Bad Box-Art for Otherwise Great Games

[axlryder]

*sigh* I'm getting out of here.

hey! HEY! That's my jetpack! GET BACK HERE!!!

*sigh*

*dials phone* Yes, hello officer. Yeah, it was stolen again. Mhm, by a stick figure this time. I really wish you wouldn't laugh, officer.

 

[hermes]

Three pages in and no one has come up with the Heavy Rain comparison

Spoiler

As a clue, one is the American and the other one is the European. One has the need to emphasize the secundary character that walks around in her underwear. Guess which one is which...

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Three pages in and no one has come up with the Heavy Rain comparison...

If we're including embarrassing box art, I'd like to submit Elder Scrolls: Arena

 

[Bostur]

Three pages in and no one has come up with the Heavy Rain comparison...

If we're including embarrassing box art, I'd like to submit Elder Scrolls: Arena

- snip -

Thats not embarassing thats just 10 years too late. It could have been a movie poster of a Conan sequel featuring Samantha Fox. Very classy.

 

[Proverbial Jon]

Compare Miranda in this box-art:

With this image of Susan Boyle:

Uncanny, no? I'm not a Miranda fan but she just looks awful in this box-art. Thane the space-lemon doesn't help either, nor does Commander scowl.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

While were discussing bad box art, I'm going to throw in pretty much everything on the Sega Master System. Pretty much every game's box art consisted of a black and white grid with some vaguely relevent picture in the lower left corner and the game's title typeset in Times New Roman.

EDIT: Example:

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Thats not embarassing thats just 10 years too late. It could have been a movie poster of a Conan sequel featuring Samantha Fox. Very classy.

There are several embarrassing things about this box art.

1. Why is the Barbarian's grip choked up so high on that halbred? Is he planning to chop vegetables with it? He won't have any force or momentum behind a swing.
2. What is happening to that Wizard's hand? It appears to be getting devoured by a cloud of phosphorescent mites. He's also holding his dagger in a bizarre fashion, as though he were preparing to plunge it into his own thigh.
3. Why are the crossguards on those two handed swords so tiny?
4. I'm confused by the purpose of the headband on the pair of ambulatory tits in the foreground. Her hair is already pulled back. It doesn't look terribly absorbent, and she's unlikely to be doing a lot of sweating based on her apparel.
5. The guy in heavy plate has a bizarre hunch. I assume he has scoliosis of the spine, in which case it's unlikely he would have lived to such an advanced age in a career as a professional soldier. He looks at least 30.

 

[triggrhappy94]

Three pages in and no one has come up with the Heavy Rain comparison...

If we're including embarrassing box art, I'd like to submit Elder Scrolls: Arena

It's funny to think that that game series eventually gives us Oblivion and Skyrim.

 

[Bostur]

Thats not embarassing thats just 10 years too late. It could have been a movie poster of a Conan sequel featuring Samantha Fox. Very classy.

There are several embarrassing things about this box art.

1. Why is the Barbarian's grip choked up so high on that halbred? Is he planning to chop vegetables with it? He won't have any force or momentum behind a swing.
2. What is happening to that Wizard's hand? It appears to be getting devoured by a cloud of phosphorescent mites. He's also holding his dagger in a bizarre fashion, as though he were preparing to plunge it into his own thigh.
3. Why are the crossguards on those two handed swords so tiny?
4. I'm confused by the purpose of the headband on the pair of ambulatory tits in the foreground. Her hair is already pulled back. It doesn't look terribly absorbent, and she's unlikely to be doing a lot of sweating based on her apparel.
5. The guy in heavy plate has a bizarre hunch. I assume he has scoliosis of the spine, in which case it's unlikely he would have lived to such an advanced age in a career as a professional soldier. He looks at least 30.

I would have thought using the words Conan sequel, Sam Fox and classy in the same sentence would have given away the irony. ;-)

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I would have thought using the words Conan sequel, Sam Fox and classy in the same sentence would have given away the irony. ;-)

Dude, we are two trucks full of sarcasm smashing into each other on the freeway. Believe me, neither one of us is being too subtle.

 

[Bostur]

I would have thought using the words Conan sequel, Sam Fox and classy in the same sentence would have given away the irony. ;-)

Dude, we are two trucks full of sarcasm smashing into each other on the freeway. Believe me, neither one of us is being too subtle.

In that case I guess the joke is on me - well played.

 

[WWmelb]

Thats not embarassing thats just 10 years too late. It could have been a movie poster of a Conan sequel featuring Samantha Fox. Very classy.

There are several embarrassing things about this box art.

1. Why is the Barbarian's grip choked up so high on that halbred? Is he planning to chop vegetables with it? He won't have any force or momentum behind a swing.
2. What is happening to that Wizard's hand? It appears to be getting devoured by a cloud of phosphorescent mites. He's also holding his dagger in a bizarre fashion, as though he were preparing to plunge it into his own thigh.
3. Why are the crossguards on those two handed swords so tiny?
4. I'm confused by the purpose of the headband on the pair of ambulatory tits in the foreground. Her hair is already pulled back. It doesn't look terribly absorbent, and she's unlikely to be doing a lot of sweating based on her apparel.
5. The guy in heavy plate has a bizarre hunch. I assume he has scoliosis of the spine, in which case it's unlikely he would have lived to such an advanced age in a career as a professional soldier. He looks at least 30.

Seriously, that made my fuckin night lmao

 

[BearMinerals]

[image width="300"]http://nintendoenthusiast.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/MP3_box.jpg[/IMG]
This.

I hate how they're just...floating there. And what's up with the third Samus fading in from the upper left corner?

That's Dark Samus silly. The two Samus's back to back represent the pure/corrupt sides of Samus throughout the game since she becomes corrupted with Phazon. Whereas Dark Samus is merely the antagonist and sorta represent what she'll become if the Phazon corruption overtakes her.

Not entirely sure why the corrupted side still has samus' regular Varia suit as opposed to the more fitting PED suit but it is what it is.

Oh, okay. At least that part makes sense now.

 

[PedroSteckecilo]

Oh, you think that is bad? Try the European Megaman 2 box art!

<spoiler=It's bad>

The Tin Man fights Emperor Ming!

How have I never seen this before? I actually think this is some of the most AMAZING bad box art I've ever seen... I love Silver Bodysuit Megaman so much... and that dragon... and the crazy head on the mountain...

I... need some time alone...

 

[Glover09]

Three pages in and no one has come up with the Heavy Rain comparison...

If we're including embarrassing box art, I'd like to submit Elder Scrolls: Arena

Spoiler: How about Daggerfall?

 

[Robot Number V]

*snip*

*snip*

Just thought I'd let you guys know that you won 1st place in the Silliest Internet Argument Competition.

Spoiler: Here is your trophy.

Don't ask about the manatees, I have no idea.

Anywhoo, I'm throwing in my vote behind Mass Effect 2 and Portal 2. Seriously, a white square with the title in the middle would've been less forgettable.

 

[teh_Canape]

Three pages in and no one has come up with the Heavy Rain comparison...

If we're including embarrassing box art, I'd like to submit Elder Scrolls: Arena

Spoiler: How about Daggerfall?

well, Daggerfall did try something a bit different, as it is showing the ghost of the king rather than token warrior, token tits, token beard and token robe =P

OTersonal vote?

 

[lacktheknack]

<spoiler=The Longest Journey: NA Release>http://www.gamershell.com/static/boxart/large/821.jpg

<youtube=AREJHFfIAdA&start=13&end=18>

Just as an experiment, I want someone who doesn't know anything about "The Longest Journey" to tell me what they would expect from the game from this boxart.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Three pages in and no one has come up with the Heavy Rain comparison...

If we're including embarrassing box art, I'd like to submit Elder Scrolls: Arena

Dear god did Rob Liefeld work for Bethesda at the time?