Edward stares blankly at Bella, who has been cheating on him with Jacob, thus proving that bestiality > necrophilia. Bella is told that if her heart is with Jacob, then the sparkly prick must be staked. Three stakes through the stomach later, Edward is stumbling towards Bella, fangs extended, ready to taste her neck one last time. Bella, alarmed, runs home, and takes her father's shotgun. Edward bursts through the door, as white as a ghost, coagulated blood oozing from his chest. He reaches out, and is shot at point blank range in the face.
Jacob then proceeds to hump his corpse, which glistens in the morning sunlight.