Nope, not happy at all. I have no friends, no girlfriend, and I make minimum wage working three days a week at a job I hate. They hire more and more irritating people that make my job harder and make me look dumber by association. I've gotten passed over on other jobs to people who didn't graduate high school. One of my coworkers didn't have his GED when he was hired, but he started making more than me, even though I've been there for four years. My employer is doing poorly and blames us, while closing more and more stores and adding more and more responsibilities. I'm 25 and I feel like a burden to my parents. I feel like I'll never be able to support myself, even though I have a bachelors degree in business. I hated college just like I hated every other school I was forced to go to, just so I might have a chance at a future. Now it's like I'm stuck in a neverending P.E. class.
I lost my virginity three months ago to a girl I met on porn chat roulette. Talked to her for about four months beforehand on skype and fell in love. I was happier than I've ever been. The sex was amazing, but shortly thereafter she deleted me on facebook and won't talk to me anymore. I still love her. I cried and cried and cried. I was looking for jobs where she lived, but I never found one. Now that she's gone, I not only have given up applying there, but anywhere. Seems so pointless to keep trying. I hope I get fired every week. I want to quit, but I have that loan for my useless education hanging over my head. It isn't even that much, but I can't pay it with as little as I make. That sticks with you your whole life. The only way to get out of a student loan is death. And if I lost my job tomorrow, I'd probably be out of work the rest of my life, given my track record. I've only managed to get one job interview since I graduated and I didn't get the job.
Most of my college friends are gone. I never liked them anyways. I don't know how to meet more people, so I'm isolated. I take walks all the time just to get away from the internet and video games and the indoors.
I really don't think this helps. I've talked to crisis chat people online and I've talked to strangers and I've used these forums and I've blogged about it. The only thing I haven't tried is a therapist, but a shrink can't live your life for you. It costs money I don't have anyways. The general consensus is that I should "get out," but there's nowhere for me to go. I've endured life for so long amidst promises that "things get better" and I assure you they do not. If anything, they've gotten worse and they weren't that great to begin with. If I had a time machine, I'd murder my younger self to keep me from experiencing the horrors that awaited me.
It's not my parents' fault my life sucks. I've finally gotten them to realize that it does. They feel real bad about it, but there's nothing they can do. Now I feel like an even bigger asshole for telling them, but I have no one else to tell except for strangers on the internet. And like I said, this ain't helping.
