Being Asexual In A Sexual Society

[Serenegoose]

I once thought I was asexual - in actuality I simply have a very low sex drive, but the right situations can bring it out of me, and so I've recently revised my feelings on the matter. I agree with you though. I often felt that 'being asexual' in a sexual society is like everyone else is having this party that you can't get into, but they bloody well won't shut up about it. To me it felt a lot like missing out, and I didn't enjoy it. I still don't enjoy having a low sex drive, but now I simply don't pin it on a biological impossibility.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

How do I put this...

I am very heterosexual, but I want to be asexual. being attracted to women, and being a teenager fucks with my thoughts and gets in my way as I try to move on in life.

I wish I was asexual so I may live fine and be happy single. OP, your lucky.

 

[cWg | Konka]

I have told me friends but they really cant understand it and just call me gay.

No offense, but they sound incredibly ignorant, you should think about who you're friends with.

I am in no way asexual, I would get into a relationship with someone if I find that right person and I am ready for it. But, everyone has a different lifestyle of course, be who you want to be and don't care about what others think.

they just cant get there heads around it, i dont blame this its kinda hard to understand myself

 

[Ham_authority95]

Hey, if your sexual preference(or lack thereof) and lifestyle make you happy, then more power to you.

Admittedly, I've never met an Asexual person in my life, but I can understand.

 

[Ham_authority95]

Meh, I'm a teen and STILL a virgin.

I wouldn't rush into it. Teen sex is sloppy and un-coordinated from lack of experienced parties and/or confidence.(from what I've heard, anyway)

 

[Brotherofwill]

I don't think there is such a thing as being asexual.

This may seem a little callous. Humans are sexual creatures, deal with it.

My thoughts more or less.

 

[Riku'sTwilight]

Meh, whatever floats your boat. Its your life. Do you at least participate in self-sex?

Yes I do, I'm not completely devoid of needs heh I just dont feel the urge to get them from someone else

May I ask your Age? I think it would be foolish of me to say you don't have same emotions as I do, but I'm curious how you approach romantic love. Have you ever been romantically in love with someone and have pursued that kind of relationship (without sex of course)?

I suppose what I'm getting at is once your relationship matures enough, the issue of sex will come about. What happens then? Or would the relationship not even get that far?

I know my thoughts are scattered, but I find it hard to form them into intelligent questions.

It's ok I understand exactly what you meant.
I'm 21, which I know isn't really old enough to comment on massively deep topics, but I've seen and done enough in my short life to know what I want/don't want by now.

I have been in love yes, and proper love (not just a crush) I have tried to go out with girls without the need for a sexual relationship, and although love and affection are good emotions which I wouldn't want to deny anybody I think that at the end of the day I see the faults in people from the start, and I believe that if you want to find someone who you want to spend your life with then you should start off believing that they are perfect - I just can't seem to do that.

It's never come that far with my relationships (being the age that I am, in my previous relationships sex didn't come about so quickly) but all I can do is guess that I would just say to them that I didn't feel the need to have sex with them (which I can see that not going down too well somehow heh)

 

[-Drifter-]

Anyway I find it hard sometimes when sex is all around us, being pushed in our faces and down our throats...

Poor choice of words...

 

[DocAscii]

I'm friends with an entire family of asexual folk. I'm friends with one son, and he maybe started dating a little later, but he's definitely got hormones. The other son is now 26 and has never had a relationship. I had a mad crush on the daughter who is 23 and has never dated. All three are very smart, decently attractive and highly sociable people. When asked about dating, it's like they know about it, but it doesn't seem important. That boded very poorly when I tried to date the daughter, and she didn't realize that a heterosexual single man asking a heterosexual single woman to dinner is "usually" a date. It wasn't until I tried to arrange a second date, and used the term date, that she defined the terms of our encounter. That was embarassing. It took some doing to clear the matter up with my friend, but we're all on good terms again.

Also it may be worth noting that while it is most probable that their parents had sex at least three times, and they get along well, that I see no signs of affection between them. A mutual friend has dubbed them "the most asexual couple" he had ever met, and I agreed.

 

[Requx]

I never got other sexualitys. Like I'm perfectly fine with gay people and bi-people and tranny peoples...as people. But I still never got how or what good an organism that doesnt sustain its own race is. If every dog was gay...what would happen, there would be no more dogs.

Would anybody care to explain?

 

[Requx]

I never got other sexualitys. Like I'm perfectly fine with gay people and bi-people and tranny peoples...as people. But I still never got how or what good an organism that doesnt sustain its own race is. If every dog was gay...what would happen, there would be no more dogs.

Would anybody care to explain?

Could be genetic mutations. We're all defective so don't flame me for calling you a mutation. You might be, I am, surely.

That and perhaps their brain is simply wired differently as they've grown and now the nueral pathways found a connection saying penis > vagina or Nothing > Penis > vagina etc.

There's plenty of biological reasons why a dog would be gay.

What scares me though are the numbers. I can take some brain mutations, thats all a part of being an organism some evolve differently. But what I don't get is how this gene keeps passing on on the rate it does. Something like 1/10 people are gay (a lot of people seem to think...Ive also read 1/100). But will we all be gay eventually and our race will cease to exist or will it always be the same numbers? Will we hit a maximum ammount of gayness. Or will we eventually destroy the gene through genocide or other scientific matters?

 

[LightspeedJack]

snip

All humans have a sex drive. Saying you don't is like saying you never feel hungry, we're hardwired to feel that way, it is pure instinct. Of course you can feel psychically compelled to have sex but still not want to. For the most part anyone who says "I'm asexual" basically means "I deep down would like to have sex but can't find a partner willing to comply." For those people, just hang in there, especially when you are young. Many people who claim to have had sex are lying, even if they are honest about everything else.

 

[TheLaofKazi]

What are your views, oh dear Escapists? Are any of you asexual? do you know anybody who is? or do you want to argue anything I've said here? Post a reply below

I'm definitely not asexual, nor do I know anybody who really is. I know people who say that they have no desire to date or spend time with opposite sex, and that may be true, but at the same time I doubt it. It seems people say and act like that when they are afraid to try to meet people they like, to try to cover their fear up by acting like they aren't interested. That's understandable though, considering the way our society really pushes for people to be "good with the ladies."

I'm not saying you are like that, but it's something I've noticed about people. You may simply just not be interested in sex and relationships, or, at least interested in what society makes them out to be, which I think is filled with quite a bit of stigma and arbitrary standards. I would suggest to try and keep an open mind about sex and attraction. It's not as simple and narrow as the people around you make it, it's a very diverse, symbolic thing. Society sort of injects that symbolism into us. If you look at different cultures, they all have a different idea of what is attractive and beautiful. Some people don't fit into that mold, and they begin to think they are different, or maybe that they actually don't like sex, but in reality, it may be that all they know is what society thinks good sex is. But that's all complete bullshit. I mean, for a while, I thought I didn't like certain genres of music, but thanks to the internet, I could explore a richer variety of music, and I discovered that I actually like country, hip-hop, folk and reggae, for starters. I think the same applies to many, many other things.

Really, I have absolutely no problem with sex around me, sexual expression is fucking fantastic and all. What I don't like is the skewed social ideals that are often attached to that expression that can really cause a lot of confusion, ignorance and even pain regarding the nature of human sexuality.