Being a gentleman/ How to Treat a Lady

[NinjaDeathSlap]

I took my American etiquette to London a few times and the girls couldn't get enough of me. It seems that men there are snobbish pricks and feel as if they're god's gift to women. Seriously, that attitude can fuck off.

Ah the generalisations, don't you just love 'em.

I'll be honest mate, I'd wager that a lot of them couldn't give two shits how gentlemanly you were if you were good looking or had a lot of money.

Not that all British people are Paragon's of courtesy either. Often these days if you'd rather spend time with your girlfriend once in a while instead of going out for a game of footie the response you get is "Mate, she got you whipped!" Now THAT attitude can fuck off.

So did I just come to my own conclusion and stumbled upon an established stereotype?

You went to one place in Britain a few times and used your rather limited first impression to make a blanket judgment about half the population of the country.

If I went to New York and got mugged by a guy. Then came home and wrote that all American men are criminals, you would be pissed off with me, and rightly so because I would be wrong.

 

[Jenitals]

I don't expect a guy to treat me like this but it's nice all the same, just like it's nice of someone to offer you ten pence when you're short of change at the shopping counter.

You can do all this for men if you want as long as you have faith that they won't give you a back hand and call you a f*g for being courteous. The only reason men do this for women is because this is the gender role they've been assigned by society or they fancy the pants off her and want her to believe them to be likeable.

I wouldn't, however, let a guy pay for my meal or whatever just 'cause he's the guy. I work hard for my cash and am therefore very precious about spending. I wouldn't expect less from someone just because they're of the opposite gender.

 

[No_Remainders]

Treat her how she treats you.

If she's a ***** to you, be a dick to her.

I live by this rule for everyone, regardless of gender, because assholes can fuck off.

 

[Samurai Silhouette]

I took my American etiquette to London a few times and the girls couldn't get enough of me. It seems that men there are snobbish pricks and feel as if they're god's gift to women. Seriously, that attitude can fuck off.

Ah the generalisations, don't you just love 'em.

I'll be honest mate, I'd wager that a lot of them couldn't give two shits how gentlemanly you were if you were good looking or had a lot of money.

Not that all British people are Paragon's of courtesy either. Often these days if you'd rather spend time with your girlfriend once in a while instead of going out for a game of footie the response you get is "Mate, she got you whipped!" Now THAT attitude can fuck off.

So did I just come to my own conclusion and stumbled upon an established stereotype?

You want to one place in Britain a few times and used your rather limited first impression to make a blanket judgment about half the population of the country.

If I went to New York and got mugged by a guy. Then came home and wrote that all American men are criminals, you would be pissed off with me, and rightly so because I would be wrong.

Maybe we went to the wrong bars at the worst times. Maybe I've just been listening to the wrong women there. Maybe they just want a free ride to America through me? But yeah, multiple first hand experiences really outweigh what someone says over an internet forum. How are you going to convince me otherwise?

And no, I wouldn't be pissed over your generalization. I'd agree with you about New York and scoff the rest. That's why I don't live there.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

I'll put it this way; it's hard to be sincerly nice to anyone without them thinking you're being sarcastic or cocky. It seems that these days people just don't expect people to be well mannered or a gent', so when confronted with one it's easy to mistake that person for being insincere.

I'm British.

I ooze gentlemanly conduct.

This. We're all suave bastards over here. Whether it's a classy two for one dinner at a pub chain restaurant or a shag against the back wall of the chippy, we always uphold the manner of a perfect gentleman.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I'll put it this way; it's hard to be sincerly nice to anyone without them thinking you're being sarcastic or cocky. It seems that these days people just don't expect people to be well mannered or a gent', so when confronted with one it's easy to mistake that person for being insincere.

I'm British.

I ooze gentlemanly conduct.

This. We're all suave bastards over here. Whether it's a classy two for one dinner at a pub chain restaurant or a shag against the back wall of the chippy, we always uphold the manner of a perfect gentleman.

This made me chuckle.

Cheers for that.

 

[Rawne1980]

I hold the door open for every bugger regardless of gender.

In town a few weeks ago and I stood outside one shop for 3 minutes holding that sodding door, I should have started charging. It was an retirement home day out bless them it took them ages to get everyone in the shop and i'm stood there like a tit holding the door.

With regards to my wife. I treat her how she deserves to be treated. She treats me with love so I return it. It's an equal partnership (except more equal in her favour ... she's the boss so she keeps telling me).

But I try to act gentlemanly where it's applicable. I might be a bit of a dick sometimes but I don't go out of my way to be one.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

I took my American etiquette to London a few times and the girls couldn't get enough of me. It seems that men there are snobbish pricks and feel as if they're god's gift to women. Seriously, that attitude can fuck off.

Ah the generalisations, don't you just love 'em.

I'll be honest mate, I'd wager that a lot of them couldn't give two shits how gentlemanly you were if you were good looking or had a lot of money.

Not that all British people are Paragon's of courtesy either. Often these days if you'd rather spend time with your girlfriend once in a while instead of going out for a game of footie the response you get is "Mate, she got you whipped!" Now THAT attitude can fuck off.

So did I just come to my own conclusion and stumbled upon an established stereotype?

You want to one place in Britain a few times and used your rather limited first impression to make a blanket judgment about half the population of the country.

If I went to New York and got mugged by a guy. Then came home and wrote that all American men are criminals, you would be pissed off with me, and rightly so because I would be wrong.

Maybe we went to the wrong bars at the worst times. Maybe I've just been listening to the wrong women there. Maybe they just want a free ride to America through me? But yeah, multiple first hand experiences really outweigh what someone says over an internet forum. How are you going to convince me otherwise?

And no, I wouldn't be pissed over your generalization. I'd agree with you about New York and scoff the rest. That's why I don't live there.

I could persuade you by telling you that your 'multiple first hand experiences' probably make up less than o.ooo1% of the population. I could give you some of my first hand examples that contradict yours. Would they do? I'm not saying you are wrong about the people you met, but you are wrong to say that "The men there" (implying all of us) are like that.

 

[zehydra]

being a "gentlemen" is one of the many relics from a society that enforced female fragility.

I'll do what befits the person and occasion.

 

[Samurai Silhouette]

I took my American etiquette to London a few times and the girls couldn't get enough of me. It seems that men there are snobbish pricks and feel as if they're god's gift to women. Seriously, that attitude can fuck off.

Ah the generalisations, don't you just love 'em.

I'll be honest mate, I'd wager that a lot of them couldn't give two shits how gentlemanly you were if you were good looking or had a lot of money.

Not that all British people are Paragon's of courtesy either. Often these days if you'd rather spend time with your girlfriend once in a while instead of going out for a game of footie the response you get is "Mate, she got you whipped!" Now THAT attitude can fuck off.

So did I just come to my own conclusion and stumbled upon an established stereotype?

You want to one place in Britain a few times and used your rather limited first impression to make a blanket judgment about half the population of the country.

If I went to New York and got mugged by a guy. Then came home and wrote that all American men are criminals, you would be pissed off with me, and rightly so because I would be wrong.

Maybe we went to the wrong bars at the worst times. Maybe I've just been listening to the wrong women there. Maybe they just want a free ride to America through me? But yeah, multiple first hand experiences really outweigh what someone says over an internet forum. How are you going to convince me otherwise?

And no, I wouldn't be pissed over your generalization. I'd agree with you about New York and scoff the rest. That's why I don't live there.

I could persuade you by telling you that your 'multiple first hand experiences' probably make up less than o.ooo1% of the population. I could give you some of my first hand examples that contradict yours. Would they do? I'm not saying you are wrong about the people you met, but you are wrong to say that "The men there" (implying all of us) are like that.

I really don't need to put a disclaimer saying "In My Experience". I really don't care for political correctness so you should really speak for yourself, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

[emeraldrafael]

well I know I always personally always help a pregnant woman to lay down and I introduce myself befpre viciously curbing stomping the fetus in them to a fine gelatinous red mess and offer to clean up for them as it dribbles out.

Thats gentlemen right?

...

Oka, I gotta say this, cause as much as I want to leave that and get the quotes, I know the humor wont transfer. The above is an homage this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.302813-Have-we-forgotten-how-to-be-ladies-and-gentlemen#12107740>post. In all honesty, Im rather a good person. stand up for the weak, hold doors for people, give without thought of receive. Im not saint, but im certainly not the worst person in the world.

 

[RoonMian]

Most of that cavalier-stuff really is from another century. A century when sexism was much more obvious than it is today. So it's natural you can't apply everything from back then today without some awkward misunderstandings.

For example: In Germany the be all end all guide to chivalry and etiquettes is "the Knigge" written in the second half of the 18th century. One rule in there for example states that a gentleman always has to walk up or down stairs below a woman so he migh catch her if she fell.

Now - back in the 21st century - try to explain to a woman wearing a short skirt that you HAVE to walk up the stairs behind her for her own "safety". Hilarity ensues!

Just try to be nice and use some common sense when dealing with women and you SHOULD be just fine.

 

[Foxbat Flyer]

I am very Gentlemannly (If thats even a word) but it doesnt seem to be for any reason, Ladys just pass me off as some random person even if they know me...

 

[Dr.Fantastic]

I was told to be nice and that hitting is a big no-no. Pretty much what everyone else I knew was told.

 

[babinro]

I don't do anything like that for a woman that I wouldn't do for a man becuase i'm not sexist.

Exactly. I just continue to be myself around woman and not put on a show or act to impress.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

I guess the cliche reads: "Treat others the way you would like to be treated," but unfortunately, some people are beyond civil. In the end, just present yourself in a calm and respectful manner rather than trying to be the "perfect gentlemen" (because it doesn't exist).

 

[Nokiro]

So most guys here have probably been taught on some level how to be a gentleman in their respective culture. As an American, I was raised to open a door for a lady, to pull out her seat, and a few other rules of etiquette. But I feel at the same time that a large number of woman often don't recognize some of these things as gentlemanly, or simply don't expect them at all. So I thought on this thread we guys would throw out some of the rules we were raised with, and see if these are things that a lady would appreciate or even recognize as gentlemanly behavior. Example, one of the more recent rules I learned was that if I'm walking along with a lady I should be on the side of her closest to the street. The thinking there I would assume is that I could protect her from a splash or I could push her out of the way if a car lost control.

I agree OP. Issue is with this modern world people misinterpret this kinds of actions for being sexist.

It is not that I see women weaker or stronger in any way. It is more so that a Gentlemen wants to conduct them selves in the highest personal standards. Not to be elite but as a example of the family, people and country we represent and a role model to our children and Peers.

In a modern age Chivalry is not dead, but the rules of social etiquette have changed since Regency/ Victorian times. It is not that we should offer to open or hold doors for others or offer to pull out a chair for the lady to sit on. But when your offer is turned down or refused we should act like gentlemen and accept there desertion and feelings with respect and grace.

If you know what that individual's preferences are you treat people how they wanted to be treated (with in reason of course). Don't let you actions be driven by others gender, let them be driven by our good intentions for our fellow human beings.

If a female is acting unpleasant, rude or as some out you have put it a "*****".
Being as rude back to them isn't correct. If you really consider your self better than the rude individual, you do not give in to there ways and be the better man or woman. Distance your self from the unwanted individual and go about your business. I do understand that this is often not as easy as I make sound, but you be the better person for it.

Conduct your self the way you wanted to be viewed, if you want to be a Gentlemen act as a gentlemen should for the 21st century, the core values haven't changed, but in a age where empowerment for both genders and all races are prevalent a gentlemen should be sensitive to that respect the wishes for those who do not care for certain actions. For its understanding not the need for being dominant that should be the driving force of the 21st century gentlemen.

This man speaks the truth.

I've been in many situations where I've held open doors for women, and pulled out chairs, and have been met with out right hostility. Yet I conducted myself like this man said, and respected their views. I've been called sexist by the same people who react like this, but by performing these actions I don't view myself better than women, but I am merely acting on behalf of my fellow person, trying to help them. I really don't understand why anyone would get angry over this...well I do see why it could be misunderstood, but not why anyone would get hostile over this.

 

[AngloDoom]

I'm actually really weird with my little 'rules'.

I'm pretty much nice to people regardless of gender.

 

[Zaverexus]

I'm British.

I ooze gentlemanly conduct.

true dat. Just a shame we no longer wear capes. Now we can't cover over puddles with our own clothes any more so the ladies don't get their shoes muddy.

If you've got a jacket on you, use that. Gotta think on your feet, mate.
EDIT: Well, that'll teach me to refresh the page before hand. XD

Yes, but I suppose a jacket is acceptable (unless you've already given your jacket to the other woman who was feeling a little chilly, then what do you you?)

Warm or clean? Make her choose! You can't have everything, you know! XD

OT: Around a girl I really like I don't really feel the need to think about rules and force gallantry. Being around someone I love reminds me every minute of the kind of man I want to be, for her and for me, and so I act as that ideal self.
It's not as if it always works, but I feel that that is the best standard to which to hold yourself: not to the standard of others, but to the standard of the man you want to be.
And though I forget about it alone sometimes, a truly great girl is wonderful motivation for self-improvement.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Treat her how she treats you.

If she's a ***** to you, be a dick to her.

Or y'know, be the bigger man and don't be petty and instead continue to be a decent human being to her.
There's no better way to disarm someone being unpleasant than to be unexpectedly pleasant with no ulterior motive.

OT: I was born with a "Kill them before they kill you" attitude, but I'm pretty sure all girls are.
As to my expectations as a lady to provide a point of reference of sorts, I expect people to be kind and polite, much as I would with anyone, and anything further is an appreciated gesture, so long as it doesn't come across as condescending.

not saying this isn't true, but after working in customer service/fraud, it was the most sweetest of justice when my boss (which he was allowed to) would knock down fuckers a peg or two when they were out right dickheads just to be a douche. the look on their face was usually priceless and doing the "nice the living shit out of them" didn't quite work...unfortunately.