Awful pickup lines

[Funkiest Monkey]

Excuse me, do you work at Subway? Because you've just gave me a foot-long.

 

[enzilewulf]

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water.

 

[Sanguinius- The Angel]

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

.. That's about all I got.

 

[MrNickster]

I lost my virginity, can I have yours?
Do you work at Subway? Cause you've given me a foot long
You must be a parking ticekt, cause you've got fine written all over you
I bet you can't turn me hetero

 

[Caligulust]

Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Because I can see myself in your pants.

 

[Evilsanta]

Did it hurt when you falled from heaven?

Some are just horrible...They dont work do they?

 

[Killerscape]

"Why don' you sit on my lap and lets talk about the first thing that pops up."
The other one is
"The FBI is looking for my dick can I hide it in you?"

 

[0bserv3]

I'm no Fred Flinstone, but I can make your bed rock.
Lets flip a coin. if it's heads I get tail, if its tails I get head.
baby you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive.

yeah that's my meagre contribution

 

[S.R.S.]

Believe it or not I've made some really close friends this way. Funny how I can go from "lllllllllllllllllllllllllladies!" or "So you come here often?" to "Yeah just sleep on the couch." As for the lines actually getting me laid... not so much.

 

[ShrooM_DoughKiD]

"Are those mirrors in your pants? 'Cause i can see myself in them"

"I love every bone in your body, especially mine"

"Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?" "no." "Me either, but its a good way to break the ice"

"Do you like Pokemon?" "No" "Well, i'd still take a peekatchu."

"If i said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

**EDIT**

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

 

[Queen Michael]

"You know why they call me the toolshed? Because I'm where all the hoes are at." Okay, not really a pick-up line, but I just had to squeeze that Dr McNinja reference in somehow. But here's a good (read: bad) one:
"Your dad musta been a thief, 'cause he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes." Only gonna work if she's already in love with you.

 

[Hexenwolf]

I realize that this has probably been done to death but for some reason the search bar isn't working. And I haven't seen a pickup line thread in a while, so here goes.

What is the absolute worst pickup line you have ever heard?
Alternatively: What are some funny pickup line related stories you have heard? It could be you, your friend, your friends friend. Anything.

My pickup lines are:
Let's do some math, OK? You, plus me, minus the clothing, then we multiply.
Are you a penguin? Because I find penguins sexually attractive.
(Warning: The following only works if you are Chuck Norris: Now.
Have you ever wanted a gay best friend? I'm not gay, but feel free to get naked in front of me, I won't mind.
What has two thumbs and likes blowjobs? This guy. ( Pointing to self with thumbs.)
I want to penis you.

Funny story:
I know a guy who used the last one, and he married that woman.

Aw, guy! You messed up the math one! It goes:
Let's do some bedroom math. You, plus me, minus the clothes, divide the legs, and then we multiply.

 

[SuperVegas]

Gotta give some Futurama props:

"I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies"
and

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"

 

[Shikari]

"Wanna go twos on a bastard?"
Good idea to open your mouth afterwards to catch the drink flying in your direction.

 

[The Geek Lord]

I've got one that I use a lot, it's not so good it makes me pop out of existence from the girl's mental radar so that I narrowly avoid the oncoming drink to the face.

"..."

 

[VinnyKings]

I love this one:

Do you work on a chicken farm? Cause you sure know how to raise a cock.
annnnnd
My dick just died can I bury it in your ass?

 

[ZerOmega]

"I have never pooped. How about you?"

pure magic.

 

[EchetusXe]

Are you a penguin? Because I find penguins sexually attractive.

haha, that one might work.

Lemme think of one, errr... "I'm homeless, can I sleep in your bed?"

Would that one work, you think guys? Guys?? :[

 

[FC Groningen]

Does this tissue smell like Temazepam to you?