Awkward and Useless Superpowers

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Powereaver

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Apr 25, 2010
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I Bow to the People who retorted my idea.. because they are quite right.. i didnt think that way :D now i need to come up with another one thanks to them.
 

Erzengel

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May 13, 2009
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rhizhim said:
Erzengel said:
rhizhim said:
and more
...
Arm Fall Off Boy
...
Arm Fall Off Boy has the ability to detach his own limbs, which he can then use as blunt weapons.
...
That just makes me wonder what qualifies as a limb...
...
you are overthinking this.
Y'know, I don't understand people who complain about someone overthinking things in a thread about superpowers. I could just as easily point out that contemplating the most awkward and useless superpowers is overthinking superpowers in general. I get just as much entertainment value out of analyzing "arm fall off boy" as everyone else here does dreaming up useless super powers.

I would point out in my analysis that the head is jointed, specifically along the neck and where the skull meets the neck. Thus it could be considered a "jointed appendage". I'll grant the manly bits are an appendage that is neither jointed nor prehensile, and so would not be considered a limb. However, I would also point out in my analysis that arm-fall-off-boy may not accurately know his own powers, and may have actually meant "appendage" rather than "limb". Especially if he's never tried detaching other appendages.
 

SD-Fiend

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turning into the hulk after eating tons of junk food. when you turn back you keep the weight and turn back again if you get even slightly hungry with a massive craving for junk food.

acidic ejaculate

being able to turn your testicles into iron. they are no longer a part of you after that and fall off.

being able to sprout uncuttable armpit,crotch, andback hair that grows at an accelerated rate. it grows even faster on hot days.

turning into a bear.And not the animal kind either.
 

Donnie Restad

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Oct 9, 2011
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Steven Wright can make birds levitate.

The ability to tell exactly what somebody would look like if they were bald.
Or to know how many people are in a room without looking.
The ability to fart and make it sound like it came from across the room.
You have perfect comedic timing, but only at funerals.
You can predict what the next XKCD comic will be about.

You have super hearing, but only when people are talking about you behind your back.
 

dancinginfernal

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Sep 5, 2009
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The ability to undress very quickly.

The ability to irresistibly attract the opposite sex when you yawn.

The ability to avoid drowning. (Good job!)
 

Kayevcee

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Mar 5, 2008
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Buttersafe has a few options, but one is clearly the superior power. [http://buttersafe.com/2010/06/03/a-wizards-gift/]

-Nick
 

DragonStorm247

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The power of flight coupled with an extreme fear of heights.

Super speed, but slow reflexes and incredibly clumsy/trip-prone.

Super strength, but paralyzed from the neck down.

Mental control over insects, but only up to five at a time.

Shrinking power, not reversible.

Thought projection, one way reverse telepathy. Cannot turn off.

The ability to emit a high pitched sonic screech, cannot damage ear human ear drums nor shatter glass, no capability beyond mild annoyance.

I could do this all day.
 

Ruedyn

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Jun 29, 2011
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The ability to turn you dick into a sword, but only while masturbating. Also the ability to turn invisible for 30 minutes but only when you break your arm.
 

GenericAmerican

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mathsisfun said:
your nails grow super-fast, like 10cm an hour.
you can eat food by shoving it up your ass.
you are invisible, but only when noone is looking for you.
you can turn into the hulk, but only when very bored.
you can teleport, to a maximum distance of 3 feet.
you can burst into flames at will, but it still burns you.
1. sharpen those babies and get to clawing.
2. Yeah, southpark . .
3. Still useful, steal things; just don't let people know you are.
4. Simply deprive yourself of any and all entertainment.
5. Could be useful is you could reuse the power very very rapidly.
6. . . . you got me there. . . maybe it'd make a great party gag?
 

shrekfan246

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May 26, 2011
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DragonStorm247 said:
Mental control over insects, but only up to five at a time.
Assuming that's the only restriction, it would be fairly simple to still raise an insect army. All you need to do is control the queens of each hive you want to use at any given time. Now, if the insects revolt against you as soon as they're released...

OT: The ability to perfectly quote any amusing line from any movie you've ever seen in a given situation.

The ability to distinguish and analyze every single separate note in every song ever created, but only while working as a garbage man.

The ability to drink six hundred cans of Coke a day.

Deadly ability with a waffle iron, but it only works when used on yourself.

The ability to turn dollar bills into animated objects that then proceed to fly away and are never seen again.

The ability to have conversations with your conscience, which only turns up when you're about to do something you're going to immensely regret.

The ability to immediately suck all humor from an entire room just by entering.

The ability to make everyone around you yawn, by yawning yourself.

The ability to exactly copy any other person's voice, but only while you're showering.

An ability that acts like a GPS to your wallet, but when you don't have your wallet on you it makes your rear glow a bright red and beep very loudly every few seconds.

The ability to do hilarious improv comedy, but only during maudlin occasions.

The ability to perfectly emulate a banjo with your vocal chords.

The ability to act like you give a damn about somebody else's piddly-ass problems. 24/7.
 

JEBWrench

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Apr 23, 2009
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3quency said:
The power of ham.
Not the ability to produce ham, or the ability to be a large ham, just the power of ham.
This is the GREATEST POWER EVER.

HAM!

Alternatively, the ability to find just the right tie for whatever occasion arises.

Also, the Captcha might be a good one too - Gregory Peck Man! All the powers of Gregory Peck!
 

SuperSuperSuperGuy

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Jun 19, 2010
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Here're a few I got from Strong Bad, all about shape-shifting:
You can turn into a machine gun but not bullets, and contemporary jazz turns you back.
You can only turn into presents your grandma has knitted for you.
You can turn into any species... OF BALLOON ANIMAL! And there's this big sound effect that goes "DWAYNE!" every time you change forms.

This one I came up with myself:
You have absolute stealth, i.e. no one can see or hear you, as long as you follow around an unaware musician who is playing a large sousaphone as loud as they can. When you stop following them, even for a second, you become visible again. Yes, it HAS to be a sousaphone. No other instrument will do. Not even a tuba.

Or:
You become immune to slashing, piercing and blunt force whenever there is a star within 100 metres of you.