Best lies to tell kids

[crudus]

My uncle told me that burned food is poisonous. Pretty sure this was to convince me to give him my burger that he cooked.

My parents told me if I wasn't in bed by 9 on school nights that the police would come and arrest me. I still follow this. I just interpret it as 9am now.

"The reason elephants are scared of mice is because they run up their trunks and eat their brains"

That seems more fucked up than it should be.

They told me that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy were real.

But the Easter Bunny is real. Isn't she?

 

[Vondrakenhof]

I once told my little cousins that i was the only one stopping the monsters under their beds from eating them and if they didn't shut up and go to sleep I'd let them. Cruel i guess but they were bugging me.

 

[ScarlettRage]

You were NOT an accident

haha i like that just as much as this one

"I love you."

 

[Pingieking]

"Daddy will be back tomorrow."

I'm in the minority being that I was actually not an accident. I have the receipt for my conception; it was quite expensive. I was one of the first waves of in vitro fertilized babies in my country.

"You'll make lots of friends in school"
I sure proved her wrong on that one.

Edit: Just remembered this one. "You had a brother, but your mom aborted him" My grandma keeps telling me that.

 

[Kuhly]

"come on son lets go for a drive to shopping center". It ends up being a trip to the dentist

 

[ethaninja]

"Your gay"

 

[Sovvolf]

Don't listen to him your not adopted.

 

[josetaco]

your mommy and daddy aren't coming home they got into a carwreck and died. Then just sit back and wathc the hilarity until the kids parents come home.
Babysitting 101

 

[TPiddy]

there are no proofs that smoking is unhealthy, also it makes you cool and attractive.

i tell that to every kid that makes noises in a public space, your welcome world.

edit: oh and once back when we where kids i convinced my sister that every one she loved where aliens and we only pretended to love her so we could study the human mind, and once we got our data we would eat her.

it made mer cry and run away from home, and she still haves nightmares 10 years after.

i sure did have an lively imagination before i started playing videogames.

Hahah, I did something similar once... I have younger twin sisters and I convinced them that they shared a brain.

 

[Crimson Cade]

"If you don't start smoking or using drugs, and make sure you stay in school, we're gonna give you a car and pay for your education"

Worked on me, I graduated college, and learned to never count on anyone but myself for anything.

 

[GodofDisaster]

My uncle told me that burned food is poisonous. Pretty sure this was to convince me to give him my burger that he cooked.

My parents told me if I wasn't in bed by 9 on school nights that the police would come and arrest me. I still follow this. I just interpret it as 9am now.

"The reason elephants are scared of mice is because they run up their trunks and eat their brains"

That seems more fucked up than it should be.

They told me that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy were real.

But the Easter Bunny is real. Isn't she?

(Puts hand on shoulder and looks at him sadly.) "I'm so sorry but your parents lied, the easter bunny isn't real".

 

[ssgt splatter]

If you're good, then Santa Clause will give you a bunch of presents.

 

[mikecoulter]

Strangers have the nicest sweets.

 

[SomeBritishDude]

Obviously the Santa Claus lie. I told my sister he doesn't exist. Silly girl.

On that note, a friend mine once told me that as a joke his parents put Coal in his stocking. He cried.

 

[Emilie Diabolica]

oh oh!
i've got one now. i just convinced my 14 year old brother that there are STDs you can contract from speaking on the phone...
eeeehhe

 

[An_Evil_Penguin]

My dad took me and my cousans to the local park one day when we were small for a walk and he told us that deer were elephants, that foxes were lions etc. etc. and we all came back home telling our parents that we went to see all these exotic animals at the park, thoroughly confusing our mums. My mum also works as a teacher at the local school teaching 5-6 year olds and apprently other parents do this quite regularly too!

 

[LimeJester]

oh oh!
i've got one now. i just convinced my 14 year old brother that there are STDs you can contract from speaking on the phone...
eeeehhe

LMAO. Just don't be surprised if next time you go to use the phone there's a rubber on it.

Eat your veggies, they will make you big and strong.

 

[Rigs83]

You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up.

 

[faceless chick]

"If you don't eat lots of cheese when you have a period, you'll lose all your calcium and DIE!"
I really was afraid of this when my mom told me, I ate cheese all scared and sobbing.

Till I realised it was my mom who said that, and she also believes that Cola will kill me in a few years and playing games is strictly for 6 year olds.

 

[NiceGurl_14]

"If you type Google into Google you'll break the internet." My friend's brother believed that one for ages. Maybe he still does. *shrugs*

by doing so you get exactly 2,010,000,000 results (or so it was for me)

OT: my parents told me the whole where do babies come from lie (The Stork lie in particular). Although around 4th grade that went down the toilet since they started teaching Sex Ed in schools.