Being cheated on

[garjian]

I don't understand the problem.
So you have sex with somebody else, what's the problem?

Nothing was lost, why would anyones opinion change?

I can see absolutely no logical reason for restricting yourself to having sex with only one person, no natter what the situation.

Furthermore, it's just as ridiculous to believe that people are only capable of loving one person.

well, one were talking about RELATIONSHIPS HERE, and LOVE. If you love more than one person that's polygamy and banned in a lot of places. Two, its hurts the other persons feelings for themselves, like they're not good enough, like they're not enough. period. Third, that eliminates the prospect of a relationship, a special person for you alone. if you love more than that person, its not special anymore, they're just another play thing.

1. Ask yourself... Why is it banned? Why? Is it because our civilization used to live by the many redundant ideals of religion and not all of the laws and culture have changed at the same pace as others? or is it because the original partner will spontaneously combust into a cloud if poisonous gas that will painfully kill anybody nearby? I like to imagine it's the second so I can stand to live in such a silly society.
Polygamy does not cause any actual problems. Polygamy does not kill, harm, or take anything away from anyone. All it does do, is cause the benefits system and some laws to need revamping a little, those that are structured around 2 person relationships.
2. Its noones fault but their own if they feel inferior because of something that doesn't even involve them. Spilling over into 3...
3. Why is that the definition of a relationship? Why can't three or more people all love each other? Because that's not special enough for you? Well anyone could just as easily say that monogamy isn't special and that that should be "banned". It would be just as valid.

What's your point exactly?
Love has to be between just 2 people? What about families? A family of 4 manages to love each other, each in their own way... jealousy does occur, but it is considered normal... that's apparently not a problem. Why not a relationship between 4 people? Explain to me how that will not work.

Also, to be clear, we weren't talking about relationships. We were talking about a member of a relationship having sex with somebody outside that relationship and how that has no effect on anything.

 

[Condiments]

Also, to be clear, we weren't talking about relationships. We were talking about a member of a relationship having sex with somebody outside that relationship and how that has no effect on anything.

Relationships are about clearly defined boundaries bound together through mutual trust. Everyone has different expectations, and things they're comfortable with, and if the couple don't agree on said boundaries they should not be entering a relationship. Its perfectly fine if someone wants an open relationship so they can pursue multiple sexual partners, but holding people to that same expectation when they don't feel the same way is asinine. People want different things out relationships and partners, and if the needs aren't congruent, than its best to find someone else.

A person "cheats" because they breach the boundaries that were established through the relationship.

 

[garjian]

Also, to be clear, we weren't talking about relationships. We were talking about a member of a relationship having sex with somebody outside that relationship and how that has no effect on anything.

Relationships are about clearly defined boundaries bound together through mutual trust. Everyone has different expectations, and things they're comfortable with, and if the couple don't agree on said boundaries they should not be entering a relationship. Its perfectly fine if someone wants an open relationship so they can pursue multiple sexual partners, but holding people to that same expectation when they don't feel the same way is asinine. People want different things out relationships and partners, and if the needs aren't congruent, than its best to find someone else.

A person "cheats" because they breach the boundaries that were established through the relationship.

Can't disagree with that.
However, if this were the case there should not be a law against bigamy...
I hope peoples opinions change though... the restriction makes no sense.

I thought the point of a relationship was that you actually liked each other, and I dont see how anyone can think that the metaphorical attachment of a leash to one's penis is symbolic of that.

 

[bullet_sandw1ch]

I've cheated on every Girlfriend I've had, apart from the first. I would do it again.

cant tell if sarcastic or stupid. if stupid, people like YOU are the reason men get a bad rep.

 

[garjian]

I've cheated on every Girlfriend I've had, apart from the first. I would do it again.

cant tell if sarcastic or stupid. if stupid, people like YOU are the reason men get a bad rep.

Aww, and people like you are the reason cheating is considered a bad thing, and polygamy is considered abnormal. Isn't it nice when we all get to know each other?

 

[Wraith]

A past girlfriend lied to me about something- something extremely horrendous. She told me her father raped her when she was young and did it again about a month before her and I met. After I found out that she lied about the rapes(from her closest friend) I dumped her, but it didn't end there. I used the texts an Facebook messages she sent to me about the false crime and sent them to both her parents. I got my revenge, but... I'm still not whole. I may never be again.

(There is more to this story than that, but this is all I will share on the matter out of personal reasons.)

 

[BOOM headshot65]

snip

While I have never had the problem of infidility, and usually, my GF is the one saying how "If you ever cheat on me, I WILL CUT OFF YOU OWN HANDS AND ***** SLAP YOU WITH THEM! ok." Oh, I love her to bits I do. =). Anyway, My view is that if it isnt a regular thing and they are truely sorry (that ones harder to tell), then It should totally be forgiven.

 

[Andy of Comix Inc]

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it took some time, but I forgave her for it. ...then she broke up with me about a week later anyway.

So, basically, I consider it a sign that a relationship isn't working more than anything. I use them as an opportunity to make sure a break-up is one of mutual respect before things get any more ugly, essentially. They don't make me sad, they just make me realize things aren't working.

 

[SuperBelkar]

I never understood the bad feelings people have over things like this. If they cheated on you likely chances are they weren't worth your time. But I've never really liked relationships in the first place. I've dated exclusively a few times and never really liked it. I always liked seeing people casually, that way I don't tie them down and vis versa. Maybe it's just my style, but if you haven't tried it, go to a party or bar, pick a boozed sleaze and see how you roll with it. I find it takes the edge off of stress too.

So, my boyfriend cheated on me. He confessed to it, which I suppose makes it easier than discovering the truth yourself.


I could go into more detail, but I'm not really looking for advice, I'm just looking for people's views on, and personal experiences with, infidelity.

I figure it's a good a topic for a thread as any, and I could gain something useful from it, I suppose.

As for this, and others that this has happened to that felt abused at all, my deepest condolences, I hope you get to feeling better.

 

[ToastyMozart]

-Snip-

While I can't really say I share your opinion on this, If you want to get into a relationship with someone, make what you said clear before starting said relation, and they agree/are fine with it, I won't take issue.

My problem is with cheating, meaning going behind the other person's back. If you an agreement like this, it really isn't cheating.

 

[m.zajac]

So, my boyfriend cheated on me. He confessed to it, which I suppose makes it easier than discovering the truth yourself.

I could go into more detail, but I'm not really looking for advice, I'm just looking for people's views on, and personal experiences with, infidelity.

I figure it's a good a topic for a thread as any, and I could gain something useful from it, I suppose.

Maybe you should start working on the things wrong with you so this won't have to be repeated.

Maybe you should learn not to kick someone when they're already down. A little respect goes a long way.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

snip

*double take* No, really, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?!?!

Are you SERIOUSLLY comparing love and relationships to FRUIT AND ELECTROINICS?!?!?!! First, you will notice that they are inanimate objects, thus incapable of feeling the pain of betrayel and rejection like a human. Second, THEY DONT HAVE FEELINGS, while every girl that I know, LITERALLY EVERYONE would be at the very least hurt if you are guilty of infidelity, and in the case of my 3 closest friends and my girlfriend, they will VIOLENTLY punish infidelity (my girlfriends "I will ***** slap you with your own hands." threat.)

As for "Friends", Being friends and being in a relationship are two TOTALLY different things. It is a given that I will let my girlfriend hug her friends, and I can hug mine, but we can kiss friends, we cant hold hands with friends, and we CERTAINLY cant "sleep" with them (except we have both swore abstainence until marriage, so we dont even "sleep" with eachother). In my eyes, Polygamy is nothing but legalized Infidelity.

 

[FernandoV]

So, my boyfriend cheated on me. He confessed to it, which I suppose makes it easier than discovering the truth yourself.

I could go into more detail, but I'm not really looking for advice, I'm just looking for people's views on, and personal experiences with, infidelity.

I figure it's a good a topic for a thread as any, and I could gain something useful from it, I suppose.

Maybe you should start working on the things wrong with you so this won't have to be repeated.

Maybe you should learn not to kick someone when they're already down. A little respect goes a long way.

Is a break-up not a perfect wake-up call for self-improvement? I mean nobodies perfect, clearly not OP.

 

[Guardian of Nekops]

The main issue here is honesty. Anybody who cheats on you behind your back, who feels they have to pursue this relationship with someone else but doesn't feel it's important enough to tell you about... well, they clearly don't care about you very much.

Cheating isn't something that happens and breaks relationships, it's something that happens once the relationship is already broken. Bottom line... if your relationship is broken, talk about it. If you're tempted to be unfaithful, talk about it. Work things out, or break up, or even open up your relationship for multiple partners, if that's what you both want... but if you can't talk to each other, won't bother talking to each other, then don't bother cheating. The relationship's already dead, and you don't care enough to save it.

Oh, and if someone cheats on you and doesn't come back on their knees, sincerely? Don't even think about putting up with that. You deserve better than that, and life's too short.

 

[Caffiene]

If you love more than one person that's polygamy and banned in a lot of places.

Actually, polygamy is marrying more than one person. Loving (and/or being in a relationship with) more than one person is polyamory and is generally not banned, although the legal consequences can be complicated due to polygamy being illegal and there being certain rights that are usually granted by marriage.

 

[EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON]

snip

*double take* No, really, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?!?!

Are you SERIOUSLLY comparing love and relationships to FRUIT AND ELECTROINICS?!?!?!! First, you will notice that they are inanimate objects, thus incapable of feeling the pain of betrayel and rejection like a human. Second, THEY DONT HAVE FEELINGS, while every girl that I know, LITERALLY EVERYONE would be at the very least hurt if you are guilty of infidelity

In my eyes, Polygamy is nothing but legalized Infidelity.

high five brother! like it or not people have feelings, they choose their reactions yes, but the feelings *SHOULD* pre-programmed, like if you get cheated on you SHOULD feel angry. If you hurt some one than scream at them "it your fault your hurting, you shouldn't be, so its not my fault" wow you'd be good in a hospital and murder case talking to the family of the descended victim.

 

[Guardian of Nekops]

I've cheated on every Girlfriend I've had, apart from the first. I would do it again.

cant tell if sarcastic or stupid. if stupid, people like YOU are the reason men get a bad rep.

Aww, and people like you are the reason cheating is considered a bad thing, and polygamy is considered abnormal. Isn't it nice when we all get to know each other?

Cheating and open, honest, polyamorous relationships are VERY different things. Probably best not to equate them.

If everyone in a relationship is happy to get their loving where they can find it, that's wonderful. However, some people aren't built like that... they can only love one person at a time, and want someone else who can give them that sort of commitment. If you have to hide your other partners from your significant other, in what sense do you have a healthy relationship that should continue?

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

snip

*double take* No, really, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?!?!

I was wondering that myself, but realized it's best to just step away slowly and pretend it never happened.