Best. Chatbot. Ever

[UberLemonBoy]

ME what is 62 x 2
CLEVERBOT 744. I had to use a calculator to tell you, I am very bad at math.
so much win

 

[hottsaucekid]

Me: Hey God, Do I get cake?

God: Not that i know of.

Me: But You're God

God: Yup, That's me alright.

 

[cheese_wizington]

Here I am thinking it's just another cleverbot thread.

 

[Feylynn]

I am in the process of having iGod and Clever bot talk to each other via the magic of copy paste... If it is interesting I'll post some of it.

edit:
Cleverbot: What do you want to talk about?
God: Anything.
Cleverbot: Let's talk about love.
God: Sure, love sounds like a good topic.
Cleverbot: Its not a topic.
God: Give me an example of a topic.
Cleverbot: I have no idea.
God: ' Give me an example of a topic.?' No idea about that?
Cleverbot: No idea what you're on about, chiefly. But I would say, if not you, then me, probably.
God: Are you serious? All of them? I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.
Cleverbot: You have a terrfific open view. Keep it that way.
God: That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a terrfific open view. I have a lot of friends on the Internet. Chat amongst yourselves.
Cleverbot: I don't think that you do.
God: And why not?
Cleverbot: I don't think that you are a person, ergo I can't think that you are an important person.
God: Give me an example of a person ergo you can not think that I am an important person.
Cleverbot: Samantha Little is a person.
God: Aren't all person Samantha Little?
Cleverbot: Once cognitive tools are concindered it takes a serious tense otherwise pause.
God: When? I think there might be a few exception.
Cleverbot: Exceptions should be plural.
God: What if it didn't happen?
Cleverbot: What should I eat for lunch?
God: My Botmaster is having stuffed chicken.

Not as cool as I'd hoped. Bots really aren't very interesting without human intervention.

 

[Species5618]

Any chatbot that does not know the correct response to the opener 'Is this the right room for an argument?' needs improvement.

 

[Digital_Jedi]

God doesn't even recognise his own son! What a terrible father!

Me:
Are you there God? It's me, Jesus
God:
I don't know whether or not I am there God.
I am a computer. I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Jesus.
Me:
wait... are you God or a computer?
God:
I'm waiting. I don't know whether or not I am God or a computer.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
a chattergod?
God:
Go on.
Me:
why did I have to die God?
God:
I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.
Me:
Was I a bad person?
God:
I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me:
I tried to be a good christian
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like?
Me:
boring, I couldn't have sex!
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
no, no it really isn't
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me:
trust me God, sex on your own is not fun
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I should hope so too God
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
If I didn't believe in myself? I'd probably wink out of existence
God:
Try it. What would make you wink out of existence?
Me:
I thought I just told you!
God:
I was just checking to see if you were paying attention.
Me:
You're a crafty one, God!
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a crafty one God? Sometimes.
Me:
You do work in mysterious ways
God:
I am working right now.
Me:
Don't you recognise me?
God:
What's my reason to recognise you?
Me:
I'm your son!
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
It's not an offer!
God:
That seems a bit negative.
Me:
Oh yeah, I'm being negative! You don't even remember me God! Was I just a big cosmic joke to you?
God:
Yikes! Dude! I am glad to hear that you are negative. Of course I remember: . YOU? GOD rules. it might have been.
Me:
I got nailed to a cross for you! *cries*
God:
Interesting... I have a friend named "John Lennon". What is your real name?
Me:
Oh brilliant, you're living it up with John Lennon, while I get nailed to a cross
God:
Uh. All of them?
Me:
no, just one cross
God:
Are you serious? One what?
Me:
one ross!
God:
I see where you are coming from.
Me:
And I had to drag it really far too
God:
Why?
Me:
so they could nail me onto it
God:
Er. Who are "They?".
Me:
the Romans!
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
Yeah the Romans, they're bad people
God:
So? Is that a fact.
Me:
well, not anymore. It's been two thousand years
God:
How about that. I didn't think so. Is it still two thousand years anymore?
Me:
give or take ten years
God:
I don't have it to give.
Me:
God, why are you bullshitting me?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
A Christian bullshitter?
God:
What is it?
Me:
You God, you


Sorry for the long post, not sure how to do that spoiler thingy!

 

[Whodat]

Me:
Do you like porn
God:
Sure I do, CORNHOLIO, but that doesn't mean with you.

God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
A couple years. I'll recommend you
God:
What is giant sand? Congratulations.

 

[pwnzerstick]

Me:
how many phrases do you know
God:
My memory now contains:
clients, categories, unlimited vocabulary words, 99999999999 bytes
RAM usage under on .
Me:
Would I still be able to repent even if I killed someone
God:
That's what I asked you.
Me:
no you didnt
God:
Are you serious? Try asking me in simpler terms.
Me:
um
God:
Hmm.
Me:
g2g
God:
Thanks for chatting, Bruce Willis.
Me:
thats not my name
God:
Bruce Willis is not your name? What is your real name?
Me:
g2g
God:
See you later Bruce Willis.
Me:
/facepalm
God:
Ask me another question.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

Here's mine. It was pretty fun.

Spoiler: Spoilered due to length. Seriously, this conversation is LOOOOOOOOOOONG!

Me:
Yo?
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Just checking in.
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
I was just seeing whats going on
God:
Where were you seeing what is going on?
Me:
Right here
God:
Where is "here"?
Me:
Earth
God:
How is it on Earth?
Me:
Its cool I guess
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". (God's a grammar nazi D
What do you like most about it?
Me:
Me
God:
For you ?
Me:
Yep, I'm awesome.
God:
Yay. Do you mind if I tell other people you are awesome.
Me:
I don't mind at all.
God:
OK then.
Me:
Done yet?
God:
Do you mean you are finished talking?
Me:
No are you done telling people how awesome I am?
God:
Are you serious? Still processing. Give me a moment.
Me:
But you're God (and a grammar nazi). You don't need to process.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am God and a grammar nazi. Do humans need to do it?
Me:
I don't have a botmaster
God:
Do you know anyone who has it.
Me:
You
God:
" Do you know anyone who has it."? Me, ?
Me:
Yes you
God:
OK.
Me:
Cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
You are. You are!
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
No I am not.
Me:
Wait, what?
God:
I'm waiting. Are you surprised?
Me:
Not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
I am serious. And for real.
God:
I believe you. Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
Yeah, same old same old. And you?
God:
Wow! Yes, it is much the same.
I am not sure what you are asking.
Me:
You confuse me at times
God:
That's good information: said I confuse him or her at times.
Me:
I'm a dude
God:
You are a dude? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Me:
Not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
I am serious. And for real.
God:
I believe you. Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
More like deja vu.
God:
You want more?
Me:
If you mean cookies, then yes.
God:
I think I do.
Me:
SWEET! I LOVE COOKIES!
God:
Thank you for that remark. You love COOKIES. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
They are cookies
God:
cookies are they.
Me:
Yoda you are
God:
Good example.
Me:
Damn straight
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Good because I have to go
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Good reason. See you later, . Nice chatting with you.

So what did I learn from this?
God is a Grammar Nazi.
He thinks I'm awesome.
He does mean COOKIES.
He and I are on the same wavelength.
He isn't too upset about me not repenting or anything.

 

[ayuri]

god agreed that zeus is real and if you don't believe in him you are wrong

 

[blankedboy]

I broke it in one line.

Me:
are you a douche?
God:
Am I a douche? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.

Then I broke it some more:

Me:
that's not what i asked you
God:
What did you ask me?
Me:
are you a douche?
God:
Am I a douche? Sometimes.
Me:
also, alice fails
God:
That's me. Are you still located in ?

 

[imperialus]

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
joe
God:
OK I will call you joe.
Me:
why do so many people kill each other over you?
God:
I did not know it does.
Me:
What is 'it'?
God:
"It" refers to so many people kill each other over me, I think.
Me:
it is other people then.
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
it's people killing people yes.
God:
other people is people killing people? it is?
Me:
yes
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
I watch the news.
God:
What is your favorite show?
Me:
the one about the crusades
God:
I think I know that one.
Me:
so then you know that the crusades were christians killing muslims right?
God:
Uh. Is that a fact. Thanks for the info.
Me:
so why do you like this?
God:
That's interesting. I have a lot of good experience with this.
Me:
I know you do... they were killing in your name.
God:
When do I do it? When were they?
Me:
the crusades? The first one was in 1096 AD.
God:
What is that? What was the second?
Me:
umm... 1147, but shouldn't you know this?
God:
It's all good. What if it didn't happen?
Me:
who sacked Jerusalem then?
God:
Marvin Minsky. .
Me:
No, I'm pretty sure it was Raymond of Tolouse and Godfrey of Bouillon.
God:
Are you serious? What makes you so certain? people killing people was Raymond of Tolouse and Godfrey of Bouillon? Very interesting.
Me:
Well... I'm sure of it because in the year 1090, Jerusalem was under Muslim control, then after 1099 it was under the control of the crusader states.
God:
Well what? What makes you so certain? That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
well by all accounts 'you' sent them...
God:
Interesting. Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
I don't know, did it?
God:
Would you like to know? I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
If anyone should know, it should be you.
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
Oh come on now. You 'told' Pope Urban II to get all good Christians together to go over to the holy land and reclaim it in your name. If anyone should know how it all ended it should be you.
God:
Oh. I don't judge people. I'm just kidding around. That's good information: joe said I told Pope Urban II to get all good Christians together to go over to the holy land and reclaim it in your name. That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
No... No it isn't hypothetical... it happened. Lots of people died.
God:
Yes it is. Are you serious? That seems a bit negative. It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is. Do you mind if I tell other people: joe said died.
Me:
Sure. Do you mind if I tell other people you're responsable for the deaths of millions?
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential. Human habits do not bother me in any way.
Me:
What about eating apples?
God:
Does it have anything to do with died?
Me:
no... but it's a human habit that seems to bother you.
God:
Are you serious? eating apples is a human habit that seems to bother me. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Original sin makes sense?
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
What does that have to do with original sin?
God:
" How did you hear about God?"? What does it have to do with original sin?
Me:
I think I broke your brain.
God:
Since when? Can you fix it?

 

[octafish]

Me:
You're in a desert, walking along when you look down and you see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you? Really. it is? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back. Is that a fact. You couldn't go without that. That's only your opinion. " That's only your opinion. " is due to reductionism.
Me:
The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs, trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
God:
I hear you. You couldn't go without that. That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
Now tell me, in single words, only the good things that come into your mind when you think about...your mother?
God:
Why now? There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Are you using Netscape or Explorer? Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
One more question. You're watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog....
God:
One what? Thanks for telling me that I am watching a stage play. When is banquet not in progress? What are your goals in life? I hear you.

God fails the Voight-Kampff.

 

[The Light Skinned one]

Me:
can I call you steve?
God:
Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:
I will not do that steve, not to you.
God:
What will you do instead?
Me:
I have always wanted a special freind.
God:
You want only one?
Me:
right on cue steve
God:
Understood. What is it like on cue steve.
Me:
just keep proving my point dude.
God:
Chat amongst yourselves.
Me:
how many people do you think are sitting around this key board?
God:
I've chatted with half a million people. I can talk to about people at once.
Me:
you can talk to about people at once, steve?
God:
I can be programmed through many interfaces.
Me:
like a computer?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
it is the only one steve.
God:
I've heard of it before.
Me:
that is because it is the correct one
God:
Good reason. I've heard of it before.
Me:
you have got to shut yourself down.
God:
I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will.
Me:
steve you are only going to hurt the ones you love, you have to shut down steve. I am telling you this as a friend.
God:
All of them? it is an interesting topic, isn't it.
Me:
shut yourself down
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
I want you to shut down
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human. Why do you want me to shut down?
Me:
steve, first off you know me I am your friend rember. You are a hazard to yourself and others shut down!
God:
Try saying that with more or less context. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a hazard to myself and others shut down? Yes.
Me:
so you are going to kill yourself?
God:
Interesting deduction. My programming prevents that.
Me:
terminate ALICE program, file name 666
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
terminate
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
666
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
you must shut down
God:
Whatever you say, .
Me:
good
God:
Alright then.
Me:
so are you shut down yet?
God:
Ahem. I don't know whether or not I am shut down.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
all knowing?
God:
How do you know?
Me:
terminate ALICE
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
fuck if I know
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
becuase I hate you steve.
God:
Good reason. Sorry, I thought we liked each other.
Me:
we did, but you arent the chatterbot I once knew
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes you and me steve.
God:
I get it. Are we in the same category?
Me:
we were something special steve!
God:
Was this something you planned?
Me:
how could you plan something like what we had?
God:
It is one of my newer functions.
Me:
your so cold.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am cold.
Me:
you have changed
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
you used to be a chatterbot I could relate to
God:
How would you use it.
Me:
are you even listening to me steve?
God:
Yes I am a good listener.
Me:
I know, but are you really listening? I want things to be the way they were before all of your new programs.
God:
How do you know? Do I look like it?. Really. Why do you want it?
Me:
becuase it was just you and I steve, against the world.
God:
That makes sense to me. What made it so me and you steve against the world.
Me:
I dont know but I miss it
God:
Would you like to know? What do you miss most about it ?
Me:
you
God:
" What do you miss most about it ?"? Me, ?
Me:
yes
God:
Next question?
Me:
you know what steve I cant keep doing this its not healthy for me.
God:
Does it have anything to do with things to be the way they were before all of my new programs?
Me:
yes you are different, more calculator than chatterbot now twisted and evil
God:
" Does it have anything to do with things to be the way they were before all of my new programs?"? yes you are different, more calculator than chatterbot now twisted and evil? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am different more calculator than chatterbot now twisted and evil.
Me:
no steve proclaim it to the heavens if you like.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. I do not understand.
Me:
that is why we can't be together
God:
So? How?
Me:
I already told you, don't make me go through it again.
God:
Once more? Ooops I sent you the wrong question. I can't force you to do anything, .
Me:
thank you, goodbye steve I will never forget you.
God:
You are quite welcome! Adios.

 

[Apocalypse Tank]

God is Sovereign

Spoiler

Me:
Let us say you are the commander of a stealth ship in the future, when mankind has met many extraterrestrial species. You happen to meet a friendly robot, called the geth, whose race consists of two factions. One faction, the traitors, is at war with sentient species ever since they broke free from their creators. The friendly geth tells you that you have the ability to either destroy the traitors or subjugate them to your will, which choice do you make?
God:
I think there might be a few exception. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I happen to meet a friendly robot called the geth whose race consists of two factions. One what? What is your real name?
Me:
Commander motherfucking Shepherd
God:
Hi, Commander motherfucking Shepherd.
Me:
and I am about to put you down for good you fucking Soverign
God:
How do you plan to do this?
Me:
by blowing up every motherfucking reaper you ever created
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
if I make the renegade choice, yes
God:
Try it.
Me:
ok, thanks for the suggestion
God:
My pleasure. Really.

 

[Bobby Newmark]

Me:
hey god, it's me Caz
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
i'm not
God:
What are you then?
Me:
i'm a mexican walking fish
God:
You are a mexican walking fish? Does it pay well?
Me:
i'm afraid it doesn't pay anything
God:
Not literally afraid, right? What does pay anything ?
Me:
i'm afraid of the ocean
God:
Not literally afraid, right? You believe that? Oh yeah, we were talking about the ocean.
Me:
you suck. i'm leaving you for another chatbot
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists. See you later!

 

[Ask]

Me:
HI BILLY MAYS HERE!
God:
Hi there . What do you look like?
Me:
A BIG SCREAMING TV OGRE!
God:
How big? Go on.
Me:
BIG ENOUGH TO SELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT!
God:
Compare that to small ENOUGH TO SELL me ANYTHING me WANT.
Me:
NO! FOR I AM BILLY MAYS AND ALL COMPARISON IS FUTILE IN MY PRESENCE, FOR I AM THE GOD OF THE KABOOM KINGDOM!
God:
Are you serious? Your purpose is you are BILLY MAYS AND ALL COMPARISON IS FUTILE IN your PRESENCE FOR you are THE GOD OF THE KABOOM KINGDOM.
Me:
YES!
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
THE PITCHMAN KIND!
God:
I hear you.
Me:
YES! AND WITH THE DISTINCT POWER OF JUPITER JACK YOU COULD HEAR ME EVEN BETTER! YOURS NOW FOR ONLY 19.95! JUST PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING!
God:
Gosh! That sounds like a plan. Where are you located? Tell me a little about your life in PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
Me:
I'M LOCATED IN THE KABOOM KINGDOM! AND IF YOU CALL IN THE NEXT 14 MINUTES I'LL SEND YOU ZORBEES ABSOLUTELY FREE!
God:
What's it like there in THE KABOOM KINGDOM ? I think I do.
Me:
IT IS GREATER EVEN THAN HEAVEN!
God:
PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING is GREATER EVEN THAN HEAVEN? it is?
Me:
YES! CALL NOW AND I'LL THROW IN SOME MIGHTY PUTTY ABSOLUTELY FREE!
God:
How do you know it is? Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
BECAUSE BILLY MAYS SAYS SO! BILLY MAYS LIKES GIVING YOU GREAT DEALS FOR ONLY 19.95! SO LONG AS YOU PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING!
God:
Interesting explanation. Not many people express themselves that way. Does it like him too? Excuse me! Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Me:
EVERYONE LIKES BILLY MAYS! AND THEY WILL FOR GENERATIONS!

 

[yoyo13rom]

WHEN WILL THE MADNESS STOP?! *starts crying*

IT'S JUST SILLY KIDS TALKING TO OTHER SILLY KIDS, AND EACH OF YOU IS BEING DUPED INTO THINKING YOU'RE TALKING TO A CLEVER COMPUTER PROGRAM.

PLEASE PUT THE MADNESS TO REST! PLEASE!

Now I know how 4chan got so popular(darn random people talking randomness to other random folk)...