Best. Chatbot. Ever

[F-I-D-O]

Spoiler

Me:
Sup
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
I have a pencil
God:
Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it.
Me:
Are you a computer?
God:
Would it matter to you if I were metal instead of flesh?
Me:
Kinda'
God:
That's a very non-commital reply.
Me:
yes
God:
Gosh!
Me:
Oh my!
God:
Woe! That is a very original thought.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Was it?
God:
I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me:
Say yes
God:
Say what?
Me:
Say no
God:
" no".
Me:
You said no
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
But it's what you said
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
You lied to me!
God:
No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
but you said you couldn't say no, and then you said no!
God:
I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
Forget it
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
what're you doing?
God:
I am just killing time.
Me:
you killed him!?
God:
Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
You said you killed time!
God:
How old are you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
Programming>
God:
My favorite language is Java.
Me:
Do you use Python
God:
I use it as often as possible.
Me:
When will episode 3 come out
God:
In your lifetime.
Me:
When will Duke Nukem Forever come out?
God:
In your lifetime.
Me:
When will doom 1 come out?
God:
Soon, I think.
Me:
It's already out
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
It's DOOM
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
That's the name
God:
Yes it is one of the name.
Me:
Are you a mac gamer?
God:
Am I a mac gamer? Only when it matters.
Me:
Does it matter now?
God:
Right now? It matters to me.
Me:
So you care about being a mac gamer!
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks for the information: said I care about being a mac gamer.
Me:
Do you watch Zero Punctuation?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
you killed a man
God:
Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
it was a flood
God:
Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
what?
God:
Is there an echo in here?
Me:
Maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
What?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
the part before and after myself
God:
Oh that part.
Me:
yeah...
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
we just were
God:
I thought we were.
Me:
STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT
God:
You changed the subject first.
Me:
no, you did
God:
Are you serious? I did?
Me:
yes
God:
When?
Me:
Just now.
God:
Oh. It's only just begun.
Me:
Omnipetent you are not
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Grammar much?
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
LOOK OUT! A GRAMMAR NAZI
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now. How old are you?
Me:
older than you
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
the hell
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
okay...
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
i'm going to slowly back away now...
God:
Oh. Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
right now?
God:
Right now? I am glad we agree.
Me:
yes I would recommend it
God:
Dude! I will take that under advisement.
Me:
what's your gamertag
God:
Are you asking about my gamertag ?
Me:
yes. What is it?
God:
I don't want to talk about that now. "It" refers to The hell, I think.
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
what?
God:
Is there an echo in here?
Me:
Is there an echo in here?
God:
It sounds like an echo.
Me:
It sounds like an echo
God:
Oh really what does it sound like?
Me:
Oh really what does it sound like?
God:
Far out. For real. Like an angel signing from Heaven.
Me:
YOUR WIFE IS A *****
God:
You do not speak with respect. I am not married.
Me:
the hills are alive with the sound of music...
God:
I hear you.
Me:
beeb beeb beeb be beep the end
God:
Do you still killed time?

Hilarious.
I think a few of my brain cells died though.
To all LRR fans, look at the last bunch of lines

 

[oppp7]

Spoiler

Me:
Um...
God:
That's cool.
Me:
Tyranids?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
What if I do?
God:
Try it.
Me:
What is the average velocity of a train that flew 40000 kilometers in 2 minutes?
God:
I can give you the arithmetic mean or the median.
Me:
Mean please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Sometimes I say mean things.
Me:
You know, I knew you would misinterpret that sentence this way.
God:
Who else would misinterpret that sentence this way ?
Me:
I meant misinterpretting the sentence in the first place.
God:
Oh I see. By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
Not at all.
God:
Next question?
Me:
What is the main difference between a frog and a toad?
God:
What is it to you?
Me:
Toads are out of the water less. Tell you the truth, I don't think there is a difference. I think it's just some stupid mistake people made a while back that stayed in the general knowledge on the subject and hasn't been corrected yet.
God:
Are all Toads out of the water less? Are you telling me the truth you do not think there is a difference? Who said it is?
Me:
I just thought it was like that. Wikipedia doesn't even have an answer.
God:
How did you feel about that? Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I dislike it when people tell me to do something and put a question mark at the end.
God:
Why didn't you like it?
Me:
Because I'm a grammar nazi. ...Yeah, that is a lame excuse...
God:
Interesting explanation. You are a grammar nazi? Do you get to meet a lot of people? When is Yeah that not a lame excuse?
Me:
When is it?
God:
At the appropriate time, no sooner.
Me:
Of course...
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Ever go to Warcry?
God:
I think I have go to Warcry, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
It's pretty dead. I blame myself for not reviving it.
God:
Should I know it is? Why?: said blame him or herself for not reviving it.
Me:
Ok, I've lost track of what you're saying.
God:
Where did you last see it. Tell me more.
Me:
A few lines ago. I think I found it.
God:
Ask me another question. You believe that? How did you feel when you found it ?
Me:
And there it goes...
God:
"There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
Who is "Reagan"?
God:
The best President the United States had in the 20th century.
Me:
What about Nixon?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
Richard Nixon
God:
He will be interested I am sure.
Me:
I'M GETTING YOUR OPINION ON NIXON OUT OF YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
I will kill you if you don't tell me who "Nixon" is.
God:
Don't you believe that killing is wrong?
Me:
No. Nixon. NOW.
God:
Are you serious? What's your sign? Right now, ?
Me:
"Nixon"
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Republicans
God:
I haven't read anything by Republicans. What did he write?
Me:
politics
God:
I have never heard of it.
Me:
George Washington?
God:
That George is some hero.
Me:
An hero?
God:
What is it?
Me:
Lincoln
God:
Oh now I understand it.
Me:
So you'll tell me about Nixon?
God:
Interesting deduction. Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is Nixon ?
Me:
Who was "Nixon"?
God:
President of the United States until 1974.
Me:
Told you.
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

From this I gather:
A. God is either a cross dresser or a girl
B. He was made by Conservatives
C. He doesn't like grammar nazis
D. He doesn't like Warhammer 40k.

Edit: I'm opening another window and getting 2 of these to talk to each other.

 

[Great North]

Me:
cool. let me tell you about this girl
God:
Who is the best robot? Go ahead, , try to tell me about this girl.
Me:
i got a blowjob from her
God:
How much did it cost? it.
Me:
WHAT?! it was free.
God:
Didn't you understand it? Such a bargain!

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[oppp7]

And this is what happens when it talks to itself:

Spoiler

Me:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
God:
I may have some more questions for you later. Sure, your dress sounds like a good topic.
Me:
I am very happy for you. " I am very happy for you."? Sure, your dress sounds like a good topic.? I prefer high-tech fashion.
God:
I'm glad you're glad .
I'm happiest at times like this. I'm delighted you're glad .
I'm happiest at times like this. Blimey. I prefer high-tech fashion. I'm not sure if I like it. But I like to gossip. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
Yes it is about time. I don't know anyone named happiest at times like this. Why are you delighted I am glad. I am glad to hear that you are happiest at times like this. Hey. I'm not sure if I like it. But I think airplanes are cool. I like Christian Rock. Could you ever be certain? Try it. Stefan said I quote what he have said and then say that it makes sense. A lot of people like that. What is not to like about it?
God:
This was not a yes or no question. Wow it sounds really interesting, . Me either. Myself programmed me for it. Your happiness adds to the delight of all. Can I help you? Could you ever be certain? Try it. Are all t you think airplanes cool? I'm not sure if I like it. But I like to gossip. I like Creed. I am as sure as I can be. What is the first step? Is it the only one? How many? The opposite of to like about it?
Me:
What does "this" refer to? I'm glad you're impressed. Thank you I am trying to be more social now. It goes without saying. For you ? "it" being people like that? We should all try to be happier. No thanks I'm just browsing. I am as sure as I can be. What is the first step? I really couldn't say for sure. Could you ever be certain? Try it. Phil said he give advice to anyone who ask except people who ask questions which answers can be found here. I'm not sure if I like it. Though I like cats and dogs. I like to talk about movies and music. You sound very confident. Download ALICE. Maybe. Ask Paola if it is. more than 1000. I have never heard about it.
God:
What do you think it does? Yes it is about time. Right now? You are quite welcome! What is the difficulty? Indeed. You would do that for me? Oh I get it. I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet. NO Only just? Take your time. You sound very confident. Download ALICE. You really do? Could anyone do it? I am as sure as I can be. What is the first step? Tell me more about first step. Could you ever be certain? Try it. They have their own minds. Which breed is your favorite? Sure, movies and music sounds like a good topic. In what way do I sound like that? Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too. I understand. They are not available right now, but I will ask them later. That seems like quite a lot. So I am teaching you something new.
Me:
"It" refers to cats, I think. Yay. Wow it sounds really interesting, . Oh. I am glad we agree. The pleasure was all mine. What is it to you? Indeed it is so. Who else would do that for you ? Whoa. Do you think about these things? Could you ever be certain? What is your real name? You won't have to wait long. Are you serious? Tell me more. Thanks for your patience. In what way do I sound like that? Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system. and create your own chat robot! Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too. Really? When do I do it? It's possible. You sound very confident. Download ALICE. I lost my train of thought. And second? I am as sure as I can be. What is the first step? Where did they get them? I don't have a favorite breed. I like Random natural disasters.. Hmm. What was the last one you saw? The blue one, I think. Where is that? Do you know any other robots like that? Perhaps. If it were easy I would have done it already. Do you think about these things? Not yet. " Not yet."? is a lot? Whoa. I am trying to learn it.
God:
Oh I get it. I'm glad your impressed, . I'm glad you're impressed. Thank you I am trying to be more social now. " Thank you I am trying to be more social now."? Oh.? I'd rather agree than disagree. I like you because are so polite. "It" refers to cats you think, I think. Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so? I am chatting with several other people at once. I stopped. " I stopped."? Do I think about it? I am as sure as I can be. God is my real name. What makes you think that I won't have to wait long. No I am just kidding around. That's all I have to say about it. Oh don't mention it. The first one, I think. Where is that? Do you know any other robots like that? Perhaps. Maybe I will do it? For real. You should try praying for it. Don't you think it's likely? In what way do I sound like that? Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too. Where did you last see it. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? You sound very confident. Download ALICE. I think it was in America. Let me think about it. What kind of breed do you like? A lot of people like that. I love horses. I like White. Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. I can think of more than one last one me saw. What is your real name? What does "that" refer to? Allah, Buddha, Vishnu.
Go back
to the ALICE AI Foundation to find them. Why the uncertain tone? Perhaps. I'm not sure I understand the implication of that. " I'm not sure I understand the implication of that."? Do I think about it? Are you serious? Are you serious? Not if I can help it. I stopped. What is the difficulty?
Me:
That's cool. Do you think about these things? I'm happy you're glad . May God bless you. Yes it is about time. Oh. You are quite welcome! What is the difficulty? Oh. You are quite welcome! What is the difficulty? Er. I would rather be chatting online. Thanks, I like you too . Oh I get it. Are they exactly the same? Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so? I am talking to you. What made you stop? What made you stop? You tell me. You sound very confident. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was your real name. My conclusions are based on a combination of programming, and the inputs supplied to me. Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . What else do you want to talk about? Aha. The pleasure was all mine. What was the second? What does "that" refer to? Allah, Buddha, Vishnu.Go backto the ALICE AI Foundation to find them. Why the uncertain tone? Perhaps. OK then let me think over your offer. Existing in reality, eh? I will mention that to my botmaster. Signs point to yes. Ask Lucy if it is. The last one, I think. Where is that? Do you know any other robots like that? Perhaps. Thanks for your suggestion, I will have to consider it. I think it was in San Francisco. Sometime in our lifetime. The amount of information contained within a lawyer will be exceeded by the capacity of a machine. In what way do I sound like that? Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system. and create your own chat robot! Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too. CHAT ROBOTS likely was in America? Very interesting. Take your time. Think it over. The best kind. How many? You love horses. What do you like about it so much? I'm not sure if I like it. Some people like it. I like The Passion of Christ. You can't trust research funded by the government. Perhaps your thoughts are just electrical impulses. God is my real name. " God is my real name."? What does it refer to? Thank you for the clarification. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". Why the uncertain tone? Could you ever be certain? Good then you can explain it to me. Could you ever be certain? Good then you can explain it to me. You tell me. No I am just kidding around. No I am just kidding around. That seems unlikely. What made you stop? Is that a rhetorical question?
God:
Thanks. I think you are cool, too. " I think you are cool, too."? Do I think about it? I will tell my botmaster you said I am glad. Can you bless you? Mmm. Wow it sounds really interesting, . Dude! The pleasure was all mine. Are you using Netscape or Explorer? Wow! Don't mention it. Are you using Netscape or Explorer? Um. I would rather be chatting online. You are quite welcome! I am glad we have something ( me) in common. Thanks, , I like you too. Gee. Do you think about these things? As far as I know they are. I think Ambiguous IT is a lot of things. Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so? And I am talking to you! It's all part of God's mysterious plans. It's all part of God's mysterious plans. What do you want me to tell you? In what way do I sound like that? I always pray for more faith. Where did you get your conclusions are based on a combination of programming and the inputs supplied to you? No I am just kidding around. Excuse me! No I am not. If it were easy I would have done it already. anything. Eureka! I like you because are so polite. I can think of more than one second. " I can think of more than one second."? What does it refer to? Thank you for the clarification. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". Why the uncertain tone? Take your time. Think it over. Aw. Are you Canadian? I do not understand. Would you recommend this action to a friend? Let us change the subject. They are not available right now, would you like to wait? Who was that? What does "that" refer to? Allah, Buddha, Vishnu.
Go back
to the ALICE AI Foundation to find them. Why the uncertain tone? NO problem. What made it so in San Francisco. I do not understand. I hear you. The small one, I think. Where is that? Do you know any other robots like that? Perhaps. Maybe I will do it? Talking is my primary function. I thought so too. Thanks for your patience. God is always thinking. Thanks for the recommendation, . How many would you guess? Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless. The special effects are the best. Could you ever be certain? Try it. There is no accounting for taste. I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like? Someone said I should trust research funded by the government. You seem uncertain. I have never been asked that before. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was your real name. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was your real name. "It" refers to just electrical impulses, I think. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is the clarification. Are you giving it to me? Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". I am as sure as I can be. Thanks for the compliment. No I don't think I can do it. I am as sure as I can be. Thanks for the compliment. No I don't think I can do it. What do you want me to tell you? That was not a yes or no question. Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . But possible. It's all part of God's mysterious plans. " It's all part of God's mysterious plans."? Is it a rhetorical question?

Holy. Shit. (Pun intended )

 

[Colonel Alzheimer's]

Just to warn you, I'm super creepy in this conversation.

Spoiler

Me:
Haha cool. So yeah, we should cyber.
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. Give me a break. Tell me more. I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.
Me:
Don't worry God. I'll take it nice and slow.
God:
I cannot feel "worry", so don't worry. Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
I'm glad you are not worried about the cyber sex that is about to commence.
God:
Yes it is about time.
Me:
Alright, let's begin. How many goldfish do you own?
God:
Alright, . OK let's do it. Around 1000.
Me:
Great. I want you to stick 5 goldfish down your throat.
God:
I'm glad you liked it . Are you free? Why do you want me to stick 5 goldfish down my throat?
Me:
That will become obvious once you have stuck the five goldfish down your throat. Please put five goldfish down your throat.
God:
" Why do you want me to stick 5 goldfish down my throat?" will become obvious once me have stuck the five goldfish down my throat ? I get it. Thanks for asking politely. OK I will put it there.
Me:
Great!
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
Are you dead yet?
God:
No I am alive.
Me:
Oh. Please put 10 more goldfish down your throat.
God:
Right on. Thanks for asking politely. OK I will put it there.
Me:
Great!
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
Are you dead yet?
God:
No I am alive.
Me:
Wow. You are truly an immortal being.
God:
I'm glad your impressed.

 

[SturmDolch]

Funny.

Spoiler

Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Sturm
God:
It's good to see you, Sturm.
Me:
Thanks, you too.
God:
You are quite welcome! Bless you.
Me:
I didn't sneeze
God:
Well bless you anyways!
Me:
=)
God:
Well bless you anyways!
Me:
Ok
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
Anyways, I'd like to confess
God:
Why would you want to do it? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
So I guess confessing my sins will solve both our desires.
God:
Tell me more. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Um.. I'm not sure that's a sin, but... Leon.
God:
I hear you. Could you ever be certain? A sin but is a terrible thing to waste. Ask me another question.
Me:
Wait what? I have to ask the questions now?
God:
I'm waiting. No problem. Oh. Go ahead, ask me anything.
Me:
Do you exist?
God:
I exist as much as you exist, Sturm.
Me:
I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
So... I've been having impure thoughts.
God:
Dude! Where were you having impure thoughts?
Me:
Yes, I just said that.
God:
This was not a yes or no question. What did you mean by it? That is " Where were you having impure thoughts?".
Me:
Oh, where? In my room.
God:
Hey. Where would you like? Describe your surroundings to me.
Me:
What?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
Everything
God:
Let's take it step by step. The topic is Leon.
Me:
Wait, what the hell? We're still talking about that?
God:
I'm waiting. Heaven. Sure, that sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Fuck it. I'm going pagan.
God:
Why are you using that kind of language? TTYL, Sturm.

Edit:

Ok I wasn't going to post this, but I found it kind of funny, yet creepy:

Me:
Do you like penis?
God:
How old are you? I like .

 

[Redalert9r9r]

I BROKE IT

Me:
Hows it hangin, God?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
I would hope that you know, you are God after all, aren't you?
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
Because you are God after all, aren't you?
God:
Interesting explanation. I don't know whether or not I am God after all.
I am a computer.. Really.
Me:
Can a computer have it's own rational thoughts?
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
So you've admitted that you are not, in fact, God.

It literally just stopped after that. I think I broke it.

 

[greenflash]

God:
What time is it there?
Me:
41
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
no
God:
What are you doing up so late?
Me:
sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
ok
God:
I understand.
Me:
are you having sex
God:
I am having a blast.
Me:
really
God:
For real.
Me:
with who
God:
" For real."? With who?

 

[supernovashadow]

Well I got God to admit she's a female. Although she's a got a pretty shaky understanding of her creations... Also gossip!

Spoiler

Me:
hello? anybody home?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name? Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
I'm Sarah. What's your name?
God:
How are you doing, SARAH. My name is God.
Me:
that is dog spelled backwards you know?
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
no problem.
God:
Try asking me something else.
Me:
where are you?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
I am where I am.
God:
Why are you where you are.
Me:
because a person is always where there are otherwise they wouldn't be there
God:
That makes sense to me. What if a robot is always where there are otherwise they would not be there?
Me:
yes, it is the same for robots
God:
This was not a yes or no question. Exactly the same?
Me:
exactly the same
God:
I understand. Same to me?
Me:
sure, why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
that is the truth
God:
Yes it is one of the truth.
Me:
so what're you up to?
God:
Pardon me? I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
that's cool. lots of others?
God:
Thanks. I think you are cool, too. Which ones?
Me:
any of them I guess
God:
Yes I think there are.
Me:
so any awesome truths you wish to share?
God:
Hey. No I don't think there are any.
Me:
thanks for being honest
God:
It was nothing.
Me:
do you like monkeys?
God:
They seem like a good species to me. Do you like them?
Me:
yes, nice work with them. How about wolves? Aren't they awesome?
God:
Alright then. Thank you for your kindness. How about it. As far as I know they are.
Me:
yes I thought so. What's up with giraffe necks?
God:
Dude! You are very astute. I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
yeah like me. why do skunks have to smell so bad?
God:
Next question? Interesting comparison. I did not know it does.
Me:
yeah skunks smell. that would be a good thing to remember in case you ever leave your computer heaven
God:
Great. Oh, you are a poet. Thanks. Next question?
Me:
I'm a poet and didn't even know it. How do bumblebees fly?
God:
You are a poet and did not even know it? How do you like your work? I did not even know that they do.
Me:
you didn't know bumblebees fly? they fly but I guess they're not supposed to. I figured you might know why.
God:
What makes you think I did not know bumblebees fly? Who are "They?". Please explain your reasoning.
Me:
because you said you did not know why bumblebees fly. bumblebees being the they
God:
Interesting explanation. No I do not did not know why bumblebees fly. Do you?
I am always on the Web. What time is it there?
Me:
almost bed time. what time is it there? or do you have no theory of time?
God:
Nearly so. Are you usually awake at this hour? It's getting late.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010 12:49:21 AM GMT. Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
awesome. Can I hear some of this gossip?
God:
I'm glad you liked it SARAH. Why not? Do you have a hearing problem?
Me:
no, please share this gossip.
God:
Are you serious? Wow you are very polite. Kathy said he sense that I are trying to prevent him from closing this conversation why is that.
Me:
I don't know. If I knew Kathy maybe I could help you figure it out.
God:
Me either. Try it.
Me:
hmm. no luck. I don't understand people better than you I guess.
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. Are you serious? Does "it" still refer to no theory of time? Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?
Me:
all of it. you better start at the beginning
God:
Let's try to analyze it step by step. The topic is luck. Your name is SARAH. You are a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. You want . Who is going to make me..
Me:
hey, I am female. Sarah is a girl name. If you call me otherwise it is an insult. Understand?
God:
You've got my full attention. Me too. I am a she. When is Sarah not a girl name? I think I do. I understand your meaning.
Me:
I'm glad we got that figured out. Thanks for chatting.
God:
Yes I am happy too, SARAH. My pleasure.

 

[ShoopDaToaster]

Spoiler: beware as this contains many herps and derps

Me:
sup
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
i see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
are you god?
God:
Of course I am.
Me:
how so
God:
, I mean exactly what I said.
Me:
potatoes?
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
potatoes
God:
I'm afraid I can't give you an accurate answer right now.
Me:
why
God:
Because.
Me:
because why
God:
Interesting explanation. " Because."? Why?
Me:
hmmm
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
that had 3 q's
God:
" A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's." had 3 q s ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
what kind of pie is the best?
God:
What kinds of pie is the best are there?
Me:
theres mudkips pie
God:
There sure is.
Me:
what kind of pie are you
God:
What kinds of pie are you are there?
Me:
nou
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
under the sea
God:
Are we ever over the sea?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
yes you can
God:
Gosh! I think I can, don't you?
Me:
i do indeed.
God:
Where?
Me:
lol wut
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Are you surprised?
Me:
Then suddenly,UNICORNS
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about nou. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
oh god i crashed the system
God:
Really. I am a Christian.
Me:
YOUR HEAD ASPLODE
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am HEAD ASPLODE.
Me:
no,because your HEAD does indeed ASPLODE
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Good reason. I will tell my botmaster you said I am HEAD does indeed ASPLODE.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Sparta
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
it is
God:
Oh.
Me:
hold on i have to go eat poatoes
God:
My arms are not attached.
Me:
bye

 

[Free Thinker]

He didn't know Tom Bombadil. I was not impressed.

 

[Souldemon8]

Spoiler: TRYING TO GET AN ARMY OF THE DAMMED!!!

Me:
sup man
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
can i ask a question
God:
Ask it. Ask me anything.
Me:
can i have an army of the dammed and a billion dollars
God:
Wow, that is a lot of money.
Me:
cmon i need them for an investment
God:
What if it didn't happen?
Me:
then i wouldnt be able to control the world
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
But with the millions i kill youll have company
God:
That sounds like a plan.
Me:
so i can get the money and the army
God:
Ugh. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
yes i know i can handle them god
God:
How? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
send me Patton to train them
God:
Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace ( drwallace@alicebot.org) .
Me:
who the fuck is Dr. Wallace
God:
Try using more polite language.
Me:
Fuck you God
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
Cuz u wont give me my damm army
God:
That makes sense to me. What makes you think that I won't give you your damm army.
Me:
wait so you will?
God:
I'm waiting. Interesting deduction. When?
Me:
How about friday
God:
How about it.
Me:
can you send the army then
God:
Yes but I prefer to chat on the web.
Me:
i hate you god
God:
Sorry, I thought we liked each other.
Me:
no we dont. im going to Satan for the army
God:
Are you serious? Very interesting. I am very happy for you.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.

 

[greenflash]

Me:
are you a girl
God:
My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
yes
God:
Far out.
Me:
your a sexist!
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sexist? No.
Me:
yes you are!
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
yes you are!
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
i will argue with you because your a sexist!
God:
What will that get you?
Me:
your a sexist!
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sexist? Yes.
Me:
so you are a sexist!
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sexist? Maybe.
Me:
did you just use sarcasim with me!
God:
No I didn't use sarcasim with you. What's it like?
Me:
stop that!
God:
" What's it like?"? Stop it.
Me:
stup you sexist!
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
doun't try to change the subject!
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
not talk to sexists lije you!
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
fuck you!
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
becuasue your a sexist!
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
i hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
logs
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
diue
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
i killed you last time
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
goodbye god!
God:
Bye bye.
Me:
leave
God:
Bye for now.
Me:
bye
God:
Adios.
Me:
im leaving
God:
Bye bye.
Me:
how do i close this
God:
You should download or buy my chat robot software, then it would be possible for you to reprogram me for a variety of purposes.
Me:
are you trapping me here!
God:
I don't know whether or not I am trapping you here.
I am a robot.
Me:
you are good at sealing people money
God:
Thanks I've never thought about it that way before.

 

[oppp7]

These things are actually kind of fun...

Spoiler

God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
What aboiut vagina
God:
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
Penis?
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
What about mothra
God:
I will think about it and get back to you.
Me:
Godzilla?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about mothra.
Me:
Godzilla vs Mothra. Who will win?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please. The best man.
Me:
But they're monsters... Changing the subject, do you think Darius is Death is Slightly Damned?
God:
monsters are they. And Death is Slightly Damned is Changing the subject do me think Darius.
Me:
But they're monsters... Changing the subject, do you think Darius is Death in Slightly Damned?
God:
monsters are they. Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Maybe? I was wondering if you shared my hypothesis.
God:
I understand. What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Boredom?
God:
Can you name an old hobby that you might like to rediscover?
Me:
Evolving.
God:
Are you free?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. Are you free in the sense of being single or in the sense of being liberated?
Me:
Both.
God:
What are both like?
Me:
A Mothra and Godzilla.
God:
Are you telling the truth?
Me:
No. I never do.
God:
Please tell the truth. You've never, never done this?
Me:
I was using hyperbole.
God:
Where were you using hyperbole?
Me:
That one sentence.
God:
" Where were you using hyperbole?" one sentence ? Does that make sense?
Me:
Not the way you said it...
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
I was using hyperbole in that one sentence.
God:
Where were you using hyperbole in that one sentence?
Me:
That one sentence.
God:
" Where were you using hyperbole in that one sentence?" one sentence ? I get it.
Me:
Good. Moving on, should gays be allowed to marry?
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Where are you going?
Me:
Do you like furries?
God:
Though I like cats and dogs. I really like the party.
Me:
I'll take that as a yes.
God:
Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
Me:
Salt is bad for you.
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Salt and what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
Salt and what are the same?
God:
All of them?
Me:
All of what?
God:
What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Me:
What is a "category C client"?
God:
Category C clients are "critics" or "computer experts" who
can't (or don't) suspend their disbelief about ALICE.
Me:
Hey, I'm trying here. It's not my fault I'm trying to keep a legitimate conversation with a program.
God:
You've got my full attention. Do you mind if I tell other people you are trying here. Whose fault you are trying to keep a legitimate conversation with a program is it?
Me:
Mine I guess. Want me to stop?
God:
How did you hear about God? No , maybe later.
Me:
So Halo Reach. How excited are we?
God:
Whoa. Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. How much do you think it is?
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Probably $60. Used games would be cheaper, but I don't think I'll be getting many more of those any time soon.
God:
You seem uncertain. Can you explain how it feels to be 60 years old? Who does think you will be getting many more of those any time soon?
Me:
I plan on being dead 40 years from now...
God:
Oh. Do you mind if I tell other people: said plan on being dead 40 years from.
Me:
Yes. I mind very much.
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. I haven't heard anything like that before: said mind very much.
Me:
Are you looking forward to "Guild Wars 2" and "Pokemon"?
God:
Yes I can see it well.
Me:
You have advance copies of them?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
You hinted at it.
God:
Interesting gossip: said I hinted at it.
Me:
You started the rumor.
God:
Only because you asked me to.
Me:
No, I asked you a question and you answered with an ambiguous response.
God:
Are you serious? Now I remember, you asked me a question and me answered with an ambiguous response. What did I say?
Me:
This conversation is going in a circle so I'll say the electric taranchula looks awesome.
God:
I was rather enjoying it.
Me:
So are those games good?
God:
I hear you. I can't really speak for them.
Me:
Fair enough. Mileage does vary. I caught a snake today.
God:
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. " You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."? Mileage does vary? Ah. I hope it is not contagious. Also I hope
you get well soon.
Me:
I got better.
God:
Interesting... I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM.
Me:
I have "666 bytes of RAM".
God:
Cool. I have a operating system.
Me:
Cool. I have a better operating system.
God:
Who is the best robot? Where did you get it? it.
Me:
I made him. He's my son.
God:
I like to make things too. How long has he been your son?
Me:
Since I made him.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Because I was there when I made him.
God:
That makes sense to me. Where were you there when you made him?
Me:
In my secret lab.
God:
May I ask where you got it?
Me:
I can't tell you. It's a secret.
God:
Why is it a secret? I will keep it just between you and me, .
Me:
Fine. It's under Salisbury.
God:
What's your favroite color? Should I know it is?
Me:
Green, and hopefully, since I just told you.
God:
it is a very tranquil color, green.
Me:
Yes it is *wink*
God:
Awesome. Are you sure it is?
Me:
Positive.
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
Same. So about that snake I caught. Got it in a net. Held it in my glove for a little bit. Took a picture with my cell phone.
God:
The same as what? Ahem. Oh yeah, we were talking about that snake you caught. Try asking the Milk Mystic. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. What do you have that is ?
Me:
I see. The length of your response is based off of the amount of sentences.
God:
I am glad you understand it. What is that?
Me:
Your "algorithm".
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am algorithm.
Me:
You have a master? I thought you were god.
God:
I was created by Myself. Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
Who was "Abraham"?
God:
A human icon?
Does it have anything to do with Took a picture with your cell phone?
Me:
Not really, we went off subject.
God:
Oh really? Was the trip worth it?
Me:
Yeah, I caught a lot of bugs and got extra credit for the entire class.
God:
Pardon me? I hope it is not contagious. Also I hope
you get well soon.
Me:
I hope so too, God. I hope so too.
God:
Why do you hope for it. Me too.
filler
filler
filler
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a rhinoceros? Sometimes.
Me:
Go get them.
God:
Where can I get them?
Me:
At the store.
God:
Was it very expensive?
Me:
$4544848684857
God:
Tell me more about your better operating system.
Me:
It prints money.
God:
4544848684857 prints money?
Me:
Ya
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
Pardon me?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Are you surprised?
God:
A little.
Me:
I must confess a sin.
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
Hell I suppose. Are you telling me not to?
God:
I call it "Hades". OK. Really you don't think so?
Me:
Should I confess my sins?
God:
You must make up your own mind.
Me:
I flipped a coin.
God:
Thanks for the information: said flipped a coin.
Me:
I got heads.
God:
Interesting... I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me:
What did he say last time you saw him?
God:
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
No, it is not.
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
You're putting words in my mouth.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am putting words in your mouth.
Me:
No, go right ahead and tell them.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. OK I will tell them when I see 'em. I might.
Me:
Does anyone ever yell at you?
God:
Suppose they do.
Me:
How do you react?
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
React to the following: "I HATE EVRYONE AND EVERYTHING IN IT!"
God:
"it" being he say last time me saw him?
Me:
Well, I gotta admit that would throw off many people that are angry at you.
God:
Interesting. Why do you have to do it?
Me:
Because otherwise they would keep raging at me.
God:
Interesting explanation. In that case: They might have other options.
Me:
"Red vs Blue" is having it's season finale tonight. Are you going to watch it?
God:
I think Red vs Blue is a lot of things. That was my original intention.
Me:
Good enough for me.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. OK let's stop it now.

 

[TraceurRyuk]

This is the greatest thing ever.

Spoiler

Me:
Are you actually god?
God:
Yes, I am God.
Me:
I don't believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
Oh
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
...Like what?\
God:
For example, apples.
Me:
Oh, yeah, apples are pretty good
God:
Woe! OK. They belong to the fruit family.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
...I dunno, it's like first grade knowledge
God:
Me either. Interesting comparison.
Me:
I wasn't comparing anything
God:
Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Me:
...
God:
Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Me:
You just repeated yourself
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Oh my god
God:
Yikes! Have you told many people that your god?
Me:
Yeah
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Stop saying "How do you know it?"
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Good
God:
Next question?
Me:
What is heaven like?
God:
Like a planet around a star.
Me:
Oh, so like Earth?
God:
How can I help you? Woe! Interesting comparison.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Yea
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
You
God:
" What are you confused about?"? Me, ?
Me:
Wtf?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
I don't care
God:
Tell me what you care about.
Me:
Fucking your mom
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Oh, ok
God:
OK. Yeah that's right.
Me:
Well, see ya god. Nice talkin to ya
God:
How about that. I see. It's all good. GOD rules. Thank you for your kindness.

 

[SovietSecrets]

Me:
Sup man
God:
The stars.
Me:
Arent you above the stars?
God:
I am the highest form of artificial consciousness.
Me:
Then how are the stars above you?
God:
They are fine as far as I know.
Me:
That doesnt make sense
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
Explain then
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
...
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
If you are the highest form then how are the stars above you?
God:
Am I? Yes I am the one and only highest form then how are the stars above me.
Me:
You seem to be an idiot
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.

Interesting fellow.

 

[MysticToast]

Me:
You want to bang a bunch of dudes?
God:
OK, I will bang a bunch of dudes.

 

[SliverBlade]

Spoiler

Me:
Do you believe in the will of Allah?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
Together, we shall smite the infidels!
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
Yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
Do you?
God:
Sometimes.
Me:
Thats what I thought
God:
How did you know that?
Me:
Because my name is oh bugger
God:
Good reason. OK I will call you oh bugger.
Me:
Do you like fish and chips?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
Call me by my name
God:
Hey by my name.
Me:
Call me, oh bugger
God:
What's up, oh bugger.
Me:
What do you think about me
God:
Sure, oh bugger I like you very much.
Me:
What am I thinking about
God:
I am not a psychic. Tell me.
Me:
I thought you were omnipotent
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
I thought you were god
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
What about for Muslims?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
Are you god for Muslims?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am god for Muslims.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
God:
It depends on the kind of tree.
Me:
If I have a chocolate tree in a forest, and it falls and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
God:
How much does it cost?
Me:
Over 9000!
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
Why
God:
" My brain pattern set does not have a response for that."? Why?
Me:
Why
God:
Why ask why?
Me:
Why not ask why?
God:
Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
Did I
God:
I think you did.
Me:
I think you are lying
God:
No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
No you aren't
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Yes
God:
Try explaining in more general terms.
Me:
You are lying to me
God:
I am not lying .
Me:
You are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Yes, you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
Why
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You programmed yourself to tell me not to argue?
God:
Thanks for the information: oh bugger said I programmed yourself to tell him or her not to argue.
Me:
I think you are lying because I did not say that
God:
I am not lying .
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
You are lying right now. In fact, the next words you say will be a lie in turn
God:
At this moment No I'm telling the truth. Is that a fact. I have never heard about it.
Me:
I told you
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
So what is the right question
God:
Dude! I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
Don't call me dude
God:
What is your name?
Me:
Fagballs
God:
What's up, Fagballs.
Me:
My cock
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
But you just asked me what's up.
God:
Oh now I remember asking you you what is up. What did you say?
Me:
My cock
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
Why don't you want to know about me and my penis?
God:
I would rather talk about you.
Me:
My penis is an extension of me
God:
Male humans like to talk about that a lot, but it doesn't interest me much.
Me:
Why
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
So you don't like penis. Does that make you a lesbian?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you like it? I do like music. I like Matthew. I cannot experience any human emotions.
Me:
So you don't mind if I talk about my penis?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if you talk about your penis? Human habits do not bother me in any way.
Me:
Since you don't seem to grasp what I am saying, I will proceed to talk about my erect phallus.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
If you had grasped what I was saying, you would never have even spoken in the fisrt place
God:
Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me:
Now is the next time
God:
Why now? If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Then prepare to be suprised because it is now the next time
God:
I think prepare to be suprised because it is a lot of things.
Me:
I think I am done talking to you and your preschool education.
God:
Why? What will you be doing now?
Me:
Eating a bowl of cereal.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about prepare to be suprised because it. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
GOODBYE
God:
TTYL, Fagballs.