BDSM and You!

[Kinokohatake]

Of course it's consensual. But it's not just the rapeplay aspect of bdsm. You can have a very long very grueling scene with absolutely not intimate contact. There are so many different forms of BDSM it would boggle your mind. But I wish you luck with your lady friend, and good luck experimenting.

 

[Aerodyamic]

As long as it's between consenting adults, I don't care what goes on in someone's bedroom. Personally I'm not interested in BDSM or many of the other "deviant" sexual lifestyles, but I guess I can undersand why some people are, and it's certainly not my right to say otherwise.

Also, I gotta ask: what's with the double spacing?

I gotta ask: What exactly are the 'other deviant lifestyles', and why do you think you're qualified to judge someone else sexual choices? What, precisely, makes something a deviant lifestyle choice?

I'm just curious, since you also state that you don't feel right telling people not to engage in BD/SM, but you obviously feel justified in judging whether those choices are morally or ethically correct.

OT: I'm the bottom in a M/F relationship, and a mild masochist; my girlfriend happens to be substantially kinkier, far more aggressive and demonstrably more dominant that 99% of the male tops I've met. As several people have pointed out, we both have to trust each other implicitly and communicate much more deeply than many 'mainstream' partnerships do; my g/f can read my body language to know how hard to push in a given instance.

All in all, I have found my current relationship to be substantially healthier than any of my previous ones, and this one has know lasted almost 50% longer than my next longest had.

You clearly misread. I used the word "deviant" to mean "non-traditional, or outside the norm". I never meant to imply a negative connotation. And I made it very clear that I DIDN'T have the right to judge other people's choices. I'd appreciate you not putting words....or anything else....in my mouth. Thank you very much.

Actually, given the standard context of the word deviant, it's a pretty loaded word. Maybe you should consider using other words, since that one, even if you intended to use the very literal interpretation of the dictionary definition, can be read way out of context pretty easily.

As much as I hate euphemizing, there's bound to be a better term than 'deviant'.

 

[Zaverexus]

Whatever floats your boat.

I personally find the idea of harming my significant other abhorrent.

Myself, I think it's pretty messed up.

But two adults can do whatever they want, As long as they agree, I don't really care.

I agree with these. I don't like the idea, I don't really get why that would be appealing, I especially don't think it can really be healthy, and I would be concerned that such a thing could drift into other parts of the relationship.
That last part is my biggest concern, so as long as someone is not being actually abusive I guess he/she can do whatever. I prefer a bit more of a loving relationship in and out of the bedroom.

My opinion is about the same for "open relationships".

Well I think the point that you missed was BDSM can be a loving relationship too. I love my gf, and I'd anything for her.
She also loves pain, and she loves to be dominated, and I love being the one who gets to do it.
For us the BDSM is what we do before the sex, and it's helped strength our bond. Plus for my gf and I sex needs to be fun, and bdsm enhances that fun.
To say BDSM isn't a loving a relationship; that's simply the ignorance talking. It might not be how you express it, but it's just as loving as old, boring vanilla sex.

I'm not saying the relationship can't be loving, I'm saying the though of hurting someone I love, even in pretend, is not something that ever occurs to me in such a relationship.

 

[Zaverexus]

Whatever floats your boat.

I personally find the idea of harming my significant other abhorrent.

Myself, I think it's pretty messed up.

But two adults can do whatever they want, As long as they agree, I don't really care.

I agree with these. I don't like the idea, I don't really get why that would be appealing, I especially don't think it can really be healthy, and I would be concerned that such a thing could drift into other parts of the relationship.
That last part is my biggest concern, so as long as someone is not being actually abusive I guess he/she can do whatever. I prefer a bit more of a loving relationship in and out of the bedroom.

My opinion is about the same for "open relationships".

I'd argue that a BDSM relationship is about as loving as you get. Its a complete expression of trust, saying to someone "I trust you enough to let you tie me up and whip me" which is a hell of a thing to trust someone with.

And what do you mean about drifting into other parts of the relationship? Are we talking about out of the bedroom? Because that happens and it's exactly what floats a lot of peoples boats.

What I mean by that is that one should take care that roleplaying abuse does not turn into an actual abusive relationship.