Awesome one liners

[Koeryn]

"Here's the thing. You out-mass me. That's nice. Here's something else. You have a low pain tolerance, and have this thing about not hitting guys in the testicles. You know what I'm going to do at the first chance? Ram my knee into your testicles so hard you choke on them."

And no one's ever actually taken me up on a fight. I wonder why...

Though, I don't suppose it's a one liner, so much as a speech. Hm...

In that case:

Firefly: Hoban Washburn - "Oh God, oh God, We're all gonna die?"

Metalocalypse: Ofdenson (and later, Nathan Explosion) - "That's my bread and butter you're fucking with."

Serenity: Cpt. Mal Reynolds - "No. They're not gonna see THIS comin'."

GWtBW: "I just killed someone with a rock!"

Metalocapyse: "WOAH! Good song title."

That's all for me.

Oh, wait.

"It's okay. At least he didn't use the whole bag."

 

[RobCoxxy]

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her.
So I said, "All right, fatty."

 

[tehbeard]

"I would have been your daddy, but the dog beat me over the fence" - Unknown

Edit:

why has noone put this one down?

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning"

 

[Time Travelling Toaster]

If the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya", the next words will be "My crotch, you punched me in the crotch." - Cookie for anyone who knows where that's from.

Dr Cox from Scrubs after JD and Turks friend (forgot his name) tells Cox that Jordons baby is his =)

And unless you all want to watch me turn a 2 sylable word into a 6 sylable word I re-he-he-he-ally suggest we keep looking. - Again the man that is Cox

 

[DoctorWhat]

If the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya", the next words will be "My crotch, you punched me in the crotch." - Cookie for anyone who knows where that's from.

I'm gonna 1-up everybody so far:

It's from Scrubs Season 2 Episode 22, entitled "My Dream Job."
Dr Cox says it after JD and Turk's college friend Spence uh... "accidentally" let him know that Cox is the father of Jordan's child.

(sorry, just watched it on DVD)

cookie?

 

[ItsAChiaotzu]

The tooth fairy gave me an option of a big penis or a long memory, I can't remember which one I chose.

Stewart Francis ftw.

 

[Thijsterhaar]

'The cake is a lie' - exTestSubject from Portal

 

[Trilby]

"Speak softly and carry a big gun"

Or, my favourite variation of that:

"Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar." Cookie to whoever gets it.

 

[Conveant0]

"Speak softly and carry a big gun"

Or, my favourite variation of that:

"Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar." Cookie to whoever gets it.

Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

"Don't shake the lightbulb" Bungie, only one I can think of shamefully

 

[Wilfy]

If the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya", the next words will be "My crotch, you punched me in the crotch." - Cookie for anyone who knows where that's from.

I'm gonna 1-up everybody so far:

It's from Scrubs Season 2 Episode 22, entitled "My Dream Job."
Dr Cox says it after JD and Turk's college friend Spence uh... "accidentally" let him know that Cox is the father of Jordan's child.

(sorry, just watched it on DVD)

cookie?

You get a super cookie for being specific

 

[j1nx]

See your friends standing in a group at the bar.
Walk up to them, look everyone in the eye while going into your inner pocket.
Pull out classic silver cigarette case.
make sure everyone is looking at you.

"Gentlemen."

Light up cigarette.

(about 15 mins later)

Have sex with 5 women at once.

Works every time.

 

[Zayren]

"I hate vans/stairs/train yards/small towns/etc." ~ Francis

I also like to shout,"EAT SHIT AND DIE!" when pissed off, and I think that's from Gears of War?

I ALSO like,"Ambition is not a good enough excuse to not have enough common sense to be lazy." by some guy.

 

[DoctorWhat]

If the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya", the next words will be "My crotch, you punched me in the crotch." - Cookie for anyone who knows where that's from.

I'm gonna 1-up everybody so far:

It's from Scrubs Season 2 Episode 22, entitled "My Dream Job."
Dr Cox says it after JD and Turk's college friend Spence uh... "accidentally" let him know that Cox is the father of Jordan's child.

(sorry, just watched it on DVD)

cookie?

You get a super cookie for being specific

YAY!!! *crunch*

 

[Jade Rotaski]

"I spy...uh I do not think we brought enough body bags"-Medic

i do belive it's "eins, vie, drie, i dont zink we bought enough body bags"

LMAO Okay so I got it wrong I dont play the medic much XD

 

[S-Unleashed]

"See you in Hell suckers!"

Sir Schoompy

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

I was wearing my full motorcycle gear, about to get on my bike, and a drunk guy came up to me:

Him: Nice bike!
Me: Thanks.
Him: Hey! You're a girl!
Me: That's what my gynecologist keeps telling me.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

whenever someone calls me a fag for having long hair i just say

in 5 minutes your going to know what it feels like to get your ass kicked by a fag

Or you could try this one:

"Are you a fag?"
"I dunno. Why don't you bend over and we'll see?"

 

[DinosaurSnack]

(A little context) Me and my friends were playing CoH and we absolutely demolishing the allies. They were backed into their base when they started whining 'overpowered German tanks blah blah blah' so I then took out a 3 Hummels and bombared them as my friend called in a V1. One guy on the other team said "overkill much?" I then followed up with this reply that I had heard quite recently.

Their is no 'overkill' only 'open FIRE!' and 'reload'.

They then quit the game and my friend and I cracked up.

 

[Blanks]

"Zach your a sexual walrus!"

~me, i yelled it in the middle of math class