what happens between two consenting adults is fine etc etc
i like a sprinkling of kink in my sex life, but nothing too hardcore
i like a sprinkling of kink in my sex life, but nothing too hardcore
BDSM and You!
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I look forward to a time where BDSM, or poly relationships are not seen as strange (We're getting there, they figure 15%~ of people actively engage in BDSM) It's all about knowledge, the people who have misconceptions about it, are grossly misinformed, just look as some of the responses on this thread.
Personally, I've always held the view on sex in that everyone involved are co-conspirators in some sort of societal/governmental overthrow. (Hear me out here) It's like planning on breaking into some sort of building, where information that would change society as we know it is hiding, it would topple the ideas of all the sheep out there. You talk about how to go about it, everyone's role(s), communicate ideas, desires, and methods. You explore/figure out what you're going to do when you get in there, and how you're going to get out/off, working together all along the way. When it's all said and done, and you do it just right, it's like: This! THIS is the sex THEY didn't want us to know about! I don't mean this all in the role playing context (but by all means, go for it!)
Or maybe I'm just strange... I've been called worse.
Personally, I've always held the view on sex in that everyone involved are co-conspirators in some sort of societal/governmental overthrow. (Hear me out here) It's like planning on breaking into some sort of building, where information that would change society as we know it is hiding, it would topple the ideas of all the sheep out there. You talk about how to go about it, everyone's role(s), communicate ideas, desires, and methods. You explore/figure out what you're going to do when you get in there, and how you're going to get out/off, working together all along the way. When it's all said and done, and you do it just right, it's like: This! THIS is the sex THEY didn't want us to know about! I don't mean this all in the role playing context (but by all means, go for it!)
Or maybe I'm just strange... I've been called worse.
Well, when I started my rather infamous "Let's keep Englishwomen as pets" thread...
Shown here:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.301159-Keeping-Englishwomen-as-Pets?page=1
I was doing what I thought to be interesting social satire, draped in the inherently erotic imagery of dominance and submission. Not only because this imagery and rhetoric are stimulating and titillating, but also they'd open up part of your mind that you usually close off when you're not aroused.
This does not work as well in text form, and not with most people, apparently.
Oh well.
At the end of the day, I believe that the urge to explore both dominance and submission in bed are perfectly natural impulses, that need to be explored by more people.
As a form of both self discovery, and yes, pleasure.
Shown here:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.301159-Keeping-Englishwomen-as-Pets?page=1
I was doing what I thought to be interesting social satire, draped in the inherently erotic imagery of dominance and submission. Not only because this imagery and rhetoric are stimulating and titillating, but also they'd open up part of your mind that you usually close off when you're not aroused.
This does not work as well in text form, and not with most people, apparently.
Oh well.
At the end of the day, I believe that the urge to explore both dominance and submission in bed are perfectly natural impulses, that need to be explored by more people.
As a form of both self discovery, and yes, pleasure.
It was... excitingravensheart18 said:And did you enjoy being beaten?brandon237 said:You beat me to it
Although I think I prefer to do the beating myself ;P
I don't get it, and am not sure how people find it arousing.
Just like every single fetish I don't have.
Just like every single fetish I don't have.
Zaverexus said:
Well I think the point that you missed was BDSM can be a loving relationship too. I love my gf, and I'd anything for her.
She also loves pain, and she loves to be dominated, and I love being the one who gets to do it.
For us the BDSM is what we do before the sex, and it's helped strength our bond. Plus for my gf and I sex needs to be fun, and bdsm enhances that fun.
To say BDSM isn't a loving a relationship; that's simply the ignorance talking. It might not be how you express it, but it's just as loving as old, boring vanilla sex.
If there's consent then I don't give a flying fuck if the only way you can get off is by sticking a lead pipe up your ass and burning your nipples.
my girlfriend actually likes it, so I do it with her a bit, but she is major masochistic, like she actually wants me to cut her. That's where it gets really scary for me. I always refuse by that point
I'd argue that a BDSM relationship is about as loving as you get. Its a complete expression of trust, saying to someone "I trust you enough to let you tie me up and whip me" which is a hell of a thing to trust someone with.Zaverexus said:
And what do you mean about drifting into other parts of the relationship? Are we talking about out of the bedroom? Because that happens and it's exactly what floats a lot of peoples boats.
It doesn't bother me in the slightest. True I only engage in the lighter side of it myself (being tied up, blindfolded, gagged) as I am super submissive but I don't like pain so i don't think my boyfriend and I will take it any futher then that. It works for him too as he likes to be dominant.
But yeah, people who go the whole hog don't bother me. It's just not my personal cup of tea.
But yeah, people who go the whole hog don't bother me. It's just not my personal cup of tea.
To be fair, I went to the London Alternative Market and it was 80% dudes, and the few women there were 90% wives and partners. The bulk of the people were overweight, straggly-haired blokes lurking in the bar area. A most sad affair, and not an introduction to the London scene.DeathWyrmNexus said:
It's a shame, really - I know there are awesome, fun people with similar interests out there but I have no idea how to go about finding them :/
Can't speak much on the relationship front, but I'm open to anything on the "gentlemen's reading material" side of things.
Though maybe too open, I've found some things that... well, makes you wish you could unsee things. Things you couldn't even conceive and certainly couldn't describe on a respectable site like this.
All I can say is I will never be able to watch Ridley Scott's "Alien" in quite the same way.
Though maybe too open, I've found some things that... well, makes you wish you could unsee things. Things you couldn't even conceive and certainly couldn't describe on a respectable site like this.
All I can say is I will never be able to watch Ridley Scott's "Alien" in quite the same way.
I'll second this, and add guns to that list.FrostyChick said:
Although I'm a man and a dominant one.
I tend to be a bit more reserved around firearms. I enjoy shooting, but guns have to be treated with respect. There's too much that can go wrong with a gun if you're not careful.Housebroken Lunatic said:
*sigh* If only you were hetero...FrostyChick said:
See, I get that (one relationship had quite a bit of BDSM going on, and both of us fought to be the more submissive... rather perversely, we're both switches). Anyway, almost regardless of how you try to explain that, 'normal people' either can't get it, or refuse to, which is most infuriating... *guh*DeathWyrmNexus said:
Tie me up!darkorion69 said:
See, you're knocking it without really understanding the level of trust between two partners who engage in BDSM. BDSM is a roleplay on a power struggle where one seemingly has it all, and the other seemingly has none of it. The sub is in a position of great influence over his/her partner because it is he/she who makes that often non-verbal communication of 'I am giving you this power over me' and the basically unconscious communication of 'I trust you enough to do so'. Every proper BDSM exchange is built on a set of absolute rules, most of which are blindly obvious, and yet 'normal relationships' often don't adhere to.Zaverexus said:
Fairly sure that most abusive relationships have little, if anything, to do with BDSM, and those couples that do indulge are often very very close and loving in their 'normal' guise for the simple reason that they are able to remove themselves from the ordinary world and all its travailles and express everything they want to express in what is ultimately a controlled environment. One word can end it... and if it doesn't, then the trust was never there to begin with, so that's hardly different from someone cheating on their partner.
OT: At last...
Anyway, as already mentioned, I'm a switch, though perhaps a slightly more dominant one, my ex-girlfriend was always turned on by me sneering, though I did that whether she was flogging me or I was choking her. *shrug* Still, to go with the majority: consent; establish rules; establish safeword; establish limits from the off; keep it away from prying eyes etc. etc. and blah blah... blah...
So, uh, yay for hogties!
EDIT:
Yay... another one!aprilmarie said:
And you shouldn't treat them in any other way.FrostyChick said:
That said, while I might be entirely professional when handling firearms, im far from reserved around them.
Don't know if that actually came across in my post but, the "unhealthy obsession" with chaisn/knives/firearms in my case isn't a strictly "outside of the bedroom" phenomenon. Was it the same with you?