Hiya escapists.
So. Beer then. This bronze to dark brown liquid. Instigator of song, man-maker, and fuel of many a poorly planned misadventure.
This magical fluid that makes social interaction not only bearable, but enjoyable has been a staple of man-culture for centuries because, let's face it, you probably wouldn't hang out with most of your man-friends if it wasn't for beer.
Oh, I should mention: this is a man-thread. If you're a lady reading this, you should probably just shuffle off and read some lady-threads.
No, I don't know where to find lady-threads. I am a man. I read man-threads.
[sub]Mush! We're discussing man-stuff.[/sub]
"Sure" I hear you say "Beer is great and all, but that's really no reason to make a thread, is it?"
Well first off, the glory of beer is more than reason enough to make a thread, so there. But you are correct in implying there is more to this thread than only giving praise to the drink of men. I'm sure you've managed to figure out with your man-smarts that I am building up to some sort of man-point.
And it is a point I will get to, but first I must ask you: What do men drink beer from?
[sub]"Man drink thing" is an accepted answer, as a panel of men voted it an unambiguous term.[/sub]
That's right, a mug. One with a man-handle for manhandling.
[sub]One of these in a pinch.[/sub]
Why do men drink their nectar from a mug? No one really knows, but it is said to have something to do with the gods' endorsement of it. Something about "mugs being bigger", apparently.
In any case, this mug and variations of it is how men have have chosen to consume beer for the most part of existence. This is how it has always been, with men all across the world drinking from mugs in some sort of manstinctual homage to this greatest of liquids.
And this, my man-friends, brings me to the point I mentioned earlier. As many of you may be aware, a recent disturbing trend has arisen. The efforts of women and metrosexual designer men to immansculate us, once thought futile and pathetic, have grown more fervent in recent years. This unholy wave of jewelry and tanning cream is rising and spreading, fellow men, and it has finally reached the walls of the pubs and bars formerly thought our last man-defense.
Yes hold on to your man-beards, for by now you have probably realized what it is I wish to talk about. You have experienced it, I'm sure: That horrible realization as, after literally moments of man-anticipation, the bartender hands you not a mug, not a glass, but a crystal contraption designed to trap not only your beer, but also your very man-force.
[sub]"Oh, I'm sorry, are you saying you didn't want your man-juice served like a pina colada?"[/sub]
This phenomenon occurs all over the world, and it is universally reviled by the men who are confronted with it.
However, most men are so taken aback by this affront, this blasphemy, that they merely stand there, speechless from the sheer audacity of it. In a daze of confused rage they will unwittingly accept the drink and shamefully attempt to drink it as a wave of powerlessness washes over them.
Well, I say this will not stand! We need to hold our ground and fight for our man-rights!
Come back to your man-senses and demonstrate that you will not accept this development. The next time someone hands you a beer contained within this kind of pathetic drinkware, immediately throw it to the floor. Like in the scene with the coffee cup from that movie, Thor, except angrier and without saying you like it.
"When in doubt, emulate ancient norse deities." Is generally a good man-rule to live your life by.
Show that you are a true man. One that will not be subdued by this pathetic attack on your mansculinity.
Know that we are standing on a precipice, men. That this is the last chance to turn the tide of our struggle. Fight for your essence now, or forever drink from stemmed glasses in silence as the immansculators overrun the drinking venues once thought our safe havens, sipping fruity drinks and interior decorating.
Know that in generations to come, man-mankind will be eternally grateful to your resolution. Your sons and their sons and the sons of their sons will look back in awe at what will be remembered as the great stand of our time.
Let there be no doubt. This menace must be defeated.
So, to celebrate the beginning of our uprising: What's your favourite beer?
Bonus question: What social or political cause stands closest to your heart at the moment?
I had almost this entire thing written out yesterday, but I accidentally closed the tab I was keeping it in. I've done my best to recreate it, but I feel some of the spirit from the original was lost in the process.
So. Beer then. This bronze to dark brown liquid. Instigator of song, man-maker, and fuel of many a poorly planned misadventure.
This magical fluid that makes social interaction not only bearable, but enjoyable has been a staple of man-culture for centuries because, let's face it, you probably wouldn't hang out with most of your man-friends if it wasn't for beer.
Oh, I should mention: this is a man-thread. If you're a lady reading this, you should probably just shuffle off and read some lady-threads.
No, I don't know where to find lady-threads. I am a man. I read man-threads.
[sub]Mush! We're discussing man-stuff.[/sub]
"Sure" I hear you say "Beer is great and all, but that's really no reason to make a thread, is it?"
Well first off, the glory of beer is more than reason enough to make a thread, so there. But you are correct in implying there is more to this thread than only giving praise to the drink of men. I'm sure you've managed to figure out with your man-smarts that I am building up to some sort of man-point.
And it is a point I will get to, but first I must ask you: What do men drink beer from?
[sub]"Man drink thing" is an accepted answer, as a panel of men voted it an unambiguous term.[/sub]
That's right, a mug. One with a man-handle for manhandling.
[sub]One of these in a pinch.[/sub]
Why do men drink their nectar from a mug? No one really knows, but it is said to have something to do with the gods' endorsement of it. Something about "mugs being bigger", apparently.
In any case, this mug and variations of it is how men have have chosen to consume beer for the most part of existence. This is how it has always been, with men all across the world drinking from mugs in some sort of manstinctual homage to this greatest of liquids.
And this, my man-friends, brings me to the point I mentioned earlier. As many of you may be aware, a recent disturbing trend has arisen. The efforts of women and metrosexual designer men to immansculate us, once thought futile and pathetic, have grown more fervent in recent years. This unholy wave of jewelry and tanning cream is rising and spreading, fellow men, and it has finally reached the walls of the pubs and bars formerly thought our last man-defense.
Yes hold on to your man-beards, for by now you have probably realized what it is I wish to talk about. You have experienced it, I'm sure: That horrible realization as, after literally moments of man-anticipation, the bartender hands you not a mug, not a glass, but a crystal contraption designed to trap not only your beer, but also your very man-force.
[sub]"Oh, I'm sorry, are you saying you didn't want your man-juice served like a pina colada?"[/sub]
This phenomenon occurs all over the world, and it is universally reviled by the men who are confronted with it.
However, most men are so taken aback by this affront, this blasphemy, that they merely stand there, speechless from the sheer audacity of it. In a daze of confused rage they will unwittingly accept the drink and shamefully attempt to drink it as a wave of powerlessness washes over them.
Well, I say this will not stand! We need to hold our ground and fight for our man-rights!
Come back to your man-senses and demonstrate that you will not accept this development. The next time someone hands you a beer contained within this kind of pathetic drinkware, immediately throw it to the floor. Like in the scene with the coffee cup from that movie, Thor, except angrier and without saying you like it.
"When in doubt, emulate ancient norse deities." Is generally a good man-rule to live your life by.
Show that you are a true man. One that will not be subdued by this pathetic attack on your mansculinity.
Know that we are standing on a precipice, men. That this is the last chance to turn the tide of our struggle. Fight for your essence now, or forever drink from stemmed glasses in silence as the immansculators overrun the drinking venues once thought our safe havens, sipping fruity drinks and interior decorating.
Know that in generations to come, man-mankind will be eternally grateful to your resolution. Your sons and their sons and the sons of their sons will look back in awe at what will be remembered as the great stand of our time.
Let there be no doubt. This menace must be defeated.
So, to celebrate the beginning of our uprising: What's your favourite beer?
Bonus question: What social or political cause stands closest to your heart at the moment?
I had almost this entire thing written out yesterday, but I accidentally closed the tab I was keeping it in. I've done my best to recreate it, but I feel some of the spirit from the original was lost in the process.
