BDSM and You!

[THAC0]

Yeah, i am very into it.

my fiance and i met on a BDSM social networking site called "fetlife". I have been to a BDSM club where i have watched her get flogged till she passed out, and in our home it is not uncommon for 1 or both of us to have marks or bruises of one kind or another some place on our bodies.

we are both switches. But i tend to be the top most of the time.

ironically, we are not that much into bondage. that has always struck me as odd.

 

[DementedSheep]

I know a few people who are into it, the light stuff I can kind of understand though I don?t practically want to try it. To be honest the hardcore BDSM stuff is kind of creepy to me but there are weirder things out there and I don?t have really a problem with it. There are plenty of things I don?t understand the appeal of and I certainly don't think liking BDSM means you want to rape someone.

 

[FrostyChick]

Erm... far from all knives are particularly expensive. You could even get your hands on some used by certain armed forces for a pretty low price.

It's mostly decorative and custom knives where prices tend to run away into the realms of ridiculousness.

They do make for spectacular sextoys in a BDSM-setting. However a submissive partner letting you pull out a knife in the middle of it all and use it as an instrument of control (instead of tying your partner up in chains) has to REALLY trust you and that trust has to go both ways. Otherwise it's bound to result in an accident.

But done right with the right partner, I find it intensly erotic. It provides that arousing element of danger to it all that I like.

You're talking to someone who damn near can't turn on a heater without going into the red. >.>

I generally tend to be rather upfront with it, but it's only something I'd do if I would trust them to do the same to me. (not that I would let them, that's not really my thing)

If you ask me, I think stuff like that should be mandatory in schools. You know, to teach children how to properly and safely handle a firearm and perhaps put an end to the mindless paranoia concerning firearms spreading through the world.

Sadly I live in a part of the world where that paranoia is pretty extreme, so it's very hard for a private person to get any kind of permit to own a firearm. You can only get a permit for hunting or competetive marksmanship, and in BOTH instances it usually takes years becuse the government basically treat you with an absurd amount of suspicion for suggesting that you'd like to own a firearm. And it's all based on paranoia and prejudice, and it hasn't really made society any safer.

It would help if gun safety was taught in schools. I mean they already teach about drugs and sex. Why not guns too? But there's also the possibility that said knowledge would be used to further crime... So it's a bit of a double edged sword.

And I can't really comment on gun control, I don't know much about the regulations behind it. Never done any shooting outside of the institution so I've never had to look into it.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

You're talking to someone who damn near can't turn on a heater without going into the red. >.>

I generally tend to be rather upfront with it, but it's only something I'd do if I would trust them to do the same to me. (not that I would let them, that's not really my thing)

Well I'll tell you this much: a steady hand is quite useful. XD

It would help if gun safety was taught in schools. I mean they already teach about drugs and sex. Why not guns too? But there's also the possibility that said knowledge would be used to further crime... So it's a bit of a double edged sword.

Trust me, it's primarily the IGNORANCE of guns, how they work and how tu use them safely that furthers crime, and not knowledge.

If we take statistics of gun-violence in the U.S for example (im not form there myself, but it's a useful example since the U.S consist of very different regions and levels of urbanisation). The primary violent offenders who've used guns in crime are usually people whose primary source of knowledge of guns comes from hollywood action flicks and gang-culture (i.e inner-city or suburban thugs who most likely never set foot on a firing range in their lives and always acquire their firearms through illegal means).

As opposed to people who grew up in more "rural" areas where they're taught to use guns pretty much at the same time they learn to walk and talk, and who tend to be in an extreme minority when it comes to violent crime involving firearms.

My guess is that it has a lot to do with the fact that if you've know all the way back since you were a child EXACTLY what kind of damage a gun can do to a target of flesh and blood, you're not likely to suffer from any romanticized "hollywood action flick delusions" about it and be more hesitant to pull the trigger when you point a gun at another person, unless you REALLY have to (in cases of self-defense perhaps).

Anyway, it's an interesting subject but not the topic so further discussion should concern BDSM. Consider this the end of the line of that sidetrack.

 

[DeathWyrmNexus]

Whatever floats your boat.

I personally find the idea of harming my significant other abhorrent.

Myself, I think it's pretty messed up.

But two adults can do whatever they want, As long as they agree, I don't really care.

I agree with these. I don't like the idea, I don't really get why that would be appealing, I especially don't think it can really be healthy, and I would be concerned that such a thing could drift into other parts of the relationship.
That last part is my biggest concern, so as long as someone is not being actually abusive I guess he/she can do whatever. I prefer a bit more of a loving relationship in and out of the bedroom.

My opinion is about the same for "open relationships".

Does not compute. My wife asked and I complied to be her master. She cried once when I was reading threads and saying that I'd never do that kind of stuff to her. I was saying what I thought the answer was without ever actually Asking her. See the problem? My wife is happy and I am making her happy by being her dominant.

How is that not love? Doing for the one you care about. Love is just that, putting somebody before yourself. Your mistake is thinking that there is only a few ways to do it and still be "loving..."

 

[Rnr1224]

everyone is different so i find it acceptable.

 

[Aerodyamic]

As long as it's between consenting adults, I don't care what goes on in someone's bedroom. Personally I'm not interested in BDSM or many of the other "deviant" sexual lifestyles, but I guess I can undersand why some people are, and it's certainly not my right to say otherwise.

Also, I gotta ask: what's with the double spacing?

I gotta ask: What exactly are the 'other deviant lifestyles', and why do you think you're qualified to judge someone else sexual choices? What, precisely, makes something a deviant lifestyle choice?

I'm just curious, since you also state that you don't feel right telling people not to engage in BD/SM, but you obviously feel justified in judging whether those choices are morally or ethically correct.

OT: I'm the bottom in a M/F relationship, and a mild masochist; my girlfriend happens to be substantially kinkier, far more aggressive and demonstrably more dominant that 99% of the male tops I've met. As several people have pointed out, we both have to trust each other implicitly and communicate much more deeply than many 'mainstream' partnerships do; my g/f can read my body language to know how hard to push in a given instance.

All in all, I have found my current relationship to be substantially healthier than any of my previous ones, and this one has know lasted almost 50% longer than my next longest had.

 

[Aerodyamic]

As long as it's between consenting adults, I don't care what goes on in someone's bedroom. Personally I'm not interested in BDSM or many of the other "deviant" sexual lifestyles, but I guess I can undersand why some people are, and it's certainly not my right to say otherwise.

Also, I gotta ask: what's with the double spacing?

I gotta ask: What exactly are the 'other deviant lifestyles', and why do you think you're qualified to judge someone else sexual choices? What, precisely, makes something a deviant lifestyle choice?

I'm just curious, since you also state that you don't feel right telling people not to engage in BD/SM, but you obviously feel justified in judging whether those choices are morally or ethically correct.

OT: I'm the bottom in a M/F relationship, and a mild masochist; my girlfriend happens to be substantially kinkier, far more aggressive and demonstrably more dominant that 99% of the male tops I've met. As several people have pointed out, we both have to trust each other implicitly and communicate much more deeply than many 'mainstream' partnerships do; my g/f can read my body language to know how hard to push in a given instance.

All in all, I have found my current relationship to be substantially healthier than any of my previous ones, and this one has know lasted almost 50% longer than my next longest had.

 

[Treblaine]

My understanding that it's a dangerous game, but still a game.

And dangerous only if you don't know what you're doing, bungee-jumping is dangerous only if you don't know what you're doing.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

What, precisely, makes something a deviant lifestyle choice?

The use of the word "deviant" generally implies that whatever is being refered to as such is "deviant from the norm".

That is, it isn't something that the general majority engages in.

So making a "deviant" lifestyle choice doesn't have to be a good or a bad thing. It's just considered "unusual" in comparison to what most people do.

 

[Lilani]

I ASK YOU WHY THIS IS TWO THREADS!?!?

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.314499-BDSM-and-You

Geez, why are people getting so worked up about these things lately? Sometimes the site lags when creating posts or threads, thus spawning two posts or threads rather than one. Surely you've noticed this by now. It's not the poster's fault.

Anyway, while I'm here I guess I should tell my story... I'm a female, and ever since I was a kid, I remember always being particularly...interested in the parts of cartoons or movies where characters get tied up or held against their will. I sort of found myself WANTING to be in that position, being at the mercy of another, not having a choice. I don't remember when I found out about BSDM specifically, but I mostly learned everything about it through the Internet during my mid teens.

Funny thing is, throughout my whole life, I've also been a practicing Christian. And I still am today. I'm not the person who sent the anonymous letter to the love help lady a few weeks back, but it sort of relieved me to find someone who has actually found a way to balance and accept their fetish while still maintaining a relationship with God, and sticking with the standard rules (no sex til marriage, only sex with your spouse, etc). Until now I've sort of been just haphazardly swinging from one side of the fence to the other, usually apologizing for my dirty thoughts but not really feeling particularly sorry about them (then apologizing for that and asking for help in the matter).

So, yeah. I've got a boyfriend now, but if we do get married it won't be for at least a few years. And even then he is very kindly and shy so I doubt he shares my fetish (or at least would be willing to be a dominant...), but I guess I'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I guess I won't know til then. So that's my story.

 

[Ghengis John]

I ASK YOU WHY THIS IS TWO THREADS!?!?

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.314499-BDSM-and-You

Geez, why are people getting so worked up about these things lately? Sometimes the site lags when creating posts or threads, thus spawning two posts or threads rather than one. Surely you've noticed this by now. It's not the poster's fault.

First time I ever noticed it. But as you can see by post 21, I have already "gotten over it.", Somebody explained it already and I was fine. I thought this person was just soo excited bout BDSM they had to make more than one post about it at first.

 

[Avaholic03]

As long as it's between consenting adults, I don't care what goes on in someone's bedroom. Personally I'm not interested in BDSM or many of the other "deviant" sexual lifestyles, but I guess I can undersand why some people are, and it's certainly not my right to say otherwise.

Also, I gotta ask: what's with the double spacing?

I gotta ask: What exactly are the 'other deviant lifestyles', and why do you think you're qualified to judge someone else sexual choices? What, precisely, makes something a deviant lifestyle choice?

I'm just curious, since you also state that you don't feel right telling people not to engage in BD/SM, but you obviously feel justified in judging whether those choices are morally or ethically correct.

OT: I'm the bottom in a M/F relationship, and a mild masochist; my girlfriend happens to be substantially kinkier, far more aggressive and demonstrably more dominant that 99% of the male tops I've met. As several people have pointed out, we both have to trust each other implicitly and communicate much more deeply than many 'mainstream' partnerships do; my g/f can read my body language to know how hard to push in a given instance.

All in all, I have found my current relationship to be substantially healthier than any of my previous ones, and this one has know lasted almost 50% longer than my next longest had.

You clearly misread. I used the word "deviant" to mean "non-traditional, or outside the norm". I never meant to imply a negative connotation. And I made it very clear that I DIDN'T have the right to judge other people's choices. I'd appreciate you not putting words....or anything else....in my mouth. Thank you very much.

 

[InfiniteSingularity]

I find it very intriguing, and when I find someone who also does i would have some fun with it.

 

[Kinokohatake]

BDSM has always bugged me for the exact opposite reason some people are put off by it. To me, it seems...poser-ish. I mean, it isn't real. It seems hollow. Not that I support rape and torture, but still.

Oh its real. Try it and you might understand.

That is...ominous.

I WOULD try it (I've been intrested in the process before) if I knew anyone who was also into it. One of my ex girlfriends was, but we never got sexual before we broke up.

..


You would be surprised how many people are actually into it. There are plenty of sites set up to the discussion of it.

Also, how does it seem poserish?