Being Asexual In A Sexual Society

[Julianking93]

Meh. Whatever makes you happy, really.

I myself am what I describe as an omni/asexual, though, it's not really the right term. That means that while I like both men, women, transgender (or whatever), I have no urge to go out and find someone to be with and have sex with. I am the type who wants a romantic love before any sex takes place. It's just more pleasurable that way when you're with someone you care for. Teens today (and really at anytime) are subjected to constant oversexualization portrayed in the media and around them. The ones who fuck the most are the ones who are shown as being the most successful and the most happy. This is in no way true, of course but it's how our society views human beings.

Sure, there's the natural urge to have sexual relations, but really, it shows almost a primitive and barbaric mindset when one only wishes to go round "spreading their seed" so to speak.

I may not approve of a certain lifestyle (not you directly OP, just speaking generally) but I am in no place to judge anyone. I don't feel the urge to do so. It may work out for them, it may destroy them. I don't care either way unless it's someone I care for already. My lifestyle works for me. I don't care if you don't agree with it, it's my choice. I'm not going to ***** at you because I don't like yours, so don't complain if you don't like mine.

 

[PhoenixKing]

You, sir, would be surprised by how many people are asexual. I am as well, and like you said, I am attracted to women, but I don't really want a relationship. Like, in my school, most of my close friends are asexual, male and female.

 

[drummond13]

Im Asexual also - partly because i find sexuality to be pointless, being attracted to people to be a weakness, being paranoid of all humans, not wanting STD's over some one night stand, and noting that most sexually active people are inferior in various ways.

Inferior? Really? Sour grapes, much? And since when did sexual activity require unprotected sex with one night stands? Seriously, lighten up.

 

[xitel]

Well, all I know about it is that one of the greatest people I know is asexual, and I'm perfectly fine with that. She's one of the funnest people I talk to on a regular basis, and that wouldn't be any different if she weren't asexual.

Personally, I don't even bother calling myself anything whatsoever. Whenever someone asks me what my sexuality is, I quite simply and calmly state that I am whatever the fuck I want to be. Who I desire to have sexual intercourse with, who I do NOT want to have sex with, and what attracts and repulses me is my own damn business. It does not affect my personality, and it will not effect my interaction with people. I like everyone, I hate everyone, I like women, I like men, I hate both genders, all of this is true. I think I might coin the term Protosexual.

My main point, though, is that it really shouldn't matter to people who the person they're talking to wants to mate with. Just because someone is attracted to a group that includes you, doesn't mean that they are attracted to you. For example, a heterosexual male is attracted to women. But that doesn't mean he's attracted to all women. He might not like fat women, he might not like skinny women, he might not like women unless they only have one breast. If someone is asexual, it doesn't change their overall actions.

At the same time, however, the sexualization of society is inevitable in the long run. One of the core driving goals of any living being is the desire to procreate. Thus, it makes sense to appeal to that desire in advertisements. On a base level, living creatures will do anything they can to breed. The difference in humans is that we, as a species, are able to repress that urge to a certain degree. That does not, however, mean it does not exist. A normal human being, given the choice between breeding and death, will almost always decide to breed. It is a method of survival, of passing down a creature's genetic structure, thus ensuring the survival of his genes, as well as the species as a whole.

However, human beings, as with all other living creatures, are born with mutations. Most people don't realize it, but every single human being is born with hundreds of mutations in their DNA (not a real number, just a general idea). However, most of these mutations either never manifest in a visible way, or they are not recognized as "mutations". Eye color, hair color, height, metabolism, all of these are mutations. In the same vein, some mutations effect the growth of the brain, causing it to form differently and affect a person's personality and mental state. Asexuality (or more specifically, the predisposition towards it), as with homosexuality, pansexuality, all of it, is just that: a mutation. However, this brings up another point. Mutation is not bad. Mutation is the way a species evolves. A positive mutation leads to increased breeding, spreading the mutation more. Negative mutations lead to decreased breeding, cutting off the spread of the mutation. However, with the spread of modern medicine and science, people with negative mutations that would previously have prevented them from breeding are being kept in the gene pool. That's another topic I could rant about for hours, but the short version is that modern medicine has effectively ended natural selection, leading to non-beneficial mutations not only removing people from the gene pool, but in fact ALLOWING otherwise non-breeding organisms to breed, through artificial insemination and other such techniques.

The reason alternative sexualities have continued to exist even before modern medicine is because they don't simply MAKE someone gay or not. I.e., if you have the gene for homosexuality, you aren't necessarily homosexual. It merely creates a predisposition to being so. The human mind and strength of will is such that this predisposition can be subverted or repressed, leading to the gene being spread through reproduction.

I realize I may have strayed off point with all this, but I kind of got into a thing. Point is, sexuality is far too big a concern these days. It's not important, honestly. People may think that alternative sexualities are wierd and wrong, but this is merely a constricted and close-minded viewpoint that has become overly prevalent. If people weren't inherently mutated, then everyone would look exactly the same, no matter what.

Anyways, I'm going to wrap this up before I break the character limit. I forgot my point about halfway through...

 

[zelda2fanboy]

You just call yourself asexual because you want to identify with some group, have an excuse, and not feel ashamed.

Well, why should he feel ashamed? It's his life and shit...

Sorry, I didn't mean to say that he SHOULD feel ashamed. I was guessing that he probably feels ashamed based off of the copious amounts of comparisons he makes between himself and his friends. I was also imposing my own perspective on a situation I'm not apart of. Even though other people probably already know, it's always in the back of my mind that they might find out that I never so much as kissed a girl and that I'd be ridiculed for it.

Hey, if a guy finds a way to get through life happily, I don't have shit to say about it. I just think he might be deluding himself and (as I know once again from personal experience) it has a way of biting you in the ass down the line.

 

[ICanBreakTheseCuffs]

This may seem a little callous. Humans are sexual creatures, deal with it.

yea
when I first heard about asexualism,my science teacher told us that's how cells reproduce so I was confused by your thread name

what good an organism that doesnt sustain its own race is?

umm....the human race doesn't need to sustain itself for now.We have over 6 BILLION PEOPLE!and it's rising with all the people that think they need sex!Half of the population could be gay and we'd still be alive.Hell,1/100 could be straight and we'd survive.I don't think you understand the statistics of it.

 

[rsvp42]

I know it's all been said in different ways, but I just want to chime in and offer a warning: don't fall prey to excuses. It's sounds to me like this whole "asexuality" front is just that, an excuse for why you're a virgin and this post is some form of catharsis for letting out that angst you're feeling about it.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a douche trying to say "hur hur, ur a virgin, gtfo." What I am saying is that you probably have an unusually high self esteem and sense of independence. You learned early on to be confident and happy with your life instead of constantly valuing yourself based on the affections of a girl. As a result, you may have made it difficult or impossible to give in to infatuation, even when you wanted to. It messed with your self-valuation to have to bring in an outside variable like a girlfriend.

Ultimately, you decided that you were "asexual," when in fact you're facing a block when it comes to opening up. So it's possible that you're naturally adverse to sexual relations, but it's more likely that you've just subconsciously nurtured an anti-sexual mindset for so long, simply to avoid the ultimate pain of loss that you see as inevitable.

Then again, maybe I've got it all wrong. Only you know for sure, but if even a small part of you thinks that this is just an excuse, don't shut it out. I'd hate to think of you 20 years from now, having a mid-life crisis over the fact that you never took any chances or found a good girl, all because that stupid "asexual" phase you had when you were 21. Just mull it over.

 

[Elliot Garner]

Im sorry but just reading the first few posts makes me have to write this, even is someone already has. Asexual is not the right word. Asexual means that you do not reproduce by sex but just by multiplying. I knew what you meant but it just bugs me as an intellectual. (im not saying that your dumb but i believe highly that people should try to educate themselves as much as possible and try and not words or grammer incorrectally). What you should say is that you are straight but sex is not appealing to you. And people are right, it is in human nature to reproduce, and out of curiousity what is it that turns you off of sex?

 

[Bob the Average]

I don't want to sound rude or condescending but, I've got to admit i feel sorry for you. Yes a relationship can prove expensive however your friends may also be bad with money (obviously i don't know your friends I'm just throwing out ideas) I haven't had much luck with relationships(only two and I'm 22). Both of them have been great sources of joy and, in my opinion the feeling I know as love (I'm willing to admit it could be misplaced lust) is one of the greatest parts of the human experience.

 

[Estocavio]

Im Asexual also - partly because i find sexuality to be pointless, being attracted to people to be a weakness, being paranoid of all humans, not wanting STD's over some one night stand, and noting that most sexually active people are inferior in various ways.

Inferior? Really? Sour grapes, much? And since when did sexual activity require unprotected sex with one night stands? Seriously, lighten up.

You misunderstand - I was referring to sexually obsessed lunatics, the type of people whod contemplate rape if they couldnt get themselves off with someone every couple of days, and i have met them. And the one night stands part had nothing to do with unprotected sex, its a practice performed by thousands of people each and every day, and while protection will keep the female clean, STDs can also be transacted via saliva, and female ejaculate making contact with the thin layers of skin around the genetalia.

I may be cynical, and i may need to "Lighten Up", but if you read above, i did note that i am Paranoid Of All Humans. And i mean that literally.

 

[Impluse_101]

I'll say that I'm currently Asexual, because I really don't want to be in a relationship with anything at school...cause I'll end up like many of the OTHER kids at my school. -.-

I really don't care to be in a relationship, most of the girls @ school are ugly and just plain idiotic.

So....I guess I haven't found a girl that really fits what my body,mind, and heart wants in a girl, and really don't want to be in a relationship cause of it.

 

[jaketheripper]

I've been meaning to write a serious discussion here for some time, and now this is the topic I've chosen.
If you don't know what Asexuality is then Cambridge Dictionaries defines it as "having no interest in sexual relationships" which pretty much sums it up in my own experience.

This post is about me, being asexual in a world/society which seems to be overly sexualised these days. Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman (and before people say it, no i'm not gay so don't even bother suggesting that I like men).

Anyway I find it hard sometimes when sex is all around us, being pushed in our faces and down our throats and it's even worse when teenagers feel the need to have sex way before they may be physically and emotionally ready, purely just to 'fit in' with the others.
I find it hard because I don't want to do any of this so called 'social norm' and don't actively chase anybody anymore (I used to, but since I have discovered that I am asexual I do not bother anymore) or I don't try to hit on women in bars or clubs.

My friends purely think that I've given up, but I do not wish to tell them that I am asexual, mainly because I do not know anyone else with asexuality as their sexual preference and so they may find it weird that I am.

I don't see my lifestyle as a problem, on the contrary I think it's a blessing. I love being single, purely due to the large amount of money I have free to do what I want with, whereas my friends who are either married (both with and without kids) or those in a relationship (again both with and without kids) always seem to have very little free money floating around.

Above may seem a shallow view, but it is in my experience true; those with marital or relationship commitments a) do not seem to be as long term happy with a partner and b) are always living on the borderline money-wise.

What are your views, oh dear Escapists? Are any of you asexual? do you know anybody who is? or do you want to argue anything I've said here? Post a reply below

well let me tell you friend, i have sex because i like it, its fun, and it feels good. im 16, but i dont do it to fit in. i disagree with most generalizations, mainly because i dont fit most of them. but still

 

[Bakuryukun]

Alot of you don't seem to know what Asexual means, It means you have NOTHING to do with sex. EVER. None of this "I'm asexual, but I like looking at girls" or "I'm asexual, except when I'm having sex with someone" crap. To be Asexual you need to either have 0 sex drive at any time, or not be any gender at all.

It's not just a phase that people go through, people who are asexual usually either have had traumatic past experiences or have some form of hormonal or chemical imbalance or disorder. Also I don't think an Asexual person should really be judging whether a society is over-sexualized or not OP...that's like a sex addict saying that society isn't sexual enough.

I have nothing against Asexual people, but I do think it's become a buzzword people use to try to individualize themselves these days. Like Bi. Sure true cases of these exist, but most often I find people are just trying to spruce up their life with fancy terms they think apply to them, but really don't.

 

[Sleekgiant]

I am also asexual, however i do have sex sometimes

Thats a contradiction

This may seem a little callous. Humans are sexual creatures, deal with it.

This is correct

My opinion will seem harsh but asexuality seems to be quite impossible, in most cases its probably a lack of sexual energy.

 

[Elliot Garner]

Im with you in a way and have a very bizzar outlook on the world. People see death and life as such meaningful thing and when people ask me i simply go "meh." All we are are just a bunch of atoms floating in space and cells working together to make sure eath other die. Sure that is a little simplified way of putting it that is what we are. I can see how sex could be a weakness of some humans but it has been "programmed" into our minds to want to reproduce and sure being paranoid would deprive that thought but again you are using asexual wrong. For my sake could you all just another word or just type out, "not interested in sexuality that much" its really bugging me.

 

[goodwithwords08]

What are your views, oh dear Escapists? Are any of you asexual? do you know anybody who is? or do you want to argue anything I've said here? Post a reply below

Well I am not asexual but I do find it difficult to find a woman that I am attracted to only because of a few reasons. (To be clear I am in a relationship right now and I am only refering to back when I was single.)

I believe when looking for a relationship you shouldn't be looking for some one night stand or something of that nature but you should follow your heart, find someone you believe is right for you, someone you feel is right for you. Basicly that is how I view the matter.

But if that is your choice then I will support your choice because the one thing I believe is most important in life is our freedom of choice. (oh and for those of you who are curious *maybe no one* I have been in my relationship for three years and we are now engaged.)

 

[Lunepyre]

I am also asexual, however i do have sex sometimes

Thats a contradiction

This may seem a little callous. Humans are sexual creatures, deal with it.

This is correct

My opinion will seem harsh but asexuality seems to be quite impossible, in most cases its probably a lack of sexual energy.

If I may bark at you for a sec, Sleek

Asexuals *can* have sex, as I mentioned before, for the benefit of their partners. As to the specifics though I can't speak for the person you quoted, so x3

I understand the confusion though. I myself have a sex drive in the friggin negatives so I'm pretty sure of my own position.

 

[manaman]

This may seem a little callous. Humans are sexual creatures, deal with it.

I don't know about callous. Its is, however, dismissive of another person's life choice. Then again, no one is paying you to give two shits.

The intent I got out of it was to stop asking people to stop being sexual because they are not. People are sexual, and while this individual who posted the topic might not be, I know I am, as are all my friends. Why should the majority stop talking and appreciating something that is natural because a select few do not feel the same way. That is dismissive of my life choice simply because it falls into a majority.

Snip

I was hearing around the rumor mill that you where not going to be visiting the site anymore.

 

[MagnificentFiend]

Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman.

I don't think you are asexual. I think it's incorrect to consider sleeping with someone - that is, penetrative sex - the primary criterion of a "sexual relationship" since there's 'less' you can do that still falls well within the purview of sexuality. I'm not sure why the Cambridge definition said "sexual relationships"; really it should be "sexual activity".

While it's undoubtedly true that not all (or even most) attraction is sexual (and I admit it's impossible to draw a hard-and-fast line between the two) "physical" attraction as you put it sounds contrary to asexuality to me, depending on what you (don't) have desire to do. I suppose one could be able only to love one gender as a husband/wife but not be sexually attracted to them and thus be 'hetero-asexual', or both and be 'bi-asexual'.

Interested to hear you thoughts.