.9/citizen
* 4. Ireland - $55.9/citizen
* 5. Denmark - $54.1/citizen
* 6 The Netherlands - $38.6/citizen
* 7. Kuwait - $32.8/citizen
* 8. Saudi Arabia - $28.7/citizen
* 9. Finland - $27/citizen
* 10. Switzerland - $25.4/citizen

Donations by Percentage of income (GNI)
* 1. Saudi Arabia - 0.15%
* 2. Luxembourg - 0.13%
* 3. Sweden - 0.12%
* 4. Denmark - 0.09%
* 5. Kuwait - 0.06%
* 6. United Arab Emirates - 0.04%
* 7. United States - 0.03%
* 8. Germany - 0.02%
* 9. Japan - 0.01%
* 10. Portugal - 0.01%

Official development assistance as percentage of GNI (here is where large populations give you a bigger advantage)
* 1. Sweden - 1.12%
* 2. Norway - 1.06%
* 3. Luxembourg - 1.01%
* 4. Denmark - 0.88%
* 5. Netherlands - 0.82%
* 6. Belgium - 0.55%
* 7. Finland - 0.54%
* 8. Ireland - 0.54%
* 9. United Kingdom - 0.52%
* 10. Switzerland - 0.47%
* 11. France- 0.46%
* 12. Spain - 0.46%
* 13. Germany - 0.35%
* 14. Canada - 0.30%
* 15. Austria - 0.30%
* 16. Australia - 0.29%
* 17. New Zealand - 0.29%
* 18. Portugal - 0.23%
* 19. United States - 0.20%
* 20. Greece - 0.19%
* 21. Japan - 0.18%
* 22. Italy - 0.16%
* 23. South Korea - 0.10%
Oops, where did we go?
Maybe if you counted the amount of money our government spends buying people guns, we would do better.

I apologize to Canadians for the sudden removal of your North American status. From now on you shall be considered to the East of us in lieu of anything more suiting.

 

[Caspertjuhh]

Holland: sorry for having so many people who go on holiday abroad and talk your language with horrible ugly accents.

 

[Antidrall]

Canada: Sorry for Smallville, and having Uwe Boll film his movies in Vancouver

 

[Baron von Blitztank]

On behalf of the UK, I apologise that we just plain suck.

 

[RAMBO22]

On behalf of America, I'm sorry for being the worlds greatest imperialists, for taking rigid international stances and performing international incursions without any international consent (Iraq, Afghanistan, etc), for being unilateral assholes in general, for wanting to 'bring Democracy to the world' while simultaneously refusing to act within the international apparatus, for being the greediest, most superficial, and most materialistic culture that has perhaps ever existed.

 

[Vothriller]

On behalf of Greece, I'm sorry we accidentally the euro.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I'm sorry for Piers Morgan, but it's your damn Americans fault for being so easily amused by a British accent.

 

[NerdElf]

On behalf of Romania, I must apologize for the following things:
-Being so corrupt the EU wants to bannhammer us so we can't spread it.
-Gypsies.
-Being under german rule in the first war, and comunists in the second (Worst of both worlds, although the party in the USSR was kewl)
-For existing (since Romania was created, it was shitstormed every day. Literally, people were invading from all possible and impossible directions, just to crap in our well-grown grassy fields)
-And for breaking the American, Canadian, UK-ian and Australian post combo.

 

[Obrien Xp]

As a Canadian I'm sorry for Bieber. Also for saying sorry all the time.

 

[Chevy235]

So we said we were going to spend a lot of money, then decided not to spend as much money. I'm sure that hurt their feelings and caused them a lot of revenue loss because of all the wasted party hats for the welcoming ceremony.

We made an agreement, and we broke it. Unilaterally. That is the textbook definition of dicking someone around. I don't care about your personal opinion on whether or not it was necessary, or that you think we had a good reason for dicking them around.

Statistics pulled from Wikipedia

No 1. You fail due to Wikipedia.

No 2. You fail because I have proof of my comment.

http://www.cafonline.org/pdf/International%20%20Giving%20highlights.pdf

Which puts our charitable givings at 1.67% of GDP, more than double the percentage of the next runner up, the UK. It looks like you DID catch me in a mistake...Canada is a close third, not second.

As for the 2008 figures, that's from Global Humanitarian assistance, and their methodology doesn't count total charitable giving (that document is a PITA to get through btw), most likely cherry-picked for Wikipedia by someone with an axe to grind or to reinforce their comfortable moral superiority bubble.

I apologize to Canadians for the sudden removal of your North American status. From now on you shall be considered to the East of us in lieu of anything more suiting.

I think you misunderstood me. I was including Canadians with the Norteamericanos...collectively the US and Canada rule. Although I should add the UK, Australia, Poland, Romania, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Mexico, and a whole host of other awesome places to that. Cause frankly I find people everywhere that I think are awesome.